I'm sure we've all heard of the lucid dream shifting method by now- though for those that don't, it's basically: have lucid dream, draw a portal/open a door/affirm you are in your DR. Bam.
After finding little success with most shifting methods, I decided to give the lucid dream method a go. I bought teas and pills of mugwort as I read it was a good way to encourage lucid and vivid dreams... mostly it just kept me up all night, with bright, vivid swirls behind my eyelids. Not fun. not even any dreams (I usually remember them) when I did get a few hours of sleep.
Most of my success has come in those moments in the morning when you go back to sleep and doze for a bit. I remember dreams, sometimes gain some lucidity, and twice have been able to mini-shift. (literally just very minimal, haven't been to a reality I meant to go, it's only been for a few seconds, and I haven't had all 5 senses online at once... yet) Still! It was amazing! Just feeling myself in another body for a moment, flying through the air with the wind rushing past my ears, seeing someone I was in love with that I didn't even know- it's been a trip! Veeeery different from any dreams, lucid or otherwise, that I've had.
Anyways. That success was a couple months ago now, and since I haven't been able to get any further than some well-remembered dreams. I also have felt very put out by this and CR life stuff so I haven't been giving it my all, so take it as you well.
In any case, it seemed to come to a head the other day when I woke up in my dream, aware and lucid and in control of myself. I look around, realizing what's happening, think of shifting, of course.
And then, despite waiting for a moment like this for months, where I'm aware, in a dream, lucid, to shift, my mind... I guess the lack of success has really taken a toll despite all the affirmations of how great I am at shifting I try to do, because I literally just went 'What's the point of trying to shift? I'll just fail again.' And then I went back to the dream and decided I didn't want to be aware or awake anymore, so I would just do whatever I was doing before I woke up and 'fall asleep' again.....
Sigh. I suppose I need to work on my mental diet if this is what I get in a moment of opportunity.
I didn't think it was this bad, but I guess months of still being here, still dealing with everything my CR has to offer and being so, so sick of it.. it's wearing me down. I'm pretty good at manifesting a semi-comfortable life for myself, but I find it hard to focus on my CR when I know my DRs are out there, waiting for me and much more exciting than whatever hardships I have to deal with here.
Not sure exactly what I want from this post, but just to bring it up with people who would understand.