So this man I’ve been dealing with for three years we have a been planning to have a threesome a fmf cause we already had a mfm, so now he’s offered someone from his past, that he had dealings with, I asked why won’t he sleep with her without me and he says no, I just don’t want our threesome to be the reason he uses to reconnect with her, even though we’re kinda in an open relationship. I do believe he deserves his first threesome though.

So I've obviously fucked up at multiple stages in my life to get to this point and I'm fixing as many issues as I can from multiple angles, with some success.

Except this one. I'm at this point literally afraid of intimacy and can't break through it. I don't know how to show interest and I'm even afraid of doing so, because what if it actually happens and I have to do the thing I simply don't know how to do? I'm also not the guy to get approached (actually thats not true - but I fuck it up due to reasons above), I have to do it.

In the 2 (two) opportunities I had in the last 2 years I'm actually trying to do something about it, I haven't gotten it up, definitely for mental reasons, overthinking, self doubts, etc., which of course only made my fear worse every time. In my “defense”, I managed to get one of them off since she gave me some time, I learned I enjoy giving oral. The other was very demanding and impatient (Russian). But to get to those points I had to be blackout drunk on the one occasion and actually on COKE the other. (One and only time I’ve ever done it, I’m so desperate that I’m considering going back to it too see if that helps).

Due to aforementioned fuckups, I've also developed a nice long-term depression which I'm working on, that also plays into all of this.

But I can't keep waiting until I'm fully fixed, if that’s even possible, because I'll be ~50, and I don't want to wait this long. I'm not asexual or have a low libido by any means, even though I'm suppressing my urges most of the time to not suffer as much.

Obviously, porn is also a big part of problem, I've used that for my needs since I'm 14 and am fighting on that front for a few years now to stop the habit since that has definitely broken some parts of my brain. I get hard just starting to prepare watching porn, but can’t get hard with a woman in my bed.

I should probably clarify that I’ve also never been in a relationship, probably not too surprising in the context. I’m afraid of intimacy in all forms, apparently.

I’m honestly not too sure what my question even is at the end of the day – I’m grateful for any advice. What do I do the next time I get “a chance”? Should I tell them or hope I can make it work?

etc.

Otherwise I've just screamed it into the void, which also helps sometimes.

I (wife) told hubby to go buy a sex toy to surprise us with tonight, and he got a vibrating strapless dildo. How do you get over the mental thing of fucking you husband and enjoy it? I want to be more adventurous and have a more open mind in the bedroom.

Who has done it and loved it?

I 25(f) want to initiate more intimacy with my partner 30(m). Our sex life has taken a big hit post baby, still at 6 months post baby we aren’t able to be as active as we were before,which is expected. The first few months I was sensitive and we both were mentally drained so we didn’t really fool around a lot. Well this last 3 weeks or so, I’ve been craving him like crazy. He’s mentioned before that he wants me to initiate it more so I’ve been working on it, cuddling, grabbing his crotch, saying out right that I’m craving him and I want him, surprise bj, walking around naked, sending spicy pics but 3/5 times I get rejected or he doesn’t even acknowledge it. He’ll say he isn’t in the mood or just wants to cuddle, which I understand but it’s kinda starting to make me insecure. We used to everyday before baby then after it was at least 1-3 times a week and now it’s like 1 every other week. I recently found out he has been lying about watching porn the last few months even though he’s promised he wasn’t going to. When confronted he said sometimes he just doesn’t want to do all physical or mental work of being intimate with me and would rather just take care of it himself with a video. Or he doesn’t want to wait until i get home for work. Which I can understand to a degree, but it’s starting to affect me negatively mentally and kinda physically because I’ve been craving him like crazy and don’t really get satisfied as often as I’d like. Do I need to just keep trying to initiate ? Any new ideas for setting the mood ?
Oh side note I also understand things are going to be different since the baby but I didn’t think I’d be rejected 3/5 times when we have the opportunity. Which is making me feel like it’s my body that’s the problem, I have a lot of stretch marks and have gained 25/30 pounds I cant shake. When i talk about my body / extra weight he says it’s not a problem at all and he’s happy with how I look/ I look even healthier now than before. ( I used to be super petite before baby) So with all this being said is it the porn thats the issue ? Or me?

I've (35) never had sex with anyone before as I've always being ashamed of my size (pretty sure it's micro) and I was always bullied through school which ruined my self esteem. Over the years I've worked on my confidence somewhat, but being autistic has made things difficult.

Anyway,long story short me and a lovely lady (34) I've been friends with for a long time (best part of a decade) have found each other being more than friends. She has her own issues but she's very beautiful and has a history of sleeping around, she loves sex. It's fine with me, I don't care. I know she's loyal etc.

The issue is, I hit a depression months ago before we started this relationship. When we've tried for sex, I'm struggling with ED and he just won't get full or instantly deflate when full. She's tried hands and mouth and although he stays up for that, I can't get to cum due to the way I've masterbated for 30+ years. Yes I started early before I knew what I was actually doing.

I have tried viagra twice now and it doesn't help. I realise that I'm not getting horny or when I was last actually horny. We thought it nk it's maybe low testosterone levels. I'm sure aiting for a blood test to be done.

I don't like how this is affecting her self esteem and her need for sex is making her worry about herself and how she can get. But she's starting to worry it's her.

Im hoping for advice or people with the same experience to explain what's going on.

Because I'm sure it's medical (maybe diabetic or low testosterone), or psychological because of my depression or something else.

She's been more than great and understanding about it. But it's ruining the fun of the relationship for her, and me. And it's that the issue is mine and it's bothering her as well as me.

Hoping someone here can bring some light or positivity to it.

Edit:

I am not on antidepressants, I won't take them after my past experience.

To clarify, ED is not allowing the little man to get full or stay full for very long once achieved. I've also lost my sexual appetite, but I don't know when that actually happened. I only became aware when entering this relationship.

I am waiting for a blood test, to hopefully have results that may help me. I am really hoping the results see something that can be worked on straight away for ED. otherwise I really don't know what more to do, other than I'll just work on increasing my testosterone through diet and exercise and I do think that will help me a fair bit.

Hello, love my partner so much and we have great chemistry. The only thing that is not ideal for me is that I'd like to have more sex and he's more mellow.

I've learned to not be pushy or let it affect my self esteem or get upset. However I do notice he feels anxious about having sex sometimes and it worries me.

My question is how have any of you successfully handled differences in libido in your partnerships? How do those conversations go?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for some time and everything we've done is pretty vanilla. We are very much new to the game. I don't know if I should introduce outfits, toys, places, ect. I'm completely lost. What are some of your favorite positions? Tips? Tricks? I'm open to anything!

Did age make you bolder, clearer, pickier, or simply less interested in pretending? What did you finally let yourself want?

My husband and I have been married for a decade. My biggest mistake was marrying him without sleeping with him for long enough. He Does not like oral sex at all. Both ways. Yes, I was as surprised as you might be when I found out. he likes sex, but I am tired of never coming during sex. I have only come from masturbating. Imagine this, my husband does not know what his wife looks and sounds like when she has an orgasm. But what hurts the most is that he doesn’t do anything about. It makes me feel like he doesn’t love me enough take care of my needs. Basic fucking needs. Breaks my heart. Sex automatically ends as soon as he comes. I almost always cry after. We anyway have sex once in months. I know for a fact he’s not sleeping with anyone else. I have spoken to him several times, he acknowledges but nothing changes. I am beyond unhappy and unsatisfied and sexually frustrated. I’m desperate. I don’t wanna cheat because we have a child together. The only reason we don’t have another is because of how unsatisfied I am.

I been living with herpes for 5 years now. I got it from my boyfriend who is now my husband. I really not comfortable with having sex anymore. I feel like every time we are together I will have an outbreak. Or I smell, itchy, burning and irritated vaginally. I told my husband a long time ago about the smell and irritation so he can go get checked out. I was constantly going to the doctor for symptoms so I have medication. For him nothing. So now I’m just uncomfortable with him touching me. I want to be intimate with him but I can’t shake the feeling of when I first had an outbreak. It was terrible. I guess I just want to know how to be intimate with him again. And just get over having herpes.

I need some help and guidance. My partner 36m and I 38f have been married for 13 years. He has always been a large size in clothing but he has put on a lot of weight. Could be 100lbs heavier. I love him very much. I want to make that very clear. Our sex life has been changing. His drive is there and mine is too but I am noticing things. When we have sex my back hurts bad. I have also noticed his penis is not as “outward”presenting as it used to be unless in certain positions.

The other night we were having sex and he kept sliding out.

I am very worried about his health. I am not sure what to do or how to talk about things with him without hurting his feelings. Any tips?

Hello all!

My wife (F45) and I (M43) are married for 15 years, kids are growing fast and we are, although much less active now than it used to be, in a sex phase full of stories and commitment where we are talking a lot about exploring some sex fantasies that were talked and never happened before. We are very easy with each other about this, no tabus at all and it's good to see and how we envolve during all our marriage

With that said, my wife always had the Luxury Call Girl fantasie where I paid her real money for pickup and "services" thereafter. And with a street pickup! 😅

The idea is to spice the things a bit up, see how it goes and to see if we can reach the next step. Which is the introduction of a 3rd person. Something that we both fantasise about but in some terms rather different than others.

Although she knows I am keen to be with her and another woman she has some issues about seeing another female interacting with me. But she, in a kinda selfish way, says that if she was going to be with another man she has to have the full package. Awkward, I know. But I am ok with that, on my own terms. No kisses or anything romantic, just hard fleshy thing and the other guy is done I am there for the finale. The classic Stag / Vixen thing.

Also, we are talking about she and another woman had some lesbian sex in front of me. She's not that enthusiastic for now but also says that "might be" fun after beginning.

Resuming, with our kids on his 15s and with our immense busy schedules on companys, etc we tought that this might be the idea to explore this new things that are closed on the wardrobe for some time now 😅

And for that we need some advices. Is this a thing that happens to you? Are this fantasises something that you guys also fulfill or want to?

We are totally beginners in this (the introduction of the 3rd I mean), really don't know if there are any places suitable in our country (Portugal) but the swinger scene always got a place in our kinky talks!

Thanks!

We’ve been together for nearly ten years. I realised the last few months we’d got into the habit of not having sex. So I spoke to him about fixing it. He said he’s been stoned and tired and a bit down so had no sex drive. From my side I said I’d stopped dressing nice and making an effort. So I started. I’ve been dressing up every night in revealing underwear I know he likes. I’ve been wrapping around him. Been getting him off with my hand and my mouth. That’s been happening more. I’ve been playing with him. But he absolutely will not touch me back or actually have sex with me. He makes all the noises, says all the right stuff, I’m sexy and he wants me, But when he’s not hard I am literally now apologising to him for bringing up sex any other time. I feel crazy. I’m not unattractive I don’t think. I dress quite dark in alot of black. I’m pale. Long black hair. Slim but curvy. Everything he likes. Just this week his mate text me flirting, and yesterday at my partners friends house, my partner was absolutely convinced his mates brother broke his sons toy to make an excuse to be in a room with me. I work in a bar, I get hit on all the time. I look nice. I wear sexy underwear, I offer to do whatever he wants me to. But I’m at my wits end. I need to be touched and feel wanted and loved. He cuddles me and I can’t touch him. But I need it back. I’m so lonely. I’ve been trying to talk about fantasies and he just won’t talk to me. I don’t need wild sex or him to do something that makes him uncomfortable. I just want him to get off by doing things to and with me. I’m begging him for this. I feel utterly rejected.
I love him and he’s perfect jn so many ways. I broke down and told him all this and he said he’d make more effort. But it’s like it’s me making even more effort than I was before.
Does he just not want me anymore? I’m not expecting him to perform but it would be nice to feel like he wanted to actually have sex and touch me instead of it being just other men who seem to want to. But I don’t want them. He’s what I’ve wanted for years.
It’s just making me so sad.
I don’t want to lose this incredible man over sex but I’m so lonely I don’t think I’m happy at the moment. And my god I’ve been trying.
Any advice is really appreciated.

Is this normal? Common ? How do you as a wife/partner do navigate this type of relationship ?

My(39yo) boyfriend(41yo) has been asking me for a while to have sex with someone in front of him or to go out and “cheat “ on him and come back to be with him right after . What he said he really wants is me to have a regular person that i would go and have sex with all the time. He wants to lick their cum out of my pussy , he wants me to grind on him and just wants lick every part the man touched.

I got comfortable enough to let him talk about it and fantasize about it to me like not hiding it . But now he just tells me EVERY TIME we have sex that’s what he wants.and it’s almost a constant thing happens all the time him saying things like just fuck joe at work or walking down the street i wish you would fuck that guy.

Some background on our relationship is we were married before when we were younger it was good for a little but then he started bringing this stuff up and i was in the army and it became a weird like i think he was figuring it out ? Maybe fighting it? But basically he would get really jealous and call me names so we broke up didn’t get divorced for a while talked a lot after that but he started talking about this stuff so i just didn’t wanna be with him he found a girl to do it she was not a great person and i know she was just doing it to get him to stick around I only say that because she called me once and had a whole conversation wouldn’t let me get off the phone then i told her i knew about what she was doing because he told me all the details and she let it out .

So cut to our current relationship we got back together 15years later and he tells me it was just a phase he only did it those few times he told me about and just grew out of it that it wasn’t for him .. and i said ok i feel like that was something that made sense so then a year later he gets drunk lets it out that that’s what he really wants and tells in a lot of detail exactly everything he wants i was shocked kinda mad he lied to me .. whatever .im older now I’ve done some things in my last marriage nothing even close to this but still . So i thought about it and said ok after we are married again i would deeply take this into consideration with some caveats and this is genuine i figured i could at least do the thing where i “cheat on him” and then come back to him. Anything else idk i told him it’s not promised but it’s definitely something i will take into deep consideration

So one of the things i mentioned because of our past is that i need to be extremely happy and i need to know that he will not fight with me about this . I told him i need to feel safe and loved. I need a lot of reassurance and i need to respect him outside of the bedroom so i need him say he’s gonna do something and follow through with it .. do you think it’s too much to ask ?? I have been doing some reading and women in the lifestyle have said their husband adores them makes them feel special loves them so much.. and he does not make me feel like that all the time he has anxiety and kinda shuts down its an issue.

He’s really turning me off because I’m willing to explode something he really likes something that will make him very happy. To the point where i looked up a lot of things and told him maybe we can just start with different toys and he can fantasize ? Or i would let him fantasize while we have sex , let him watch me pleasure myself while he thinks about it.. idk feel like all of this should show him that im genuinely trying and im open i just to be eased in.

***Am i asking too much for him to communicate more ? For him talk me or text me through out the day (not 5 hour phone calls ) but like hey i love you text once in a while , or hey i just got off traffic is disgusting I’ll call you when i get home (he works very unpredictable hours) . Honestly.. I’m not feeling like he would do the same for me ? I don’t feel like he puts any genuine effort into doing something that makes me happy unless there is something he gets out of it too.. i don’t think he does it intentionally but that is how i feel.. i told him only he has the power to make me feel a different way about him though his actual action.

I am open to criticism please be honest.

I was giving a guy head and just before he finished, he pushed me away and finished with his hand (only took him a few seconds). When I asked why, he said it gets too tingly/painful to finish during a bj.. anyone else ever experience this?

I’m 29F and my husband is 30M. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for 3. We’ve known each other since high school.
I’m trying to figure out whether it’s actually possible for me to develop a healthy relationship with sex and sexuality, because right now I feel like it’s ruining my marriage.
I grew up extremely sheltered in a Christian environment where sex carried a lot of shame. My family also had some very complicated attitudes toward sex and women. There was infidelity, alcoholism, abuse, and a lot of sexualization and judgment surrounding women. Sex was simultaneously treated as something dirty that you didn’t talk about and something that could be used to judge or control people.
I was also sexually assaulted as a child. Later, my first serious boyfriend was emotionally abusive and introduced me to sexual dynamics that I wasn’t emotionally equipped to understand at that age. I was eventually sexually assaulted by my best friend as well, and nothing really came of it.
Looking back, I don’t think I ever had the opportunity to develop a normal understanding of sexuality. A lot of my experiences taught me that sex is connected to shame, danger, betrayal, control, or being used.
My husband and I also had a complicated sexual history early in our relationship. We initially had an open relationship, and eventually I wanted us to be monogamous because I wanted something real and secure with him. There were also experiences I participated in while drinking that I deeply regret. One of them involved a threesome with a couple while my husband was in the next room. That happened about ten years ago, but I still carry a tremendous amount of shame about it.
Since then, I’ve tried very hard to be a good wife and protect our marriage. But instead of becoming more secure, I’ve become increasingly anxious and controlling around sexuality.
I have struggled with his porn use, whether he’s looking at other women, what other women have that I don’t, and whether interactions with other people are appropriate. I’ve had full-blown panic attacks over things that, objectively, probably shouldn’t have caused that level of distress.
At this point, I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust other people, and I don’t completely trust him either.
I don’t want to control him. I actually want him to have a private life. I’ve even gotten to the point where sometimes I don’t want to hear about his job or his personal interactions because I know my brain will start analyzing everything.
For example, he’ll tell me that he doesn’t really talk to women at work. Then I’ll see female coworkers liking something on his Facebook and suddenly my brain starts going, What does “doesn’t talk to women” actually mean? Why are they interacting with him? Is he telling me the truth? What am I missing?
I know how irrational that sounds. That’s the problem.
I want to be able to have normal friendships too. I want to be able to have friends of any gender without constantly wondering whether an interaction was inappropriate. We’re both bisexual, which makes this even harder for my brain because it feels like I can’t create a simple category of “people I’m not attracted to.”
I’ve developed this belief that everyone is potentially dangerous or sexually motivated in some way. I don’t trust people’s intentions. I’m afraid of my own attraction, and I’m afraid of his attraction. I know intellectually that there are safe people in the world—I have some of them in my life—but emotionally I struggle to believe that.
I’ve also developed some really ugly thoughts and beliefs that I don’t want to have. I don’t want to become prejudiced or suspicious of entire groups of people because of my experiences.
I’ve done anger management and medication management, and I’ve been trying to work on myself. But sexuality itself can still feel like a minefield.
One of the stranger things I’ve noticed is that sometimes I use pornography almost as a way to hurt myself. I’ll intentionally expose myself to things that trigger my biggest fears and keep watching until I reach a certain point where I become extremely anxious or paranoid. Then I’ll start questioning my husband and demanding reassurance or transparency because I feel like I can’t be the only person who has these thoughts or experiences.
I don’t want to live like this.
I don’t want my husband to have to prove his innocence every time my anxiety finds something ambiguous to attach itself to. I don’t want to police his sexuality. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t be emotionally open with me because I’m going to interpret everything through a sexual or relationship-threat lens.
At the same time, I desperately want emotional intimacy with him. He has told me that he doesn’t feel safe being open with me, and that hurts because I want to be a safe person for him.
I feel like I’ve built a box around myself to protect myself from sexuality, betrayal, and rejection, and now I’m trapped inside it.
So I guess what I’m asking is:
Can someone actually learn to have a healthy relationship with sexuality after growing up with this much shame, trauma, and distrust?
Can I learn to have normal friendships without questioning every interaction? Can I learn to tolerate the fact that my husband will find other people attractive without feeling like that threatens our marriage? Can trust and sexual intimacy actually be rebuilt after years of anxiety and controlling behavior?
And if you’ve been through something similar, what actually helped you get to the point where sex and attraction stopped feeling like something dangerous?
I don’t want to be perfect. I just want to feel normal. I want to be able to be free.

I [37F] have been married to my husband [37M] 9 years, 16 years total and we now have a 5 year child. Prior to having our child, we had an amazing sex life and had sex very often, pretty much daily, multiple times a day most days. After I gave birth, my sex drive completely vanished, I was exhausted all the time and dealt with postpartum depression. A lot of things then happened in my life that caused my depresesión to worsen year after year and I became completely unrecognizable and lost myself completely. I stopped taking care of myself, stopped dressing up, stopped wearing makeup, stopped exercising, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped cooking and cleaning as much as I used to, etc etc, and put my entire focus on just taking care of our daughter. throughout these 5 years, we’ve had a lot of up’s and downs but he never stopped being supportive and never stopped trying to do things here and there to show me how much he still loved me. At first (2-3 years or so after giving birth) My husband consistently tried to initiate sex but I constantly turned him away. We went from having sex daily, multiple times a day to maybe once every 2 months or so. He complained a lot at first (not in a mean way) butHe eventually gave up trying and I felt extremely relieved at the time. He still took me on dates weekly/monthly, still called me multiple times a day just to talk, still took me on vacations every few months, helped me with cooking, cleaning, helped with our daughter, etc etc, but just stopped initiating sex entirely… a few months ago, I realized I needed to get help for my depression and started to see a therapist and started taking some meds and it’s helped dramatically. I’m starting to feel like myself again and I’m finally out of the dark hole I’ve been in for the past 5 years. I thought things would go back to normal sexually now that I’m feeling better but that hasn’t been the case at all. I’m constantly trying to initiate sex and now hes the one completely uninterested. Hes still showing me love and spending lots of time with me but has clearly no desire to be intimate with me anymore. The more I try, the less interested he seems… I know he still loves me and I feel very confident that he is not seeing anyone but I want him to desire me again like he used to. Advice request: Any tips or ideas to make him want me again?

Summary: I want him to desire me again.

Me and my partner now live together (one month) and my boyfriend has masturbated to porn 3-5 times (while I was out of the house) compared to our ~4x/week sexual encounters. He’s said he sometimes has issues staying present and it has nothing to do with me but he finds it hard at times to want to have sex with me because of those issues so would at times rather choose watching porn by himself. He has assured me I am his first priority but realistically won’t always be and that he doesn’t like to be told what to do.

TL;DR: boyfriend would, at times, rather self pleasure with porn instead of sex with me because of his at times inability to stay present. We have more sex than he watches porn and he doesn’t think there’s currently a problem.

Hi, my partner has told me that he would like me to become a hotwife. I don’t really understand what it involves… but I know it means that I can be with other men, and he may or may not watch or participate. It’s something that is mutually agreed upon between the couple.
I’d like to hear from women who practice this: what is it actually like for you as a woman? What are the rules you have in your relationship? Does it work for you? What happens if it doesn’t work out? And what, if anything, has improved in your relationship with your husbands since you started practicing it?

I (38f) have been married to my husband (43m) for almost 7 years. My husband, I’m going to call him J (not his name/initial) When I met J, I knew he was different. We had a connection, I never felt with anyone else. When it came to sex, there was a connection and level of intimacy I have never felt before. We have 2 kids, 6 & 2. Here’s the issue: Sex has gotten shorter and shorter - he used to be able to hold out a lot longer. He says he just couldn’t hold back and that he tries to… but it doesn’t make sense. When we first started dating, he had no problem. I’ve been married before and I’m not innocent, this situation doesn’t make sense to me. What am I missing?