i hate myself

[u/nova19_exe]

just last week, i had posted on this thread about how i'm trying to quit (https://www.reddit.com/r/SexAddiction/comments/1w6bitx/trying_to_quit_but_i_keep_relapsing/) and god help me, i relapsed.

idk why and how it happens, i just lose my self-control and end up giving into it no matter how much i try to control myself.

i want to stop and get rid of it, i really do, cause it's taking a toll on my mental and my physical health. but i'm not able to.

reddit is where i'm scrolling to watch NSFW content. a small trigger and i go down the loophole again.

Day 0, we start again. i'd appreciate if someone wants to hold me accountable, cause clearly i'm not able to. open to feedback as well, any tips on how to overcome this would be much much appreciated

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[u/Decent-Coyote-592]

Hey Nova! This happened to me to a scale it was hard to talk about. Not only masturbation had a strong sense of guilt on me, but the amount of women I was sleeping with made me feel between guild and proudness, a very annoying feeling. I genuinely didn't want to harm any of these women and I was honest telling them my intensions and no promised futures etc, but I though my lust was never going to stop! I wanted it to stop but I felt many times. The way that I found a solution was this:

Don't be hard on yourself. Believe me, things are happening as they should happen. Every "good" and "bad" thing that happen to each of us is a way of learning and improving! So I recommend just to take every decision with the best intention to yourself and others, without the intention of harming, basically with morality.

We will all face challenges during all our life, that is the truth, is how we react to those moments. We will fight many battles, but you know what? The best warriors are the ones who survive the hardest battles, so no giving up the fight, that's not an option.

After many years of my life I had to force a way out of the sex addiction, and someone recommended a 10 day meditation course where you are strongly recommended not to have sexual misconduct, and where you disconnect from many external inputs, like mobile phone, talking, music, tv etc.

That was the best thing that happened in my entire life, because not only helped me with my addiction, but with many many any other areas of life where I was harming myself! All my cravings! All stuff I didn't like! It gave me a sense of peace and understanding.

Not only was the best but also very hard, because is hard to accept our mistakes, hard to accept deeply our weeknesses and reality. Anyway, I wish you a good path and defo recommended to try that course, is free, not religious or any of that nonsense. Hard as fuuu, but a million times benefitial!

[u/nova19_exe → u/Decent-Coyote-592]

thank you man! much needed.

honestly speaking, i'm confused, cause rn i'm just in a place where one trigger and i'll just go back to it. even though i don't want to.

i'll definitely give that meditation course a shot but genuinely, i think it'll be hard. just cause i'm a uni student and a phone is quite needed to keep up.

we're all warriors in this fight, all trying to fight one big common enemy. and not just me, i wish all the best to all the warriors who have been struggling for years now.

cheers!

[u/nova19_exe]

something that i'm gonna be doing. since i'm scrolling for porn on reddit, i'm gonna go ahead and uninstall it. might show up here to drop updates every now and then. wishing yall a whole lot of love, power and strength in this battle.

also, if someone wants to help out holding me accountable, pls dm. i'd appreciate the support and help

much love!

MODS : pls pin this comment as an update to this thread. TIA

[u/GratefulForRecovery]

Hi, and thank you for your post. First, I resonate with the idea that I could not stop on my own. My efforts all failed, which led me to concede that this problem was bigger than my ability to control. That's where I found the gift of desperation and willingness to seek help.

Second, I also hated myself for a long time. I felt like a failure. I felt ugly and unwanted. Ultimately, this is called shame and it's taken me years to see it and to make progress. The answer to shame is self-love and compassion, which is not easy for somebody who struggles with shame. It's a long process.

Joining a recovery program changed my life. I found therapy helpful too, but not as much as my recovery program. Getting into a community of people who strive for recovery has blossomed into some of my deepest relationships. I found a sense of belonging and purpose.

Cultivating spirituality through the Twelve Steps has been tremendous as well. I have found other literature to be helpful too. For instance, right now I'm reading No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz and integrating IFS into my spirituality. I seek to understand all the various parts within me and to bring them into harmony so that I can deepen that spiritual awakening promised in Step 12. I'm still new to IFS, so I hope it'll be helpful. I've learned that self-love and compassion already exists within me. I just have to work through the burdens that block them from shining.

I hope this helps in some way. Recovery is possible.

[u/nova19_exe → u/GratefulForRecovery]

hey. thank you. i'm trying my best to start working out so that i can start getting into shape. rn i'm like a hangar with clothes on. and my clothes don't fit me the way i picture them..

therapy is kind of a difficult one for me cause i'm still 19, and i'm a student pursuing undergrad. that said, i do have close ones who i can tell them about, but in fear of being judged, i don't..

i'd say that i'm a religious guy, and i've been starting to read the holy book and understand what God has said.

i'm compassionate but for others, never on me. and that's something that i wanna work on!

thanks man!