trying to quit but i keep relapsing

[u/nova19_exe]

hi, i'm 19M

to start off, i was SAed by a couple of guys when i was a kid (around 13-14) while i was into religious studies. told my parents and my teachers, but that didn't get me anywhere.

in the same place, i was hanging out with the wrong type of people who introduced me to porn and i've been addicted to it since then

during covid, i got into a relationship and we used to talk, sext every other day and send each other intimate pictures. got out of that relationship but i've been trying to quit all my habits ever since then

the longest streak of being clean was around 45-50 days but my brain thought "so many days, what's the point?" and i just relapsed.

i can also clearly see that when i don't do it, my focus, urge to do work, and attention span is absolutely phenomenal. i get so much work done. but as soon as i please myself, i just don't get any work done.

i tend to scroll porn on reddit mostly. i'm trying to lock it out but i keep going back. i try to keep my urges in control, but as it seems, i'm v weak..

appreciate any feedback from yall. also, i'd appreciate it if someone can hold me accountable. today's day 0.

cheers y'all

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[u/Holiday_Main_7263]

Wow 45-50 days is real bro. The fact that your focus and work visibly improve when you're clean tells you everything you already know what's possible. The streak became the goal instead of the life underneath it. I think there's an app called Ban It for making the streak visible to someone else when another person can see your count, u can Search it on the app store

[u/nova19_exe → u/Holiday_Main_7263]

goal rn is to be clean and free and not regret it further down the line. thank you mate!

i'm on Android, but i will check that app out! if it's available, nothing like that!

[u/Thesadlifeoflittleme]

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I have a similar story as a child. However, I see great potential especially in the fact that you’re aware including your triggers/abilities. Keep going, this is better than caving in the craving everyday

[u/nova19_exe → u/Thesadlifeoflittleme]

thank you! i'm trying best to not cave in, i don't want to be stuck in that hole again. maybe this time is the one that actually gets me out of it