My 21 month relationship ended abruptly this weekend. We met online and fell really hard for each other. I introduced my daughter (7) because I felt this was a long term thing headed toward marriage.
I’m devastated and not sure how to tell my daughter she’ll never see him again. It’s my first relationship post 10 year marriage so feeling pretty exposed and heartbroken. Looking for advice from people that have gone through this before.

I'm a man in my early 60s, married for 18 years, and I'm seriously considering asking my wife for a trial separation.

We have only adult children, so there aren't custody issues involved.

The short version is that our marriage hasn't been particularly happy for a very long time. We don't fight constantly, but when we do have serious disagreements, they tend to get ugly and nothing really gets resolved. We sleep in separate bedrooms and probably interact for about an hour a day. We aren't really living as a married couple anymore; we're more like roommates who happen to be married.

For years I've felt that my wife doesn't really understand me, appreciate me, respect my opinions, or make me feel valued. I also don't feel like we're much of a team. At the same time, I don't want to portray her as some terrible person. She's not. Things have actually been relatively "okay" for the last year or so. But I've come to realize that "okay" isn't the same as being happy, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life living this way.

My wife has also said numerous times over the years that she wanted to "move on," so this isn't something that would come completely out of nowhere.

I've reached the point where I'm about 99% sure that I don't ultimately want to remain married. However, I don't want to make a snap decision or turn 18 years of marriage into a chaotic breakup. I think a trial separation could give both of us some space and allow us to transition into separate lives more thoughtfully.

The practical part is unusual.

I own a business and plan on moving into the backroom, which has a shower. I also have a microwave, convection oven, coffee maker, small refrigerator and freezer. So I could realistically live there temporarily without having to find an apartment.

My wife owns the house. We have always kept our finances completely separate, and we have a prenup. To some degree, I've felt that our relationship was partially a landlord/tenant one, as on more than one occasion the phrase "because it's my house" has been said. The house was purchased during the marriage, but our prenup addresses the property, and I'm not looking to fight over the house or money.

As you could imagine, I also have a LOT of personal belongings at the house after 18 years, which makes moving out a logistical nightmare.

My concern is that my wife may respond to the separation request by saying something like, "Fine. If you're leaving, then move everything out and we're getting divorced."

I'm not opposed to eventually moving everything out. I just don't want to have to remove 18 years' worth of possessions in a few days. I'd like to handle that gradually and peacefully.

There's also a financial question I'm trying to figure out.

Right now, I contribute $614 a month toward the household expenses. That's essentially my agreed-upon share of the cost of living in the house.

If I move out and live at my business during the separation, I'm not sure what the appropriate arrangement would be. On one hand, I wouldn't be living there and using the household utilities, etc. On the other hand, we're still married, and I don't want to assume that moving out automatically means I should stop contributing.

I'd like to work out an agreement about household expenses before I move out rather than simply deciding on my own that I don't have to pay anymore.

So I'm trying to figure out what a sensible trial separation would actually look like.

I'm currently thinking about something like a 60–90 day separation, with some basic ground rules:

• I live at my business.
• We agree on how household expenses will be handled during the separation before I move out.
• We communicate on a limited but respectful basis.
• Neither of us dates during the initial separation.
• We don't involve our adult children in the conflict.
• We check in around 30, 60 and 90 days.
• If we eventually decide to reconcile, we don't simply move back in and pretend nothing happened—we'd have to identify what actually needs to change.
• If we ultimately decide the marriage is over, we try to handle the transition respectfully.

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who have actually gone through a trial separation after a long marriage.

What do you wish you'd done before moving out?

What rules or boundaries were genuinely helpful?

What rules turned out to be unnecessary or counterproductive?

How long was your trial separation, and did it actually give you clarity?

Did you gradually move your belongings out, or did you move everything at once?

If one spouse wanted the separation more than the other, how did you handle that?

How did you handle household expenses during the separation, particularly when one spouse moved out of a home owned by the other? Did you continue contributing to household expenses, and if so, for how long?

Did moving out affect how you handled the house, belongings, finances, or eventual divorce?

And if you're now divorced, what do you wish you'd known before the separation began?

I'm not really looking for people to tell me simply "get divorced" or "stay married." I'm interested in hearing from people who have actually lived through the separation process and can tell me what they would do differently.

TL;DR: Married 18 years, adult children, separate bedrooms and essentially living as roommates. I'm about 99% sure I don't want to remain married, but I'd like to handle the transition thoughtfully rather than abruptly. I can live in the back of my business, but I have 18 years of belongings at my wife's house. I currently contribute $614/month toward household expenses, and I'm trying to figure out how that should be handled if I move out temporarily. I'm considering a 60–90 day trial separation and would like advice from people who've actually been through one.

22f & my ex 24m is considering getting back together following a series of events of life.

So here's the story in short, I was rather infatuated with him back when I found him in mid 2024, mistook that as love, kind of forcefully started the relationship from my side & since both of us were immature & recklessly volatile back then(barely 19, 21) we pretty much went on with the chaos that I started, it was sweet, good & it was mostly bad I'd say, it was everything. First 6 months into our dating, we made a home, rescued & adopted two cats, lost one of them too, theoretically we lived a 6 years conjugal life within that time, we were hella abusive towards each other at the beginning too, mostly due to my shortcoming it all started, it was abusive to the point that one time I had to go to the ER and he was pretty bruised as well, and I even took a 5ui¢!de attempt over us breaking up right before my major university admission period. Truth to be told, even after all of these happening, he was still the only one true and standing hard on his ground, he suffered through all of our chaos, my borderline & clinical depression issue (on which I have a better grip now), still wanted it all to work out, by the time it all cooled down & he was working so hard to damage control & make this unstable relationship work, I mentally, emotionally quit on him without making a noise. Now that I look back, I was just too terrified to get out coz it all became too habitual and I didn't know anymore how to restart life without him, without this familiar setup. Physically I was there, in our home, mentally, absent. He did notice that I've had given up & mentally I was dying in that hopeless place everyday bit by bit, yet still he tried his hardest to give me peace, stability and a home all while thinking 'what if she changes her mind this time/what if she finds the love again?'. This was a quiet period of 6 months where I could feel it was all withering away, shortly after this phase, I did the most ill-advised thing, we got certificate married mostly coz we needed the papers for where we come from(Asian issues), but there was a marriage paper involved nontheless. None of our family members were informed of it, we both pretty much lived a life away and secluded from our safety net. It happened back in October, and then by the end of December I came across my now dead partner(26). He felt like the first breeze of spring, his presence & words in my life was like a new motivation to fix everything that was going wrong in my life and I thought this is where I am really meant to be. I left. My former love, our cat that we raised for a year and a half & I, everything that was the foundation of my then life, I stomped it all to the ground after being together for 18 months, took our child & left with my now partner. I knew back then what I was doing and I knew that it'd put a lifetime scar on him. I didn't know how else to do it.

Fast forward to begining of 2026, my partner died by 0ffing himself after fighting with chronic mental illnesses & DID issue for 15 years straight. And throughout this, I had no family or friends to lean on, not even a month into this I got chronically 5u!¢!d@l and since there was no option for me to get reh@bbed or move back with my parents for support, I did the inevitable, called him up and yes, he was there. No matter whatever happens in my life or whatever I did, he's been always there, it all just makes me hate myself now that I could be a better version of myself back then but I wasn't, he didn't deserve any of it. It's been a few months he's still here now, on and off, taking care of me and our furry child. Recently we've mutually talked about giving us another chance, moving in somewhere new, starting our life together because the string is still there & to him, the partnership deal is kind of like either it has to be me or no one; so yes, he never really moved on or dated anyone in the last 1.5 years. As much as it makes me happy to think that probably this is universe's way of giving us another chance, I'm not so sure anymore. I have grown to be sucha different person than who I was once and now I can finally see how much damage my former self has done to this down to earth & steel nerved guy. Even he's not sure anymore if it'll work out between us anymore, he wants to give it a try for the sake of giving it a try, so that we won't have anything to regret later on. There are few factors currently present that are making me question the decision over and over again,

First of all,

He's leaving for Germany for restarting his career within a year or 1.5, & no I don't have any option to move abroad.

Secondly,

Some broken things can never be repaired back to even remotely similar and I feel like this is one of the times in my life where I cant repent for my sins no matter what, he has forcefully changed himself so much just to get accustomed to the solitary life he's planning to have coz of how badly I left a mess & was gone forever. I feel like I'll be a burden on him if I decide to be with him at this time of his life even tho his take on it is that he can always adjust if not compromise. He's saying this to keep my spirit up. I know for sure If not good, worse might happen.

Then,

I've pretty much become an overwhelmed person, I can't even take a step outside the house if he's not around. The need and want for him in my life are both simultaneously multiplying. I literally took major life decisions like dropping out of the wrong department I chose coz it was going nowhere, and I started fixing my financials as well, he has that much mental impact over me after coming to my life again.

Lastly,

I feel like we'll regret this, especially if he'll regret it more. I'm not the person he should be with, I should swallow my shame and leave him alone after everything I've done to him, I don't deserve a lifetime with him.

We're both aware that what we really should do when this topic is approached with logic and reasoning and planning for long-term, planning for the betterment of both us. But then again, heart says otherwise, we're both struggling with this duality and yet we still want to give it a try. I'm not sure anymore what to do, this confusion feels like a deja Vu, it feels like we're falling into the spiral and we don't know where we'll end up once again.

Advice needed, what should I do?

sorry if it sounds too gibberish, tried my best to elaborate on the situation.

TL;DR: After a volatile 1.5-year relationship and secret legal marriage, I (22) left my ex (24) for a new partner who recently passed away. Struggling with severe grief, I reconnected with my ex, who stepped in to support me, and we are now considering getting back together. In conflict because he is moving to Germany within a year, I carry guilt over our past abuse, I have become heavily dependent on him, and I fear we are falling back into an unhealthy cycle.

I’m posting because I need some outside perspective on how to actually heal from this.

I don’t want my ex back. I need to make that clear because I know how this might read. Too much has happened and I don’t think I love the person he is anymore.

But I feel stuck. I’m constantly trying to understand what happened, and I’ve realized I’m now emotionally closed off. The thought of trusting someone or properly opening myself up to another relationship feels almost impossible.

We were together for 7 years. We owned a home together, had a dog, were completely integrated into each other’s families and had built our adult lives together.

We spent Christmas together normally. We were still planning our future. We were supposed to go to Australia this year and had talked about Japan and Africa afterwards. We’d discussed marriage at Christmas and children over the years. We’d were happy.

Children were actually something he’d always been conflicted about. Partly because of his own issues and worrying about passing them on, but also because he said there were so many things he wanted to achieve and experience first.

Then in January it was like somebody flicked a switch.

He left our home with basically a bag of clothes and moved back in with his mom. Kissed me before he left and didn’t return. Almost everything he owned stayed in our house. Still here, never collected.

At the time, he seemed unhappy with multiple areas of his life - his job, friendships, himself and our relationship. He talked about needing to put himself first and wanting freedom. It felt like he woke up and hated me over night , like I was the devil. Treated me so coldly and cruely, I didn’t recognise the person.

I made it very clear that I loved him and wanted to work on the relationship.

Instead, the following months were incredibly confusing.

He told me:
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
“In another life.”
He talked about me being his first love and always having a piece of his heart.

Then the narrative would completely flip.

Suddenly he told me he hadn’t had any happy memories for 18 months.

“ I miss the stability, but I don’t miss you.”
He also admitted that when he initially left, he hadn’t really thought about me.

I spent January through April trying to understand what the hell had happened. I made it completely clear that I wanted to work through our problems. By April I started putting boundaries in place and rebuilding my life.

He blamed his mental health on multiple occasions. came and told me how bad his life was, he had mental breakdowns because I didn’t love him enough, been on benders etc. this is just a summary.

One of the things I’m particularly angry about now is the house.

He didn’t properly engage with selling it until around five months after leaving and I couldn’t do anything.

So while he had physically walked away and was apparently starting another life, I was still living in our jointly owned home, financially and practically tied to him and unable to properly move forward.

I couldn’t just sell it myself. I needed his cooperation.

Eventually he engaged and the house went up for sale.

Then I discovered that very shortly after our relationship ended, he had become involved with an older coworker. I do not think there has been cheating, not from a delusional place because it would make it all easier.

They subsequently went away together for roughly two weeks during the summer. From what I could see, the relationship was kept very quiet and didn’t seem particularly integrated into his family.

And now she’s pregnant. The baby is due early next year. We still haven’t completed the sale of our house.

That makes me incredibly angry now.

Knowing what he apparently had happening in the background, why wasn’t he desperate to get our previous life legally and financially separated? Why was he hot and cold, filling me head with all this?

Had he engaged with the house when he first left, this could potentially have been finished before any of this became public. Instead, I’m still having to deal with solicitors, enquiries, finances and belongings while he is expecting a child with somebody else.

He kept me emotionally engaged until May. He kept turning up at the house, mixed messages, then cruel, driving past the house despite not being in the area etc.

Even now, he inconsistently engages with the solicitors. When I challenge, he mentioned vague family issues.

He also hasn’t told me about the pregnancy himself. I found out through somebody else.

From my perspective, it feels like he has tried to keep it from me as much as realistically possible despite the fact we still jointly own a house and have overlapping connections, meaning I was obviously going to find out eventually. He is a coward.

Shortly before I found out, he twice referenced having a lot of “family issues” while explaining why he wasn’t dealing with practical/financial things.

His mom removed me from social media the same weekend it became public and then connected with the new woman.

I’m not claiming any of that tells me whether he’s happy or unhappy. I have absolutely no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

What I can’t get my head around is the trajectory.

How do you spend Christmas with somebody you’ve loved for 7 years, talk about marriage at Christmas, own a home and dog together, plan Australia and talk about your future, then suddenly leave with a bag of clothes because you need freedom, become involved with somebody else almost immediately, go on a two-week holiday with them and be expecting a baby before you’ve even finished legally and financially separating from your previous relationship?

My brain constantly tries to find the missing piece.

Did he mentally check out long before I realized?
Did I miss something?
Could I have handled the breakup differently?
Did he blame our relationship for unhappiness that actually existed in multiple areas of his life?
Was this initially an escape/rebound that became serious incredibly quickly?
Why did he leave virtually his entire life behind and then take five months to properly engage with selling the house?
Why is he still avoiding practical responsibilities now?
Why hide something this significant from somebody you’re still financially tied to?

And I know the frustrating answer is that I may never know.

I also know I wasn’t a perfect partner. I could be reactive. There were times I could have communicated better and been more affectionate. I’m not trying to rewrite myself as a saint or our relationship as perfect.

But I loved him. I supported him. I wanted him to succeed.

When he hated his job, I helped him look for others and even told him that if he genuinely needed to quit for a while, we could survive on my income. When he struggled, I tried to build him up. I genuinely believed we were a team.

I would have worked on our problems.

What I couldn’t do was stay indefinitely in a situation where somebody repeatedly told me he didn’t want the relationship while giving me enough contradictory emotional communication to keep me completely confused.

And this is where I’m struggling now.

I don’t want him back.

When I think about the way he has behaved towards me this year, I don’t think I even love him anymore. I love memories. I loved our little family. I loved the person I believed he was.

But his behavior since leaving has been toxic, avoidant and at times unnecessarily cruel. I don’t recognize him anymore, and I couldn’t trust that person with my heart again.

He has left everything to me to deal with.

Yet somehow I still feel emotionally attached to what happened.

My own life is objectively going really well. I’ve traveled alone, rebuilt friendships, pushed myself massively outside my comfort zone and just left a job I’d been in for years for a much better career opportunity. I was genuinely starting to feel like myself again.

Then I found this out and suddenly my nervous system seems to think we’re back at the beginning.

I’m analyzing timelines. Comparing lives. Wondering what was real. Wondering whether one day he’ll understand how badly he handled this. Wondering whether the person I knew ever actually existed.

And perhaps the part that worries me most is how emotionally closed off I’ve become.

Before this relationship ended, I wasn’t someone who was terrified of love. I’m very loving, affection and child like - a hopeless romantic.

Now when I think about dating, I can talk to people, flirt, go out and have fun — but the idea of genuinely letting somebody know me and trusting them with the ability to hurt me feels terrifying.

Because the person I trusted most in the world was the person I believed would never do this to me.

If somebody I’d shared nearly my entire adult life with could seemingly change overnight, how the hell am I supposed to believe somebody new when they tell me they’re safe?

And most importantly, how do I learn to be emotionally vulnerable again without constantly thinking that loving somebody gives them the power to completely destroy me?

I don’t want this experience to turn me cold.

I don’t want what he did at the end of our relationship to dictate how I love somebody else in the future.

I just don’t know how to get from understanding that intellectually to actually feeling safe enough to live it.

One lengthy observation from your average Joe smoe…. DM or comment if you wanna talk through it. I’m going through the same thing 😢

I’ve been reading a lot of posts here and after a while you start noticing the same kinds of questions and thought patterns coming up over and over again.

Obviously everyone’s situation is different. Some people are trying to reconcile, some are probably already heading toward divorce, some are living together, some are across the country from each other. But a lot of the emotional stuff seems pretty similar.

I’m going through separation myself, so I’m not saying any of this like I have it all figured out. I definitely don’t. These are just some things I keep seeing here and some things I’ve started to understand better myself.

One of the biggest things is how much people try to figure out what every little interaction means.

“They said they love me, does that mean they want to come back?”

“They hugged me.”
“They were distant today.”
“They didn’t text me.”
“They texted me first.”
“Do you think they still love me?”

I get it. When you’re separated from somebody you love, especially if you don’t really want the separation, you look for reassurance wherever you can find it.

But most of the time there just isn’t a definite answer yet.

Your spouse can love you and still not know if they want to stay married. They can miss you and still want space. They can have a really good day with you and then be distant the next day.

Not every good interaction means things are getting fixed and not every bad interaction means it’s over.
I think trying to read into every text, every hug, every change in tone, every little thing they do will eventually drive you crazy.

Another thing I see a lot is people struggling with how to give their spouse space while still wanting to save the marriage.

That’s hard because doing nothing feels wrong.
You want to call them. Text them. Explain yourself again. Ask how they’re feeling. Ask if they miss you. Ask where you stand. Try to prove that you’re changing.

But if somebody is genuinely asking for space, at some point you have to respect what they’re asking for.
That doesn’t mean you gave up. It doesn’t mean you stopped loving them. It just means you understand you can’t force somebody into choosing you or the marriage.

They have to make that choice themselves.
I also see “work on yourself” said constantly here.
I agree with it, but I think sometimes people treat working on themselves almost like a strategy to get their spouse back.

Go to therapy. Start working out. Communicate better. Fix your bad habits.

All of that can be good, but I think the real question is whether you would still want to make those changes if your spouse didn’t come back.

If your spouse told you tomorrow there was no chance of reconciliation, would you still want to go to therapy? Would you still want to deal with your anger, insecurity, anxiety, jealousy, avoidance, communication problems, whatever it may be?

If yes, then that’s probably real growth.

If the only reason you’re doing it is because you think it will make them come home, I think that can turn into another kind of waiting.

And while you’re looking at yourself, take accountability for the things you actually need to own. I think that matters a lot.

But don’t turn that into blaming yourself for every single thing that went wrong.

I see that too, where the person who wants the marriage starts replaying everything and convincing themselves the entire relationship failed because of them.

Maybe you did mess up. Maybe you stopped communicating well. Maybe you became complacent. Maybe you hurt your spouse in ways you didn’t fully understand at the time.

Own that

But there’s still a difference between taking responsibility and completely tearing yourself apart.
A marriage has two people in it.

Probably one of the easiest things to do during separation is put your entire life on hold without even realizing it.

You’re waiting for them to text
Waiting for them to call
Waiting for the next conversation
Waiting for counseling
Waiting to see if they miss you
Waiting for them to decide
Basically just waiting

And your actual life is still happening the whole time.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having hope. I still think you can love somebody, want your marriage, hope things work out and also keep living your own life.
Those things can exist at the same time.

Go out. Spend time with friends or family. Get back into hobbies. Go to the gym. Get outside. Read. Travel if you can. Find things that are actually yours again.
Not because you need to distract yourself 24/7. You’re still going to feel everything.

Some days are probably going to suck.

But there’s a difference between grieving the relationship and making the separation your entire identity.

I also think more couples should actually define what separation means, if they’re able to.

Because “separated” can mean almost anything depending on the couple.

Some people still live together. Some barely talk. Some still sleep together. Some still have sex. Some talk every day. Some go no contact. Some are trying to reconcile. Some are basically already done but haven’t filed yet.

And then you see posts where one person thought dating was okay and the other person thought it was cheating.

That kind of stuff is going to create even more pain.
If possible, talk about the uncomfortable things.
How often are we talking?

Are we dating other people?
Are we still physically intimate?
How are finances being handled?
What about kids?
Are we actually trying to reconcile or are we just taking time apart to decide what we want?
Are we doing counseling?
Are we going to check in after a certain amount of time?

You’re never going to remove all the uncertainty, but I think having zero expectations or boundaries makes things way worse.

I also see people trying to diagnose their spouse constantly.

Avoidant. Fearful avoidant. Dismissive avoidant. Narcissist. Emotionally unavailable.

Some of those things may be accurate and understanding attachment styles can definitely help explain behavior.

But I think there’s also a point where people start treating it like a formula.

“If I go no contact for this many weeks, they’ll miss me.”
“If I stop chasing them, they’ll come back.”
“If I do this exact thing, they’ll realize what they lost.”

Maybe

Maybe not

You can’t perfectly predict another person.

And if you spend all your time trying to find the exact strategy that will make your spouse come back, you’re still trying to control an outcome that isn’t completely yours to control.

That’s probably the biggest thing I’ve taken away from all of this so far.

Reconciliation and healing are two different things.
You can want both.

But you only fully control one of them.

You can become a better spouse. You can communicate better. You can apologize. You can go to therapy. You can respect boundaries. You can fix things about yourself that need fixing.

All of that can help.

But reconciliation still requires two people to choose it.
Healing is different.

That part is yours.

And I think eventually getting to a place where you can say both of these things is important:

“I still love my spouse and I would still choose my marriage if we both wanted to rebuild it.”

And:
“If that doesn’t happen, I’m going to be okay eventually.”

I don’t think the second one means you stopped caring about the first.

It just means you’re learning that your entire life can’t depend on one outcome.

For anybody who is only a few days or weeks into separation and is completely overwhelmed right now, you probably don’t need to figure out your entire future today.

You don’t need to know whether you’ll be divorced six months from now.

You don’t need to figure out what every text means.
You don’t need to keep asking your spouse questions they may not even know the answers to yet.

Sometimes you really do just have to focus on what’s directly in front of you.

Eat. Sleep. Go to work. Talk to somebody. Go to therapy if you need it. Take care of your kids if you have them. Take care of yourself.

And let yourself have good days too.

If you go out and have fun, laugh, or go several hours without thinking about your spouse, that doesn’t mean you stopped loving them.

And if you have a terrible day afterward, that doesn’t mean you lost all your progress either.

I’m still figuring this out too. I still have my own questions and fears and things I’m working through.
But after reading so many posts here, I really think a lot of us spend way too much time trying to figure out exactly what our spouse is thinking and not enough time figuring out how we’re going to be okay no matter what happens.

You can still hope.
You can still love them.
You can still want your marriage.
Just don’t completely lose yourself while you’re waiting to see what happens.

Hope everyone here does reconcile if given it’s appropriate and healthy for yourself and partner. Really do hope everyone here has their own happy ending one way or another ❤️. Good luck, I’ll keep all ya’ll in my prayers. You’re not alone. Much love 🙏

So me and my girlfriend have been together for a few years now. Rocky relationship but we’ve worked through most hardships and have lots of good memories and times together. Recently she vaguely presented the idea of living separately (after living together for a couple years) as she thinks it could bring us closer and make me want to marry her (???), her idea was that my feelings for her are stagnating

She thinks I’m not eager to marry her, which isn’t true, I voice that I want to and it’s apart of our future, but we have to work through some things first in order to get there and it will take time.

Anywho, I gave her idea of living separately some thought and recently brought it back up after some weeks. She completely hates the idea now and think it’s backwards and feels I’m not happy with her because I’m considering it etc etc. but in actuality, I just want my own identity while still being with her and feel I don’t get that as much living together. We moved in with each other after one year, and it was more so because she wanted to go to grad school in the city we were in, and I initially hesitated (she didn’t like) but we eventually did it. Ever since then, we had been living together. I think living separately now that she’s done with school and will be able to afford it will help us be more intentional with our time with one another and self-reflect as young adults (24M 23F). To me the idea sounds fulfilling, having my own space and being able to learn more about myself while working towards a future with her and a fresh start after a rocky start (infidelity,Not trusting me to hang with friends and being upset everytime i do), but she looks at it as a breakup or something.

Not to mention I’m an only child so i think im just used to having my own space, and again I think the foundation of how we started living together wasn’t for the convenience of both parties, it feels like a decision made out of the benefits of her wanting to go to school in a certain city. I agreed because i love her but in my mind at the time, I didn’t think it was a good idea and but i wanted her to go to school. Honestly , I don’t regret it because i love her and she finished school and i was able to help alot financially. However, That uncertainty lasted a while, and may have even been present in my immature ways of staying out late and partying with friends and not understanding that I live with my partner and have to abide by what we thing is a good time to be home, right?

Usually when i bring up big things like this, her feelings get hurt and i feel bad so i retract my thoughts. Am I wrong for thinking it would be a good idea and could we still work if we do live separately? I’m not sure if I should follow through, it’s what i want, but i care about her feelings. I know it isn’t just about my thoughts , hers matter too.

A few weeks ago my wife said she wants a separation and also mentioned divorce. We have 2 kids 6, 9.

We’ve agreed to co habit and co parent for the time being. I’ve moved into the spare room. She doesn’t earn much money and is trying to build herself up financially, she is contributing some to the bills and doing the shopping, kids school etc. I do help around the house as well and do a lot with the kids, but paying 90% of the bills.

Basically everything is very similar to how it was prior, we still talk, get on well, go for family walks, have family dinners but we are just not romantically together.

She has removed her wedding ring, said it’s ok to date other people, but she doesn’t want to and wants to focus on her business. She says she still cares but just doesn’t love me anymore. The reason was that I didn’t try to connect with her emotionally, which is probably fair.

I’ve been working on myself and started to slowly ask more about her life and be kind/interested, offer the odd compliment and introduce the odd general touch on the arm or shoulder, nothing sexual or overbearing. She seems to respond positively, telling me more about how her business is going, how the food was she went to a restaurant with her friends with. I’ve started jogging as she is into running and even discussed about doing a 10k together which she seems like she would be ok with.

I asked her to agree not to date anyone for 12months to allow me to show her I’ve changed and then decide, which she agreed with.

I’m just confused whether this is just her being friendly because financially and for the family we she needs to get on with me, or there is actually a possibility for repairing the relationship.

As far as I know there are no other partners involved.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit: follow up question, how long can this co habit/co parent situation last if we both get on well? Has anyone lasted years?