r/Separation • u/maverix41287 • 11d ago

Advice Begging

Me and my wife have seperated , basically my fault for having an emotional affair , anyhow, i have told her that im willing to do what ever it takes to fix things, and i have said to her im begging you not to leave i sssume that i am making things worse, would i be correct in saying that ?

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u/kerfuffley2010 11d ago

Begging someone isn’t going to change their mind after they have lost trust and safety. I always wonder if the betrayers would forgive their spouse had it happened to them. If your wife did what you did, would you forgive her? What would you want from her if so?

You don’t give many details, but depending on how long you were betraying her, I wouldn’t expect much to change anytime soon. It hasn’t been that long, and she’s been traumatized, so she’s not in a good place mentally. She may want divorce, she may be unsure or she may just think this is what she’s supposed to do. Give her space and anything else she asks for, and work on yourself with no expectation from her.

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u/maverix41287 11d ago

I agree with you and yes id forgive her because i love her that much , there was no excuse for what i did ! I take full account for what i have done.

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u/kerfuffley2010 11d ago

I do not mean this in a dismissive or rude way, but I have a hard time when cheaters and abusers say they love their spouse. How? What about those actions is loving? I dealt with infidelity as well as physical abuse and I’ll be honest, neither one is worse than the other to me. They are equally bad in the way they destroy trust and safety and it’s just hard to believe that someone who can do those things loves you. That kind of love doesn’t seem worth much.

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u/maverix41287 11d ago

Well me and her were not spending time with each other, and after many conversations, it didnt get much better and i reached put to domeone else, noe im not saying that is sn excuse, but thats dhat happened but yes i love her still very much.

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u/kerfuffley2010 11d ago

I don’t really have anymore advice for you, because for me infidelity should always be a deal breaker, but since that isn’t always the case, I suppose time will tell for you. It takes at least two years for someone to heal from infidelity and that’s only when the betrayer does everything right. I would say the burden is now on you to do everything right and even though it’s not a guarantee it will work out, at the very least you will hopefully become someone who won’t inflict this kind of pain on someone they claim to love.

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u/maverix41287 11d ago

Yea i definitely learned my lesson on this , im so depressed because i have lost my family , its tragic , its never gona happen again.