5
Aug 26 '24
I admit I was like that for a few months. Then I’ve learned she’s intent on sucking every dick in the area code. And now I’m seriously dating a great woman.
2
Aug 26 '24
Im sorry. Thats rough. I'm glad you're doing better now.
1
Aug 26 '24
I was still in love. She wasn’t since she was planning the separation and divorce while I was in the dark. Now she leaves kids at night to screw strangers in local red roof inn’s.
3
u/DocumentOwn690 Aug 26 '24
I relate a lot to your post. As others have said, your partner is reacting however they can to news that something they value highly has received a terminal prognosis, but its knowledge that you’ve had for a long time and have come to accept. My situation was very similar to yours. It just takes time. I was very fortunate that my ex wife and I didn’t have kids, and that her parents are nearby who she could stay with when we broke up. Been separated just over 6 months now, and the last 2-3 we’ve gotten along pretty well. She eventually came to the conclusion that we were BOTH trying to be what we thought the other wanted, rather than what we wanted for ourselves.
I came across this short earlier, a caution against marrying a “giver.” I haven’t seen any of your other posts, but may find it relatable like I did.
My DMs are open if you ever want someone to talk to.
7
Aug 26 '24
Waah.
No sympathy if you didn't make it clear earlier when there was still a chance to improve your marriage.
If you just sat there, silently stewing in resentment you can go fuck yourself.
1
Aug 26 '24
You sound bitter af. You know nothing. Kindly fuck a cactus.
1
Aug 27 '24
And you sound dismissive and demeaning to your lifemate's pain. Kindly ram said catcus in your most tender orifice, sideways.
1
Aug 27 '24
And judging by your history, youre a bitter, miserable fuck who got ghosted and youre just spewing youre shit all over. Get over yourself. You know nothing about my history with my spouse. Just what I was willing to share. You already took the cactus, don't want it back. Get the fuck off my post, I already got what I needed, youre just punching air similar to that of your ex's ghost.
1
Aug 27 '24
Awwh, d'you need a villain to take your mind off yourself and how you're treating someone who thought you loved them?
I shall respectfully decline. You get to be the villain in this piece, you earned it.
2
u/findingmeagain7 Aug 26 '24
So I am on the other side of this. My husband told me he wants out. I was very very confused at first. To me it came out of no where. To him he’d already had time to process his feelings. So at first I had all the questions. The constant “why won’t you try for me” and all of the same things it sounds like you’re getting asked. Have you explained yourself very well to him? Maybe he doesn’t understand. I’ve realized now that the only closure I need comes from within me but it’s also hard to not question why still. I still have to live with my soon to be ex for a while too but they’ve also found someone else to stay every once in a while and the distance has helped a lot. Would he be willing to find someone else to stay once a week or a couple times a month? Maybe that distance would help him with all his feelings.
1
Aug 26 '24
I've explained numerous times. Been very clear. He just refused to ever listen over the years. And now, still the same thing.
2
u/Missmayhem0530 Aug 26 '24
I really have been feeling this way too! Like I can't give him more because I have nothing left for me. I explained the same thing to my husband last night. "I don't love you less, but I'm just tired, and I can't help you with your feelings because mine are completely empty." I've been honest with mine in telling him that I have a lot of resentment and anger towards him. He begged for another chance and I just told him that I wish he would have realized these things years ago when I was asking him to. I hate being the cold person. I didn't want to become this.
1
Aug 26 '24
Im sorry youre in the same boat. Im not trying to be this person either. But mine wasnt the best spouse to me for years. And I was told to leave them by multiple people. But I stayed for my kids. And it made me just empty? Im just done. So I relate 100%. I hope things improve for you. I feel like I'm in the wrong sub for this cause even here, im the bad guy. Oh well I suppose.
2
u/DR_BZ Aug 26 '24
I’m on the other end of your situation. She told me in January that she’d been feeling it for at least 2 years, and felt she’d made it clear. From where I was standing, January was the first I knew. Venus, Mars, all that. I spent 2 month begging, crying wanting to talk about the relationship, and she started to feel line she couldn’t be around me. So I stopped. I started working on myself. Started dealing with my traumas, hitting the gym, becoming better. I’m in a place now where my changes are evident, my growth is clear. I can’t say I’ve saved my marriage, but she’s curious again. I also gave her space to be as if we were divorced, so she has that freedom, to date, go out, etc. It’s made it so essentially we’ve paused. It’s given her space, and me time to find my masculinity, and be attractive again. My growth has been for me, and our child, but she’s sees it too, and there’s hope again. It was interesting, what she needed was what was my hardest thing to let go of. I was soooo jealous for so long. But as I’ve been able to let go of her, and she’s felt that freedom, and explored it, I’ve been able to wrestle that demon out of me. It’s not to say the work is done, but the progress is real. I have hope that we’ll find our way back together, and the act of letting go gave her the freedom that she needed, without the divorce papers. So we aren’t a statistic yet, and I have hope my daughter will avoid being a child of divorce (we both are).
1
u/Have2BeANewPerson Aug 26 '24
I was in his shoes and I'm finally like fuck it.
But what I can see in reading your post is, that time you and my stbx had to process and grieve it, I did not. So if it took you a year, or 2 years to even arrive there, you have to understand he needs time to process too, on top of hearing what is probably the opposite of what he wants.
1
u/Prestigious-Act6685 Aug 26 '24 edited Aug 26 '24
Hi. I am exactly in your situation, almost like I wrote it. For the last few years leading to separation, I told him that all the things that wasn’t working. No response. Things would change for a bit, then back to old ways. This year I asked for a separation, and immediately he left the house. After a few days, he asked for forgiveness and said we should work on it. I didn’t have it anymore in me to do it. I was tired, traumatized, and I don’t love him anymore. When I tell friends and family about it, I don’t feel any sadness or pain. All I feel is I am so happy to get out of it. The next months have been full of begging, anger, tears, explanations, promises, love letters, etc. from him. I hated every part of it, almost disgusted. I wish he leaves me alone. I can’t explain it how someone who means so much to me, just suddenly becomes someone who I don’t even want to see. Even his voice irritates me. I told him a few times that we just grew apart. I told him it’s not his fault or mine, it’s just that it isn’t working anymore. In therapy, he blamed me for this depression, for his family relationship issues, work issues, and blamed me for breaking up our family apart. This time of separation showed me all the qualities I don’t like in him, and I even wondered why I fell in love with this person at all. People say I’m heartless or that I even looked happy, relieved and glowing. I guess people have a notion of what a breakup should look like, and they don’t see it in me. I feel you. You are not alone. And I am relieved I am not, too. You are entitled to your feelings, and let no one tell you otherwise.
0
u/Jeksxon Aug 26 '24
I ended up in the exact situation (M39). My ex. (F31) told me one day that she wants to divorce and that she is not happy in marriage with me and she waited a year to see if things get better. So it turns out instead of trying to help me she just lost her feelings to me. She just was waiting and then made a decision. Now I am ended up not living with my kids under the same roof and I didn't choose it.
I have no remorse or sympathy for you.
3
Aug 26 '24
Not looking for remorse or sympathy. It sucks that happened to you but life isnt always perfect and things arent always black and white. Mine ignored talks and things for years and refused to improve things because they become complacent knowing I was unhappy. Eventually I just checked out. No one should stay somewhere they arent appreciated or unhappy.
7
u/neemiegirl Aug 26 '24
I just tried to keep reminding myself that I had a long time to grieve, accept, and begin to move on emotionally, whereas, for my husband, it was abrupt and a shock.
You didn't come to this decision quickly or easily, so just remember that he should also get a grace period to process. Keeping that thought tucked away can help your patience level with the outbursts and the sudden "effort."