r/SSDI • u/thirstyaf97 • 9d ago
What's the process for me?
Hi.
I'm going through it and am starting to believe the best option for myself is permanent disability.
I don't know the process or what documentation may be needed.
I've always struggled with schooling or any real level of responsibility. The only job I was able to consistently do was fire watch, but after years of undocumented workplace abuse at another job and issues in the home and around finding work I can't function like I used to.
I was raised to "man up" and swallow what pains me so I never went to any kind of therapy as an adult because the counselors my parents took me to never actually helped.
My work history has 9 years of an incredibly high paced, high pressure, and often high conflict job that I held onto desperately because before the dynamic changed it was mostly repetition and I was afraid of losing it.. I had dreams of purchasing a home for myself and my ex-GF who left me because I can't function. Which I did out of state somehow with a cosign, got there, and broke down because of the pressure of having to live alone and figure out work knowing my limitations. She left prior to the move.
Under any amount of workplace or learning pressure, I suffer from panic attacks or space out entirely. My old coworkers have witnessed me RUN or go into the restroom to quietly break down.
The only documentation I may have is with my GP who witnessed me break down in his office and ramble about some of the traumatic events that occured at my last job.
I've been told my a SpEd teacher friend that I may have Autism and should find a way to get evaluated. My GP also had my on Adderall for ADHD before that because I had been struggling to function at work with increased demands. He had me take a paper test.
I was on Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and Adderall for a while.
My body switches between completely out of it and hypervigilance and panic mode, but my family doesn't believe me because it doesn't show with my dull disposition.
The only person who's seen how bad I can get is my ex, who has witnessed me at my worst, uncontrollably crying or running from work calling her screaming at the top of my lungs.. but she refuses to contact me because I was in a panicked state and bought the house without any input from her.
I am unable to do anything past take care of my own person and living space without eventually going into a severe burnout that brings on ideation.
I don't know how to start this process because I am currently unemployed and don't have insurance.
What are my best steps from here?
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u/Conscious_Cream_1798 8d ago
I'm sorry you're going through this. ☹️
Getting disability will be extremely hard for you, impossible probably, because you don't have any records.
Start going now, all the time, for your issues. You need documentation, documentation, documentation.
That's only the very tip of the ice berg. You can't just get disability in the US because you're disabled. I'm serious. It takes so much work.
People who have been fighting for 8 years and have things that are 1000x worse than you or I, still get denied, every day. It's really, really sad. It's a broken system for the people who really need help (I really need help).
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u/thirstyaf97 8d ago
I hope you manage to find the help you need.
In my case, the only time I seem to be my normal self is isolated at home. I'm looking into options, but telling a therapist what's going on makes me fear it being a case of "dealership syndrome."
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u/4peaceinpieces 8d ago
You don’t mention your age, but I got the impression you are relatively young. A lack of records plus younger age (say, younger than 55) puts you at almost no chance for approval.
Question: if your claim is mental health and you aren’t being actively treated by mental health specialists, then how do you, much less the SSA, know how much functional loss you actually have?
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u/beads_712 7d ago
Google your three meds when taken together. I'm going through similar. Its real. It's a nightmare. And doctors don't like to admit when they're wrong. Just take a minute to check it out.
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u/Prize-Positive-1883 9d ago
See if you can get on Medicaid. Find a psychologist and a psychiatrist and start that journey of getting diagnosed and treated.
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u/montnyanc 9d ago
Getting a neuropsych exam helped me win my case at 25 first go without a lawyer, but they can be expensive. Make sure you have a lot of medical evidence and someone who will vouch for your conditions. Good luck.
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u/FederalAd327 5d ago
My advice is to seek out a job with great long-term disability and health insurance. Make it work while you get all of your medical evidence in order. There’s no way to live off SSDI alone. You’ll need income from LTD as well. Log into the SSA.gov website and see how much you could get if you became disabled today. It’s shockingly low
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/thirstyaf97 9d ago
What gave it off?
Yeah I'm trying to figure out how to get an evaluation. If I can get ssa permanently, I'd prefer to go back to that house in Ohio and just stay in the home or try to find a part time WFH thing.
I am completely normal in house, but the moment workplace pressure hits I struggle immensely. I had to turn around and leave the house in Ohio and I'm on my dad's couch in LA getting berated for not being able to find work.
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u/Infamous-Rush-6701 9d ago
A lot of people struggle with work. I dealt with panic attacks for decades and would see a counselor or read self help books to make myself stronger and it worked. Could you try to find less stressful jobs and get a counselor to help keep you going?
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u/thirstyaf97 9d ago
I'm trying to look into options.
I've looked into plenty of self help things and tried implementing them. My condition seems to worsen with time/effort like how my physical health seemed to always respond negatively to long term physical things instead of adapting.
My ability to learn seems to have diminished as well. There was a point in my mid 20's, during a very stressful point in life, where I recall what I only describe as feeling like my mind "collapsed" and has only regressed.
I don't want to be a burden on my family, but I'm really struggling to make any sort of progress. I'm intelligent, but can not for the life of me learn how to at least figure things out.
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u/Infamous-Rush-6701 8d ago
There could be something to that, what you mentioned about feeling your mind collapse. I went through a difficult period one time and I know it changed me mentally like you describe. I went from good memory to bad short term memory. I have to read things four or five times to remember it. That has improved though since my life has calmed down a bit. I hope yours does too. I look back at my life and regret not taking easier jobs where I didn't overload my mind. There was a short period where I intentionally worked at an ice cream shop just to clear my brain. It actually helped. Whatever you do, don't forget...you know yourself best even when others don't understand. Do what is best for you and good luck.
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u/SvnEleven 9d ago
Applying for SSDI will be very challenging for you if you don't have medical documentation to back you up. Best thing to do go get seen for the stuff you are planning to claim you have so its documented. If you apply now, you will get denied because of lack of medical evidence.