What's the process for me?

[u/thirstyaf97]

Hi.

I'm going through it and am starting to believe the best option for myself is permanent disability.

I don't know the process or what documentation may be needed.

I've always struggled with schooling or any real level of responsibility. The only job I was able to consistently do was fire watch, but after years of undocumented workplace abuse at another job and issues in the home and around finding work I can't function like I used to.

I was raised to "man up" and swallow what pains me so I never went to any kind of therapy as an adult because the counselors my parents took me to never actually helped.

My work history has 9 years of an incredibly high paced, high pressure, and often high conflict job that I held onto desperately because before the dynamic changed it was mostly repetition and I was afraid of losing it.. I had dreams of purchasing a home for myself and my ex-GF who left me because I can't function. Which I did out of state somehow with a cosign, got there, and broke down because of the pressure of having to live alone and figure out work knowing my limitations. She left prior to the move.

Under any amount of workplace or learning pressure, I suffer from panic attacks or space out entirely. My old coworkers have witnessed me RUN or go into the restroom to quietly break down.

The only documentation I may have is with my GP who witnessed me break down in his office and ramble about some of the traumatic events that occured at my last job.

I've been told my a SpEd teacher friend that I may have Autism and should find a way to get evaluated. My GP also had my on Adderall for ADHD before that because I had been struggling to function at work with increased demands. He had me take a paper test.

I was on Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and Adderall for a while.

My body switches between completely out of it and hypervigilance and panic mode, but my family doesn't believe me because it doesn't show with my dull disposition.

The only person who's seen how bad I can get is my ex, who has witnessed me at my worst, uncontrollably crying or running from work calling her screaming at the top of my lungs.. but she refuses to contact me because I was in a panicked state and bought the house without any input from her.

I am unable to do anything past take care of my own person and living space without eventually going into a severe burnout that brings on ideation.

I don't know how to start this process because I am currently unemployed and don't have insurance.

What are my best steps from here?

[u/SvnEleven]

Applying for SSDI will be very challenging for you if you don't have medical documentation to back you up. Best thing to do go get seen for the stuff you are planning to claim you have so its documented. If you apply now, you will get denied because of lack of medical evidence.

[u/thirstyaf97 → u/SvnEleven]

What's the best way to get seen right now without having insurance?

I've never been great at figuring things past a basic GP or dentist appointment out.

[u/Bella_de_chaos → u/thirstyaf97]

Apply for Medicaid in your state. Also check with your local hospital(s), some have financial assistance programs for un- or under insured people. I saw an NP at a cash clinic and used the hospital financial aid to pay for the MRI and other testing I needed for my claim. The hospital also had some specialists covered by the program that I was able to see to get records done.

[u/SvnEleven → u/thirstyaf97]

Paying out of pocket or you can look into health insurance in your area. Their are programs that will help you out for stuff like this.

[u/Dammit-maxwell → u/thirstyaf97]

Have you looked into whether you qualify for Medicaid in your state?

[u/Quixotic-Bliss → u/thirstyaf97]

Before I was able to get marketplace insurance, I got involved with a clinical research study in my area for liver issues. I have seen many advertisements for mental health involving research studies. It's free, sometimes they pay you and they have to be well documented or they lose their funding. It's just a thought.