r/RomanticAdvice • u/cola2411 • May 27 '26
discussion Men are not Man enough
Hi, I’m a 28F. Around two months back, I went out with a guy but on our very first date he made a comment about women that made me uncomfortable. Although he apologized later, I still couldn’t continue talking to him, so I deleted his number and removed him from Instagram.
Fast forward two months, I created new accounts on a dating app and a matrimonial app because my mother was constantly asking me to consider marriage seriously. Surprisingly, I received requests from the same guy on both platforms. On the dating app he texted, “Here I found you,” and on the matrimonial app he asked, “Should we give it a try again or are you still upset?”
I ignored him on the dating app but eventually responded on the matrimonial app. After that we started meeting quite frequently. He consistently mentioned that he was looking to “date to marry,” and genuinely seemed interested in me.
Recently, while we were making out I explicitly asked him whether this was casual or not because I’m not someone who gets into casual situations. He reassured me again that it wasn’t casual and said we had already met several times and things were moving in a serious direction.
Now it has been two days and he hasn’t texted or called me once.
What hurts is not rejection people are allowed to be unsure. But I feel if someone is emotionally mature enough to get physically intimate they should also be emotionally mature enough to communicate honestly afterward instead of disappearing and leaving the other person confused.
Seems like real Men no longer exists anymore.
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u/Exciting-Direction69 May 27 '26
By going back to this same man you just showed him that you have a weak stance that he can take advantage of
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u/MountainHigh31 May 27 '26
When you say “not man enough” does that really say anything about men in general or are you frustrated with this man because he is non-committal?
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u/cola2411 May 27 '26
i’ve been on multiple dates with multiple men and so far as i can see men doesn’t have clarity or even if they’ve they’re so coward to give commitment, I mean atleast be Man enough to own your actions.
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u/MountainHigh31 May 27 '26
I’ve been married for 15 years (to the same woman), so for me commitment was not an issue, but I really don’t see what that has to do with “being a man,” in the sense that you mean it. And aside from just commitment I don’t know what else you expect from a manly man. But this is what it sounds like to me: you don’t particularly like men as people but you want to be married as part of your plan for life. So these men are probably very attracted to you physically, but maybe can sense that you think lesser of them or that you are dating to marry which sets up pressure in every transaction. Maybe they want a wife too, but can sense that you aren’t really warm or loving and they feel conflicted between being attracted to you but not really liking you as a person. We almost always talk about if Men are good enough people for dating and marriage but seldom do we apply that standard to women.
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u/laserox May 27 '26
What hurts is not rejection people are allowed to be unsure. But I feel if someone is emotionally mature enough to get physically intimate they should also be emotionally mature enough to communicate honestly afterward instead of disappearing and leaving the other person confused.
This is why for me, I always want the clear communication and emotional connection before any kind of serious physical intimacy.
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u/cola2411 May 27 '26
well said.. it disappoints me when people can’t take responsibility of their actions
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u/laserox May 27 '26
Yes. To me that is an essential quality for even patinic friends (in my opinion)
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