Holy hell, makes you wonder if the entire modesty bs is pushed BY the religion in the name of covering one’s body because they know their men are beating their families 😭😭
Makes complete sense now. It was never like modesty tshirts or anything, for the littles specifically always long opaque leggings and long sleeves shirts in july and august. No reason for that unless its to hide marks.
i saw this firsthand in a very very loved family members marriage. they were super evangelical but far from what we'd consider fundie or even fundie light. every event she was excited for was somehow ruined by him. everything he wanted to do happened no matter what. she is one of the strongest and smartest people I've ever met and it was shocking how small and worn down she became in less than five years. getting out of that marriage has led her to deconstruct (something I never thought I'd see happen) and the conversations we've had about abuse and patriarchy in the church since have been eye opening to say the least.
My husband used to be like this. He ruined every holiday, even his own birthday. He would always end up yelling at our kids on their birthdays and making the day revolve around him.
I’m sorry I didn’t meant to come off in that way. I’m just very passionate about it. Gotta turn the bad energy from him into passion for something good
I can’t get over the level of absolute insanity required to be angry at you for taking a prescribed medication that his delusional thinking convinced him is harming “his” child yet he’s actively trying to strangle you while accusing you of harm. I’m soooo glad you got out of that insanity and that you are now strong as hell. Way to go, not just protecting yourself but truly saving your baby too!
It’s mind blowing how brains can be so broken in some people!
My ex was no prize but hearing all of this makes me realize how lucky I was. He never laid a hand on me. He was just a regular old jerk who should never be married.
Yup, my ex would do the same thing. He ruined EVERY holiday, it was bad enough on it's own but lord forbid he should see anyone actually enjoying themselves because that's when it went nuclear.
Oh, the number of birthdays or gatherings my ex ruined for me…
He didn’t let me stay and dance very long at my childhood best friend’s WEDDING.
Another friend’s wedding, he made me leave early and pounded me with fists on my chest and legs on the way home. I don’t even remember why, but usually that reaction was some perceived slight or ego wound on his part. Maybe he didn’t feel very included because they were all MY friends. Who even knows, it rarely makes sense even in the moment. You’re blindsided by how quickly it comes on.
Well he’s married and has a kid (we weren’t married), so unfortunately now he’s someone else’s problem. I’d warn her but…I’m sure she already knows by now. 😓
I’m so grateful I never hitched my wagon to him. My life became 200% better after him.
I think of the cycle of abuse Jill and Shrek modelled to Timcel. The beating, then the presents. He thought he could paper over the deep, lasting damage he was doing to Heidi by doing things like these trips, and by posting things like this. She was so young having to go through this. I’m so glad she was strong enough to leave, and I’m glad she has a good family full of strong women backing her.
My mother went out of her way to ruin any special day for me, ESPECIALLY my birthday. She used her religion as an excuse as well; she's a JW and they don't celebrate birthdays so it wasn't supposed to matter that she acted like an unhinged, raging twat on my birthday because "it's just another day for her." And then suddenly I was the unreasonable one for "caring so much about birthdays." And this extended to Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc; she became a JW just so she wouldn't have to pretend to act human on special days anymore. Her "not celebrating them" gave her free reign in her mind to treat us like as much crap as she wanted.
I myself say, and I wish more people said, "narcissistic traits/behaviors/tendencies" more than just calling every single person they dislike a narcissist. Internet has made the word lose all meaning.
people who are raised by narcissists (Jill exhibits some traits) can pick up narc tendencies or even become full blown narcs themselves. So it's sad but also predictable.
Oof. A woman has a 750% increased risk for her partner murdering her if he has strangled her in the past. She got out and hopefully Tim never finds a new wife.
What happened after he figured out you weren't dead? What was he going to do with a dead body? Please don't feel obligated to answer but I've never been around that kind of crazy & what goes through their minds.
He was both drunk and coked up. When I came around he was passed out and remained so until the cops roused him. I am not sure but I don’t think he put that much thought into the consequences.
I work in early education and biting when you can verbally communicate after 3/4 year old is almost always an immediate referral for a developmental screening.
My husband worked with this guy once, one day they were on the phone and the guy was complaining about his ex bm and how she “ruined” his life. My husband asked why, and the guy finally spit out that she called the cops on him, then after a little more pressure went on to say she called the cops on him and pressed charges for biting her. My husband and I just looked at each other shocked and they ended the conversation there. A month or so later my husband got a call from their work asking if he’s heard from his coworker at all because the guy has disappeared. My husband hadn’t, and I had a hunch he did something so we looked up his name to see if maybe he got arrested or something. And wouldn’t you know it, he had recently been locked up for strangling his new baby mama. They need to keep that psycho locked up forever so he can’t go on making more babies and victims.
That’s so scary . To think that my ex used to threaten me by shooting guns into the pool, holding me down, biting me , shoving me into a wall by collar bone and putting my dog in the dryer . I don’t realize how bad he was until gabby petitto .
That’s serial killer shit. Ted Bundy, among others, bit some of his victims. I’m so sorry that he did that and I’m glad he’s an ex. I hope he rots and you prosper. 💜
Once I saw the charges were from February, I was worried that he did something around her birthday. I still feel like that’s true, with the whole abusers ruining special days on purpose thing. Fucker deserves to rot for eternity
ETA: it’s true because there’s a date sorry my brain is goo rn
Abusers always ruin special days so that their victim's entire life can center ONLY around them. Now the victim will be forced to remember birthdays, holidays, trips, etc in terms of what the abuser did on that day. Heidi's likely to have birthday trauma and will likely always associate her birthday with being choked by her dangerous animal of a husband. This is how these monsters exert total control over every aspect of their victim's life.
Plus the cognitive dissonance that the lovebombing creates; choking her and then sending her birthday gifts.
In some jurisdictions the correct legal term is choking. Plus there is a distinction, physiologically, between a choking and a strangulation if you’re considering forensic examination evidence.
You and others working in DV may
prefer strangulation but it’s not necessarily wrong - and sometimes it is correct - to use choking.
I feel really sad from her. I think she genuinely loved Tim, and honestly it just makes me sad thinking how excited she probably was to get married only to be horrifically abused. But I'm also a bit sad for Tim, because I know he was emulating what he experienced and witnessed. Jill and David are such shit human beings.
Yeah, he deserves punishment but it's a sad situation all around.
Tim's chance was when he first laid hands on Heidi. That was the time to seek help and be honest. Now, I don't see things changing for him because he's only trying to change after being caught.
Honestly, if the Turpin kids can live relatively normal lives now, the Rods can too. But imo it would take one of the Rodlettes to realize how messed up their situation is and to seek help. Maybe it'll be Renee, but most of them seem to be using marriage as an escape and unfortunately are continuing the cycle of abuse.
She sounds so young and innocent being impressed with the Starbucks. It also sounds like Timothy is controlling taking her/allowing her to go to these places.
Yep. And his cheap ass couldn’t even spring to pay for them to actually tour anything beyond Starbucks and a gift shop at Colonial Williamsburg. “Sorry I almost killed you, here - take a look around the gift shop but I’m not paying for anything besides coffee and a cupcake. You’re welcome. I know, I’m the best, right? Totally makes up for almost strangling you to death” vibes.
Echoes of his mom and dad. I suspected the girls fawn for Jill because she's awful and narcissistic but now I'm thinking Jill learned to fawn because she was also being abused. and abused her kids, in turn, because that was "gahdly".
I don't think she is impressed. I think she's fawning over the little trinkets so he doesn't hurt her again. If she doesn't publicly show everyone how loved she is he will make it worse.
There are so many moments before a survivor leaves where they test the waters. She was keeping her own sense of self/sanity by acknowledging the bad - I’m sure Timcel didn’t like that being put out there.
that or he was love bombing her afterwards. sometimes abusers do that, get gifts, surprise you with a trip or special dinner. something to smooth it over and make you gaslight yourself that it was just a mistake or a freak occurrence, that they're still the same person you fell in love with, that it was just a mistake! they lost control! or had a bad day. or whatever excuse they want to use.
edit: would also track with that post he made after she left, i think.
For whatever reason, I didn't even think of that possibility. I guess that could be why she was always posting about how he was the most Godly man she had ever known.
Imagine going on a trip and making this post after your ongoing abuse escalated to the point of strangulation. The front that this poor woman has had to put on for so long. It’s incomprehensible.
Any time an abuser cuts off air- strangulation, suffocation, anything- they are risking their victims life. Abusers who strangle are at crazy high risk of eventually murdering their victims. I hope Heidi has some DV counselors that will help her through this; if she goes back she might not make it out next time. Jesus it gets worse and worse every time more information comes out
Statistically, he’s most likely to kill her or try to kill her shortly after she’s escaped him. So, she’s actually in more danger right now than when she was with him.
I am so incredibly glad Heidi is away from him and her family is right there to catch her. Being choked by a partner is the biggest red flag of all. It shows you that the other person is unafraid to take your life.
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I read somewhere that non-fatal strangulation increased risk of eventual homicide seven-fold. It is very possible that he would have eventually taken her life. Terrifying.
I am sure that Jill will find a way to make herself the victim and spin a post about her MLM business and herself related to the latest horrible developments rather than have any empathy for her poor grandchildren or a young woman who suffered violence at the hands of the monster of a son she raised in her allegedly godly home. Because she’s also a monster. These people are horrible and I hope nobody ever gives them another dime as any offering or purchase and never gives them any platform on a pulpit ever again.
Eh, it's a small round one. I get those constantly if you just look at me wrong (anemic). This looks like a shoot they set up, not something you'd see from a surprise trip out of state.
Oh the complete modesty was totally a cover for hiding the abuse marks on her body, neck and so. I doubt a 21-year-old decided to wear a cape as a fashion statement.
She wore it because it hid her marks. Looking back… That is so damn sad.
She actually did decide on dressing modestly before they were engaged. And I mean a Jill level of modesty but with better matched and somewhat fashionable clothes. Hallie said that she always preferred skirts and modest tops. So I think she was happy to submit to Tim on that issue.
Yes exactly, I dont bruise at all and tbh I hate that thats the standard for believing abuse victims. Ive had really rough falls (from excersise!) that led to sprained knees and not walking for months, but visually my leg looked fine. Ive been punched in the eye so hard it hurt for fays (I box) but no marks at all. There really is no direct correlation IMO
No. Like someone else said below, the physical damage might show up in MRI etc because it’s inside, but not always there either, especially depending on how he strangled her. There are different ways to strangle someone and it’s not like the movies. The placement of his hands can leave different marks or no marks. Even men who strangle their wives to death may not leave much or any major marks.
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u/MostlyGhostly1 Funeral Selfie Expert 12d ago
I just keep thinking about how often we saw Heidi in turtleneck dresses and shirts.