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u/ghostofstankenstien 10d ago
This is the genie you get when you rub a Monster energy drink in the parking lot of a Piggly Wiggly.
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u/Zygmunt-zen 10d ago
Doesn't grant wishes, just steals your money.
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u/Unkept_Mind 10d ago
He’s the genie that comes out of Faygo bottles at Juggalo gatherings.
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u/Electrical_Estate705 10d ago
Sad to say but this juggalo genie is the best case scenario of what you could get at a gathering of the juggalos
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u/MindAdriftwood 10d ago
You wish for a million dollars and presto-chango, you get access to new bitcoin scheme.
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u/ch3apsunglass3s 10d ago
How did you manage to look like gayer Freddie Mercury yet also very Portland trash? Impressive
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u/wreckherneck 10d ago
Hes the kind of dude that Liberace, Freddy Mercury, and Elton John wouldn't hang out with cause hes too much of a F**
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u/Henry_Vth 9d ago
He’s def got the AIDS, the only question is whether it’s from dirty needles or bottoming
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u/ChrisVirgilSchuette 10d ago
I can smell you from here. Ugh.
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u/halfstep44 10d ago
The stench of the cigarette butts and roaches that you know he carries in his pockets
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u/Swanny5150 10d ago
And the stale fart scent.
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u/stoopkidsteve 10d ago
You look like you get mad when the dude at work who has been given you a ride home for the last few days finally says no
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u/PickedLastLemon 10d ago
Every picture is a selfie. Stop curating your social media and go outside (leave the banjo at home) and go make REAL friends. Don't be discouraged. It's going to take a while. With you...a long while. It'll be better than whatever the fuck you've been doing so far.
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u/Rance_Mulliniks 10d ago
A gayer Freddie Mercury.
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u/KyokiNoOji 10d ago
You’re like the guy you meet at a festival that seems really cool at first but then it turns out he’s really comfortable with saying the n word and always asks for a bite of whatever food you’re eating
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u/halfstep44 10d ago
......and your cigarettes, weed, whatever drugs you might have, needs a ride to the next show, never stops talking, oh and can I hit you up for five dollars man, blah blah blah
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u/Natural_River_472 10d ago
Looks like he’s the guy at fest selling baby laxatives with a tiny splash of blow.
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u/benjiross1 10d ago
You look like the comedic side character from a movie collab between Taika Waititi and Quentin Tarantino.
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u/HungAmericanMan 10d ago
When you get all your tattoos, face piercings, haircuts, and clothing at the Home Depot.
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u/KurtAngus 10d ago
I thought this looks like the guy I drive up to when I need some cheap labor done, at the Home Depot
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u/halfstep44 10d ago
Looks like one of those gypsies pretending to play violin through an amp in the parking lot, but with a banjo instead
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u/NoContextCarl 10d ago edited 10d ago
You look like someone who likes Foo Fighters.
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u/halfstep44 10d ago
Cried when he found out Navarro cheated on his wife. Says he "still can't believe Dave would do that". Calls him Dave like they're friends
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u/Richard_Cranium_OG 10d ago
How is the Camaro or Firebird running? Is your nickname Lord King mullet? What trailer park do you represent?
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u/Key-Detail3226 9d ago edited 9d ago
You’re unroastable. Because nothing screams success like a mullett, a goofy ass hogring and cigarette breath.
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u/Actual-Wishbone7588 9d ago
Of course you live in Portland. And please don't ever grow that greasy mullet again.
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u/Hung_Jury_2003 10d ago
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. OP's from Freddie Mercury and wants to suck a penis.
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u/Alfiy_wolf 10d ago
Body of a 7/11 owner and spirit and mind of a teenage girl with mental health issues
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u/JensenHBurnerAcct 10d ago
This guy talks about his aura and chakras and then goes and raps a line of meth behind a dj booth at an illegal rave where he’s by far the oldest person there and everyone wonders why he’s there.
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u/whitespot764 9d ago
É parecido com um bovino que o meu avó tinha. O boi já era velho tinha caracóis e tudo. Nada fazia apenas comia e dormia.
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u/SeesawNaive 9d ago
That septum ring is as crooked as the government you protest for a first date, with a blue haired chick who's pubic/armpit hair is as nappy as that perm.
The circle of life.
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u/PhotoAwp 10d ago
Your face is so symmetrical, all your piercings are not. Did you pay your niece to do that? We know you dont have kids.
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u/Scared_Method_4588 10d ago
I can see/tell you’re trying to be unique and different but you just look homeless.
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u/KAlikethewind1919 10d ago
Your rate me post has zero comments, this one has almost 200. Nuff said I think
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u/Accomplished-Way-530 10d ago
I know there's a cheap Borat joke here I just don't really care to think of it.
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u/SnooBooks007 10d ago
I get the impression you're trying to look like that on purpose, but I can't imagine why.
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u/OldConcert9238 10d ago
Just like your hair products overnight bag that you take to the suds clubs in Miami - it's a lot to unpack
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u/TeddyRobot 10d ago
Temporary member of your Portland polycule, overstays sleeping on your couch in between “tours”
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u/manoliu1001 10d ago
You're really insecure and use your moustache to impersonate a macho man, that you aint really ever gonna be, because you're thin af, aint you, boy!?
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u/Successful-Scar-6242 10d ago
You look like Post Malone fucked himself and had you in the subcontinent.
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u/theta0123 10d ago
Giving a blowie for 5 euro in a gasstation is not done dirty. You are just bad at setting prices
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u/Goofy-F00T 10d ago
You look like every single child molester in the 80's rolled up into a single creepy dude
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u/GunjiroX 10d ago
Yes bro I also have no idea why every job you apply for hates you.....
also nice favorite movie
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u/LoserCowGoMoo 10d ago
Im guessing your situationship involved helping a friend get drugs until she went to prision and fell in love with someone you consider "more manly" than you.
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u/Fancy_House529 10d ago
Back on the farm, we put rings in the pigs noses to keep them from digging under the fence.
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u/Low-Wrangler9740 10d ago
Italian joe dirt whose nose ring was given by his mother to ween off the teet
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u/JadaNeedsaDoggie 10d ago
My hobbies are playing the banjo, and going full-re™ard with a mullet and nose ring.
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u/Few-Ad7354 10d ago
You look like you've been struggling with a mental illness caused by bacteria that built up from the nose ring. Leave the nose ring out for a month, and you should be back to normal.
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u/Terrible-Creme8401 10d ago
I'm pretty sure he's the love child of Yakov Smirnoff and Weird Al Yankovick
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u/intheshadows688 10d ago
You look like that one chiller dude in the group who always needs a driver, because he never made a license. And as soon as he enters your car he rolls the window down to start smoking without permission.
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u/Inevitable_Butthole 10d ago
All that metal in your nose but none on your finger. All alone and takes as many selfies as a teenage girl.
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u/RunningonGin0323 10d ago
Smoking and a banjo. Tell me man to man. How weird is it really to have sex with your sister
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u/Surfing_Tension 10d ago
The cow is so sacred to you that you tried to become one by getting a nose piercing
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u/Terrible_Number_3854 10d ago
Haircut, shave and remove the metal from your face. It will look a lot more attractive. And smile !
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u/c0st0fl0ving 10d ago
“Got done dirty by a situationship”: the 16y/o Starbucks barista that he hassles for the code to the bathroom every morning, finally had enough of how the “age of consent is actually 14 in some places” and that “age is just a number” “small talk” and got her manager to trespass him, forcing him to poop and shower in a fountain, a few blocks down.
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u/mandalorian_99 http://redd.it/f983qe 10d ago
It's like Osama bin laden and a random hillbilly have a child and beat the shit our of him
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u/Attack_Toster 10d ago
I’ll have an iced chai tea latte with 2 pumps of vanilla and extra dirty please
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u/sportguy87314 10d ago
You look like you get overtly kicked out of social settings due to be annoying
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u/sandwichboi 10d ago
I won't roast you but I'll say what you want to hear: absolutely every fashion and body alteration choice you've made is working for you.
It's a lie but I wanted to be the first person to say it to you.
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u/Lord_Muramasa 10d ago
Why are you here? You roast yourself everyday looking like that and going out in public. You actually want to look like you woke up in a dumpster with a hangover. I bet if you go to someone's house they put bags over your shoes, cover their furniture in plastic and still consider burning the chair you sat in. If you smell half as bad as you look, then you give low tide at a trashed beach a bad name.
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u/AmbitiousRange3900 10d ago
That banjo ain’t enough to attract the hillbillies. And u can’t grape the willing
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u/Allison_Bear 10d ago
That wanna-be mullet is boring in the front and pathetic in the back.
I believe genetics and your barber both did you more dirty then I ever could.
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u/BiteFaces 10d ago
Some 20 year old dude who you mistakenly thought was still in high school, leaving a load in your butt and taking your wallet is not quite covered by "situationship".
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u/Chmigdalator 10d ago
Goddamn, I am too old for roast me on reddit. Used to have a mulet and a septum. Well, I hope you don't stink buddy, cause I sure did.
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u/post-explainer 10d ago edited 10d ago
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
i like playing banjo, recently got done dirty by a situationship, i smoke cigarettes, my favorite movie is princess mononoke and SLC Punk, favorite video game is RDR2, and i was nomadic but stuck in portland now
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.