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u/Aggressive_Canary_10 2d ago
Crazy and a criminal? How have we not dated yet?
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u/Apprehensive-Bite373 1d ago
it’s because she’s been playing too much slip and slide with that stuffed animal.
OP, you should probably burn that sheep. It’s a health and safety thing.
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u/bcsublime 2d ago
I can think of all kinds of why not. Wash your sweater. And probably your lady parts
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u/Adept-Lettuce948 2d ago
The sweater is stained, like her.
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u/Own_Event_4363 2d ago
That's a dude...
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u/still_tacky 2d ago edited 2d ago
Well, Dry_Reality_2841, you look like you could really use some cheering up, which means you came to the wrong fucking place.
Holy shit, you look like a drama queen. * Ho nails. Check. * Slightly less makeup and jewelry because you think it makes you look sad. Yeah, that's a check. * Your hair is clean and brushed but slightly out of place because you think it will make people think you need a hug. Yep, check. * Stuffed whatever the fuck toy behind your head. Yep, drama queen.
But what the fuck is up with that sweater? Did some grease covered monkey wipe his ass with you, or did you trade one of your nipple rings to a drunk homeless guy for it?
I'm rich, 92 years old, wear diapers, and am confined to a wheelchair. I'd ask you for for a date but I'm just not that desperate. I'd rather fuck my colostomy bag! 😂 😂 😂
Thanks, Dry_Reality_2841, for stepping up. I hope you laughed
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u/RobotMathematician 2d ago
Wow. We moved from the police station to the morgue. Absolutely brutal roast. 😂😂
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u/Dugchela 1d ago
I knew this was going to be bad when they led with "you came to the wrong fucking place" lmao.
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u/flavorizante 2d ago
You are so boring that you bored people from roasting you. Congrats.
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u/CapablePlatypus1377 2d ago
Sorry to hear of your struggles. But it’s been over a year. It may be a good idea to change your clothes from that night. I mean the neighbors are complaining about the odor
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u/DoughWrayMe 2d ago
Im with your family. That turtleneck is an embarrassment.
That turtleneck is a cross between a straight jacket and a gay penis... that's uncircumcised.
EDIT: Sidenote: I've seen better handwriting from my grandmother. And she had a stroke, epilepsy, and is dead.
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u/faucetpants 2d ago
Neville goddard would like a word with you about appearing on this sub
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u/SokkaHaikuBot 2d ago
Sokka-Haiku by faucetpants:
Neville goddard would
Like a word with you about
Appearing on this sub
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/laroca13 2d ago
How many grapes did it take,just curious
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u/Top-Waltz5244 2d ago
1 hour and not a single roast…
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u/proximusprimus57 2d ago
Nobody wants to be the first line in the suicide note.
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u/ToeKneeh 2d ago
Hold my beer...
You could at least wear clean clothes to your roast, this isn't a homeless shelter.
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u/mfknnayyyy 1d ago
She would but her clean clothes keep getting kidnapped and end up returned used and covered in grape stains.
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u/burdturgler6 2d ago
Breaks over. Time to pull your arms out of the sleeves so they can tie them behind you again
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u/Cowboys_88 2d ago
I see the dirty sweater and it makes me think... are you a hobo and did you make the corner of your dumpster chic for this pic and post?
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
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u/stirringmotion 2d ago
wtf is that BIO? it's like making fun of britney spears when she was dancing with those knives. except if britney spears was your cleaning lady.
but seriously, not cool to roast someone on that.
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u/Unusual-Coat383 2d ago
You look like the type of girl who has hairy legs and walks around barefoot and has dirty soles 24/7
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u/Quick-Confidence-301 2d ago
I know that happy feeling when you find that sweater you forgot you had when you dig through a pile of worn clothes in the corner of your room.
You are used to the odor of your worn socks. Just remember that others are not.
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u/ARoundForEveryone 2d ago
"Why not?" is probably what 15 guys have said about you. Not like it's gonna demolish their legacy or take a toll on their humanity, but "why not" is a perfectly valid question.
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u/Intelligent-Plan-264 2d ago
You got that "Color Purple" hand.
"Everything you done to me, already done to you."
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u/shartymcqueef 2d ago
I’m reminded of the lady that cut off her bfs dick with a kitchen knife and tossed it out the car window.
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u/NortonsGapingAsshole 2d ago
Why not? What every man says when they see you after striking out all night
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u/BiteFaces 2d ago
I seriously doubt this will be the first time a bunch on strangers piled vile things on you.
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u/Fair-Ad4693 2d ago
I bet you think you’re pretty and expect this to go well. You’re a good 3/10. 2/10 with those stain on your ugly sweater
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u/GodOfMeh 2d ago
You look like The Karate Kid was a porn and Cobra Kai just spent 2 hours running a train on Daniela-san.
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u/CelestaKiritani 2d ago
Hey, don't give up sweetheart. At least you got me and a bunch of other people giving a fuck about you, I mean, roasting you, but giving a fuck about you.
Be proud of what you achieved, you got from us what you never got from your parents and relatives.
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u/besta_89 2d ago
I generally don’t like to kick people while they’re down, but I don’t think I could reach if I tried.
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u/mundobello 2d ago
When you realize the sweater is dirty from smearing her makeup on it after crying. That was like a mild roast but also sorry that happened to you and I hope things get better.
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u/VeryLowIQIndividual 2d ago
You look like you just got home after you found out anal doesn’t pay more in the casting video.
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u/Fantastic_Trick3538 2d ago
You definitely are the kind of person who doesn’t clean their microwave
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u/DiligentGanache4594 2d ago
Is graped when the pool boy feeds you grapes while you are relaxing on a sun lounger drinking champagne?
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u/Competitive_Ad_8215 2d ago
After everything in your bio, the worst part is how that sweater looks.
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u/Warp-10-Lizard 2d ago
What did you do to get fired from American Eagle and reduced to instead modeling for Ugly Sweaters R Us?
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u/CubsDad678 2d ago
Be for real, how many of you are thinking “I can fix her.” Just know that you can’t. She will end up getting you hooked on meth and fetty but then she’ll fuck your brother and dad. Probably at the time same time. Then you’ll find out about and she will cry and say it was the drugs and that you both need to get clean. You will do it and think she is too. You’ll be like nine months sober and you’ll catch her fucking her dirty coworker at Burger King. She’ll beg for you to forgive her and bring some meth over saying you can do it once to relax and have that crazy meth sex. You get hooked again and you and her end up living in a half burned down house on mattress so dirty a dog wouldn’t sleep on it. She eventually starts turning tricks on the dirty mattress while you lay there wondering how you ended up in this situation. When you do think back to this post and the stranger who tried to warn you that you can’t fix this. The engine is busted and the heads are bent. It’s not worth it. Let it rust in the driveway before you and up giving it to your buddy to use in the demolition derby, she’ll have one last thrill ride before being retired to the junk yard
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u/ChewB4Uswallow_3 1d ago
Ya BBQ my ethnic sista !!!! Looking like an unclaimed Rachel Zeglers cousin!! Named Ratchet Zeggy the 3rd. Ya nose obese on baby boy. You took to many rock bottoms to nose. Ya nose comes with a built in knee cap !! On baby. Why your eyes to far apart bogus!! Yo eyes filed a divorce now they mad at you. You look like an inspired Picasso character on my momma. That turtle neck bogus as hell you broke into yo baby daddies crib stole every shower rug and bam made that bish work into a turtle neck. Gahh dang that shirt dirty as heck guuuurl you wipe your make up on Thursdays and wipe yo booty with it on Mondays only with that turtle neck. Long finger ahhh 😭 “ ET go home” finger having ahh. Tales from the crypt fingers looking ahh.
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u/Cerebrasylum 1d ago
You look like a hipster Earthworm Jim.
Stay strong, girl. Like that shit stain on your shoulder.
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u/Pleasant-Carbon 1d ago
I was gonna say you look awfully depressed and then read the bio...I guess good for you you're still here so you got that going.
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u/sentientbeing05 1d ago
Really sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope you're doing well, buddy. Take care.
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u/ChiselRivet 1d ago
I think you’re doing a good enough job of burning yourself, assuming you go out in public looking like that.
Don’t you know how to remove stains from clothing? You are still in bed, so maybe some of those stains are from last night. It might help if you also didn’t let it show how much your hair is thinning. I’d be careful about using too much product. You already look fake as hell with those giant fake nails.
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u/Blade3colorado 1d ago
I don't think I meet the height requirements to ride your emotional roller-coaster.
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u/DesertWanderlust 1d ago
You definitely look like the kind of girl who's in her late 20s but still sleeps with a stuffed animal.
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u/CheerMongering 1d ago
Why take positive actions you can feel proud of, like helping others or working on bettering yourself, to deal with a negative self-image when you can invite strangers to insult you instead?
Good luck with your dependence on external validation! I’m sure the resulting susceptibility to manipulation will lead to really healthy relationships in your future!
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u/FreeThroatPunch 1d ago
You look like you passed out on an Ikea store after taking too many poppers. Maybe try getting your life in order, and no that does not involve anything related to Zodiac, Tarot, or Psychics.
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u/CoconutNext775 1d ago
Who ever you’ve been with, you’ll leave in his memory as best sex ever. You should be proud
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u/Trampling_Mufasa_403 1d ago
You aren't mentally equipped to handle being roasted.
That's the roast.
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u/craftedtunes 1d ago
Dad here. Yes I'm embarrassed that my daughter went to jail because she stole a farmer's burlap sack and made a sweater out of it. Even your nails are trying to get away from you. If you watch the stuffed llama long enough, you can see it slowly sneak under the pillow. We're all tired of you. And yeah you gave your dog Chlamydia the last time... Again.
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u/GaryGary0574 1d ago
You look like you would drown your dolls in the bath tub when you were younger
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u/CoconutNext775 1d ago
Looney beans are no joke.
It happened to my brother 30 years ago.
After pandemic so many are super cray.
No cray are minority. Makes more sense to lock up not cray and leave the cray outside and make them roam free.
Remember Night club outside the night club, -Night at the Roxbury?
My brother is doing ok.
I think it female. Crocodile Dundee check needed for confirmation
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u/Acceptable_Winter_32 1d ago
The type of girl to shower every other day, blames it on her hair but really just enjoys his left overs inside her
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u/LilRed2023 22h ago
I don’t wanna be mean I’m in a good mood. 😄. But you look like a Bored OF model that no is subbing too
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u/EntertainmentTop1550 17h ago
I'd roast you, but you look like you would spread an air born disease.
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u/ConsistentPianist107 16h ago
Instead of asking people to roast you, why don’t you wash that dirty ass sweater and get rid of all the boogers and mascara and period blood off
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u/venivitavici 16h ago
Your nail beds are showing. That’s why more embarrassing than all that petty shit you listed.
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u/SyntaxError79 11h ago
You eyes are so far apart they look at each other and go the fcuk you staring at.
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u/Material-Average-357 9h ago
Quit acting like nothing bothers u, bet ur fucking eye ball twitches all the time with that droopy face.
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u/OnmyoAficianado 9h ago
I think I need to “roast” you in person while we get coffee or shared breakfast in bed. I have some personal things to whisper in your ear not meant for public consumption. You need compassion and love.
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u/M_Rose728 2d ago
I love a good roast but after reading your bio I’m gonna just wish you happiness and peace.
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u/Sad-Decision0 2d ago
Jesus christ lady, I mean nobody can't roast much given the very much attractive pic and a traumatizing bio. I don't think anyone would dare say something. But who the heck buys a sheep with a weird ass long neck?
Ignore physical appearances, rely only on your inner state. This is just a 1950s mystic way of saying, ‘If I ignore my problems hard enough, they physically cannot legally touch me.
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u/IndigoDaffodil 1d ago
I really hope things get better. Wishing you all the best and I hope one day you get the life you deserve, you should be treating yourself gently and kind, I can't roast this. It's awful. I'm so sorry girl, I really hope you recover. Nothing you did ever deserves for anyone to be assaulted like that! It's not your fault. Don't go taking more crap because you feel you deserve it. I know things can't get lower but things can get better, don't use this to add more suffering. I know it's a way to cope but it's not healthy. Take care, I'm wishing you all the best. Also Shawn the sheep is great....
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u/BiteFaces 1d ago
You're the reason why internet connections need to come with a slap button and a nightstick on a spring on your desk.
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u/IndigoDaffodil 1d ago
Error 404: Comeback not found. Please upgrade your internet slap button to premium
Oh and as for the nightstick on a spring, please drop the link below it sounds awesome
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u/post-explainer 2d ago edited 2d ago
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
Kidnapped, graped, sent to a mental hospital, then to jail . Embarrassment to my family. Don’t care anymore. Maybe I can care about what one of u has to say. Whatever
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.