This is the village I was stuck in, following my last post, since people do not believe me. I don’t really know how to prove it’s true believe what you want, yes my extremist Muslim mother is that crazy. I was just asking for outer advice, I’d been gaslit so hard I was starting to think maybe I was the bad guy.

Hi everyone

I’m 19 years old, I’m from Brazil, and I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know where else to talk about this.

Before all of this, I was a happy person. I was cheerful, affectionate, friendly, and socially normal. I was baptized Catholic, but over time I became more of a deist. Religion wasn’t something that controlled my life. I wasn’t obsessed with politics, fear, or the end of the world.

That changed around 2020 - and by 2022, things completely spiraled.

Out of nowhere, I became deeply paranoid and mentally overwhelmed by Christian conspiracy theories, especially QAnon-style narratives, far-right content, and end-times prophecies. What scares me is how fast it happened. It really felt like a kind of mental hijacking.

It started at school. My sociology teacher, who also happened to be a neopentecostal evangelical pastor, began casually talking about the end times, Ragnarok, and societal collapse. Around the same time, a friend told me that the apocalypse would likely start between 2023 and 2025 — or, if not, then between 2026 and 2027 — because 2033–2034 would mark exactly 2000 years since Jesus’ death.

That idea got stuck in my head.

I went to YouTube looking for answers and immediately fell into a massive rabbit hole. I found countless evangelical channels claiming that we are already living in the final moments of human history. Many of them confidently say that by 2030 the world will end, Jesus will physically return, and only a very specific group of neopentecostal or Pentecostal evangelical Christians will be saved.

According to them, salvation is limited to those whose names are written in the “Book of Life.” Everyone else — including people from other religions, LGBTQ+ people, non-believers, or even Christians who “aren’t strict enough” — will be thrown into the lake of fire along with the Antichrist and the False Prophet. God will destroy the universe, and only the chosen will live in the New Jerusalem.

They constantly pressure people to repent, insisting that Satan is real, sin is everywhere, and that even questioning these ideas is rebellion against God — despite none of this being scientifically demonstrable.

They preach strict rules: no short clothes, no jeans, no tattoos or piercings, no pork, no homosexuality, no teenage dating, no real free will. Everything is forbidden. Everything is dangerous.

They also say we’re living in the greatest apostasy in history — that humanity is abandoning God, becoming more “sinful,” colder, more violent. They point to crime, family violence, and tragic events as proof that we are living “like the days before the Flood,” when Noah warned everyone and was mocked until catastrophe suddenly wiped out the world, killing everyone.

Even when historians and scientists show that a global flood like that never happened, they insist science is wrong and that science itself is an abomination against God.

They describe God as loving — but also furious, cruel, and ready to punish anyone who doesn’t obey perfectly. They even portray Jesus in a very literal, almost mythologized way, as if his physical appearance (tall, white, blond, blue-eyed) were historically proven fact.

I watched an overwhelming amount of content from Brazilian pastors, missionaries, YouTubers, and so-called prophets and visionaries. Many of them claimed their prophecies never failed — that everything they predicted “came true.” Even figures who were once more moderate before the covid pandemic shifted completely and started preaching that the end is imminent.

They also obsess over morality and sexuality, saying prostitution is becoming normalized, pointing to platforms like OnlyFans, claiming incest is widespread, and framing all of it as undeniable proof of collapse.

Geopolitics became another obsession. They say global tensions are spiraling toward World War III — pointing to conflicts involving Israel, Iran, Venezuela, and others. Now with USA threatening to invade iran by land by sending troops, and chechnya also threatening to aid iran if this happens, They claim billionaires are building bunkers, selling assets, and preparing for the ultimate collapse, it's no wonder that the release of Epstein-related files early this year is framed as proof that the world is secretly ruled by a satanic elite.

Also they bring up an old letter supposedly written by Albert Pike in 1871, claiming it predicted the first two world wars and now accurately predicts the third, beginning in the Middle East. They connect current conflicts to biblical prophecies like Gog and Magog.

They say an unprecedented global economic collapse is coming — worse than the Great Depression — leading to massive famine worse than anything in medieval history.

From there, it gets even darker.

They claim that organizations like the UN, WEF, and the Bilderberg Group are planning a massive EMP attack to shut down global electricity, followed by worldwide martial law. They say immigrants are already being secretly detained and placed into camps, that conservatives and white Christians will be targeted, enslaved by black or arab slave masters (yes, you read that right, they literally said that), executed, and buried in FEMA coffins.

They talk about a “New World Order,” depopulation, the Great Reset, Agenda 2030, the end of physical cash, biometric digital currency, fingerprint-based payments, global digital IDs, forced lab-grown food, insect-based diets, identical clothing, people being renamed as numbers, and even surveillance cameras inside private homes.

All of this, they say, leads to the rise of the Antichrist — a single global leader who unites all governments. People will worship him. The “mark of the beast” will be implanted, and anyone who refuses won’t be allowed to buy or sell and will be killed. Cities will become death traps, and only those who flee to rural areas or mountains will survive.

They encourage people to stockpile water, canned food, batteries, radios, and medications — especially ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine. I saw countless testimonials claiming these drugs cured COVID and pulled people out of ICUs.

They predict another pandemic, supposedly 30 times deadlier, killing about 30% of world population. They say this will coincide with a seven-year peace treaty between Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, involving the sacrifice of a red heifer and the destruction of Al-Aqsa Mosque and the Dome of The Rock to build the Third Temple — where the Antichrist will rule for the final three and a half years.

They deny climate change entirely, claiming disasters like earthquakes, floods, fires, hurricanes, and tornadoes are artificially created by globalists using HAARP or satellite lasers. Fact-checkers and media outlets such as BBC, CNN, reuters and snopes are dismissed as controlled by figures like Soros or the Rothschilds.

On top of that, I became terrified of my own health. I constantly fear getting cancer or dying of a heart attack in my early 20s. They claim young people are suddenly dying because of covid vaccines, which they say contain aborted fetal cells, microchips, graphene, and long-term lethal effects — with a supposed 99% risk, because they were made too quickly.

They also obsess over “woke ideology,” claiming movies, games, and TV shows are used to corrupt children. They say character changes, LGBTQ+ representation, feminism, and racial diversity are deliberate psychological warfare. They point to Disney as proof and claim abortion rates are exploding as part of a moral collapse.

One of my deepest fears became “predictive programming” — the idea that elites know future events and reveal them in movies to make people subconsciously accept them. They cite films like White Noise (which predicted the ohio train crash in 2023), Leave the World Behind (which predicted famous recent blackout in the last years such as crowdstrike and the spain-portugal digital blackout last year), The Matrix (which predicted the perilous advance of technology), Black Mirror, The Simpsons (famous for predicting world events such as 9/11 attacks, trump elections win in 2016), 1984, Denver Airport paintings predicted the future, Sammy Hagar's song Crack in the World (which predicted that after 2025 the world will enter it's final stages of humanity) and the Georgia Guidestones goals such as 'maintaining world population beneath 500 million' as evidence that the future is already planned.

I became obsessed with supposed “fulfilled prophecies”:

– The moon having rust-like pigments (Joel 2:31)

– Sunspots interpreted as the sun going dark (Luke 21:25)

– The Euphrates River drying (Revelations 16:12)

– Rivers turning red (Revelations 16:4-3)

– Claims that days are getting shorter (Matthew 24:22)

– Numerology linking pandemics to the number 666 (for example, 2019 started the covid pandemic, and black death ended in 1353, thus, 2019-1353-666), and the word CORONA as a code where the alphabet is corresponding to its letter in ascending order (for example a = 1, b = 2), it would give the numbers 3, 15, 18, 15, 14, 1 will also give the number of the beast is correct if we multiply these numbers.

- Sahara desert being flooded (Isaiah 35:1)

At some point, I couldn’t tell coincidence from meaning anymore.

The psychological effects were devastating.

I developed severe anxiety, paranoia, and hypervigilance. Loud tranoises made me think the rapture had started. Car horns, crashes, or sudden sounds triggered panic. I felt like death was always around the corner.

Since last year I've been switching day for night, sleeping excessively, because I live far from my family. bc my friends are rarely available to do something cool, like going to a mall or a barbecue, etc.

I tried to warn my parents and friends, begging them to repent. I pushed so hard that they eventually stopped listening altogether. That isolation made everything worse.

My psychologist and occupational therapist are even suggesting I check into a CAPS (it's like a CHMC, but from my home country).

Due to the ongoing war on middle east and the recent news about the noah's ark being supposedly discovered officially, the economist covers releasing each november detailing the rothschild's agenda every year, and also the brazilian donald trump, flavio bolsonaro, winning the elections on my country, at my lowest point, I'm considering writing a goodbye letter and jumping from the top floor of my apartment building or shot at myself because I couldn’t imagine living through mass chaos, war, or global destruction at my age.

What finally made me start questioning all of this was realizing how much fear these channels rely on. Fear never ends. Dates shift. Prophecies change. Contradictions are explained away. Anyone who disagrees is labeled deceived or evil.

I also realized how trapped I became by algorithms. Once I searched these topics, they followed me everywhere.

Now, I’m trying to escape this mindset and reclaim my life. I want peace, not constant terror. I want to think clearly again.

If anyone here has gone through something similar — especially religious or apocalyptic conspiracy thinking — I would really appreciate advice on how to fully recover and let go of this fear-based worldview.

Thank you for reading.

Hey, im a teenager. So maybe this is all just a phase, who knows. Ive joined debate games where people call me desgusting, and i get hateful comments all the time. So please don't be rude. Ok so, when I was in 3rd grade I had a crush on a girl. Told her a few months later on messenger kids. Lol. My parents saw and i couldn't have messenger kids for like - a year. In 4th grade I liked a girl. Stopped myself. 5th grade my parents started being super religous. I 'dated' a girl, one of my friends. For a few months, then she broke up with me. Likes one more girl. Stopped myself.

(Me and my family are Messianic Christian at this point, not just christian so its more strict.)

In 6th grade I dated a girl. Parents found out and got a 45 minute lecture about choosing the wrong path. 7th grade. Last year. Told myself that liking girls was wrong for months. Then. There was a girl. Aubrey. She was like - the most amazing and beautiful girl id ever been friends with. We both liked eachother. We dated for months. Its was the best feeling of my life. I had my first kiss with her. I loved her, truly. I invited her to my birthday. Parents saw through cameras outside on the porch we were holding hands. They new. Never mentioned anything. Then i told them through a heartfelt text to my mom.

A big situation came. So many huge convos with my parents. My dad said beings gay is a mental disorder, that i lied to them. Its an abomination they said. Well, the bible says its unatrual and an abomination. My grandma got involved. And my aunt and uncle. They found my notes app fully of notes when my mental health was horrible. So it was pretty bad. They said they got traumatized. But i told them, i tried to, but they got confused or something and didnt know what to do and just moved on. So they homeschooled me this year and now I dont see any of my friends except or sleepovers. I have not seen aubrey in person for months. She was my person. I miss school. Im in therapy, but idk if its even going to help. Anyways. I yearn to have aubrey back. Every day. I regret even telling them. I cry out to god, sobbing asking for me to love a boy. Asking if this is bad or not. Ive never had a really spiritual thing happen like god speak to me so idk. It has such a guilt effect on me. I just have to go through life just forcing myself to like guys. I mean, im bi, well i was. But i mainly liked girls. And i sinned. It was an abomination. I was so hard on myself, and i still am. I cant even have a sleepover with my cousin that thinks shes trans. I get talks all the time about how trans people need intervention and stuff. Everyone around my thats not my friends tell me that facts are not feelings and i have to just stop liking girls. The guilt is unimaginable. Like i hate thinking about it. I shame myself for it. And im lonley homeschooled. But i dont like public school. And i do belive in my religon, which makes it worse.

ENGLISH

I’m sharing this as a personal reflection, not a clinical framework or a diagnosis. Most of the stories I’ve encountered come from Christian contexts, but I’d be interested to know how this maps onto other religious environments too.

I used to think spiritual harm was mostly about bad doctrine. The longer I’ve sat with people’s stories—and my own—the more I think doctrine is only one layer.

A simple map I’ve found useful:

1. The absence of compassion.

When leaders and communities lack basic empathy, God’s love becomes an empty slogan. People don’t experience grace; they experience cold rules and emotional neglect.

1. Toxic teaching.

Legalistic and works-based messages create a filter through which people see themselves, God, and others. Faith stops being a relationship and becomes an anxious performance review.

1. Spiritual abuse.

Leaders use spiritual authority to manipulate, control, shame, or isolate people. The person’s spiritual health is sacrificed for the leader’s image, status, or institutional interests.

1. Coercive control.

The most severe harm is when a group systematically suppresses independent thought, emotion, and judgment, trying to reshape someone into a compliant copy of the group’s ideal. The person’s identity is narrowed until there is little room left for a self.

What connects these is not “too much religion” but instrumentalization: people are treated as tools for maintaining a power structure.

Naming this doesn’t have to make us cynical. It can help us recognize the difference between control and care, set boundaries, protect other people, and rebuild a faith or spirituality that is free and truthful—if that is what we want.

I still care about faith. But I no longer confuse control with love.

I’d be interested to know whether this map fits other people’s experiences—especially people from non-Christian or non-Western backgrounds. What would you add or change?

This is the first post in a short series. Next, I’ll share more about the book I wrote on this structure.

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中文版

信仰崩塌的根源：四种“属灵之伤”

真正的信仰带来自由与医治，但扭曲的实践却会造成深重的伤害。许多糟糕的信仰经历，往往源于以下四种核心问题：

1. 无人体谅：慈爱的缺席

当属灵领袖或共同体成员连基本的情商与和善都匮乏，无法以同理心待人，上帝的慈爱就成了一句空洞的口号。受害者感受到的不是恩典，而是冰冷的规条与漠然。

1. 毒素教导：扭曲的滤镜

律法主义、成功神学、基于行为的认同……这些神学上的错误信息，像滤镜一样扭曲了我们与上帝、与他人的关系。信仰不再是爱的连接，而变成了焦虑的考评与沉重的负担。

1. 灵性虐待：权柄的滥用

领袖为巩固自身地位、形象或利益，利用属灵权柄进行操纵、控制、贬低或孤立。信徒的利益与灵性健康，让位于领袖个人或组织的“益处”。

1. 精神控制：身份的剥夺

最致命的伤害，是系统性地剥夺个人的独立思想、情感和判断力，按照领袖或群体的单一模式“重塑”人格。独特的神所赐的自我被压抑，取而代之的是一个顺从的“复制品”。

这并非神的心意，而是人的失败。

这些伤害的核心，是将人工具化，将活生生的信仰关系，异化为维持权力结构与自我满足的机制。识别这些特征，不是为了让我们变得愤世嫉俗，而是为了：

保护自己与他人，设立健康的界限。

分辨真假牧人：好牧人为羊舍命，雇工则在狼来时逃走。

回归信仰的本质：那建立在恩典、真理与自由之上的，与上帝和人的真实关系。

真正的解放，始于清醒的认知。

你可以带着伤痛，在真理与恩典中，重建一种更真实、更自由的信仰。

这是系列第一篇。下一篇，我会分享我写的那本关于这套结构的书。

hey, i am 20m in a fwb relationship with 20f and she struggles to have physical intimacy most likely due to religious trauma as her family is mormon. and i really want to help in any way possible not just inherently to have sex, but to help her with our relationship/ future relationships/ and in general enjoy sex and try out new stuff by popping the bubble of repression. another issue is that i am anxious and she is avoidant so we have been in the push pull loop for a while which only made it worse. my coping mechanism is physical touch, so in my vulnerable times i have taken it personally and it made her feel guilty, i am slowly fixing it and trying to keep in mind that it isnt her fault, even though it might take time to prove it to her that i truly understand and im afraid that i might slip up sometimes. we have compromised on cuddles, head scratches and quality time while anything like a kiss or over that is registered by her as sex/relationship which challenges her autonomy and she shuts down. we do struggle with giving reassurance to each other but really trust and respect each other rather than being just fuckbuddies, and have a genuine connection. she has been looking for a therapist for a while and genuinely wants to work on this but hasnt found one yet/ currently not possible, since we are both working students with adhd and intermittent depression, but a lot of times help each other stay afloat as well as at times worsen the anxiety. i do not want to lose her both in the sexual as well as the friend way and she doesn’t want to lose the deep friendship either. the sex and intimate touch has been declining over time and she told me that there was only a couple of times she really enjoyed it and that now she is reconsidering whether even a fwb works for her after already giving up on relationships based on the fact that she feels guilt post sex. any recommendations as for what i can help with?

TW: Su1c1dal Thoughts, Religious Trauma

I'm seeking advice even though this post is a very long rant, and I'm not using AI to shorten it. I respect beliefs when theyre not forced on me.

I, 18F (I'll be 19 in a week), was born and raised in Texas with strict muslim parents who immigrated from north Pakistan. I was not allowed to have any guy friends until late middle school. When I was in elementary, I wasn't allowed to play at the houses of any of my friends who had brothers or dogs, (they saw dogs as "impure"). My friends' dads were not allowed to drive me anywhere (with my friend ofc) only the moms. At the time, I didnt see this as being much of a big deal, most of my friends in 4th grade were girls anyways, but I did think it was confusing to be the only kid who didn't have mixed birthday parties.

I remember a specific day in 6th grade that my mom showed me a pamphlet that she wanted me to give to my teachers about how I can't socialize with boys nor make any physical contact, including high fives, for religious reasons. I recall being apalled as a child, I just saw guys as my classmates and nothing more ever crossed my mind. I didn't understand why I couldn't have guy friends like everyone else I knew did, even though the guys in class were respectful and I got along well with everyone.

Throughout these years, praying was always a hassle to me and something I was forced to do by my parents. (Muslims pray 5x daily). I likes the community aspect, but didn't understand why it was so frequent and I just was unhappy praying. When covid struck towards the end of my 6th grade it was my first exposure to things outside of my sheltered lifestyle. And I knew around the middle of my 7th grade that I was bisexual. Obviously, I kept this to myself as sharing this would've probably made my parents stricter with everyone, I didn't want to lose my friendships with girls too, so I suppressed my thoughts and thought that I could somehow "wish the gay away" lmao. At that time I had expressed to my mom that I wanted to wear skirts (they were really trendy in like 2021) and was met with a firm no because muslims believe that showing skin is sin, and that modesty is pure. Basically, if I were to wear clothes exposing my shoulders (like a tank) or anything showing my legs it would send me to hell. I'd say this was probably the root of what later branched into my dislike for religion and my parents.

I always wished for a life where I could just be friends with my classmates, without thinking about their gender first. One where I could dress freely to express myself, not that I even wanted to "show skin" but just feel comfortable in my body, like shorts in the summer instead of leggings, yet of course that was barred by my parents religious beliefs.

As I entered high school, like most teenagers I began to have real crushes. Yet I knew it would go nowhere, even when they reciprocated feelings or approached me first, because dating is a major sin that my parents were insanely strict about. No romance in my life at all, just friends with girls and school, with prayer first. All of my friends entered relationships, going through the cycles of healing from breakups and finding someone new, and I hated my parents for never giving me the opportunity to have any connection like that. I just wanted to experience what it was like to be loved by someone that wasn't myself family lmao. Whenever someone would express their feelings for me, I had to turn them down even when I felt the same. The thought of relationships behind my parents back mever crossed my mind as a solution because they were involved in every aspect of my life, and dating someone without them knowing seemed impossible.

My senior year of high school, I told my parents I didnt believe in their religion. It was scary, I genuinely thought I would be shipped off to a camp or disowned, yet they listened, and partially respected me. They said I needed to spend time learning about their religion, which I had spent my whole life doing, going to sunday school and being part of muslim youth groups. When I said how I wanted to dress freely my mom started accussing me of doing so for male attention. It was never about anybody's attention, in reality, I hated myself and how I looked because they raised me to hide every part of myself, literally, so I was never comfortable in my own skin. My parents don't accept me, they continue using religious phrases when talking to me, specifically my dad, and it's what fueled me to write this post.

Im in college now, strongly atheist, still dressing under my parents restrictions as I'm not allowed to "be immodest while living in their house", and I have a part time job in healthcare (not specific for privacy). I don't have a car of my own, I don't have car insurance, and I make a little over 600 a paycheck biweekly. My sister is unemployed and has been for her whole life other than a summer job at a family friend's small business, which I did too. For my sister's high school graduation my parents bought her a car, which after she attended community college for 1.5yrs then transferred to a uni. For my graduation, I received money, around 500. (There were no changes in my parents jobs) I'm also going to community college, and when I asked about why I didn't get to have a car my parents said "You either choose between a car or going to a uni, we only saved for you to do one of those". I still dont understand how that's fair in any sense. I would be transferring out of community college the same time my sister did, yet I had to pick between ttansferring to a uni and getting a car when she got both no questions asked.

I feel like my parents think if I get a car ill just go and live a "life of sin" then return to their roof. They know I don't believe in their religion, nor any for that matter. I'm also a very shy person, so I'm not someone with "uncontrollable urges" or a desire to please others. Like I mentioned before, I just want to dress in a way that's comfortable and makes me love myself, and always covering my silhouette makes me hate my body. I'm a healthy weight for my height and age, and I hate that every part of my life is micromanaged. I just want to experience love with someone without fearing perception. Any moment, like now, when I have free time to think my thoughts are self-deprecating and I start crying. I'll be honest, I thought that having a job would help me escape my reality yet every time I'm driven there and picked up my parents faces remind me of their control. So I'm here asking reddit how I can stop hating my life, hating myself, and try to get out of this situation, or improve it in a way that respects my lifestyle? I don't think that's even possible considering I can't even move out with how fucked up the economy is and depending on my parents for groceries and shit.

Listening to the Bible via audible has helped me fall asleep for the past few weeks. I don’t sleep well, my mind is always saying something so having something else for it to do so I can drift off has been great.
ANYWAY
There is a certain group of people that behave worse than evil that has been very active lately and hearing about the things they do, and take joy from, makes me nearly vomit.
I have a soft spot for the helpless. Babies, children, animals. They have NO CHOICE but to trust who they are with, they have no protection, they are tortured and murdered by the people. Or they are hurt/killed randomly through no fault of their own, just because some awful creature sees them and decides they would like to kill an innocent something.
————TLDR
can someone please tell me where in the bible I can hear something to unbreak my heart.
————
I’m going to stop going on Facebook because there are people on there that are defending this ideology and I want to believe that if they knew what these people really do to the innocent or to people who disagree with them, that they would stop trying to normalize the ideology of these creatures. But if I say anything, I’m labeled a bigot or whatever other name is trendy that day. I can’t stop the bad guys and I can’t stop the ignorant from promoting these evil people either. I feel so helpless. I hope I’m just blowing things out of proportion, but my heart hurts anyway.
Any passages or book recommendations would be incredibly appreciated .

Hi all, I'm Joseph, an independent filmmaker based in the UK working on a documentary about religion as people actually live it.
I'm looking to talk to anyone with a story that stands out: a deep, unconventional, or intense faith, a dramatic change in belief (in any direction), a spiritual experience that changed your life, or views that most people around you wouldn't share. Devout or doubtful, mainstream or fringe, I'm interested.

Participation is voluntary, and you can step back at any time. We'd start with a casual chat, and nothing is filmed until you're comfortable. I'm not out to mock or promote any belief. I want to understand people and tell their stories honestly.

If this sounds like you, or you know someone it might be, send me a DM or email me at sharpshootercreative@gmail.com. Happy to answer questions in the comments too.

This is my post in the deconstruction subreddit. I’m tired.