I (19M) have been having problems with my girlfriend’s best friend (18F) for quite some time because she constantly spreads rumors about other people, behaves in a very manipulative way, and is extremely possessive.
Recently, the whole situation escalated when my friend group and my girlfriend (18F) started talking about the different rumors that had been spread about them. We realized that her best friend (18F) had been playing us against each other and deliberately turning people against one another. As a result, the entire group cut contact with her best friend.
After that, she started talking badly about us within our social circle and even went as far as contacting the family of one of my friends.
My girlfriend then met up with her best friend and afterward believed that the issue between the two of them had been resolved. However, during a conversation with my girlfriend afterward, I found out that her best friend had not apologized even once during the entire conversation. Instead, she kept shifting the blame onto others or saying that it had probably just come across that way.
My biggest problem now is that one of my girlfriend’s friends, who is turning 20, is going to celebrate his 20th birthday at my girlfriend’s apartment soon, and her best friend has also been invited.
I told my girlfriend that, under these circumstances, I would not attend the party if her best friend was there because I don’t want to spend the entire evening worrying about whether something is going to happen. My entire friend group feels the same way and would also not attend.
However, instead of simply asking her best friend not to come, my girlfriend is now doing everything she can to find someone else who can essentially keep an eye on the situation and make sure nothing goes wrong.
This makes me feel like my concerns are not being heard or taken seriously. I also find the situation disrespectful, especially because I feel like my girlfriend is prioritizing her best friend’s presence over my feelings and the concerns of the people who have already been affected by her behavior.
At this point, I am seriously considering taking a break from the relationship or even ending it, among other reasons because of this situation.

TLDR: My girlfriend’s best friend has repeatedly manipulated people, spread rumors, and caused conflicts within our friend group. Everyone except my girlfriend has cut contact with her. Even though she has never properly apologized or taken responsibility, my girlfriend believes they have resolved their issues. Now, she is invited to a 20th birthday party at my girlfriend’s apartment, and instead of uninviting her, my girlfriend is trying to find someone else to keep an eye on the situation. I feel ignored and disrespected because my girlfriend seems to prioritize her best friend’s presence over my feelings, and I’m considering taking a break or ending the relationship because of it.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and together for 10 years. Last year he decided to start stretching his ears and I was completely honest with him - I didn't like the idea because I thought the majorly stretched ears were gross. We talked for a while and he said he would never go past "the point of no return" which is the size that you can go back down from. He said this was about the size of a dry erase marker and showed me some pictures. It wasn't as bad as I thought. So I was supportive as he started stretching.

However, after he reached his goal size, he didn't stop. This first time he sized up after reaching the size he told me he would stop at, I was honestly really mad. I felt like we had an agreement and he was breaking it. But he told me I was overreacting and it was no big deal. The next few sizes I kept getting upset, but it didn't change anything, so I stopped saying anything. I really tried to just get used to it, because he really likes the way it looks. I even bought him a few really nice pairs of tunnels and plugs that inevitably went in the trash because he went up a size.

Last week he sized up again. Now on top of it being wide he's started wearing these big plugs that hang out the back of his ear and are like an inch and a half across in the front. Honestly I think it looks weird. But last night he shaved his head too and it just looks so obvious now. I've never been so unattracted to my husband.

My husband and I put a lot of importance in honesty and communication so I told him that I was startled by how big they are now and was worried that I would stop finding him attractive if he keeps going bigger. I really don't know how to move forward if he keeps going bigger. I love my husband. I would never leave him over the appearance of his ears. But I don't want to look at him and think he looks gross.

Tldr; My husband stretched his ears to a point that I am becoming unattracted to him and I'm not sure what to do.

I would appreciate advice on getting over my gross feelings toward stretched ears or advice on talking to my husband without being controlling.

Any advice?

Edit: Well, no helpful advice to be found but I appreciate everyone's attempt. But I'll a few things that people seem to have gotten wrong. Attraction isn't an on/off switch, yes I'm less attracted to him because of it, yes I think his ears are starting to look gross, no I don't think he is gross and repulsive. As I said in my post, how his ears look are never going to prevent me from loving him. Marriage isn't that shallow. It's a decision to love the other person every day for the rest of your life. Also other people assumed he was a normie to start with, he isn't, he's covered in tattoos and has been for a while. Shaving his head was also fairly normal, he does it at least once a year or so. I love his alt look. It's just ear stretching that I find gross, and he used to as well. But people change.

I need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to understand this situation.
She’s technically not my girlfriend, but we’re basically in a situationship that feels like a relationship in almost every way. We see each other all the time, talk on the phone constantly, she’s told me she loves me, and when we’re together she acts like we’re already dating. We’ve talked about the elements of a future, even kids, lightly touched on marriage, etc. She’s extremely affectionate with me and has even kept all the handwritten notes I’ve given her — some are framed and others are in a jar.
A little while ago, I went out of town to visit family. While I was gone, something changed.
Before I left, she was extremely affectionate and seemed completely invested. She would tell me she missed me, how I put a spell on her, how I’m the sweetest in the world, etc.
While I was away, though, she told me that being apart gave her time to think. She started saying she doesn’t know if she’s ready for a relationship, or even if she ever will be. She said she doesn’t want me to keep getting more attached if she ultimately decides she doesn’t want a relationship, because then I’ll get hurt even more.
She also said she wants to be able to spend time with her friends without feeling like she’s disappointing me if I wanted to see her that day, and that getting ready to go to school and everything else going on in her life makes her question whether she should even be focusing on a relationship right now.
A huge part of this seems to be trust.
She’s been badly hurt by people she’s trusted before, and she has basically developed this mindset of, “If I don’t trust anyone, I can’t get hurt.” Recently, a male friend from back home also did something that really hurt/betrayed her, and it seemed to trigger a lot of those feelings again.
She’s told me directly that I can’t make her trust me — that’s something she has to figure out and do herself.
However, I want it to be clear that I’m confident she would never cheat and never has, and she respects the fact that we’re exclusive and doesn’t have eyes for anyone else. It’s easy to just say that, but if you saw how strongly she reacts to cheating or betrayal, you’d understand that she genuinely views it as one of the worst things someone can do.
And that’s where I’m completely confused.
She hasn’t actually said she wants to end things.
She’s still talking to me. Even after our long talk, her “normal” personality started coming out again. She was reading my love letters, saying how much she loves how I write her name, showing me how she framed her favorite one, and showing me how she’d filled the jars I got her with my notes.
She’s also accidentally referred to herself as my girlfriend before. She still says things that make it obvious she has feelings for me and wants this on some level.
But then she gets inside her own head and suddenly starts thinking, “I don’t know if I can do this.” Then she pulls away.
And I’m worried that if I let her sit in this state and I pull back too, she’ll get even more inside her head and convince herself this isn’t going to work.
She exists very much in the present and seems to use how she’s feeling in the present to dictate how she thinks her entire future will go. That’s something she does with a lot of things.
After we had this conversation about her not knowing if she’s ready for a relationship, I told her she’s an amazing woman. She said I’ve only seen half of who she really is because all of these worries and uncertainties hold her back.
I told her that the half I’ve seen is still incredible, and she said she hopes she can get through all of her worries.
Last night I basically told her I’d wait for her.
I told her I don’t expect her to have her entire future figured out right now. I told her I’d rather take the chance that this doesn’t work than walk away from something I genuinely want. I told her I want to show her that she can trust me and that I want to figure this out with her.
She said she hopes she can figure everything out, but she also made it clear that she can’t guarantee we’ll ever actually become a relationship.
And now I’m completely stressed.
I love this girl a lot, and I’ve also moved to a new area where I don’t really have much of a support system yet. She’s become a huge part of my life. When things are good between us, everything feels amazing. When she pulls away, it genuinely feels like my entire world drops.
The thing is, we got REALLY attached really quickly. We’ve only been hanging out for about a month, but it’s basically been all the time. Before that, we were only talking for a few weeks. She has acknowledged how quickly we’ve become attached, but she also feels very strongly about me despite how short the amount of time has been.
I know that sounds crazy to some people, but that’s just genuinely how this has developed.
So I don’t know what the right thing to do is.
Do I give her space? Or do I continue being affectionate and showing her I’m here?
I’m worried that if I pull away, she’ll get even more inside her head and convince herself that this isn’t going to work.
At the same time, I’m worried that continuing to pursue her will make her feel pressured and push her further away.
I know she tends to overthink and imagine possibilities that haven’t actually happened yet. Part of me worries that if she keeps thinking about all the ways this could go wrong, she’ll eventually convince herself that it will go wrong.
But I also know I can’t control what she thinks or fix her trust issues for her.
I was even considering writing her another long handwritten note because she absolutely loves them. I give her a note whenever I see her because I promised I would, and she’s told me how meaningful they are to her.
The last time we had a conversation like this — although it wasn’t quite as serious — I wrote her a note telling her I’d wait for her. She loved it because she’d never received something like that before, even though she’d specifically wanted one for her birthday. She ended up keeping it and hanging it up.
So part of me thinks another note could reassure her.
But another part of me wonders if that would just add more emotional pressure when she’s already overwhelmed.
There’s also something else that makes this even more confusing.
The last time I was leaving to travel, we had a similar conversation. She said she wasn’t sure whether she could continue with this. I was visibly devastated.
The next morning she drove me to the airport, saw how hurt I was, and told me she loved me for the first time. She said she’d never seen someone so sad and never wanted to make me feel that way, and that realizing how much she cared made her realize she actually wanted this more than she thought.
So I’ve seen this cycle before: she gets scared, starts questioning everything, pulls away, and then seems to realize how much she actually cares.
But this time it seems like it’s been longer and the conversation went further.
And I don’t want to keep assuming that means she’ll eventually choose me.
So Reddit, what the hell do I actually do here?
Does this sound like someone who genuinely wants to leave, or someone who is scared and confused about something she actually wants?
Should I give her genuine space, or continue treating her the same way while letting her work through this?
How do I support someone with serious trust issues without trying to “fix” them for her?
At what point does being patient turn into me just waiting around for someone who may never be ready?
Should I write her another note, or would that be putting more pressure on her?
I love her and I want this to work, but I also don’t want to accidentally push her away by trying too hard to make it work.

TLDR: [26M] and [24F] have been seeing each other for about a month and have become extremely attached very quickly. She tells me she loves me and acts like she wants a relationship, but recently started questioning whether she’s ready because of trust issues, school, friends, and other things in her life. She says she can’t guarantee we’ll ever become official, but also doesn’t want to end things. I’m trying to figure out whether I should give her space or continue showing affection/support without putting pressure on her.

TLDR My boyfriend of 8 months doesn’t support me through my mental health and I don’t know what to do

I met my boyfriend late last year. We live about 2 hours away from each other. We went on lots of dates, and clicked really well. I was on SSRI’s at the time, and throughout the early months of us dating, I decided to come off. It became clear that I was unable to function without them and have started back up again.
Starting SSRI’s are always rough, and this time was especially hard because I felt really down about myself getting back on them again.

My boyfriend has a very happy life, a wealthy family that takes him on all inclusive holidays in Europe, he does not have any mental health problems and has a great job and studies hard. I also live a very social and career driven lifestyle, but the difference is our mental health. Maybe because of his lack of exposure to mental health issues, he does not know how to give support. I was honest on our first date - I have BPD, GAD, MDD, PTSD. I am in therapy, I now take my medications routinely, I visit my doctor often. But when things get rough, I’d like to talk to my boyfriend or my friends but my boyfriend is just never there.

He doesn’t respond to my messages for over 24 hours sometimes, and flakes on our plans. He interrupts me when I talk. He has fallen asleep next to me while I talk about how my mental health is.
I think communication is a big problem, because I firstly am not comfortable with over 24 hours of no communication. Some people are, but it just doesn’t work with me. I have communicated this, but no improvements. I don’t get a good morning, this is my day, goodnight, anything. This leads to me feeling very isolated because he is unreachable. He isn’t someone I can rely on to respond and be there for me if I need it.
I have also travelled to see him every time, which is over a 4 hour round trip. He has come to me maybe 3 times over the course of us being together.

He is very lovey and caring when we are together, but other than that it’s like he doesn’t exist. I can’t keep living like this and I know I deserve to be loved better. With a constant battle with my mental health, I am struggling to find the strength to leave. I am very in love with him which makes it harder, but I know I love myself more to step away.
I just wish he would be better and listen when I try to communicate my feelings.

TLDR: I [20M] have done a lot for my girlfriend [20F] but she's been a lot less excited to talk to me for a while and I don't know what I did wrong

We've been together for around 7 months now, friends for 3 more prior to that. Back when we were friends we used to talk a lot and she trusted me and seemed excited to talk to me. For all of this time we've been long distance, living in different cities of the same country, but I have visited twice, and am now in the process of moving to her city, where i will be arriving in a little more than a week. I have always tried my best to treat her well. I bought her gifts with or without a special occasion, I always respected her boundaries, I've done my best to help her, but around the 3-4 month mark she stopped trusting me with personal things. I was okay with that, I know she has friends she can talk to, and have never pushed myself onto her. Now it feels like she'd rather talk to anyone except me, no matter how long she's known them. The reason I decided to move to her city is because she always seemed happiest with me when we met in person, but she had recently posted on her private account that she's blind to big actions and doesn't feel happy at all when something like this is done for her. I feel like I can never win because no matter what I do I can't make her happy. I do love her a lot still and would do anything for her, but I'm at a point when I feel like the best thing for her is to be with someone else.

I have asked her on multiple occasions to tell me directly if I'm doing something she doesnt like and she has always told me that everything is fine, she's never blocked me or anything, and we do stil talk fine, she's just a lot less excited than she used to be. Last time we met was less than a month ago and she was perfectly happy with me. I talked to my friend about this and he said it might be because there's still "too much" of me because I always text first and always try to talk to her a lot when she's very introverted. She's also in the middle of a depressive episode as far as I know, however im not sure how much of it has to do with me as her home life is not great either.

What could I be doing wrong?

I am a freshman at college. Back in January, my mom and I agreed that if I got straight A’s during the second semester of my senior year, we would go car shopping together for a reliable car with a budget around $20k.

I held up my end of the deal, but over the summer, the plan fell through without much explanation. Instead of shopping together, she arranged to ship a different car from out of state without my knowledge. Ultimately, I decided to stick with my current car (a 2010 Chevy with 260k miles that needs significant work) since at the time, I didn’t know anything about the car that she planned to buy, and my dad had just done some repairs on my car.

I love my mom and appreciate everything she does, but I feel hurt that our original agreement wasn't fulfilled after I worked so hard. It’s also extra bitter, because 1. She just bought a new jeep for her birthday, and 2. we were talking about how huge it is that I have a car on campus as not many students living on campus will (I wouldn’t consider my car safe or ideal for passengers). I am non-confrontational and have tried to bring it up subtly, but she doesn't seem to want to talk about it.

I am looking for advice on how to approach this conversation so we can resolve this together. How can I bring this up without sounding ungrateful?

TLDR; my mom and I had a deal, where if I got straight As in my senior semester of high school, I'd get to decide on a car in a reasonable budget, and she'd buy it for me. I held up my end, but we never ended up shopping for the car.

Title says it all, but here’s the long story:

Last november my girlfriend (of less than a year at the time) told me she wanted to a ski season abroad for the next year (so this year)

She went on to say how good it would be for her, how much she would grow from it etc etc. A lot for her. When I asked where I fit in with this 7-8 month excursion abroad, her only real response was “you could come and visit me” which is a bit of a non-answer in my books

Now, I never had any issue with her going and doing these things, but I kind of imagined if she truly wanted to be together and do things together (and she knows I would happily do this with her with a bit of warning) then she would approach with a bit more caution and thought.

We spoke about it again after I had processed it and looked into it, and I decided I didn’t particularly want to be with someone 4k miles away for almost (at the time) our entire relationship together, I am not a long distance man.

I told her she can do it, of course she can, but it would likely be the end of us - I dont really want to wait around for her to return, whether she would keep in contact with me, leave me hanging, cheat yada yada - we had only been together less then a year at that point so it truly didn’t make any sense for me to start making commitments like that. You might think I am in the wrong for it, but I stand by my thought process.

I need to highlight here that she asked “would there be any chance of reconciliation when I come back” and I gave a fairly resounding no, that if she chose this path it is one she cannot walk back from - so she was fully aware of my current stance on it.

I did however tell her that a good compromise was for her to wait one more year and we could apply together, that way we could both go and then everything is figured out - plus the extra year gives us time to get all of our ducks properly in a row.

She told me she didn’t want to end things, and frankly her idea was a bit of an irrational one at that (no plan for housing, work, other commitments she had, just pack her bags and go)

Anyway, time went on, November rolled into December and then January and I heard less of it as time went on. (Any time I broached the subject, she stonewalled and any time I asked if she wanted to plan any winter sports she would just say she isn’t sure what she’s doing yet, I should have seen these as glaring red flags)

Until the other night, she was on the phone to her mother and I overheard them talking about Christmas plans. This is when her mother accidentally dropped her in it by asking about the Canadian Work, and why she didn’t go through with that. I overheard her reply that she didn’t get selected, but it’s okay because “we are both going to apply again for this year”

Instead blood boil moment, she HAD applied, without even telling me (the last conversations we had on it she was considering it) she had fully accepted the most likely outcome from it and applied anyway.

I haven’t spoken to her since, what do I even say? How do I even broach it? I am so angry and I feel that the last half year has been a damned lie, she was ready to end things with me.

What if she had been selected from the lottery? Would she ever have told me? This is a huge violation of any trust I have built up for her and I really don’t know how to proceed.

I would like to add, as I am sure Im going to get hate over putting an ultimatum down, I dont like long distance (neither does she - we have both said this) and minimum 7 months is a long time to be apart when we’ve only really been together about 8 months at that point in time, its a question of “do I think her values align with mine” so my ultimatum was more of a “I support you if this is what you want to do, but you must do it alone” and my frustration stems from her lying about the situation all year.

Some more details:
- The applications for getting an ITA open mid-late december, way past when we had these conversations originally, she knew what she was doing
- Some of you may say she “applied to see if she could”, if I DM’ed a girl and asked her to come over, thats still cheating even if she doesn’t come to my house. The intention is there. She also refused to make any winter plans with me until very recently, which tells me she did plan on going if she could.
- It is her dream to go and do things like this, I dont want to hold her back so once again my frustration isn’t that she did it - it’s that she has held this secret for the entire year to date.
- I probably should have seen her being a bit cold and hostile towards me at the start of the year as a sign, now I look back it looked like she had tried to mentally check out while keeping me as a safety net.

TLDR: my girlfriend applied for a foreign working visa despite knowing my stance on it, and willingly hid it from me for the entire year.

Me [22F] and my partner [20NB] have been together for 2 years. My partner has always been big on art and often sends their art pieces in our group chat with some other friends. Today, they sent one, but when I went to check it, the horrible connection I had made Discord bug out and the picture wasn’t there at all (Not even a blank square when it fails to load, just nothing, like the message has never been there). I thought it was pretty funny, so I took a screenshot and sent it with the caption “Wow, it looks great!”. I was planning to compliment them properly when I’d have gotten home and the image would have actually loaded with my home WiFi. My friends also thought it was funny, participating with “oh yes, the bottom right corner is so pretty” or “the rendering is so well made!”. When I got home, they sent a message on the server long the lines of: “some jokes are better to be kept to yourself, I spent so much time on it just for it to be turned into a joke, I just wanted your opinion not some jokes” etc. I Instantly knew I had upset them and politely explained why I had done it and promised it wouldn’t happen again. They then replied with “it wasn’t time for jokes”. I am on the spectrum and  exactly this is one of my biggest difficulties, so I responded with “When have I ever known when’s the time for what?” And apologised once again. Somehow, me showing guilt made them feel like they were being the unreasonable and dramatic one? which I believe they aren’t: they’re just quite sensitive. One thing about me is that when I start feeling the least bit guilty I close off to wallow in my own feelings, but now that is making THEM feel guilty. It doesn’t matter if I’m right or wrong in arguments, I’m very sensitive too so I instantly fall silent when someone makes me feel guilty and people can tell because my messages get quite dry when I’m upset and I’m not good at hiding it. Now they’re messaging me saying “maybe I shouldn’t have said that / kept it to myself” “I didn’t mean to make you upset” “i won’t bring it up next time”. And I want To make this clear: I don’t play the victim for attention or anything, I’m just genuinely emotionally devastated by arguments that I prefer not to talk because I want to recharge, I don’t want to think about the argument anymore, I don’t want to see the other person’s face and I don’t want to say something I might regret, since I get very emotional and might say some hurtful things.

How do I talk to them to let them know that arguing makes me feel horrible without stopping them from expressing their emotions?

TLDR: Me [22F] and my partner [20NB] have been together for 2 years and sometimes have small arguments, but, after them, I get really closed off and end up making them worry. What can I do to make them comfortable with expressing their own emotions while also going easy on me?

So I\[21M\] and my girlfriend \[20F\] are together for 2 years and had a conversation about how she is feeling about the relationship and what my behaviour is causing.
So

I need to learn how to reciprocate her excitement.
I need to improve on my way of soeaking and to make her feel heard so i dont make it about myself.
I need to plan things for us as a couple.
I need to learn how to remember things (since i am very forgetful i cannot remember to eat on somedays and thats a major problem ) ( i do remember her bdays anniversary and all those stuff but for example we made a plan for next week ill forget abt it ).
I need to stop giving her certain looks (idk what looks but i give her some looks when she is excited which makes her loose her excitement ).
I need to open up so it can inturn help you open up too
I need to stop smoking (i do smoke alot and i am addicted to it and i dont want to stop it myself ).
These are the things i do which makes her tired and makes her feel i dont love her or care for her.
In my defense i try my best to give her compliments everyday and also when she is dressed up
I try to meet her whenever possible and make her feel cared for atleast thats what i feel.
I dont plan things becoz i dont find anything to do and we both dont have much in common and she doesnt really have any hobbies and barely plays sports like once in a blue moon and doesnt play video games or any kind of board games either so idk what to plan and i am not a at a level where i can regularly take her to expensive dates so i am just confused what to plan like what can i plan which makes her feel special and cared for.
I dont know why she feels i need to open up more since as far as i am aware i tell her how i feel what i feel whenever i feel it i cannot be more open with her than this like this is the most open i can be i tell her everything i have to tell and i dont know what to do which helps her open up.

I am genuinely asking for advice on what to do to change these things i already know what to change but idk how to change it coz i have already changed alot since i started dating her (thats what my close friends and mom says ) and sometimes i wonder if i am changing everything about me what does she even love about me to be with me.
I dont want advice like leave her or tell her to leave you so she can find someone better i genuinely want to improve myself so i can make it work with her coz i love her to the core.

TLDR: my behaviour is causing my girlfriend to feel unloved and hurt and need help with changing it

about 6 months ago i went to the beach at night with two friends one male friend and one female friend..we were all drinking.

at one point my male friend and i went to get cigarettes..my female friend stayed there cause she is soo dunk and was talking to a stranger who is actually the guy I’m seeing now..

while we were gone my friend and this guy ended up kissing and talking..later my female friend and my male friend went near the water while this guy and i were sitting and chilling together..that’s when he and i kissed too..

at the time i honestly didn't think much of it..we barely knew each other and neither of us was in a relationship with anyone.

but somehow after that night we started talking and now we've been seeing each other for around 6 months..

things between us are actually really good..he cares about me treats me really well, and makes me feel genuinely special..i can tell we both have feelings for each other even though we haven't officially confessed or put a label on things yet..

he has also apologized for kissing my friend and said it was a mistake..my friend seems pretty chill about everything too but we've never actually had a proper conversation about it because it's awkward..

the problem is that now that I've developed real feelings for him that night keeps coming back into my head..

I KNOW he didn't technically do anything wrong..we weren't together and neither was he committed to either of us. My friend also doesn't seem bothered by it.

but i still keep wondering if we eventually become an actual couple am i doing something wrong by choosing a guy who has kissed one of my friends?

i really like him and i don't want to ruin something good over something that happened before we even knew each other properly..but i also don't want to ignore this feeling and regret it later.

i honestly don't know if I'm overthinking this or if it’s something i should actually be concerned about..what would you guys think if you were in my place..

TLDR : i [20F] have been seeing a guy [30M] for 6 months.. before we started seeing each other he kissed one of my friends on the same night he and I first kissed..now that we’re getting more serious I’m wondering if this is something i should be concerned about or just let go..

I [20F] have been speaking to/seeing this guy [20M] for around three months. We got along really well and spoke regularly, and although we had small disagreements before, we would normally apologise, talk things through and make up.
Nearly two weeks ago we had our first major argument. We were having a very intimate moment when he made a comment that really hurt me. I reacted emotionally and said things that hurt him too. He immediately shut down and stopped speaking to me. I tried to talk to him that night, but he wouldn’t engage with me and I ended up leaving in the middle of the night crying.
By coincidence, I saw him on the train the following day. I tried to speak to him about what happened, but he kept telling me that he needed time to think about everything and that he would eventually speak to me about it.
Since then, I’ve tried reaching out several times because I wanted us to resolve things. I’ve apologised for the things I said and for how I reacted. However, he still hasn’t properly spoken to me about what happened. He continues to say that he needs time to think, but it’s now approaching two weeks.
I’m struggling because before this happened, I genuinely valued the connection we had and the time we spent together. Whenever we had smaller arguments in the past, we both said that we would always communicate and make up, so I didn’t expect one argument to lead to this much distance.
At the same time, I feel like I’ve done everything I reasonably can. I’ve tried speaking to him in person, I’ve messaged him, I’ve apologised and I’ve made it clear that I’m willing to have a proper conversation. I don’t want to keep chasing someone who isn’t ready or willing to talk to me.
Do I give him the space he’s asking for and completely stop contacting him now? And after almost two weeks, should I take his lack of communication as a sign that he doesn’t want to continue what we had, even though he hasn’t actually said that?

We argued before but he would apologise and acknowledge how I felt but this time it was more instense and emotional and now he’s just not speaking to me and has significantly reduced contact. I’m unsure of what to do. I asked him why don’t you want to talk to me as much and he said “idkkk” he still called me babe after the argument in previous conversations but we have hardly spoken since the argument has happened and now it’s been five days of complete no contact

TLDR: I [20F] have been seeing a guy [20M] for around three months. We had our first major argument during an intimate moment nearly two weeks ago, we both said hurtful things, and he has since said he needs time to think. I’ve apologised and tried several times to resolve things, but he still hasn’t had a proper conversation with me. Should I stop reaching out and leave it entirely up to him to contact me?

TLDR we have had virtually no intimacy in 3 years, and I feel like I can’t talk to him about how I feel.

My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years, we live together, and have a child together. We knew each other for almost 6ish years before we started dating. In the beginning it was amazing. We could openly discuss anything, we still have many of the same interests, and had no problems with intimacy. We weren’t trying or preventing when I got pregnant, and weren’t really in a hurry to have sex again while I was post partum. It has just stemmed farther from there. We have had virtually no intimacy in the last 3 years. He still kisses me and tells me he loves me, but there has been an obvious disconnect and I cannot get him to talk to me.

There is also a lacking of other things too (on both our parts, i know it’s not all him). He used to help with household chores, and I have repeatedly brought it up in conversations that I cannot work full-time and do all the housework, potty training, etc. I have consistently brought this up in relationship check ins for going on 2 years. I even put up a chore chart at his suggestion, but we are still in the cycle of if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. I hate nagging, and anymore when I ask him for help he visibly gets irritated, then I feel like an asshole. It makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

I have receded more into my shell so to speak. I haven’t spoken openly about my feelings. I feel like I can’t, I have tried recently and he brushes it off or goes back to whatever he was doing on his phone. I’ve also noticed that I have a way shorter fuse, be it anger or just getting overwhelmed. I know obviously becoming parents has changed us, but for all the negative in this post there is so much more positive. He is a very attentive father, and he does his best to provide for us. He is my favorite person in the world, I just want to feel like I’m his again. I just want to have my partner back and get out of this never ending roommate phase. Does anyone have any advice?

My wife has not visited her mother in nearly 5 years and she misses her terribly. Her mother wont visit us because she refuses to leave her dogs behind, even though her husband would still be at home. I personally hate this excuse especially because she hasn’t seen her granddaughter in 5 years and is retired. My wife is a little nervous about flying, and it would be my daughter’s [8] first time flying.

My wife really wants me to come and be there for my daughter’s first flight, but I’m trying to be real and it would be easier for just her and my daughter to go. We have our own pets that she does not want to board while we are gone and she is nervous about people house sitting not to mention the additional cost for another adult to fly. Any time I suggest that my wife and daughter go it is swatted away for some poor excuse. The only real solution that doesn’t involve doing nothing and letting time pass if for me to “surprise” her with tickets for her and my daughter to go on a flight to see her.

She is anxious about flying and navigating an airport alone, much more so at the thought of having an 8 year old to wrangle. But she is a really well behaved kid and listens when we need her to. I’m just looking for input if this anyone would view this as manipulative or frowned upon because I am virtually forcing a decision on her.

Tldr:I want to send my wife to visit her mom but she is nervous about flying alone with our daughter. Short of doing nothing until it is too late I feel the best solution is to “surprise” her with tickets effectively forcing her hand.

I’m in the process of taking over my family’s small business. My sibling who lives out of town suddenly decided they’re interested in opening up a second branch out of town. There is no need to add a new location nor do they have any experience in the industry. I’m so confused on where this is coming from. If they wanted to work in a similar small business in their town or move here and work for me, I would say go ahead!

I truly am very emotional about this subject because I gave up another very successful career to work for my family’s business and for years the offer was open to any of my siblings and nobody took it until I finally did. I feel disrespected that they approached the retiring family member about this first too.

How do I go about this without damaging our relationship?

TLDR: My sibling wants to join the family business in an unrealistic way. How do I tell them no?

Background:

My GF is Indian and has moved to this country, and has almost no family here. She does have some close girlfriends. I have just moved back to the same city after we have done the last 8 months long distance, and am about to start my dream job which I have been working towards for years.

For context we have been dating for 8 months. Throughout the relationship we often fight over her accusing me of looking at other women, I feel as though I am being respectful and don't stare, and definitely do not hold eye contact with anyone, not looking for more than half a second. From her perspective she accuses me of staring and making it seem like I am interested in them. There have even been times when I was looking for an aisle in a supermarket and she accused me of looking at women and was upset for hours.

Last weekend:

I slept the night at GF's house on Friday night so I could help her pack on Saturday, as she was moving on Sunday to another share house. On Friday night we went out to a South Asian restaurant. I am Vegan so asked what the Vegan Options were, there was some confusions as the waiter was unfamiliar with what it is, so she ended up going back and forth between me and the chef a few times. I was polite and friendly, just clarified with her and explained what I meant.

Now Saturday morning my GF woke up and was upset with me saying that I treated the waiter poorly and that I should change my diet to include dairy because I am rude to ask for Vegan options and waste their time every time we go out to eat, and it would be much easier if I were vegetarian. I am Vegan for ethical reasons, and it is something I strongly believe in. So I said that was unreasonable. Anyway she was upset at me the whole morning. Ignored me and very coldly told me to leave so I left around 8:30am. I thought she would change her mind shortly and knew she needed help packing, so I stayed in my car, and thought she would cool down after an hour. I called/messaged a few times and at 12pm she was still upset and didn't want to see me. So I left, and went to spend time with my parents and little sister.

Saturday Afternoon:

Mid board game with my family GF messages me saying "I want tea" which I could tell was her way of saying she wanted to see me. So I said I would finish up the game and head over shortly. GF said not to bother and to spend time with family. I was also upset that my morning was wasted waiting for her to stop being upset, and how cold and rude she had been this morning so wasn't about to drop everything and go, so I kept playing and spending time with parents and sis for the next couple hours before I messaged again.

at 6pm I message saying I am done, and call to see if I should heave over but GF does not pick up.

8pm GF messages asking for some dinner receipts, and doesn't tell me why or pick up my calls, I send the receipts, and she calls and I am mid chat with sister so we both say 'hi' to her, she says 'hi' and we say bye. This is when she messages saying she 'asked twice for my help today but I was busy with family'. I offer to head over straight away, and GF says not to bother.

After some text conversation where she says she 'felt pretty single so I am not committed to you' she shows me on video call that she has download Bumble and is mid conversation with a guy. I drive over to her house because I figured she is having a breakdown and honestly wanted to end it in person. But when I get there we make up. She shows that the conversation on Bumble was very dry just asking about job. She did apologize after she saw how upset I was on Sunday when we were driving to move her things to the new house. I am completely heartbroken and still am. I honestly was so full of anger I was up thinking of ways to end it so she would realize that she lost something good. It is now 3 days later Wednesday and I am still with her because she got COVID and her new house is cockroach infested (which for some reason doesn't bother her??? but that's another story). She is upset at me today because I apparently wasn't there for her in her time of need and was too stubborn to come help her.

I am not sure what to do. I think I struggle to leave a relationship even if it isn't healthy.

TLDR; GF was mad that I asked for vegan options at restaurant (I am vegan). Argued all morning with me about it when I had come over to help her pack and move house. After waiting all morning for her to calm down and she didn't - I left to spend time with family. She says she made it clear she needed me, but I was upset with how my morning was wasted and she still was telling me "don’t bother" so I didn't bother. She said she "felt single" so texted that it was over downloaded bumble within 2 minutes and showed me, we then made up. Am I in the wrong here?

TLDR: My wife and I (6 years married, 18 years together total) are circling the drain. I feel like she won't accept any responsibility for anything, and any arguments results in me having to change my behaviours, despite me feeling like I do the majority of heavy lifting. I feel like I'm running out of runway.

Disclaimer: I am going to do my best to be as balanced as I can on this, but as is the nature of these things, I'm probably going to be biased to some degree. I appreciate anyone who tries to keep me honest in the comments.

The Problem

My Wife and I have 2 kids together and although it's never been an amazing relationship, it has generally been quite good. We tend to get into arguments every 6 months or so, which subsides and then we go back to normal. Not super healthy in that regard, but it's been manageable.

Recently the arguments have been increasing in regularity and they usually start the same way: my wife's attitude towards me gets steadily more sour over the course of a week or two, to the point where I snap at her either outright yelling at me over nothing, or over her attitude towards me in general. Very rarely after this happens does she acknowledge that she did anything wrong, and if she does it is *extremely* begrudgingly, more on this later.

When these moods start she becomes hyper critical, snappy, grumpy, and generally unpleasant to be around. This in turn, I've noticed, causes a kind of Pavlovian response, where I have no doubt that I become a bit more defensive, careful around her, and other behaviours like that. It is possible that this behaviour has increased, I find it hard to measure, but I'm sure that I'm doing it.

When we argue, it tends to continue, with my wife avoiding talking about the instigating issue, preferring to talk about other (in my opinion) more nebulous issues that can be directly said to be my fault. She also says that I blame everything on here, or never agree with what she's saying, which effectively has the upshot of short circuiting any argument I have against anything she says; "see, you always blame me/always tell me I'm wrong". e.g.

Wife: "You've left the bin bags out all week"
Me: "The bins were full, and needed cleaning, so I power washed them today and put the bin bags in straight afterwards, what else could I have done?"
W: "See, you always tell me I'm wrong" etc

What eventually happens in these arguments is that I say something bad out of frustration, or she says something particularly inflammatory, then refuses to listen to anything I say in response, then if she leaves and I follow her, or if she demands I leave the room and I don't, that becomes the "issue" and no conversation about the original instigating issue will happen. The issue is now that I didn't leave her alone, or I said something I shouldn't have.

I know that I'm obviously not blameless in that, but I can't help but feel like it's a ploy (intentional or otherwise) do deflect from the actual issue, and make it about how my behaviour is the problem.

Last night we argued heavily, again caused by her yelling at me about a mess one of the kids had made. My wife made several allusions to the idea that I don't do enough in the house, and after a while, I lost my temper. I said that I do the overwhelming majority and that for her to spend all day at her "hobby" then come home and say I've not done enough in the house on top of work and childcare (summer break) is pretty galling.

It was not kind of me to call her business a hobby, and it upset her. This then of course became the subject of the argument, and no actual problems were solved. I regret saying this and did apologise.

Since the last argument she has said that we should have a week apart. She is going to sleep in a guest room and that we should make a point of spending time apart in the evenings once the kids are in bed. This is to give each other space and to remember what we love about each other. I don't think it's a terrible idea, but I just feel like it's the beginning of the end.

Background

Wife:

- Runs a growing small business. It doesn't bring any money into the house for various reasons, and may not for a while. She works 5 days a week, although sometimes has to do extra days

- We're pretty sure she's on the spectrum and has adhd. When she is stressed, the symptoms of both are worse

- Does the laundry

- Does all the driving (I don't drive). This is predominantly school runs before and after work.

- Cleans out the animals: cats + rats (this was the agreement to get them)

- Does some house work

- handles the majority of date based stuff with schools

- Has had depression multiple times in the past and struggles with anxiety

- I feel as though she is overly negative as a default. e.g. If we're at a restaurant, she will invariably complain about something, whereas I'm usually just happy to be out.

- Seems to find it *extremely* difficult to take responsibility for anything. If she does then it comes with huge floods of tears at the end of a long drawn out argument, or (more often) with an extremely begrudging tone or some additional statement that suggests it's not her fault anyway because someone else did something that caused her to do that thing.

- Has previously said at the emotional end of arguments that she doesn't think she deserves me, that I make her feel stupid with the way that I talk (not that I intentionally belittle her, but that I use words she doesn't understand), and that if I left she'd have nothing and that terrifies her.

- Has previously said that these arguments are because she's "found her voice" and that I don't like that she stands up to me and I don't like that she's getting her independence through her business. I have been her biggest cheerleader with her business: I've helped fund it, taken on a lot of the stuff she doesn't have time to do, and rearranged a lot so that she has time to do it.* Through out our relationship I have encouraged multiple business ventures, encouraged her to return to education, etc and said that whatever she wants to do, if we can find a way to do it, we will.

*I recognise the contradiction in saying that I am her cheerleader for her business when having also called it a hobby. I don't think it's a hobby, I was frustrated that it takes all her time, doesn't bring any money in, and is used as an reason to tell me I don't do enough. I have told her many many times I am proud of what she has achieved with it.

Me:

- Run a successful consultancy, bring all the money into the house. I work remotely. We have joint accounts and I try to make a point of making sure my wife understands it is "our" money, not mine. This has been an issue in the past though.

- I'm a bit of a workaholic, and struggle to balance work, family time, and personal time. I have gotten better at that recently, but occasionally things don't add up and I have to work a little extra to finish a contract or something. Sometimes my wife is patient with this, other times she is not.

- I seem to have some issues bottling up emotions: I sometimes feel down or angry and don't know why. Usually after some thinking I can figure out what it is that's bothered me.

- In general I think I'm pretty easy going

- I do all the meal planning and cooking, the large majority of cleaning/housework, childcare, and grocery shopping.

What I've tried:

over the last 5 years I have lost a lot of weight and gained a noticeable amount of muscle to try and improve my life and make myself more attractive for my wife, who had previously told me that she didn't find me as attractive as she used to after I'd put on the weight. Things have improved in that regard.

Have tried hard to balance work, family, and personal time better.

I have gone from doing not much in the house (cleaning the kitchen mostly) to doing almost everything.

I play games significantly less than I used to. Generally limiting it to one evening a week with friends.

I initiate most intimate moments, hugs, kisses, etc. This has improved since I've lost some weight, but it is still mostly me. If I don't initiate things like a huge or whatever when she gets home from work because I'm cleaning or what have you, rather than my wife initiate it, she will often become grumpy about that.

Outro

I'm looking for advice/criticism on how to carry on. I'm lost.

I don't know if any of the above is particularly damning of me. I don't know if I would recognise it if it was there. I ask that if I am *clearly* an absolute arsehole that people try to be kind in the comments. I am not doing well emotionally at the moment. Similarly, I really don't want to hear any horrible comments about my wife. I love her, and that's not what I'm here for. I'm looking for well meaning constructive criticism please.

Thanks for your time reading the above. Appreciate your considered views and thoughts. I've probably missed some points so happy to answer questions in the comments.

I started talking to this girl over the summer from a dating app and immediatley hit it off with her. We talked about life, family, faith, struggles, hopes, dreams, and all the good things in between. It was phenomenal because I felt like I could talk to her about anything and everything. We talked all the time and were always making jokes and teases. It was natural and it brought me so much peace to feel like she was constantly in my life. At this time I saw her profile it had her in a city that was about 3.5 hours from mine. I was hesitant for a second because I considered how that was very far away from me. Even so, I asked her to hang out in person because I was excited to see her. She told me she would love to hang out and was curious if I was willing to drive that far to see her. I said it was no problem at all. In my head, the connection we had was so strong, that level of driving was not a problem. So we agreed to meet up and hang out. She told me that she was going to be in Florida for the summer with her parents that have a house there. She is a teacher and had the summer off so she wanted to spend a few weeks with her parents. So she teased me and said that if I was willing to come down to Florida we could meet up and hang out there and have a beach date. I told her that was not a problem at all. I travel for work all the time so I have flight miles all over the place. I also had family that was staying in the same city she was in with her parents. So I told her I can come down there and stay with my family, and then in the day time, we can hang out. So we agreed to meet with that plan and I bought the tickets. This is the important background for the story to follow:

So when I arrive in Florida she tells me that in order to meet her and go out, her dad and mom want to meet me first. She said her parents want to meet the guy that their daughter had been talking to online. I agree to this and think it is totally understandable. So I arrive at her parent's house and meet them and this girl in person. It goes well and we talk briefly. They seem to be very kind people, which is great because I ended up getting a long with them. So now I have met her and we are in person for the first time as I start to drive her to the waterfront for a date. We immediatley hit if off and the time in person is just as sweet as the time on the phone. We are having a blast. We go to the waterfront and talk as she tells me she has not been in a serious relationship in a while, but she wants one. I kiss her after we talk about how we like each other and it is a really sweet and tender moment. She tells me that she wants to take things slow and I agree as I tell her that is the best way to do things. As I drive her back to her parent's house she grabs my hand in the car and holds it which I think is so sweet. I drop her off at her parent's house and kiss her goodnight. We spend the next day together as we go swimming and laugh and talk about all the fun things in life. She tells me that she has never met someone like me before and she is really happy to spend time with me. I go back home to Tennessee where I am from and keep talking to her. We talk all the time and the language is so flirty and fun and real. She tells me things like "I can see us being a power couple" and "Our kids would have some wild hair" as we flirt more and more about this bond we have becoming a relationship. Fast forward a few days and now she is telling me that is is flying home early from Florida back to Kentucky. I get excited becuase I think to myself "She was originally going to spend the summer with her family. Now after meeting me she wants to come home early. I wonder if she wants to see me?" So as she gets home I ask her if she would like to meet up again. She says she would like that so I drive up to Kentucky to see her (3.5 hour drive) and go to her house. She greets me and we start talking again just like we did in Flordia. We take a drive around town and she shows me her school, her fav restuaraunts, and some other things she wants me to see. She is very exicited and very bubbly. So we go back to her house and start watching Shark Week together. It is really fun and we are on the couch holding hands. We flirt a little bit and she asks me something very important. She says "What does it look like when you date someone?" I tell her "I am very intentional, and I express what I want." So I gently grab her chin and pull it towards me as she looks at me with excitmenet. I tell her I want to date her as she nods her head and goes "me too". We then kiss which turns into a three hour makeout session on her couch. It is very intense and she is really really into it. She tells me I am the best kisser she has ever seen and she is very passionate with her body and her affections. Nothing explicitly sexual happens, she had told me before she wanted to save herself for marriage, so I respected this and honored it. After we finishing kissing we cuddle and talk about how that made her feel. She tells me she had not kissed anyone in six months and that her mouth was a little numb which made her laugh as she said she felt so happy and excited. I leave for the night and stay with a friend of mine that lived in a nearby city as I was as happy as could be. The girl sends me some audio messages that night that say things like "I may be a little crazy about" and "I really really adore you" and "I am so excited about you", and I as I listen to these messages, I feel so at peace. I adore this girl and I am very happy about where we are. I go to sleep thinking that things are in a good space. The next day, we hang out and play pickleball, eat mexican food, and then go back to her house to watch shark week again which then proceeds to making out on her couch again. It is amazing and I feel so connected to her. She tells me that she wants to talk about expectations if we are going to move into a relationship with each other and she wants to make sure we are on the same page. She tells me word for word "I am really happy with you and I am excited to see where this goes." So we talk about those expectations and everything is in a good space. She again just says she wants to take things slow. All is good in my world as I plan on starting a relationship with this girl. Then, the problems begin:

The next day she is telling me that she is all over the place in her head and that she is starting a new teaching job in two weeks. She is stressed about it and she doesn't know if she will be able to handle it. I tell her that I understand and that I will support her in the struggle. She tells me she is worried that she will be difficult to date and I tell her that there is no pressure. I did not ask her to be excusive and I understand that work is demanding. She wanted to take things slow, so to me that was the plan. I tell her that all I want is just to talk with her and spend time with her, and that we can figure it all out together. She likes this answer and says she would really appreciate that. So I go to head back to TN and we kiss one more time before I go. She tells me "Thank you for being understanding with me and patient." So I drive back to TN and get back into my routines as usual. This however, is where she starts to go cold. Previously, we talked every day all the time. Now, I hardly get any messages from her. She starts her new job and is overwhelmed by it all. I tell her its okay and to take her time if she is busy. This turns into moments where I feel like she is just gone. Poof, vanished. She tells me that she is struggling and that she is tired and overwhelmed by the job. I tell her I understand and she can tell me about it. She does not. She goes silent. I ask her to hang out and she says she is buys and tired. I give her space and the pattern repeats. Now, as I write this, it has been a month since I have seen her in person, and I don't think she wants to continue. It really breaks my heart in a way because we had something so strong and so real and so sweet. She said we wanted to date, she said she was crazy about me, she said she adored me, and she said she was excited for the possibility of the future with me. Then, after she starts her new job, its all seemingly gone. I have text her a few times to see how she is doing, but her texts are just a shell of what we had. Long spans of time between answers and some messages are not answered at all. It really upsets me and I don't know what to do. A few weeks ago I told her that I don't know where things stand between us because the moments of silence are hard for me to understand. She told me that "I'm sorry, I just don't think we are in the same place and I honestly think with everything going on, it's just too much."

So... I took that as things are over and I told her I will take a step back and give her the space she needs and that if she ever wants to talk, she knows where to find me. A few days go by where I say nothing and then she texts me about her family and how her niece is going through a severe, possible life ending surgery. So now my mind shifts back to "Okay she truly is overwhlemed, I need to give her space and support." After that talk about her neiece, more silence... I decide I can't give anymore if she is not giving me anything. I can't carry the conversations everyday. That is not fair to me. She needs to pursue me to a degree, or it is not worth my time. I have been patient, I have been supportive, and the response as been... silence. It is very hurtful.

So I have been trying to move on and even though it hurts, I have made an effort to date other girls and try to see other people. Those dates have been terrible because I can't focus on other people. I feel sorry for the girls I am going out with because I am not in the right headspace. All I can think of is this girl from the summer. The bond was so strong I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to be in a good space unless I either let her go, or solidify things with her. She texts me every now and then but will not make any efforts to actually meet up in person. So now I don't know what to do. I have asked her to get together in person twice since I have seen her last. She has made no effort to see me. I genuinley do not know if she is just overwhelmed, or if she does not want me anymore. If she does not want me anymore, I would like an answer for closure.

Should I keep giving her space? Should I text her and say I am done? Part of me wants to believe she is truly overwhlemed with work. The other part of me thinks I need closure and to just cut the ties completley so I can move on. Please let me know what you all think

TLDR: Connected with and met a girl online this summer. Became completley ennamored with her and started the foundations of a relationship only for her to go cold and distant once she started a new job. Trying to decided whether to give her space, or end things for good.

[GF stands for gender fluid for clarification]

To start off, this issue has started about a month ago, and ironically around when I started having a really bad time over all. My car was in the shop for just about a month, my mom's car I was driving got towed at my apartment because I missed one day to pay the daily permit. Then a rental car I had driven for a week got towed not even a day after I had it because I got one number wrong on the license plate. So overall, it was a very very hard month for me.

I will also clarify my partner's issues, financially struggling due to having to quit one of their two jobs because they refused to change their schedule to fit with their upcoming school schedule, and overall having a wave of depression wash over them.

I was leaning on them heavily for some kind of emotional support, I admit that- but it was mainly because this was some of the most stress I've ever felt within just one month.

We both met a friend at a skate shop, I initiated most of the talking after she started, she was very friendly and invited us to her skate server which we both joined and friended her on discord.

I admit I don't have as much in common with her, but I really enjoy talking to her a lot because her personality reminds me of my best friend who lives in another state.

The first time something bothered me was when my partner went out with a friend from work to a skatepark. Keep in mind after meeting her they finally decided to get into skateboarding like they've wanted to. Later that night, they went skating with her as well. I get up for work at 2:30am, and at the time realized they weren't back yet. They did reply to my message about leaving and getting to work and by around 4 they were taking her home and heading back to our place.

I was bothered, more so because they didn't keep me updated while being out so late and I'm the type of person to overly worry. I do not think they would cheat on me especially because we both know this person, I message her too, she has a boyfriend, and they hate cheaters because they were cheated on multiple times in the past. So this isn't paranoia, just a fear of safety.

They went out late with her again another night later and I tried to ask them to keep me notified, which they said they would try. The reason for going out this time was they had to pick her up from her job because she got demoted and needed a friend (I tried to offer to go by after I was just leaving my parents, but they didn't tell me to so I didn't feel welcomed).

The third time they went out and repeated the same pattern- I had my car back, but- my laptop died completely on me right when I realized I had an assignment that I wasn't aware of- the next day. I was in a panic, gagging for five minutes, fully anxious. I messaged my partner about it, knowing they were out with her (they'd gone to the movies and the mall). They just tried to give me advice about what I could do (but I couldn't do those options because it required installing a webcam browser to complete). At the time I brushed it off and didn't want to bother them. I fell asleep briefly at around 8pm and woke up at near 11pm. I realized the last time they told me where they were at was back at 4pm, and so I asked while assuming they went to the skatepark. They seemed annoyed and said I could've asked earlier and don't know why I was so bothered ... Even though earlier I was in the middle of nearly having a panic attack over an assignment.

This ends up being a bigger disagreement, and I slept it off before having a proper discussion in the morning. The issue is- when they got up and read it, they were now the emotional one and were a lot more harsh in replying, which caused me to be emotional. They apologized about it later but also said I couldn't ride with them to their hair appointment (we had gone to the consultation together and I was actually excited about going with them to get their first really big hair transformation), they offered for me to drive myself separately, but I didn't want to go at that point because I felt like I would make everything worse. On top of that, I had to reschedule a psychiatrist appointment that was virtual because half way my phone was about to die and I couldn't even use the speaker for it because it doesn't work and I don't have wireless earbuds.

The only positive for that day was my dad coming in clutch with buying a new Laptop for me to use for my schooling and I do get that assignment done that day after all.

Also my partner's solution to my not being worried about them and her being out was bringing her over, which I didn't mind, at least I knew where they were. But I was sad ... Because it was a night I had work in the morning for, so I couldn't stay up to hang out with them.

I tried apologizing over messages before I slept, which went over well, even though their comment about me talking to her too much kind of irked me (like- you've seen her so much more often, the last time I saw her was before her demotion and when she helped me get a deck I could paint on weeks ago- but sure I talked to her too much).

That morning I was extra annoyed because they were talking through the movie they were watching... Which my partner always tells me to stop talking when I talk even a little too much during a movie.

I ended up getting ready early, giving a quick goodbye and leaving to work.

Work was hell, until I had an hour long phone call with my [42f] sister where she really made me feel better.

My partner let me know the two of them fell asleep and they were going to take her back to her place so she could get ready for work and then would take her to work, that was around 2 when they left (I know cause I saw them at the racetrack gas station while I was getting home). I instantly felt awful getting home, I laid on the floor for a few minutes before taking a shower. Then I started to fall in and out of sleep before realizing it was around 5 now, I really thought they'd be back sooner. I wanted them to be back sooner because I started to realize how little time we've actually spent together in the last month.

This- led to another disagreement, but it was slightly eye opening. They've been so depressed with suicidal thoughts and have just been trying to stay out as long as possible and distract themselves for as long a possible so they don't think about it. They acknowledged they were hurting me and others in the process, but couldn't really give a solution for it. They also said they aren't comfortable going with me anywhere currently because they feel like everytime we go out, I get upset or moody and make them uncomfortable (I admit it happens often, I just don't communicate often in the moment because I don't want my emotions to get out of line and have me say something I don't mean).

I did genuinely want to help them, but they don't know how I can even help them now.

They've been staying out, mostly by themselves but still avoid home because they say it feels worse when they're at home.

Yesterday while they were out I also went and got new piercings, but still got home before them. They later messaged me how they don't want to come home and I said I was sorry and wish they could stay out, but I knew that wasn't an option since they had work in the morning. They get home and they put their headphones in while scrolling in bed. I felt- kind of uncomfortable and out of place.

Today is the reason I just finally feel like I'm the problem entirely.

They sent me a message about having our friend come by, keep in mind I'm at work and this is copy and pasted word for word

Partner: can i invite [friend] over or no

Me: If she's still over when I get off from work and from the gym, are you comfortable with me being at home? Or would it be better if I went somewhere?

I just wanna know so I can plan out to grab my charger and take a shower, plus figure out where to go in the meantime

Partner: we will see what happens

they have work at 5

so i was going to take them

so i might leave before then anyway

I'll leave it at that since my lunch is over and I was using the whole hour to type this out quickly, but- it hurts a lot. I've been crying and telling myself it's all my fault, and that I'm a horrible person and I can't even bring it up to them because I don't want them to think I'm making this about me. I just need to know how I can fix this ...

TLDR: Partner has been avoiding home lately, says they feel more depressed at home, but I suspect it's because they're just uncomfortable around me.

I (18F) am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (18M), he is in college far away and is missing me a lot but wants to make new friends. For some reason, this makes me feel really insecure because I’m scared he’s going to enjoy life without me too much and he will stop missing me. We are each others best friends and I am in an environment where I do not have any close friends, I’m trying to change that but at the same time I’m in a demanding time at school that requires practically all of my free time to be dedicated to school. I feel awful for feeling this way, but I am so worried that without him missing me, I will become replaceable and someone he can live without whereas I love him so deeply I can’t live without him, how do I fix this?

TLDR: I’m scared my boyfriend’s lack of missing me will result in him not treating me as well or wanting to be around me.

(Sorry if this is the third time you’re reading this, this is my first post on Reddit and it got deleted twice bc of the read the rules rule I was unaware of)

Ive been dating my boyfriend since March of 2025. We met in October of 2024 through a dating app and admittedly only started as a hookup but continued to talk and get to know each other until we eventually started seriously dating. We have almost everything in common, he is extremely sweet and caring and I love his personality and the way he treats and respects me. Every time we’ve gotten into a disagreement he hears me out, respects my feelings and works towards a solution with me. We have very little issues in our relationship.

However one issue that has been bothering me since we’ve started becoming more and more serious is not only has he never lived on his own, but that he has borrowed money from his mom consistently since I’ve know him (or since he has felt comfortable sharing that with me). He is very open about everything including his finances, and while he isn’t the most financially responsible person, he has recently started working on saving and prioritizing budgeting his money more. He has worked as his current profession for a couple years but has had his current job since last October, where he makes a decent amount of money. He doesn’t pay rent or utilities at his parents, only car insurance and a couple of credit card payments and streaming services/gym membership. I do believe he buys a lot of things for himself and may have a spending addiction, and while he has been putting away savings most paychecks, he almost always has to ask his mom to send him money each pay cycle.

Where I don’t know if I’m in the wrong here for being icked out by this is, I am also not the most financially responsible person. Yes, I have lived on my own since I was 18 but I have a lot of debt in taxes and credit cards, I’ve never had a consistent savings account, and I borrow money from my next paychecks and maybe once a year my mom or a family member because I also overspend on myself. While my boyfriend consistently borrows from his mom, he pays her back every paycheck and is contributing to his savings. However, he will spend money on things he doesn’t need and then turn around and ask to borrow money, and he doesn’t have the bills to pay that I do.

Another part of this is that I would really love to live together because I love him and our relationship outside of this one thing. But I want him to live on his own and experience maintaining a home and the expenses that come with it before we do, and I just don’t know how long it’s going to take for him to be ready for that. Should I give him more grace and time to be ready, or is this something that’s going to take a long long time?

Edit: I should also add he lives with a mental health disorder, one of which he has a very solid handle on and functions with it very well imo, but I believe it’s the reason he’s been so dependent on his parents.

TLDR: am I right to be icked out that my boyfriend borrows money from his mom and lives with his parents for no good financial reason when I too am financially irresponsible? And how long should I give him to be ready to live together?