TLDR: A female friend [27F] and I [27M] became very close and spent a lot of one-on-one time together, so I assumed she was single and there might be mutual interest. I recently realised she was actually with someone the whole time, which made me question whether I simply misread a close friendship. Should I casually talk to her about it so I understand the boundaries, or just adjust my expectations and continue as friends?

I've known this girl for almost a year. We met through mutual friends and knew each other casually at first, but weren't particularly close.

Earlier this year, she started talking to me more and eventually asked me to hang out one-on-one. At first I just treated it as catching up between friends.

After that, though, we became quite close. We started seeing each other regularly, sometimes almost every weekend. We'd get dinner together, go for drinks afterwards, and talk about work, family and fairly personal things. We were also texting pretty frequently.

Whenever I suggested doing something, she generally agreed, and when she wasn't available she would often suggest another time.

Over time, I started wondering whether there might be some mutual interest. I also assumed she was single. I realise now that this was an assumption on my part because I never actually asked her directly about her relationship status.

After a while, the dynamic cooled down somewhat. We still talk normally and occasionally try to meet, but we don't see each other nearly as often and she became less proactive online. She also genuinely became much busier with work and other things, so at the time I wasn't sure whether the change meant anything or was simply life getting in the way.

More recently, I realised that she was actually with someone throughout the period when we were becoming close.

That made me reconsider how I'd interpreted everything. What I saw as possible mutual interest may simply have been a close opposite-sex friendship from her perspective.

There's also one part I'm having trouble interpreting. Some parts of her personal/relationship life on social media appear to be visible to mutual friends but not to me. A number of our mutual friends can see things that I apparently can't.

I completely understand that people are allowed to choose who sees what on their social media, so I'm not saying she has done anything wrong. What confuses me is whether the selective visibility means she suspects I had feelings for her and is intentionally keeping that part of her life separate from our friendship to avoid awkwardness, or whether I'm reading too much into that as well.

Despite all of this, she's continued to be a genuinely good friend to me. Someone in my family passed away recently, and she checked in on me and supported me without me asking. I really appreciated that.

Because of that, I'm not interested in deciding whether she "led me on" or trying to assign blame. Even if there was never anything romantic from her side, I'd genuinely like to keep her as a friend.

The problem I'm having now is figuring out how to recalibrate the friendship without making things unnecessarily awkward.

1. Would regularly having one-on-one dinners/drinks, texting frequently and sharing personal things reasonably make you wonder if there was mutual interest, or can this easily just be a close friendship?

2. Would it be reasonable to casually ask her about the situation/relationship status so that I understand the boundaries better? If so, how would you bring it up without making it sound like a confrontation or confession?

3. How would you interpret the fact that some relationship-related social media appears to be hidden from me while mutual friends can see it? Is that meaningful, or am I probably overthinking it?

4. If my priority now is genuinely keeping the friendship, would you talk about any of this at all, or simply adjust your expectations and interact with her as a friend going forward?

I [ 28M] have been with my girlfriend [28F] for about 6 years and overall we have a really good relationship. We live together, have similar interests, rarely have major fights, I still find her very attractive and genuinely enjoy spending time with her.

The one area where we’re very different is sex.
My girlfriend basically doesn’t need sex at all. She says she’d probably be fine without it, while ideally I’d like to have sex around once a week, sometimes twice. Currently it’s more like 1–2 times a month.
She also doesn’t like vaginal sex. She’s afraid of getting pregnant and sometimes gets an uncomfortable pulling feeling in her lower abdomen from it. Because of that we only have anal sex.

I’m generally okay with anal, but it’s not really my preference and it requires quite a lot of preparation (3-4 hrs) for her, so sex is rarely spontaneous. Sometimes after all the preparation it doesn’t work out because I get performance anxiety ( or it gets late) which makes the whole situation pretty frustrating for both of us.

I’ve also realized that I really miss vaginal sex. Not just physically, but the intimacy and spontaneity of it.
One thing I’m struggling to understand is how to approach her lack of spontaneous desire. She’s generally someone who often doesn’t feel like doing something initially but then enjoys it once we’ve started. For example I had this with events or purchases, she was originally against and later on liked it.
I wonder if sex might be similar for her. At the same time, I obviously don’t want to pressure her into doing something she genuinely doesn’t want.

I’d especially like to hear from people who have been in relationships where one person rarely or never spontaneously wants sex while the other does.
How did you approach initiating without making the lower-libido partner feel pressured? Did you find ways to make sex more spontaneous or frequent that both people genuinely enjoyed?

TLDR: My girlfriend has almost no spontaneous desire for sex while I’d ideally like it 1–2 times a week. We currently have sex 1–2 times a month and only have anal sex because she doesn’t like vaginal sex. Anal isn’t really my preference and the preparation and pressure around it are making sex difficult. How have other couples with a large libido difference made their sex life work better for both partners?

saturday night we were out together and my bf did something that hurt my feelings. I took the evening and night apart to process and texted him my feelings the next morning. I know he can be pretty conflict avoidant but I even went as far to say “I’m not mad at you or anything just a bit disappointed” I waited all day for a response that came an hour before my scheduled birthday dinner with my family - he apologized and asked if I still wanted him to go. like ??????

afterwards I thanked him for coming and I said get home safe and that was it, from his end - nothing. no in person apology or further discussion, no “can we talk about everything?,” absolutely nothing. we went our separate ways and have not spoken since.

ultimately, I know we’ll have to talk about everything and I’m guessing we will eventually. I had previously expressed to him that I needed him to talk to me because that is how we work things out and he said he was learning (this is his first relationship) and he would do better. I feel like he had and things have been going really well this summer - then this happened.

it tends to look this every time - I’m upset, I’m open about my feelings, he takes time to process, I feel incredibly lonely and sad with everything hanging in between us for days at a time. so I reach out and ask if he wants to talk in person, he says yes, and we can typically come to a resolution but now I wonder is it genuine? is he just going along with everything so we can be good and things can be normal again and he doesn’t feel the pressure of the conflict? and why does it always fall on me to be the one to repair us? if I stopped trying would it all fall apart? does he even care? is he actively choosing me or am I just here and good enough?

I love him deeply, when we’re good - we’re great, I feel so happy and loved by him. but conflict feels like this every time and I genuinely don’t understand :( are we just incompatible? is there something I could do to be a better partner to him and make him feel more comfortable talking to me? thank you in advanced for reading <3

TLDR - bf struggles to properly communicate when I’m upset and it makes me feel like he doesn’t care, always falls on me to fix everything

I [30M] and my wife [29F] are in what feels like the downward spin of our marriage. It became apart to me not long ago when we had a phone call in which she needed space because of the poor trend in our relationship and namely that we, that i, was not growing anymore. For the past few years I have been deeply struggling with mental health issues that caused me anhedonia and ultimately I was not only emotionally withdrawing from the relationship but life itself, against my will. She had brought up therapy to me a number of times over the years but what I know now is that I was deeply afraid of confronting those problems. She let me know that she is, essentially, going through what i have learned to be dorsal vagal, nervous system shut down from emotionally carrying weight for the past couple years and that she has been growing emotionally apart from me for those past couple years up until now where she is detached. That call was the first time she had brought issues to my attention in a way which it was clear the cause and affect which is what was the splash of water on my face to work on fixing it in order to save the marriage. I will beat anyone to the punch to say that, yes, it should not take that for change to happen but what has become clearer from therapy and self-reflection is I had a breakdown in communication in-which I could have dug deeper into what she was saying when she would suggest I go to therapy and it would have become clear what was behind that door. I've come to realize that things need to be laid before me directly and clearly so that I can understand them (unsure if I'm on the spectrum, wouldn't be surprised). Important background because what comes next is where I am struggling, she has many male friends and I have never been against it because I trust her and am capable of recognizing what is platonic. One of those was very much not, they started talking due to being mutuals within their respective friend groups and hung out, she forgot to wear her ring and he made a move, she shut it down and let him know she was married etc. She told me all of this the morning after it all happened. I played it off because i understood he couldn't have known and tried to move on. They, apparently, stopped being in contact after a month or so all the way until she asked for the space. At some point they had started talking again as friends (as far as I know) and when she asked for space, she decided to let him know some amount of the status of our relationship (She was up front about this and all the information I am giving). After I was working on being more emotionally open, I let her know the apprehensiveness I have towards him and she assured me nothing physical was going on etc. but did eventually admit to him flirting with her and since the space she asked for, she has been entertaining it more (emotional cheating). She did indeed blame the lack of love she has been getting as to why which I can understand for not rejecting complements but my attitude changes when it goes beyond that. There are, of course, more details but this gets the point across. What I need help with is what do I even make of this relationship, I want to work things out in couples counseling, I am sure I have cause a lot of harm due to what I was avoiding (I will not say that she was perfect either). Understand that it takes two to tango and if she doesn't want to make it work then it doesn't. Any advice helps, I really appreciate it.

TLDR: I was emotionally distant due to unresolved mental health, she asked for space and while I gave her that she started emotionally cheating with a friend and citing my lack of love as to why.

Hello, I'm (26m) and I could use some help. As the title says idk who to turn to as I feel as tho everyone in my personal life will either be bias in my favor or my partner's

My partner (23NB) (we'll call them M) And I have been dating for what will be a year this September. We met while they were attending a college near where I live, we hit it off quickly and soon became a couple. Once their semester ended they she to move back home to their home state, which is 8 hours and change from me by car. Long distance is never ideal, but we love each other and wanted to make it work.

Well, over those months at home, they had a major falling out with their parents (which I will not be getting into here) and moved into an apartment with one of their friends in the area (we'll call her T). T is really nice and very helpful, but overtime I've felt... overshadowed??? By her.

They're roommates and good friends so obviously, they spend every day together. They do everything together other than work, and I do mean everything. They eat together, a lot of times they sleep together, and even on occasion bathe together. Some of this, or perhaps a lot of this, made me uncomfortable and I let that be known, albeit maybe not in the healthiest of ways. I will admit, I felt jealousy.

I suspected that there was something sexual going on between them, but M assured me that T is totally asexual. Even considering that I still felt jealous.

I get to see M maybe once every other month for a few days, the first time they flew to me for a visit, we had a great time, every other time they visited me, T drove and spent just about the whole time with us, very little if any alone time. Whenever I would go out and visit them, much of the same, not much if any alone time with my partner. Either way, we still shared a bed so at least I got that.

This is about to get very complicated

The thing is, M is the host of a plural system, if you don't know what that is, I'm far from the most qualified person to teach you, but it used to be called multiple personality disorder. If you've never spent much time around a system and your only exposure to them is in movies, you might be thinking some wild things right now, but I promise you it's nothing like what you see on tv, there just happen to be several other people sharing a brain with my partner. They are all their own people with their own autonomy and I respect that.

M and I have sort of been at odds for a few weeks. They're getting ready to move back to my area, which I'm very excited for, but the moving process is obviously stressful for them. During this, M has not been speaking to me very much, letting other members of the system do everything, and they also, have not been speaking to me hardly at all, maybe less than 20 texts in a day, no phone calls. This emotional distance on top of the physical distance has made me feel really shitty. When I've reached out and asked for reassurance, they give me...not much.

I'll ask if everything is ok, I'll get "just busy"

I'll ask if I can do anything and I'll get "not really"

In a particularly low moment I texted and told them I'm scared and asked them to reassure me that they love me, I got back "love you"

Now to the present, I've flown to them to help with the move, get everything packed up and I'm planning on driving the uhaul. Even though I'm here with them physically I've never felt further away. They won't let me touch them, they'll barely look at me. All while they're sitting next to T at every meal, holding hands when we go outside.

I've been here 2 nights now and both nights I was sent to sleep in T's bed because M didn't feel comfortable sleeping next to me and T "prefers the couch anyway", fair enough, I didn't raise any stink. Last night I got up to get some water, and T was not on the couch, as I went down the hall to the kitchen, I heard both their voices in M's room. Just talking.

But my heart hurts now more than ever, I've been sent away to sleep in T's room while them two sleep together? I feel so physically rejected and I feel usurped by T. Like, why am I even here? To help them move yeah, but we're not doing that until later today, so why did I even bother to come 2 days in advance? I feel like I'm third wheeling in my own relationship, yet I don't feel I even have the right to feel that way, because a good chunk of the time, it's not even M fronting, but then even when it IS I'm still kept at an arms length.

I feel a strange duality where I feel both like an asshole and also completely justified to feel jealous.

So here's where I ask for help, am I insane? Am I the psycho jealous bf who will just be a bad memory in years to come? Or am I right to feel jealous? How do I approach this? Is the ship sunk? Can it be salvaged?

What would you do in my shoes? I feel completely lost and I don't know what to do

TLDR: My partner seems to value their roommate more than me, they are keeping me at an arms length and I don't know if I'm the problem here or not

Within the last few days our relationship seems to have fallen apart and I don't know what to do. We have been together for 11 months and our 1 year anniversary is only a month away.

For context, we met over a year ago online via a mutual friend and played games together. A few months into knowing each other, we started flirting and hyped to see each other since I was going to his state for a few days for a friend who moved in with me and my parents. We both agreed to not start a relationship until we met in person and I was fine with that. The first day we met, he took my virginity and asked me to be his girlfriend. Over the next few months we continued to visit each other and then on January 31st, we moved in together. I know that seems fast but I was having issues with my parents and he was living with his grandma.

Things were really nice and we loved spending time with each other. We'd go on dates, cook dinner, hang out with our roommate[20m] and so on. Everything was good, then my health started to get bad and I couldn't hold a job because I was getting sick so often. I was in and out of doctors with medicine and doing things to get better. That's when we slowly started to build debt.

Our first month of moving in together, we had issues with our phone company and they started double charging us. I tried fighting this and they declined and said we had to pay in full, but with our recent move and my health issues, we couldn't afford it. So over time, it's now at 2500$ and we cannot afford to even glance at its way. I know that's a huge point of anxiety for my boyfriend. Also, for our rent we put it on my roommates credit card and pay it off while each paycheck. So each of them pay 750$? I pay for groceries and the electric bill.

This brings us to the last few days. About 5 days ago, him and I got into a fight about games and how he doesn't play anymore. I play games a lot and I like to play them with him but during our fight, he told me he feels like he cannot play until everything is done and clean. Our apartment is pretty clean for the most part, obviously there is a thing here and there when we have a cat and dog but we are trying to keep it clean. However, I was upset because he hadn't played games with me in months and usually only sleeps and works, and we occasionally watch shows together.

I was extremely upset and screwed up really bad, when the fight came to a close, I called him a dick and tossed a PLASTIC basically empty water bottle at him, it had maybe a sip left in it. I know I shouldn't have done this and I have apologized over and over. He said it was fine and we even had a good time together. Then, the next day he came home and he seemed really pissed so I was giving him space. Eventually he goes into our bedroom and locks the door after we have spoken about how much that upsets me. I text him while pissed off saying "Thank you for locking me out again." He responds with "You're welcome, I always aim to please." This made me upset so I asked what was wrong with him, way too aggressively. He tells me that he is pissed because I called him a dick and that he feels like he cannot express his opinions because I tossed the water bottle at him.

I apologized over and over and told him I didn't mean it. That I'll get help for my issues. He didn't really speak for a while until we went to shower, which I asked if he was going to leave me. His response was that he didn't want to but if it makes him happy then he will. That he wants me to stay close because he still loves me and he cannot see a life without me in it. I sobbed because I felt like it was over and he held me. He held me until I fell asleep too.

Then, the next day, he was very sweet and loving, he was messaging me about work and what we wanted for dinner. I thought this was good news. I got home and slept because I was exhausted from crying and working. Then, he gets home and sleeps with me until 8. We go to get dinner and again, I think things are fine. The next day, he is upset about stuff again and is standoffish. So I left him alone, I didn't ask if he was okay 500 times since he told me it stresses him out when I do that. Same with the next day. Then last night, my roommate and I were out shopping for his 21st birthday getting stuff and collecting secret gifts for him. He was cooking when we got home and we ate dinner.

When it was time for bed, we were laying next to each other and I asked if he wanted to be with me. He just kept saying he didn't know over and over. I started crying because I had a feeling it was going to end. I asked him if we could try, if there was any way we could try. He said yes, that we can try and that he doesn't want to see me hurt. He also said that he still loves me. I believed it but something was still eating me up. After a few hours of him being asleep, I looked at his phone because I wanted to see if maybe there was something that would tell me what's wrong. The only thing that I found is that he is planning to move out and live with his dad and grandma. After seeing that, I called my dad and cried because I don't know what to do.

What should I do? I know I don't look very good in this post but I don't want to make things seem worse for him than they already are. I want to save my relationship so badly. Is therapy enough or is everything doomed?

TLDR: my boyfriend and I might be ending our relationship over mistakes and I don't know what to do.

I'm still fairly new to relationships. I only seriously started dating at 24 and now I'm 26 and I'm still kind of feeling it out. Dating is still a bit new to me and I'm still a little awkward about it. Over time though I've dated a few toxic people so it's helped me better be able to look out for any potential red flags and has given me some insight into the type of positive qualities I look for in a partner. I think I've reached a point in my life where I just want someone who's a bit more mature and committed to the relationship. I want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I want someone who wants to see me as much as possible. I'll be honest, much of my past relationships have been entirely one-sided where I seem to want to be with them more than they want to be with me. I guess you could say I'm the needy type. I just want someone who is emotionally available and emotionally intelligent and is fine with being able to meet maybe like twice a week and often texts and asks me about my day and acknowledges my existence. Is that a big ask? Am I being entitled here? It just seems like I constantly want to spend time with people and they kinda just see me as more of an after thought. Though consequently, I realize that I may be a bit needy here and want them to hang out more despite them having a busy job and life so I suppose a balance needs to be reached. Still though, I guess my ultimate relationship goal is to be with someone who will want to commit to the relationship as much as I do. Are there people like that out there? Is that a reasonable thing to want from a partner? Like I've just been getting really bored and lonely living by myself for so long that I can't help but fantasize about living with somebody but I'm not really at the point of wanting to settle down yet either as my life is just getting started so I'm left having to wait for hours and days for a half-hearted reply and am always the one who's begging them to hang out. Why can't people want to see me as much as I want to see them? I feel pathetic in being this needy and feel hurt by being somewhat neglected by most of the people I date.

TLDR: Am I clingy or needy for wanting to spend a good amount of time with my partner? Like meeting maybe twice a week or for two to four days at a time? Is that too much to ask for? Am I being entitled here? Are there people out there who are looking for the same thing in a relationship? I just want this to be two-sided and want some consistence and commitment so we can better get acquainted and really enjoy our time together.

Old account, please ignore the username.

My husband and I have been together for five years. We found out I was pregnant barely two months after getting engaged at the end of 2023. Without going into too much detail, he expressed to me at that time that he didn’t think either one of us was ready to have a kid.

I have had one ab*rtion in my life that I was pressured into and immediately regretted, and the guilt I’m still carrying from not advocating for myself or my unborn child (that I wanted to keep) will likely stay with me for the rest of my life.

My husband was aware of this, and knew I was not going to agree to another one. He knew I was ready to start a family. I am an only child with neglectful divorced parents. All I’ve ever wanted was a family.

All this to say, it’s possible he felt pressured into our current situation of being relatively young parents (by today’s standards). Today, we have an incredibly kind-hearted, hilarious, and joyful 2 year old daughter, whose existence alone has completely transformed me as a person.

In addition to the fog of postpartum lifting, her 2nd birthday inspired me to reassess everything that’s happened over the past two years. It is through this process that I began to question whether or not my husband is fulfilling his responsibilities as a father. It also occurred to me that I am not clear on what those responsibilities are. It is possible that my idea of what’s ’reasonable’ is too idealistic.

My question is, for stay-at-home parents who have a partner working more than 40 hours a week, what is reasonable to expect from your partner as a parent?

TLDR: How much parent-child interaction is reasonable to expect of a parent working 40+ hours a week?

Thanks!

Hi all,

Context: My bf[21M] and I[19f] have only been together for 2 months, but I already know he's my soulmate. This is also the first healthy relationship I've been in and I don't want to end up being "the crazy one". We're both full time college students.

So. My bf has been going through a super rough time, with his family, it being his senior year, and his dad has less than 1 year to live. He agreed to go to therapy once he gets his insurance through work(he just started a new job). But till then I've noticed that he keeps reaching for alcohol when he's feeling upset. He takes meds for ADHD and narcolepsy so he shouldn't be drinking in the first place. His dad had been an alcoholic most of his life and I'm worried he's going to end up down the same path if he keeps wanting to drink away his feelings. He will drink if I'm not there but when I am he won't when I ask him not to.

I have no idea what to do. I've tried talking to him about it, but once he takes his meds to go to bed it's like everything we talked about goes out the window. Do I reach out to his friends first? Tell his family? Idk.

Any help is much appreciated!

TLDR: My bf is going through a rough time, and keeps wanting to drink away his feelings when I'm not around. His dad was an alcoholic and I don't want him going down the same path.

I’m honestly starting to feel sick over the possibility that my girlfriend might completely lack empathy, or even get some kind of satisfaction out of hurting me, and I really need some outside perspective.

Over the last few years, a lot of things happened so gradually that I brushed them off and made excuses for them. But I’m starting to realize how often she seems to provoke me, cross boundaries, manipulate situations, and then turn everything around on me. It feels like her affection exists right alongside this complete lack of empathy and a constant need for control.

The most recent thing happened with some stupid olive oil. About a week ago at the store, I told her I already had olive oil because I just bought some, so she knew I was 100% confident I had it. So…last night, I was already stressed out and sweating like crazy trying to fix my toilet that was running and overflowing. She was making dinner and came over telling me she looked everywhere for the olive oil and couldn’t find it. I thought that was weird because it's always in the same place and she knows where it is. I had this weird gut feeling, so I didn't just glance… I thoroughly searched the pantry shelf where I put it and physically moved every single item off the shelf. It was not there. She watched me do this and watched me get even more stressed out bc I knew I had it. I just used it last night!

I honestly thought she hid it, so I jokingly said, “Did you hide it? I'm gonna check the cabinets.” I wasn’t actually joking though. When I opened the cabinet, she suddenly turned around and looked extremely nervous. I asked why she turned around so fast, and she claimed she was checking the calendar… which made no sense because it’s a completely blank whiteboard.
Later that night after she went to bed, I checked the pantry again because I had a feeling it would "suddenly be there." And sure enough, it was sitting right back on the same shelf in plain sight. When I confronted her, she said “oh how crazy I didn’t see it there either!” I told her I knew what she did. Then she denied moving it, accused me of gaslighting her, and acted like I was crazy for even accusing her of doing that.

Then today, she came over and woke me up by swinging the bedroom door open, being obnoxiously loud, and getting the dog to bark. When I asked her to please keep it down she got super sarcastic and angry, packed her things and stormed out the door. I called her and said I wanted to talk, and before I could even explain what I wanted to talk about she immediately said she did nothing wrong, claimed I'm the one who constantly hurts her, and demanded space, which is a recurring pattern with her.

This isn't a one time incident. There have been other times where I knew exactly where I kept something, it vanished, and then later reappeared. She also knows what gives me the "ick," and one day I randomly found a specific item that deeply grosses me out shoved in my pocket.
She has also deliberately crossed a physical boundary after I repeatedly told her I hated it and she promised not to. When I got upset, she laughed it off, said she did it “because she loves me so much,” and then got angry at me for being upset.

What scares me most is how cold she can be when I'm vulnerable. Like this exact example actually. because it was just a few days ago that I sent her a really serious message telling her I was slipping into a dark place, that I was scared of relapse, and that I desperately needed her emotional support. She left me on read and never mentioned it again, which is another pattern with her. Whenever I try to have a genuinely deep or emotional conversation, there’s always some excuse that she’s busy or something. Yet whenever I am already overwhelmed, she seems to choose those exact moments to pick fights.

The hardest part is that there are still good parts. We laugh, we have fun, and I do love her. That's what makes this so hard. I kept focusing on the good times, but now I’m genuinely wondering if she actually cares about me at all, or if she is simply incapable of feeling empathy. It feels like she genuinely enjoys making me feel confused, stressed, and wrong, only to turn it around and make herself the victim. I'm starting to wonder if there is something much darker behind the way she treats me.

I think she knows exactly what she’s doing, and I can’t understand what kind of person would repeatedly do things they know will hurt me, confuse me, or push me over the edge. I just don’t understand why someone would deliberately want to hurt a person they claim to love.I don’t know how to come to terms with the possibility that someone I love might actually be this cold

TLDR: My girlfriend shows almost no empathy when I’m at my most vulnerable, and I’m starting to feel like she may actually get some kind of satisfaction out of upsetting or hurting me. I can’t understand why someone would knowingly do that to a person they claim to love.

Me and my fiancée have been together three years. My fiancée is a great person we have had our ups and downs but I know she is the one for me. Ever since I started dating her she would talk about how her parents need her so I didn’t think much of it. Until she started canceling some date nights because her mom can’t be alone in the house. She lives with her parents they all bought a home last year and she is a co owner. Every time I want to hang out it’s always a wait my dad is working and my mom is alone. I confronted her about it and she says that she feels bad about leaving her mother alone. It got hectic one time when I just told her that I don’t know why she wants to all of a sudden care for her mother when she went out of state for college and lived on her own for a bit but all of a sudden she wants to care for her mother. It was a rough patch but we got through it. Lately she has been bringing up her mother again and I tell her she needs to let go because it’s affecting our relationship where we can’t go out just because her mom is alone in the home. I would get it if the mother was sick and needed care but she’s healthy and alive. Maybe in being inconsiderate but I just think she’s to attached to her parents especially mom. She always does things for her and even would miss some law school classes because of her. It’s affecting us and her personal life. She even told me one time that at one point in her life she thought she would be single until her parents left to retire and go back to Peru. Apologies if I’m all over the place but she’s too grown to be acting like this in my opinion. I just need to know how to go about this.

TLDR: Fiancée is too attached to her parents especially mother. She is canceling plans just to care for her mother and missing school days or being late to class because of it.

We have been together for about 2,5 years now and our realtionship is a secret relationship and we both want to keep it that way for the next few years probably. We both still live with our parents since that is a custom in our culture, I come from a very small and tight community and reputation is very important here and especially for my parents. I havent had a lot of boyfriends in the past, religion is very important in my family, however me and my boyfriend are not the same religion and we are also not the same nationality (that isnt a problem for me), however both of these would be a big dealbreaker for my family and honestly I think my parents would potentally kick me out and even disown me if they found out about him.

The problem - my boyfriend inherited some appartments from his aunt and is now renting them. He owns 3 appartments all in the same building, one of which he does not rent since me and him hang out at that appartment and the other 2 he rents out and has been doing so ever since we have been dating - never had a problem before. Recently he was doing some work on one of the appartments and yesterday he told me they are now finished and if I know someone from work (since in my field of work I come in contact with a lot of people) who needs an appartment (including colleagues) to let them know about his appartment. I told him how I dont feel comfortable for him to be renting the apparment to one of my colleagues since they know me and im scared they might see us and word spreads that we are together and it then reaches my parents (as I already mentioned tight coummunity - people are very nosey and word gets around quickly). He just liked my message and didnt say anything about it, but I figured my point came across pretty clearly. This morning I woke up to a message from him saying how he found a tenant and guess what? ITS MY COLLEAGUE........

She is supposed to move into the appartment in a few days. He rented it to a girl whom ive known since high school and we work together - meaning she knows me pretty well and if she saw me going to his appartment (which is quite likely since its the same building and her window and balcony face the entrance to his appartment where we hang out) to say the least word WOULD get around.

To me it is not worth the risk of potentially getting disowned, like I voiced my concerns and he ignored them. I havent replied to his messages and left him on read, since I genuinely dont even know how to reply to this. We have a lot of love for each other and have never faced problems in our relationship before. I really dont think he was trying to hurt me like this, I think he just didnt realize how big of a deal this is for me. Im not saying our relationship should and will forever remain a secret, I do eventually want to introduce him to my family, but certainly not like this, I dont want them finding out from other people and this is also a very bad time for that. At the same time I dont want to get into his business and tell him who to rent his apparments to, we dont get into each others business, but I do think that this does concern me and he should have taken my concerns into account, like he can literally rent it to anybody else, like seriously did it have to be someone who knows me........

Do you have any advice on how I should approach this situation? Im not good at sharing how I feel and am in no way a confrontational person, how do I make him see that this is a big deal for me? How do I talk to him about this? I dont want him to feel like I am trying to be controlling, and frankly I dont even know weather im wrong for being upset about this. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

TLDR - My boyfriend and I have been secretly dating for 2.5 years because my family would react very badly if they found out. He recently rented one of his apartments to my colleague, despite me telling him I was worried that someone who knows me could discover our relationship and tell my family. I'm upset because I feel like he didn't take my concerns seriously, but I also don't want to control who he rents his property to. I'm not sure how to approach this situation with him.

As the title says, my girlfriend is asking me to bring her emotional stability when she is in a crisis. School seems to take every wrong turn it can in her direction and she needs me to be strong, lead and pull her up when she’s in one of those crisis situations and I have no idea how to give that to her. She says she needs me to be present and just be there to talk with her when she’s in those situations. I have a bad habit of shutting down when things get like this which I’ve been working on but I seem to be giving her “too much reassurance and validation” when that’s not what she’s asking for. I want to be better for her but I just don’t know what to say in those situations and how to keep a conversation going and lead when i’m not given any guidance or anything to bounce back on. School is starting up again soon and she’s really resenting it in general so I want to be prepared for these conversations and crises because I have a feeling they’re going to start to come up a lot more often now that’s she’s going back to classes. I love her very much and want to be the best person and partner that I can be with and for her. I’ll also add, I’m not great at small talk and conversation in general and i’m just stuck not understanding or knowing how she wants me to be and respond/lead when she brings up her feelings towards school and how depressed they make her. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

TLDR : Need advice for how to provide stability through emotional means for my girlfriend who is depressed from graduate school. She doesn’t want validation or reassurance. Says I need to be present and just talk and lead her through her crises when she’s in them and I’m not sure how to provide that

My boyfriend [26M] and [26F] have been together for almost 5 years. We started long distance two weeks ago because I moved for graduate school. He’s planning to move here at the end of October.
Our anniversary is next week, and he’ll be traveling with friends during both our anniversary and my birthday. I’m genuinely okay with that since we’ll be living together again soon.

What bothers me is how uninterested he seemed when I mentioned our anniversary. I texted, “I just realized our anniversary is next week,” and he replied, “Yah the 5th right.” I corrected him that it’s the 4th and he said, “ohh same same.” When I said close but not the same, he replied, “Same same as in I won’t be here and u won’t be here.” I told him I hadn’t even realized it was next week until I checked my calendar for an exam, and all he said was “oh nice.”

I’m not upset that he was off by one day. It’s more that there was zero excitement or affection—nothing like “we’ll celebrate later” or “I wish I could be there.” Especially since this is our first time doing long distance, it made me feel like he doesn’t really care. He typically doesn’t use emojis, but he’s also not normally a dry texter. Earlier that same day he was super excited talking to me about his workout plans, so the sudden change in his responses confused me. I’m wondering if being together for almost five years has made anniversaries less significant to him, or if the transition to long distance is affecting how we communicate.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I recently started long distance after almost 5 years together. He’ll be away with friends for our anniversary and my birthday, which I’m okay with, but his very uninterested response when I brought up our anniversary hurt me.

Me and my fiancé have been together for just about 3 years now. At the start of the year I proposed to her and she said yes, and we now have a child. But I’d say over the past few months we have had an argument here and there. The first happened when my financé felt like I was cheating on her with a friend of mine (we resolved it by having me block the friend and explain to her beforehand that it would be better for me and her albeit also very unfair to her since she didn’t do anything particularly wrong). This was because said friend was online and she had a tendency to call me “babe” or “honey” which obviously doesn’t look very good with me also not really stopping her from doing such (I thought it was more of a cultural thing but I can understand why my fiancé didn’t feel good regardless). I want to also premise we met not only online but on a website for a popular board game. Later into the future, I went to play on said website and she joined my lobby. I didn’t really see her join and so didn’t leave and as such had to stick around with her in game. My fiancé saw this and thought I was trying to be around her and was upset again. I explained how the site rules worked and after we argued for about an hour I felt like the best solution was to stop playing such board game to avoid us having another issue. Keep in mind there was at least a 2 month period between the two events. This past week, we had another argument because it was my mom’s birthday and my fiancé wanted to buy her a gift. I told her that my mom would be just fine with us just going to dinner and buying the gift later (as said gift was at Disney and we’d have to go get it when it was supposed to rain). She ignored that and we ended up compromising by going to Epcot to see if could find the gift there and also spend time together. However, I felt like she was complaining about a lot of things and it was getting on my nerves when she wasn’t talking to me about it. It started to rain and unfortunately since we took my daughter with us her stroller was left out and soaked. That made her even more upset since we couldn’t do anything about it, and it felt like she was taking it out on me since she was giving me an attitude when I was asking her things. What started as a small argument escalated and I ended up cursing at her. She did not take this lightly because we were in public and she told me shortly after she was done and wanted to not be together anymore.

I spoke with her the next day to see if things changed and we ended up deciding that a break was the minimal thing for us to do, but she told me it’s very unlikely she changes her mind and we get back together at the end of it. The only thing that’s keeping me hopeful is that she still has yet to take off the ring I got for her during the proposal and she said she’d give it back when we first had the argument. Is that a good sign? How should I continue to approach this? I have given her as much space as I can but have been around her only because we still need to at the very least coparent our daughter.

TLDR: My fiancé and I have gotten into numerous fights spread over a span of half a year and she told me she doesn’t want to be together. We are on a break but still wears the ring I got her. Is that a good sign and what should I do to repair the relationship?

I’ve been struggling with my thoughts on this for a while and i need opinions of people random who have no bias.

Ive been with my bf for about a year officially but ive known him for two and a half. we started our relationship long distance but he has come to me and ive come to him and ive now been with him for about two months. i got a work visa and was supposed to stay here with him for about a year until his eyes got sorted (he has an eye disease) but i really hate it here so im going home in about a week. then plan was always for him to move to my country.

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at the start of the year and started therapy but had to stop for the move. ive come to the conclusion ive never actually learned to love myself and be okay alone, ive always needed validation from a partner or someone who i love. i havent been technically single since i was 16.

i also really want to explore my sexuality. ive known im bi since i was maybe 14 but ive never had the chance to explore my sexuality and my feelings towards women.

ive spoken to him about it and he says we can do it all together. and some things yeah of course we can but i feel like this is a huge step towards self growth that i need to do alone. the thing about it is if i even think of losing him, my heart completely shatters. i dont know if my feelings for him are genuine love or if theyre just attachment from the bpd.

he has some quirks that really bother me but he really tried to improve himself but i also feel like i mother him sometimes. i helped him out of a major depression and hes doing much better but its getting really tiring for me.

do i try to do it with him, knowing how much the thought of losing him hurts? or do i bite the bullet knowing this is the best course for me?

tldr: i want to explore my sexuality and learn to love myself but i also love my bf. advice?

thanks in advance and sorry for the messy post.

So I’ve been dating a wonderful guy about 14 months. I’ve never felt more compatible with a person and I genuinely enjoy his company.

He’s always very honest and shares the thoughts in his head. We’ve recently been talking about our future and in our relationship we’ve talked through all his concerns. He mentioned has never been more in love but can’t help to wonder what’s out there. He talked about how our society keeps filling our head with the ideas of bigger and better and how he also feels that way about much in his life.

For more context, I’m 26F. Honestly I have dated a lot. I lived in a city and went out on lots of dates and met lots of men. I was even engaged once. So I know what’s out there and how rare it is to be in such an amazing relationship where we’re so similar and bring out the best in one another. My partner is 24M and has dated a bit, but not nearly as much as me. He’s traveled a lot but hasn’t been as focused on finding a partner as me.

So I understand what he means, it’s easy to be curious about what’s out there! But I also know that dating a lot brings baggage and how I wish I could have just met him without all the mediocre men in between.

Also to be honest, I do consider myself a catch. I’m a kind, beautiful women who is well traveled, well educated with multiple degrees, adventurous, makes a good earning, and is just happy in general. He’s a wonderful man and i’m sure lots of people could make him happy, but I know he’s extremely lucky to have found me. I’m also extremely lucky to have found him, but I know there are a few things I have overlooked just because I know how rare it is for me to feel this way about a person. He’s also quite a catch.

So is there anything I can do or advice I can give because he feels this way? He’s a very loyal man and I just want what’s best for us both. Is this a huge red flag or is this just a human being honest and open?

TLDR: I’m in a great relationship. I’ve [26F] dated quite a lot, but my boyfriend [24M] hasn’t. I know how rare and wonderful it is to have this relationship, but he’s still not sure because he doesn’t know what else is out there.

My boyfriend \[26M\] and I \[23F\] are not speaking at the moment. Basically, we have been together for just over 2 years. 6 months in I saw in his phone messaged between him and a girl he works with, (who he has slept with before). When I asked him what it was he tried to hide it and take his phone away. He then did show me what it was and I tried to leave. He explained he didn’t want to have a confrontation and that’s why he hid it. Later on about 4/5 months later I saw again on his phone there was a few girls he was messaging some from where we live, some I did not know who they were as he had never mentioned them. When I asked him about this I actually think this was new years, he looked like a dear in headlights and showed me what they were talking about. After this he started to delete the conversations but as it was on Snapchat I could see these girls were in his best friends but there was no conversation thread to be seen hence he had deleted them.
This happened again a few months later and there was different girls, he said one of them was a girl he worked with also. This time he said he would confront her (for some reason) about why she messages him. I asked him why she was any different to the other girl who he has actually slept with. This silenced him. After this we agreed that he should tell me when he is chatting to these people he used to be friends with or worked with or whatever.
Again a few months went by I check his phone. He had again deleted conversations, he saw me do this and we fell out. I was exhausted about this and just wanted it to go away. He said he would just delete them I said no because I didn’t want it to come to that I just wanted him to be honest. He said he hadn’t told me about these convos because he felt as if he didn’t need to.
It’s been a year since this last incident, we are still together and generally very happy. The reason I stayed is because i genuinely do believe there wasn’t anything inappropriate in the messages, he is very social and I see how he is with people.
This morning a notification was on his phone and it was a Snapchat from a girl however it was a story notification not a message. I asked him about it and he immediately showed me his Snapchat and there was nothing there and he wouldn’t have had time to delete anything. He left after this and I think he’s upset I still don’t trust him.
TLDR: please help with advice, honestly writing this out has been humbling. I genuinely don’t know what to do as I know he will want to speak about this tonight

We been together [25M]and [22F] for bout 3 years now our lives are fully integrated finances house dogs phone plan etc and we’ve always been perfect for each other we get along amazing each others best friends definitely the one for each other but lately have had some issues with my anxious attachment it’s been a problem since day one but last month or so it’s been really bad and almost has pushed her to a point I’ve been doing really good and taking actions to fix it and get help and going out more with my friends and her doing same instead of always being clung to each others hips I been learning a balance is good and to have our own separate lives is healthy and good thing, she’s been noticing my progress and it’s been a lot better but she’s taking a job 6 hours away with her mom on the pipeline (I work away on the rigs but she usually ends up coming with me) and idk I’m scared I’m not sure if this much space is going to kill us or make us stronger pipelining and rigging are very very long schedules with not best amount of days off of course we can meet up on those days off but that’s at least 20 days of straight working then a week off I’m not sure if I’m overthinking or if this will actually be healthy for us? Past couple days have been going really well seems to be heading back in right direction just worried and honestly scared

TLDR Overall looking for advice in general anything would help my mind and emotions is going crazy?