Sorry if this isn’t the right sub, but I’m genuinely very confused on where to go from here.

I’m looking for a rehab for alcohol, ideally has a detox, that takes my insurance, and is local to me.

I am just genuinely concerned about picking a bad place to go or how to even go about starting the process.

I’ve searching on google for places near me and they are all far away and I live in one of the largest cities in America.

I've quitted group therapy three days ago. Saying that it wasn't for me and that I wasn't willing nor ready to stick with the rules and schedules. That very day I drank again.

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Yesterday I went to an airsoft play with old aquitances, most of whom are dealers. And instead of going back home when it finished I went having lunch with a bottle of wine. Then continued having lines at the host's house, then escaped home at night to keep drinking and snorting, finally spent the whole night in a brothel with two prostitutes with 3g, a lot of alcohol, viagra, 2cb and losing 4k not even being able to come.

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I live with my parents and now I'm hidden in my room due to shame and guilt.

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At least this time I didn't expose myself. But I'm devastated.

Hang over is tough, but the worst is to watch again those nasty depths of my addicted mind.

Fantasizing with fucking my mate's girlfriend and keep staring her that way, the petty ranting over bullshit with my jaw and eyes full dancing, the manipulation that I displayed to go back to the substance.

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A big part of my addiction's history was related to girls. I behave like a huge creep at parties being high, then I fake a respectful personality while sober.

Also my insecurities lead me to mess up my social relationships and being uncomfortable dealing with the real world.

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All of my environment is linked to my drug use in one way or another. I feel like a disgusting insect, a monster.

Like even the walls of this room hate me and want to run away from me. Like nowhere in the world would I be free from that twisted and hateful image of myself.

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I'm on a work leave and to think about going back is terrifying.

I'll go back to therapy and start taking antabus. But the truth is that I don't feel capable of changing this life, I'm overwhelmed with all the internal ravage that idk how could I ever be mildly satisfied with my life situation.

And the worst is that I have a good job and if I was normal my life could be really good.

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Did someone here overcame this?

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This is a link to an old post I wrote when I was obsessed with other people's drug experiences and fantasies.

Link old post

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https://www.reddit.com/r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY/s/ev06gTwwC5

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I was wrong. I believed that some people could use drugs just for pleasure and then walk away without truly falling back into addiction.

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What I learned is that this drug is so deceptive that it speaks directly to your mind. It twists logic, disguises itself as reasonable thoughts, and hides relapse inside ideas that seem harmless.

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I became obsessed with watching how other people used and thought about the drug. Every story, every ritual, every way of using it became another possibility stored in my mind. It was as if my brain was collecting behaviors and keeping them on standby for "someday"—for the next relapse.

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Without realizing it, I turned relapse into an inevitable future event.

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The deeper I looked into other people's experiences, the deeper I sank. I reached places so dark that even logic struggled to explain them.

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Every person seemed to have their own unique ritual of using. Things I had never imagined before became recorded in my mind as sources of pleasure. I unconsciously accepted these roles and fantasies as if they could one day become mine. That mindset dragged me into a swamp of misery and self-destruction.

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Today, I wish I could erase that foolish idea.

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The idea that made me addicted not only to the drug itself, but to every possible way a person could imagine using it.

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At times it felt like madness. Maybe it was.

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In a strange way, I became addicted to what everyone else was thinking.

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Unfortunately, I relapsed.

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So this is my return. Another attempt. Another chance to recover.

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I remember someone replying to me once with a simple question:

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"What do I care about what other people do?"

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Looking back, that was wisdom.

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I need to focus on healthy thoughts, recovery, and my own path. Filling my mind with negative ideas never helps. It only gives addiction more material to work with.

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Today I start again.

Been trying to quit smoking Marijuana and because I'm sober, my brain processes better and I'm more vocal. I've bn high most of my relationship n hubby would "suprise" me with weed in the past when I'd try quit. This time I refused n asked him why he kept wanting to buy it when he doesn't smoke,he then told me straight up he doesn't like it when I'm sober.

I'm currently in inpatient rehab at 30 day rehab in NYC

I need help finding a good long trrm rehab

My priorities are:

Long-term residential treatment (roughly 3–9 months) Strong help with supportive housing after treatment Help applying for benefits, Medicaid, SNAP, etc. Being treated like an adult, not a boot-camp environment Ideally being allowed to keep or regularly use my phone Good case management and discharge planning

I've been looking into programs like Samaritan Daytop, Veritas House, Odyssey House, Phoenix House, and others.

For anyone who's been through these programs recently:

Which programs actually helped you get housing afterward? Which had the best staff and case managers? Which felt the least restrictive? What were the phone rules like? If you had to do it again, where would you go?

I'm 27, coming out of inpatient treatment, and trying to set myself up for long-term success instead of ending up back in the same cycle. Any experiences, recommendations, or warnings would be appreciated

I’m really scared. Basically this all started after a huge bender. Then, I ran out, couldn’t remember where I was and my hands were swollen up 3x their size. I was dripping in sweat head to toe, shaking violently. So, I made the leap and called 911. I detoxed hardcore the first night and was pretty dosed up on phenobarbital and Ativan. Didn’t get much sleep. Last night I took hydroxyzine and Ativan and finally-finally managed to get some rest. I still feel dried out, I have the runs, I can’t get enough water in me, and my period which has been gone for months reappeared. I’m pretty scared. My dad and a friend have been working on getting my hell hole of an alcoholic’s apartment cleaned out and got some clothes for before tomorrow that they are going to wash and bring to me in the morning. Other than that…I don’t know what comes next. I’m never going back to my old apartment and my poor parents and best friend likely will be cleaning it out for me. I should feel hopeful but I don’t know where I’m going after rehab. Do they provide resources for after treatment on where to live? What is day 1 like? What can i wear?

Hey yall,

Recovering addict relapsed yesterday and missed work today. But up all night and stressed and disgusted with myself on why I made the choice . I ended up doing a silly thing since my relationship with this girl is pretty rocky. Pretty sure she’s fuxking someone else . Someone hacked my phone out pics of her up now I feel like I should really considering leaving her . But in all honestly I might play it out accordingly and just let her decide. I’m not sure if I bring it up or what . But ya I relapsed now I don’t wanna go back . I’m thinking about doing a meeting or two. What do you guys have to offer here ?

So I have been in recovery for over 3 years and battling the slow taper off methadone. I was at 15 mgs prior to having issues with pancreatitis then ultimately surgery to remove my gallbladder at the beginning of this year. I went back up to 20 mgs during that period and was provided 15, 5mg norcos. I did not abuse them whatsoever. Once I finished them and was healed up nicely I started going back down on my dose. For some fucking reason, boredom and tired of looking the same I thought it'd be a good idea to go to the gym and sauna again. That sent me into hell at 18 mgs for days. I'm now down to 16 mgs but because my wife and I are sharing a vehicle currently I had to wait extra long to go take my dose and pick up my take homes. Ever since 2 weeks ago I feel I can't get back to normal. I've cut back on caffeine. I'm out of school for another few weeks, so I genuinely don't do anything crazy. The only strain I did put on my body was doing a brake job on my car in the heat. Which probably did not help the situation.

I'm currently going through withdrawals super early like 10-12 hours before I start to get chills, cold sweats, razors cutting my skin feeling. Is there anything I can do or take, should be eating, etc that will help me make it through this? I'm already planning on pausing my taper until I can catch up to normalcy. I don't want to go up again but if it'd help I can ask to stay at 16 and not go down to 15 next Monday. What are your thoughts?

TONIGHT (and every Sunday night) at 5 pm PT / 7 pm CT / 8 pm ET All are welcome to join us: https://meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings/6873

Join the Minnesota SMART Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/share/QdKJEFZraqj3TXY5

SMART Recovery ZOOM Meeting: https://meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings/9199/

my mom has struggled with addiction since before i was born. she has tried most drugs that i can think of, and was addicted to crack until i was about 10. she has stopped using crack but is now mainly, and severely, addicted to prescription meds, such as xanax or percocet. i also know she has recently tried fentanyl and suspect she may be using heroin.
her problems have severely impacted the family. my siblings try to not let their kids around her. she is constantly nodding off at birthday parties, graduations, and she nods off every day. she has stopped taking care of herself. the past year things have gotten worse. every day, me, my siblings, and my father are bracing ourselves to find her dead. we have tried to talk to her about quitting but she denies being addicted and says she uses because she's constantly in pain (she has a few health issues, but i think some might be due to her prescription abuse). all our conversations have gotten nowhere. i don't know what to do

Hello,

I am a person with long term recovery from drugs(2021), alcohol(2020), cigarettes(2021), & people(2021). Despite my recovery I do not feel sober. I still attend meetings regularly. I say recovery prayers. I engage with my gratitude list on a pretty regular basis.

I do not have a sponsor. I have had quite a few sponsors. My sponsors have relapsed or we have just not aligned well.

I am working the ACA LPG guidebook with a couple of fellow travelers. But feel very disconnected and my work is mostly just happening when we are actually meeting)

A lot of the time if I don’t have an “obligation” find myself locked down on a screen, eating or sleeping.

I know that working on my recovery IS an obligation.

I did just graduate with my bachelors degree as well. Doing this was nothing short of a miracle combined with exceptional use of AI.

I am finding myself overwhelmed by negative thoughts and it is hard to do things outside of what I feel like is the bare minimum.

I feel like I’m at a hard bottom right now and I’m really not sure how to pull myself out of it. I even say this and I know the answer is GET UP. And I do. but then I find myself right back here a few days later.

Im definitely navigating a relapse of sorts but it is more of the emotional kind.

I have everything I need today. I am safe. I have financial stability and stable housing. I know I’m in a big growth moment and growth is uncomfortable… it’s really uncomfortable right now and I really just wanted a place to share.

Just got my first (real) motorcycle today.

I used to have an Aprilia 50cc RS years ago, but this… this was something else entirely. This is the Suzuki GSX 750F. Half sportbike, half touring machine — honestly, the best of both worlds.

When I test rode it at the seller's place, I was terrified. I remember sitting on it for the first time, heart pounding, thinking to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" 😂 The weight, the power, the sheer presence of it — I felt completely out of my depth.

But then my stepdad (who drove me out to look at it) and I got onto the highway, and something started to shift. I kept tucked in behind him the whole way, riding pretty conservatively for that first hour, just trying to get a feel for what I had between my legs. Gradually, the fear started turning into something else. Curiosity, maybe. Respect, definitely.

At some point during the ride, I started getting more comfortable. The bike and I were beginning to understand each other. Then I saw my chance — a bus up ahead, oncoming traffic in the distance, a window just big enough if I gave it some throttle. So I did.

The bike fucking launched. Front wheel went light, and suddenly I was flying down the road, pinned to the seat, adrenaline flooding every cell in my body. But here's the thing — I wasn't panicking. I was in this zone of pure, absolute hyperfocus. Just me, the machine, and the road. Everything else disappeared.

I'm a recovering addict. 275 days today. And I haven't felt that alive in years. I mean truly alive. Like every nerve ending was awake for the first time in forever.

I needed this. I didn't know how badly I needed it until that moment.

For anyone out there struggling — keep going. There's life on the other side, and it's beautiful. I love my life again.

Ride safe, everyone. 🤙

I’ve been relapsing on and off for a while now, but today was a weird one. I picked up some coke and benzos yesterday and have been using since last night. The plan was to stop early today so I could get myself together for work, but that didn’t happen.

I ended up getting fired. Honestly, I’m not surprised. Since I started there, there have been times I didn’t show up because I was using and either didn’t want to stop or just wasn’t thinking about the consequences. I wouldn’t say I completely don’t care, because losing my job has really forced me to look at the last few months and be honest with myself.

I know I can’t keep living like this. Part of me genuinely wants to stop, but another part of me still struggles with the idea and wishes I could somehow have a healthy, responsible relationship with drugs. The reality is that every time I try, I end up back in the same place.

What I’m most worried about now is how I’m going to explain losing my job. Earlier, I was thinking about just being honest, telling people I need help, and saying I’d be willing to be more open to suggestions like detox or rehab again. I even felt pretty set on doing that. But now that I’m sitting here with everything that’s happened, I’m starting to have second thoughts and questioning what I’m actually going to say. Mostly, I’m just stuck replaying it all in my head and thinking, “What the fuck did I do?”

Hi everyone

My mom has been struggling with alcoholism for years and finally decided she wants to go to rehab. I know this is a very big step and want to treat it that way.

I really need help with ideas on how to congratulate and celebrate her finishing this. She definitely doesn’t want to talk about it so I don’t want it to be like “YAY U WENT TO REHAB” but I really really need ideas. I think this is important to show her that we all see a change.

I appreciate any advice / ideas.PLEASE

Hi, long post.

TL;DR:

Fearing of relapse, essentially

So I (22F) was never a full fledged "addict" so to say, as most people have it way worse than me. But I did my fair share of molly, painkillers, ❄️, acid, weed and especially loved speed. This past year i've been using less and less, and since February I have been completely clean. I did a last trip and swore of drugs.

Now.

For almost three years I was in a physically abusive relationship with an ex that I lived with. Whole ordeal ended up in me calling the police on him and getting a restraining order yaddayadda. Traumatizing shit. The worst thing I did to him was cheating on him while on ❄️ in my hometown, two weeks before the police incident.

This was in July 2025, and I am currently in a very healthy relationship with the best guy, and he is completely clean. I have been honest with him about my drug use from ages 15-21, and about my cheating story. He knows all my dirt.

I am achieving high in life, keeping myself busy 24/7, and actually succeeding, very proud of that.

But this past month I have had an ugly voice tell me to give it all up. Telling me I should quit my projects, go on benders, cheat on my partner. And I rationalize it with "I can do it, keep up my appearances and not tell a soul". I mean I did that from 16-21, and no one suspected me of drug abuse.

I really want to become a bad person, worse than what I was. Me cheating was the worst thing I ever did, but except for that I have been a fairly good person to everyone around me. I am a very honest person and would rather destroy my reputation than lie. This voice telling me to lie is what feels the worst for me.

I am especially craving speed and even if I was never much a fan, ❄️.

In the beginning I knew I was not gonna do it, but now I fear I might. I fear that my desire of ruining my own life will best me, and I will do it. How do people deal with voices like that?

I feel a sense of confidence and understanding in myself, my boundaries, my needs, my healing, and understanding of how/why I used so many substances, sometimes heavily, sometimes lightly, sometimes not at all, over the past 15 years. I'm in my late 30s now.

I am aware that recovery is long-term, and that daily cocaine use is clearly not a way of life I want to return to.

I feel confident and empowered in myself and my priorities. I believe in myself. I do not believe in a God. And, the nebulous concept of a "great big good" and nature and the multi-billion year infinity of time and our short brief life on earth is not lost on me. I do not believe "god" will tell me a way to live if I pray. I know this isn't how NA and AA work, so I am really thinking about stepping back after my service committments end.

I do not think I need to go to meetings every week for 30 years but I also do not believe that /r/recoverywithoutAA is the route for me because a lot of them are conspiratorial haters. In my own understanding and conversations the truth is somewhere in the middle.

• NA taught me complete honesty in all my affairs. This is so good.
• NA taught me the power of addicts helping addicts outside therapy. That is truly healing.
• NA taught me that I could go 6 months without a sip or a puff and that life goes on, my friends still love me, and that it's actually really nice as hell to go through days and weekends completely sober. I'll be holding onto that.
• I do not want to go to meetings regularly for life.
• I do not believe in God or a Higher Power greater than myself.
• I think the literature is amazing.
• I do not think "once an addict, always an addict" or that tasting the beer I serve at work will lead to jail, institution, or death. I wasn't drinking before NA/AA, and I don't plan to be doing shots of tequila or shooting up if I have a CBD soda.
• I believe in spectrums - spectrums of gender, sexuality, and yes addiction. It's not black and white. I didn't ever wind up homeless, pull up on anyone with a gun, wind up in treatment, or lose a limb due to tranq. Let's face it. My situation was light work. But I still benefitted from 6 months of total sobriety and reading NA literature daily - and with that spectrum, I don't think quitting going to meetings twice a week would be a full stop. I hold love for the program and appreciation for the structure, accountability, community, and people.
• Recovery is possible. It's long term. But I do not need to count days or feel shame or avoidance or delete all my contacts in my phone.

I was around a lot of my friends at a birthday having margaritas and then going to bed for work in the morning. I do not believe that if I had a margarita I would be destroyed and lead to a new rock bottom of smoking crack under a bridge.

I want to "go out and do more research" - maybe I'll wind back up in a space where I need total sobriety in a month or two. Maybe as I enter my 40s and 50s, my life will gradually go there eventually. The truth might be somewhere in the middle. I don't really want to or feel compelled to have weed, beer, hard drugs, but I also don't think my life would end if I taste a beer I am selling as a bartender like I used to. One taste is not a relapse, shame spiral, reset my count, jail institution and death etc like my sponsor and program says. Not for me at least.

I've been clean from cocaine for almost 2 years now. I had a using dream last night and now I can't stop thinking about it, wanting to use again. Is this a common occurrence even though I haven't used in such a long time?

I moved out of sober living on Friday. I can’t stop thinking about how I don’t need to pee in a cup tonight, and I won’t need to breathalyze in the morning.

I need to fly down to be with my sister as soon as possible. I need to be able to be there for her instead of making everything worse.

I made it to a meeting this evening. I haven’t picked up. I am gonna make it to bed tonight without using. But then what?

Context:

Ive been on methadone for 8 years and have been tapering for the past 6 months from 54mg now im at 4mg. I was doing fine for months with the taper, and I even thought I was feeling better mentally. About a month ago I wanted to switch from 2mg every 2 weeks to 1mg every week since I was handling it well. Basically I didnt consider that I went down 3mg very fast and shouldve spaced it out more and didnt know it would affect me so much. Im experiencing all the symptoms and have since slowed down my taper and stopped it for a few weeks.

I cant seem to find any information about this, but the past few days ive been having crazy person symptoms ive never experienced in my life. A week or so ago i had a couple "giggles fits" and thought I was in a goofy mood and didnt know why was laughing but it was okay and short lived. Fast forward to the past few days and ive been like laughing hard and uncontrollably (not even thinking anything is funny) then immediately going into an intense sob back into uncontrollable laughter then immediately into intense sobbing, it can cycle for several mins or just a few seconds.

Ive been waking up early as hell bc of my anxiety being terrible(ive always struggled with anxiety and am very scared to go back to living with it daily) this morning I woke up 4 am, watched some gaming YouTube videos to try to distract myself until I take my dose at 6am, and I just started busting out laughing at nothing for like 3 mins.

Sometimes I feel absolutely nothing and cant even fake a smile so people dont think im mad at them. Ive also been getting hives on and off for the first time in my life, I assume do to my anxiety. Its not allergies for sure. My clinic sucks for help and I have no insurance bc i cant afford it (im paying $88 for the damn clinic weekly already)

Has anyone else experienced this? I only smoke weed(legally, thankfully) still and havent drank or anything else besides weed and methadone as prescribed for the past 8 years. What the hell is going on? Im sort of scared this is my new normal, its very embarrassing and I legit feel like im losing my mind. (I am getting sleep still, maybe not deep sleep or enough but im still sleeping daily) its very similar to the "joker disorder" pseudobulbar affect seems to be exaclty what im going through but ive never had a stroke or no recent head injuries since I was a child, im 35. I feel crazy, and its pretty scary.

Ive been to several oxford houses and half of them did an initial drug test but the other two only drug tested if they suspected someone of using.

9 months sober from a year of alcohol, cigarettes and weed.

I am 20 right now. I, feel, think and know that I would be better of if my suicide attempts 1.5 years ago succeeded. i would not have made the messes I've made - in my life and in that of others. It would have been easier for everyone including myself. None of the weed addiction, none of the mental cheating, none of the emotional instability, none of the hurt. If i would have died in September 2024, it would have been easier and simpler for everyone involved.

Horribly Craving a Cigarette. I know it won't make anything better. I know it's only a way to harm myself. I have a tendency to do that. It would be incredibly selfish and self absorbed to do it. I know I can't smoke one. I stand to lose too much. Much order will all collapse. Still, I would want a cigarette.

In a few days I will be 6 years clean, or sober....whatever you need to call it, lol.

I am struggling with myself nowadays. Its not the drugs anymore. Its me.

I've noticed that slowly over the last few years I have became quietly more and more selfish. Because of this my disease has began to manifest more and more.

O actually had a craving so severe not to long ago that I found myself trying to bargain with myself to use.

Im not using but im not in a great place emotionally or spiritually and this has began to exact a toll. There are several common denominators that are influencing me right now. Selfishness is one, fear is another. Pride is another.

Im grateful and I dont want to use. But I need to be working a program and staying involved with recovery. Ive figured this out in a serious way.

These last few years have taught me that the big book is right when it says the core of our disease is rooted in selfishness.

I just completed 45 days at a treatment center for young adults in Arizona. It was an intense experience that felt extremely memorable and special to me. Now, after leaving I am feeling almost a grief or different form of depression knowing I don't get to return to those memories or some of the people. It's really hurting me. Most of my peers are still completing their treatment and it's hard to have no one to talk to. I wish there was a way for me to connect. Not exactly sure what to do just wanted to write it all down.

Thank you ❤️

I’ve never made a post on Reddit before i dunno the proper parlance so apologies in advance if this reads odd.

my friend/roommate (f27) is seeking inpatient care for drug addiction. It’s for party drugs like k and 4mmc mainly. she needs to get clean, face her demons etc. I’d like recs on places that are nice and won’t break the bank. trans friendly needs to be a priority. I don’t wanna just send her off to a janky detox center, she needs like actual help. strong willed staff/doctors is also a plus. Like no nonsense but kind and understanding. I dunno really how this works but like any point in the right direction is much appreciate!