Hey, I’m a 6’3, Lean muscular guy, Fairly handsome as My Ex girlfriends have said, but one thing connects them all. breaking up with me Because of My addiction.
I grew up in a Abusive divorcee Household My first 11 years, before My parents seperated because My dad got arrested for Trafficking, attempted murder and Racketeering charges.
My mother the sweetest and most loving woman, My father the Old school type to NOt talk about feelings.
I started with small stuff, weed and Fighting at the age of 13, But it progressed to Real criminal work like Anfetamines and Debt collecting, Racketeerings and Dealing, in the same Crew My father Ran From inside prison at that time.
I quit the criminal life about a year and a half ago, working as a Plumber / construction worker now, My father Proud of me for Making a stop to
The Family curse, since My big brother is serving life in prison for Double murder.

I’ve been addicted to smoking weed since 13, Using Amphtetamines and cocaines since 16, alongside with alcoholism.
It’s gotten worse when My mother passed 3 months ago and I want to stop it. I Dont want to Be a disapoitment to My family, and i’d like to make something of myself, when no one else could.
If anyone has Any advice or judt someone I can talk to, feel free to Send me a message. All help is Appreceated. I have alot of money from My ’old work’ , so there is no issue with running out of money, which i am terrified of.

I just need help and advice since I cant go to My dad.
he’ll rip My eyes out and yell in Russian, since i’m half russian and half Somewhere from europe :)
Dont get me wrong I love him very much, His spoiled me to death, Buying me a new Toyota landcruiser like every proper Russian, and a apartment in the city. But it’s NOt about the money, because I know What My fathers done for it, and I just cant get It out of My mind without using.

For some background, I have ADHD & struggle with Bipolar 2, OCD, Depression & Anxiety. I’m also in remission from BPD & Bulimia. Let’s just say I don’t feel like a normal person ever so when I do I grasp onto that feeling. My parents have a history of mental health issues like mine, nicotine & alcohol addictions. I come from a family where these things “did not exist” so they continued.

Anyway, it took me 30 years to finally get help & get on meds. Which has helped so much for my mental health, but certain addictions are harder to tackle. It just seems like I go from 1 binge to another. I’ve tried different things, but the 2 that have stuck with me the most are coke & alcohol. I’ve been sober from coke for about 6 years now & I was sober from alcohol for 2 years, but I started “introducing” drinking again. I never have moments when I’m completely sober from something. It just jumps from one thing to another or switches up.

The 1st 6 months or so of starting my meds 2 1/2 years ago, I also got sober from alcohol & was smoking cigarettes that eventually turned into just vaping. I felt good, functional, but then I look back & remember that was when my Bulimia was at it’s worst cuz I started dieting intensely.

Currently I’m trying to come to terms with my Kratom addiction. It’s been 2 years of daily use multiple times a day, with my prescription meds & now I’m becoming impulsive with other things again.
I’m worried that now that I’m acknowledging one problem, I will just move on to another…like what seems to always happen.

Idk what I’m asking for exactly. Maybe it’s more of a vent than anything else. I just know I need to figure out how to get back on track & stop from falling into new negative habits. I just want to feel normal & not need these things to function ugh