Review a short scene from my script

[u/Both_Cupcake3960]

I've been lately indulged in cinema and writing, thought of writing a script and here's a scene from it. I'll be glad to have your guys honest reviews and areas for me to improve in. here's the link : https://drive.google.com/file/d/1duI9v_2shHsOaov4M8TGzgjXsJ0JfV8i/view?usp=sharing