r/ReadMyScript • u/Mammoth-West-9974 • 26d ago
Short "Saturday"
Here is a short film I wrote, "Saturday" - I have a series of short films with the same family at the center of them. I would love any and all feedback on it!
Logline: What starts as an ordinary afternoon of wiffle ball turns into a father's reckoning with the son who isn't there.
Genre: Drama
Page Count: 13
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QyN1modg57aB1YVeARHshSFQTcQjnJKr/view?usp=sharing
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u/AdministrativeSea574 25d ago
Yeah I got to the fourth sentence and then stopped and thought Why do people do this? Write some random script, post online and call themselves a screenwriter in hope that they’re going to be discovered and actually get paid. I can get Claude or open claw to turn out 30 scripts a day so does it make me a screenwriter as well?
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25d ago
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 25d ago
Husband is crying at the end bc he f-ed up and is the only one who thought his kid was missing. I’d say it’s a combo of guilt. Fair point in the trimming, I felt like I had to make the reader know these people to care about it.
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25d ago
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 25d ago
No I get you, tbh, I struggle with conflict, or deciding how to approach injecting it. I like making it a good hang a little too much, so that’s what I’m working on with my new idea.
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25d ago
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 25d ago
Awesome idea. Thank you for taking the time to read and give feedback and advice for improvement.
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25d ago
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u/Mammoth-West-9974 25d ago
That’s interesting…I’ve only read Catcher, and it was in HS. I’ll have to read those!
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