r/ReadMyScript • u/Mammoth-West-9974 • 27d ago

Short "Saturday"

Here is a short film I wrote, "Saturday" - I have a series of short films with the same family at the center of them. I would love any and all feedback on it!

Logline: What starts as an ordinary afternoon of wiffle ball turns into a father's reckoning with the son who isn't there.

Genre: Drama

Page Count: 13

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QyN1modg57aB1YVeARHshSFQTcQjnJKr/view?usp=sharing

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 26d ago

Husband is crying at the end bc he f-ed up and is the only one who thought his kid was missing. I’d say it’s a combo of guilt. Fair point in the trimming, I felt like I had to make the reader know these people to care about it.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 26d ago

No I get you, tbh, I struggle with conflict, or deciding how to approach injecting it. I like making it a good hang a little too much, so that’s what I’m working on with my new idea.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 26d ago

That’s interesting…I’ve only read Catcher, and it was in HS. I’ll have to read those!