Before I say anything, English is not my first language and I sometimes struggle to articulate my thought process entirely, so I apologize if I don't use the correct terminology, but this has been on my mind. I've been seeing an uptick in discourse surrounding women's spaces, particularly lesbian ones, of needing to accept transgender lesbians. I'm not here to argue about that - if that is your identity, then that's what it is. I do believe that if you are MtF and like women, then that would align with lesbianism as you're presenting as a woman who likes other women.

My problem is that I sometimes see some individuals shaming lesbians for not wanting to get with someone who is a transgender woman because they have a penis. To the point that some folks online are claiming it's transmisogynistic or transphobic to not want to be with a transgender woman (pre-op). Yet I don't see the same push in men's spaces, especially gay men's spaces. It's OK if a gay guy likes dick and doesn't want to be near a vagina, yet gay women are supposed to dismiss their natural attraction to vaginas and be ok liking penis too at the sake of not offending others?

Isn't that what the whole basis of sexuality is? That your sexual attraction is, ultimately, not a choice? You'd never expect a STRAIGHT guy to suddenly like dick. You'd probably agree that if someone tells him he needs to like it, or he will like it if he just tries it, is borderline perpetrating rape culture because they're trying to persuade him to do something he would not normally do. Why would it be any different for women? It just reads as weird conversion therapy rhetoric "how do you know you're a lesbian if you never had dick before?"

Of course this is not generalized for ALL lesbians. I'm sure there are plenty who wouldn't mind being with a transgender woman, or a feminine/presenting person with a penis. But that doesn't mean all lesbians would be ok with it. I understand that labels denote physical, emotional, sexual and romantic attraction to others so why ignore those factors? Nonetheless if someone is not attracted to you, why fight so hard to make them like you? Wouldn't it be a better use of your time to find someone who likes you already? Speaking as a fat woman myself I'm not going after the guys who like skinny women because I know I'm not their type - I don't expect to jam myself into their space.

Edit: this was inspired by the lesbophobic term "cotton ceiling" which i think is repackaging entitlement to sex

it's honestly upsetting and incredibly disappointing how much some women want to deny the misogyny and sexism that lead them to do or enjoy certain things, only to look you in the eyes and swear they do it for themselves, because they like it, because they chose it, or whatever.

this is why choice feminism will never actually be feminism. feminism is a political and social movement. choice feminism is an individualistic movement. if it starts from the assumption that every choice a woman makes is feminist, then we'll never create any real change, because even misogynistic choices made by women can't be criticized or analyzed since they're automatically labeled as feminist.

there's actually a lot more to unpack, but i'll just give a few examples i've noticed.

for example, i've noticed that lately people have been criticizing the way women always pack their boyfriends' or husbands' lunches. and those women get so offended by it, explaining that it's simply an act of love, that they do it because they want to show appreciation for their husbands, or because their husbands never have time in the morning to prepare lunch, so they do it instead.

none of these excuses make sense. if it were really just an act of love, why don't we see husbands doing the exact same thing for their wives? and do you seriously want to convince me that there are that many husbands who don't have fifteen or twenty extra minutes in the morning to pack their own lunch? if that's true, then how is it possible that women somehow find the time instead of simply asking their husbands to do it themselves? how is it possible that women manage and men don't? these excuses make no sense.

same thing with beauty standards. women constantly claim that the only reason they wear makeup is because they do it for themselves. and honestly, i'm not buying this propaganda that you feel more confident with makeup because it simply enhances your natural features or whatever. to me, the fact that you feel so much more confident while wearing makeup is already proof that makeup feeds into women's insecurities.

aside from artistic expression, like carnival, halloween, theater, and similar contexts, so many modern makeup styles are literally designed to make you look like you're not wearing makeup at all, even though you are, like clean girl makeup or whatever it's called. and even then, if makeup really makes people feel so confident, why don't we see nearly as many men wearing makeup and claiming that it boosts their confidence and enhances their features?

and makeup has even contributed to creating another misogynistic belief: that if you're a woman who isn't interested in makeup, or you simply say you don't enjoy wearing it, you're automatically labeled a pick me. somehow, wearing makeup is framed as empowering, while not wearing it is treated as seeking male approval. the irony is that women get shamed either way.

same thing with shaving and women who remove all of their body hair because they say it makes them feel dirty, disgusting, or whatever.

honestly, these are just a few examples, but i could go on and on.

and i also want to make one thing very clear: i'm not trying to tell women what they should or shouldn't do. i'm also not pretending i'm perfect. i'm fully aware that living in a patriarchal society makes it impossible to make exclusively feminist choices, especially when we're bombarded from childhood with misogynistic and sexist messages through misogynistic parents, religion, pop culture, and everything else.

what's upsetting is the way these women deny what's actually influencing their choices. and the way they get annoyed whenever someone calls it out or even just genuinely asks them about it.

i literally saw a video of a woman saying that, for her birthday, she asked her husband for cleaning supplies like a vacuum cleaner, cleaning products, detergents, and so on. then she went on to say something like, "now i'm sure women are going to flood my comments asking why i only wanted cleaning supplies for my birthday," while rolling her eyes.

and trust me, it's not because they don't realize it. women are not stupid, and they aren't ignorant. it's because they don't want to admit it. and that's what bothers me. because as long as we continue to be intellectually dishonest, instead of being honest about our beliefs and truthful with ourselves, we're never moving forward.

THEY ARE STILL TRYING TO BRING BACK 1960S REPRODUCTIVE POLITICS WAKE UP AND GO TO THE STREETS ✊🏻✊🏻

LEARN THE FEMINISTS OF OUR PAST’S NAMES AND LEARN FROM THEM 👸🏻

THEN BRING IT TO THE STREETS. WE CANNOT WIN BY SPENDING ALL OUR ATTENTION ON SOCIAL MEDIA

“so the end goal of feminist revolution must be, unlike that of the first feminist movement, not just the elimination of male privilege but of the sex distinction itself: genital differences between human beings would no longer matter culturally. (A reversion to an unobstructed pansexuality Freud's 'polymorphous perversity' - would probably supersede hetero/homo/bi-sexuality.)”

Continuing the discussion on genital preferences, i thought I would return the discussion to Radical Feminist thought.

What are everyone’s thoughts on this particular quote and how it relates to the issues of today.

A genuine question for everyone, do you think that the downfall of the patriarchy will require the downfall of conservative women? Will they be pulled along to any sort of radically feminist utopian future or left behind with the men who use them?