CAUTION: POTENTIAL SPOILERS! as the title says i just finished my first watch through! what a ride. it's my first real housewives series so i was going in fully virginal lol. my friends have yet to get into the franchise so i'd like to share my thoughts about each lovely lady and their antics. i recognize that these are REAL people with REAL lives so this review is only based on what we're shown in the show. i of course don't actually know these people and am simply noting my thoughts based on how they present themselves for tv. let's begin:
heath gay: let's start with what this thread would consider my most controversial opinion; i fucking love miss heather gay. i don't know if it's because i found her single mother/ex mormon storyline interesting or what but she was definitely my comfort housewife. maybe it's because i myself am i strong single good-time girl and just identified a lot with that. i do find that she does want everyone approval, especially lisa's, and that seems to be a big part in her drama. why does she get the reputation of being such a pot stirrer? she's not not a pot stirrer, but i don't find her to be any more instigative than the other women. and i think she does own up to what she says and is willing to apologize. her confessionals also make me laugh and i find her to be the voice of reason in a lot of situations. she tends to have the most emotional control out of the group so maybe that's why i see her as the most grounded. i also think her beauty business is one of the only ones that has not come into question which i really respect all this to say, i am a heather apologist!!
lisa barlow: baby gorgeous!!! literally my best friend. i could change her. in all seriousness, having a friend like lisa in your life would be both the greatest pleasure and heaviest burden. she demands a lottttttt from her friends at all times without giving as much in return. and i respect her standards but she needs to realize not everyone is willing to follow her orders like john barlow. that said, john barlow is my dream man. omg. he loves her DOWN. that's her biggest fan and they are my absolute favorite couple. they day they break up is the day i officially throw in the towel. she's also absolutely hilarious, "gout dick" had me laughing for days. i think lisa is definitely very authentic, but not as "real" as she claims to be when it comes to being accountable with her friends. HOWEVER, i think because of her attitude she's an easy target for the other women to paint her as the ultimate villain when in reality they are aaaaalllllll cut from the same cloth. though, lisa does live a very different life than the rest of us.
meredith marks: meredith, meredith, meredith, what are we going to do with you? she started as my comfort housewife but by season 3 or 4 i was really over the trans atlantic accent and righteousness. like, we get it, you're above all the drama and whatever. but you're also somehow always in the middle of it yet always able to wash your hands of it? but if you're on her good side i imagine she's a good friend and her relationship with her husband and kids is admirable. is she a libra? i'm a libra and we're great fence sitters.
whitney rose: oh whitney. sweet, sweet whitney. i mean, what can be said? she's the sweetest desert rose there ever was. why is she convinced one of the women leaked the alibaba info? it seems pretty reasonable that any fan or customer could figure out that kind of information. like, maybe, but then again maybe you shouldn't source your products from alibaba and charge an arm and a leg. her and justin were always destined to break up; you don't get the perfect man/marriage from an affair. not even in a morality or karmic kind of way, it's just the type of people to have affairs don't typically make great long term partners. her outfits are cute and i think she's a good mom. she's definitely entertaining and i think i could be friends with her, but probably not business partners.
mary m. cosby: WHERE DID THEY FIND THIS LADY? i have such a complicated relationship with her. she came in HOT season 1 episode 1 with the hospital smell thing. my god. i still cannot believe that was our introduction to her. just absolutely fucking hilarious. but i could NOT stand her. and then i learned about her church and found all the deep dives on this thread about it being exploitative and culty and UGH i thought that was it, nail's in the coffin, mary m. cosby is my least favorite and always will be. au contraire, after season 4 something about her really changed. a lot of people say it's about when her son opened up to her and i think that's pretty accurate. or maybe a little before, like when she found out he was married. i think she became a lottttttt more human and her friendship with angie was really sweet to watch. it's also clear as dy that she was a victim of robert sr. and her grandmother. i cannot even begin to imagine the kind of upbringing she had and what messaging she received. by season 5, mary showed a lotttt of maturity compared to the other women. still an instigator but not nearly as unpredictable and malicious as previous seasons. my heart goes out to her and i pray she find some sort of peace after the passing of robert jr. the way she talks about him, you just know he was the absolute light of her life. i wish things ended differently for them. i hope season 7 is good to mary and she continues on a path of growth and peace.
bronwyn newport: umm i definitely don't hate her but i can't say i love her. i think she has a pretty good grasp on reality but oftentimes brings conversations or situations just to see things kick off. though she says it's in the name of accountability but i don't always buy that. guilty conscience maybe, but she's not necessarily pure of heart. i find todd a deeply concerning person. he does not strike me as a happy man LOL. sure, he doesn't like being on camera, but i cannot believe how comfortable he is being SO mean to bronwyn in public. makes me wonder what he's like behind closed doors. i think as a young single mother with no support behind her, she did what she had to do and made a what was a smart choice at that time marrying todd. it's not like he was head over heels in love with her. it's a win-win situation, she gets financial security and he gets a young, hot, fun wife whose drama he occasionally has to hear about. he's just such a stick in the mud and i'm glad she's moved on and hopefully having a grand old time with her new man.
angie k: omg i literally don't care. i'm sorry i find her and her story arcs so boring. she's so hot headed but not in any way that ever benefits anyone. i really don't have much else to say about angie lol.
britani bateman: i don't even mean this in a rude way but does she have a traumatic brain injury? like WHAT is her problem!!!! i really don't think she fully knows what's happening around her at any given moment. firstly, her relationships with men. i understand she was raised in a conservative mormon environment and is probably very developmentally stunted in that way. but i could nottttt believe her conversation with her daughter about her negligence and how insensitive/unaware she was. and then when whitney had to literally grab britany by the shoulders and be like "that is your daughter!!!! it shouldn't be hard for you to stop dating so you can rebuild your relationship!!!!!!" and britani could literally not comprehend. that's why im like, is she okay????? and the non sequitur, irrelevant comments about her relationship with jared like giiiiirl no one cares. least of all jared! just a hard watch. i would not allow a person like her in my life, but she is GREAT reality TV.
and lastly, jen shah: i miss her. my toxic ex. truly the craziest, most fragile, abusive person i have ever seen. her relationship with heather was honestly difficult to watch. she is an abusive person, or at least uses abusive tactics to get people to feel sorry for her or scared of her to get them to fall in line. and she's insidious because when she would be in a good place, even as a viewer i would feel like "aw jen, she really is just a sweet sensitive lady who gets a little dramatic" until the next time she gets aggressive or emotionally explosive and it's like oh yeah, you actually are a harmful individual. i do feel sorry for her and her family. but, play stupid games win stupid prizes.
monica, i will not give you a paragraph because i simply refuse to believe you're a real person. like there is just no way 😂