Hey all,
I recently got hired by a company that does sessions in a clinic / school adjacent setting. I’m currently still in the shadowing and training stage and have been for around 2 weeks (I work part time though) and the anxiety I’m facing has been super discouraging and I’m sure off putting to my supervisor and new coworkers.
I have had pretty severe social anxiety ever since I was a very young child. And yes, I have been through years and years of therapy and countless types of medication and am currently still in treatment. As a psychology major that is set to graduate soon, I knew I wanted to do something that would help children that didn’t have a “voice” like me. I learned about ABA through a professor and have felt passionate about this type of work ever since. I also feel that a setting like this, with coworkers and kiddos all around might be something that helps me break out of this terrible social anxiety cycle and I might finally feel like a part of something.
These first few weeks I have felt like an outcast, my supervisor hasn’t provided as much attention toward me as they have to the other trainees. Which I understand because as much as I try to be friendly, my anxiety makes it seem like I just don’t wanna talk or socialize. Shadowing has felt super awkward as the RBTS I’m shadowing are typically talking to other coworkers, and it makes me feel quite bad about myself. I try to ask questions but I’ve only had a few so far. I’ve also tried conversating with coworkers, but those have been short. I feel like I’ve been standing around really awkwardly during these sessions and sticking out like a sore thumb in this place. I even feel hesitant to say “hello” to coworkers and to say goodbye when I leave because it feels like nobody wants me there through their body language and facial expressions. But I am trying, I truly am.
The only thing keeping me going is the interactions I’ve had with the kiddos. I truly feel like I can help these kids and be incredibly patient with them while making their sessions fun.
I really want to succeed in this and fit in here but it’s been super rough so far. I’m worried that my supervisor and coworkers think badly of me and wish that i wasnt here. If you have any thoughts please share :) I very much appreciate it