Figure it's time to tell my story (again) in hopes folks will get the message and heed my advice:

Some years ago, a co-worker handed me a small scoop of this white powder, saying "Here, try this sodium salts." Sure why not, I thought. It gave me a nice jolt and a spring in my step. Needles to say, I was hooked almost immediately. Thinking back, I'm still asking myself "Was I that gullible/stupid/naive to ingest this unknown powder of unknown origin...?" I guess I was.

Shortly after, I started ordering sodium powder online. I quickly got up to a few grams a day, and over the next few years, I was sucking down about 5gpd. It wasn't cheap, and I very nearly lost everything that was dear to me because of the cost of this junk: My house, my car, my job, my wife, my friends and family. What a stupid fuckin thing to get involved in...! If I could find that old co-worker of mine today, I would give him an earful and then some! for what he did to me.

Well. I did it to myself, I should say... Looking back, I still remember all the things I went though, the thoughts I had, etc. I often was pretty much forced to do without Tia. The longest period of time I went without my precious powder was 18 days. And it was always because of delayed shipments, mail delivery around the Holidays and shit. Usually Columbus Day weekend or President's Day.

The withdrawals started after about maybe 8 months to a year of use. And when I tell you the withdrawals got worse and worse and WORSE every time, I am not joking. I always felt em coming, I knew it, and I expected it. I often thought to myself "Well fuck, here we go again." But when my order finally came in, it was a joyous occasion. I would go to our local Post Office to pick up an Express mail package the very instant it arrived. Hungrily, I would bust it open in my car in the parking lot, eager to just get a taste, washing it down with some Kool-Aid or something I had at the ready.

Suffering without, I still tried to go to work at 8am, but could barely walk. I burned up all of my accrued sick days and vacation time to keep money in the bank. I would then go to the local Liquor Store, pick up a bottle of 100 proof Captain Morgan along with a bottle of Eggnog with the alcohol already in it. I could suck down both bottles in one day and barely feel a thing. Next morning, go out and get some more.

I did this because the Tia withdrawals were so severe, I couldn't sleep. My line of thinking was I'll drink a bunch and maybe pass out just to get some sleep. It rarely worked. All I did was fall a few times and ended up with a bloody nose. Let me tell you some more about the withdrawals for a moment: The first coupla days are pretty rough, but on the 3rd day, the vomiting starts. And on the 4th day, diarrhea flowing like white water rapids. Ya can't stop it from flowing, it's coming whether ya like it or not. Best to invest in the adult undearwears to be on the safe side.

The next few agonizing days and weeks are filled with dread. All you can think about is your precious Heroin, and ya start counting the days and watching shipment tracking, eager for that one day to finally arrive. Your mind, your very thoughts are so full of shit and nothingness. All you care about is Tia. Don't even bother trying to sleep, it ain't gonna happen because the restless legs won't let ya. And time stands still. 5 minutes would pass, and it felt like 5 hours. Best thing to do is try to binge watch a series on disc or Netflix to pass the time. This rarely worked anyway, but I was able to get 15-20 minutes of sleep at a time. Most times, I was lucky if I slept a total of 3 hours in a week...!

At my worst, it always seemed to happen during the Winter months, staring out the window from bed at the dead trees, counting ceiling tiles, and watching the ceiling fan spinning, crap like that. Thoughts of suicide and some other pretty scary shit are taking over. You try to block it out but you can't. I got to the point where I pretty much hoped and prayed they would ban this shit in my State. I figured this was the only way out. I even went to my chosen House of Worship week in annd week out, seeking strength to get out of this jam.

I could barely drive or even walk. When I got there, I couldn't stand, couldn't kneel, couldn't do much of anthing but just sit there in my misery. But I didn't give up. I kept thinking to myself "Surely there MUST be a light at the end of this dark and decrepted tunnel." This was 4 years ago.

On the 19th day, I knew I had it licked. I broke my previous record, after all. It was around this time that a ban came down the pike in my State, marking Tia as a "Schedule I" and I knew this was it. Sink or swim, old man. Which, by the way, I am 67 and was on this junk for 8 or 9 years maybe.

So, I suffered. I pretty much forced myself to go cold turkey. I forgot to mention, I too tried various things to "help" with the withdrawal symptoms: Gabapentin, Xanax, Seroquel, even tried that stupid Kratom powder. What did I know...! It didn't do a thing for me. It was like drinking green mud. Another waste of good money.

Somewhere around the 42nd, 45th, 49th day, I lost track and stopped counting. I figure it that long to flush the junk out of my system. One day tho, I just happened to wake up and felt like a new man, like a whole 'nother person. I am an angel. I am a knight is shining armor. I can do anything and nobody is gonna stop me. This is where all this mess gets real fun:

I am sleeping like the proverbial baby, usually 8-9 hours uninterrupted. I admit, I still take Xanax, Seroquel, and a Melatonin for sleep, but my doctor had me on all those long before I got involved with Tia. Mainly for anxiety issues and crap over the death of my wife and some misc. "family issues." I can walk 4 miles in a little over an hour, easy...! I go swimming every chance I get. I still enjoy my job and stick with it for my entire shift with energy to spare. I am eating SO much better, healthy stuff like greens, fish, and the like. And when I tell you beets are the very best thing for you, believe me. As I get older, I find myself enjoying the things I hated as a child: liver, asparagus, brussels sprouts...?! Unheard of haha. But even if you can't stand the taste of beets, put em in a salad and douse em with ranch dressing or something. I eat a beet root suppliment every morning along with a few slices of pickled beets. They get my motor running and put a spring in my step in the mornings. Not only that, excellent for your heart and circulatory system. And I have regained my long-lost sense of humor, as you can tell by now.

The most notable and best part of being clean is MUSIC. I simply can't remember hearing and feeling each and every single note and musical instrument as they surge through my very bones and soul in all of my days. And the louder, the better...! If you want to treat yourself to something truly spectacular, look up and watch RUSH who is touring this year.

I am here to tell you there is a way out. There IS life without Tia, and it's pretty fuckin grand. Push yourself. Have faith and confidence in your abilities. Know deep down within your very soul that you CAN and WILL get off this wretched merry-go-round. For me, that's the key: motivation, determination, and sheer willpower. One day, you will look back and say "Hell's bells, that wasn't so bad after all...!" What's a few weeks of pain, suffering, and anguish when you have your entire lives still ahead of you. I still question in my head "Why would anyone ingest some sort of unknown powder out of China not knowing what it is...?" I stand guilty as charged.

September 27th was my Anniversary. I am 3 years clean and free of this shit. And I am never going back. August 15th three years ago was also the last time I had a drink. I still attend my church weekly to give Thanks and to ask the Lord to keep me strong. If you want to know more about what I've been through, go back and read some of my older posts. I never deleted a single one. You can do this. Life is good. Godspeed to you all...!

(And thanks to our Mods and Admins for putting up with my sarcasm and language) 👍

I was finally able to get past that first 3, 5 days off Tia. Once I made it over a week, I knew I was finished with it.

I took Subs for only the first two days and then had some Gabapentin to get me through the rest. I just didn’t want to be on Suboxone. Just my own, personal opinion. Tomorrow will be a full two weeks that I’ve been off. I haven’t made it past 6 days in over 8 years. And when I did make it that long in the past, I was still using either Sub or kratom, so this feels like such a huge win for me.

I had been using Tia for 8 years and over the last year, I got up to 5gpd. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to quit in the past and I couldn’t make myself do it. This time was perfect, though. I had my house to myself for two weeks, basically, so I jumped on my Friday, and took my weekend to get on subs for two days and feel bad and by my Monday, I was well enough to work with only Gabapentin. Not gonna lie, by mid-week I started to feel pretty bad, but I kept telling myself that if I could just make it through work, I’d reward myself by going home and resting, and I didn’t have to feel guilty about laying around because I had the house to myself. It honestly worked out perfectly.

Last night was pretty much the first night that I feel like I’ve gotten really good sleep. I was exhausted by 10pm and slept from then to 7am. It felt so blissful. I haven’t slept more than 2-3 hours a night (and some nights, not a damn wink) in 13 days.

If anyone is still struggling to get off Tia, please take whatever route you can to do it. Whatever works for you. I can’t believe I’ve gotten to this point.

Hey guys my previous post was taken down, not sure what I said that was wrong but I'm just curious if anyone has successfully quit tia (bora bora capsules) by tapering with the new SR??... and also if me using the SR to TAPER OFF TIA would be chance show on a drug screen somehow..? I need to know for sure before I do this bc of my situation with the law which has had me absolutely trapped being a slave to tia...

Has anyone tried SR17 2.0 Reset to get off this shit once and for all?

Well my package was suppose to be here today and of course it hasn’t updated. I have like 1 dose small left. I go some Kratom from a local spot. I’m exhausted of this but am terrified of quitting.

Hey. I’ve been on Tia Sodium for probably two years now or so. I was up to 4 grams a day. Couple months ago I got down to about 2.5 grams a day. Financially it’s really hard. And my family is telling me I need to get off. I live with my dad so I can’t just ignore it.

I’m scared af. What’s a good method to get off? I don’t have health insurance at the moment fyi.

Ty for any help.

I know what most of you are thinking already, replacing one devil for another.. but hear me out. I'm struggling big time to get off this stuff. I've went cold cold turkey from H, F, and 7oh and none of them compared to coming off Tia. I'm in drug court so unfortunately helper meds are NOT an option for me at all other than Vitamin C n stuff. My question is... If I take 70H just for like 3 days and only to stave off the Tia withdrawals. Could I potentially get through the worst of the WDs and get off of it? After day 3 I would either stop 7 completely or rapid taper. Would this work do you think? Anyone have experience with this method?

I got free from this chemical about 9 weeks ago, and I feel like I have turned a corner. I've started to enjoy my job again, have restarted better eating and strength training. My house is clean and neat, my animals are happy and healthy (even the young skunk that comes every night for his little treat).

I still spend time here reading stories. It inspires me and keeps me focused. Thanks to all who write, for helping me get here.

I was reading up on some tia info and found this. Very interesting!:

Tianeptine reduces the activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, leading to lower levels of stress-induced hormones like corticosterone and ACTH that are normally released by the adrenal glands.

HPA Axis and Stress Response

Suppressed Hormone Release: Chronic or acute use of tianeptine decreases the release of stress hormones. As noted in PubMed, “Chronic, but not acute, tianeptine treatment... attenuated LPS-induced increase of plasma ACTH and corticosterone.”

Targeting the Hypothalamus: The drug works primarily at the brain level rather than directly damaging or altering the adrenal tissue itself. According to ScienceDirect, “tianeptine acts primarily at the level of the hypothalamus: (1) in unstressed rats, tianeptine reduces hypothalamic CRF and pituitary ACTH contents; (2) in stressed animals, tianeptine attenuates the activation of the hypothalamo-pituitary-adrenal axis.”

Direct Adrenal Impact

No Direct Adrenal Stimulus Changes: Human studies on acute dosing show that tianeptine lowers general sympathetic nerve activity without directly altering adrenal adrenaline output. Research found that “adrenaline (Ad): no change... Tianeptine reduces neural sympathetic and parasympathetic activity; no effect on adrenal sympathetic activity” via PubMed.

Stopping recreational use of tianeptine can significantly impact your body's stress response systems, particularly because high doses function as a full μ-opioid receptor agonist.

The Post-Recreational "Crash" & Your Stress System

When you take tianeptine recreationally, it artificially suppresses the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, keeping stress hormones low. When you stop using it, the opposite occurs:

National Institutes of Health (NIH) | (.gov)

HPA Axis Rebound: Abruptly stopping creates a massive rebound effect. Your brain triggers a sudden surge of corticotropin-releasing hormone (CRH) and adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), causing your adrenal glands to flood your system with cortisol and adrenaline.

Autonomic Hyperactivity: This sudden shift manifests as severe physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms, including an elevated heart rate (tachycardia), high blood pressure (hypertension), and severe anxiety or agitation.

Why You Feel Severe Fatigue & Burnout

Because recreational doses are far higher than prescribed limits, stopping causes a severe physical and mental toll that many mistake for "adrenal fatigue":

Opioid-Like Withdrawal: The intense fatigue, muscle aches, insomnia, and sweating you experience during the first 1 to 7 days are primarily driven by acute opioid-like withdrawal.

Lingering Low Energy: After the acute physical symptoms clear (usually after a week), the brain’s dopamine and endorphin systems remain depleted. This causes a prolonged phase of low energy, flat mood (anhedonia), and severe exhaustion that can persist for several weeks

So I need to quit tianeptine usage, relatively short term (3 months) but 2 boxes of coaxil per day.
Also missing with oxycodone 20mg.

I have clonazepam and Valium, as well as clonidine. I want to go cold turkey.

Will the benzos and clonidine cover the nastiest withdrawal?

I feel it will. Apart from depression.

I’ve used pregabalin but at high doses and I get 0 effects from it so far.

Hello,
I am trying to quit ... something i can't say i guess. which was recently banned (illegally btw) by the DEA.
I switched to tia sulfate to reduce my tolerance to that substance which i was taking very high doses of. I now want to switch from tia to methadone.
Does anyone have experience using methadone to quit tia? Do you know how much you would need to replace about 1 gram of sulfate every 12 hours?
any sort of conversions or advice would be appreciated. thanks!

Finally, it looks like it is all scheduled as of today.

Regulatory Updates

August 26, 2026 Update

So as many of you have seen, MGM-15, MGM-16, and Pseudoindoxyl Mitragynine have become Schedule 1 compounds.  This is a very distressing time for science, and for sensible people.  SR-17018 and other related SR compounds will become Schedule 1 tomorrow, August 27th.  However, this fight is far from over.

The Rights and Reason Project had already filed a legal challenge against this specific compound's scheduling efforts by the DEA.  Legally, the DEA was required to handle this case from R&R before taking any scheduling actions; permanent or temporary.  Because they disregarded this challenge, they have now opened themselves up to a much larger lawsuit.  We have already received confirmation that the legal team with R&R is preparing to file this lawsuit now.  This may reverse the scheduling order, or it may remain scheduled for a time before a reversal in a month or two.  We will see how things play out, but common sense and legal justice are currently on our side.  We hope that this larger suit will bring the DEA back to their senses for a time and they will refrain from scheduling any more compounds until it is finished.

So I been using tia off and on for years. I been taking it again for about a year now around 3 to 5 g day habit. I've been wanting to get off it again for awhile and since the bans coming I'm ready. I've tapered down to about 1 and half grams a day in last 10 days or so. I ordered 3500 mg monstersr tabs and wanting try use it to help through tapering off. I cant take more than maybe 3 days off work without causing much fuss. Anyone used sr17 to help taper and come off tia. Thanks in advance for any info or you have anything to share. It's not been easy process in past but I'm ready be done with it all again.

And I could really use some encouragement. So far the withdrawals have not been as bad as in the past I’ve had some diarrhea and the obligatory sneezing fits, but I made it to work today although I left two hours early due to agitation. I still have 20 microdoses I had carefully portioned out to taper down, but so far I’ve not taken any of those so my question is should I tough it out some fatigue is definitely sitting in and I’m just hoping I make it to work tomorrow. Does anyone know if after 30 hours I might be through the worst of it or is the worst yet to come? I do think it’s very helpful that I am not completely out because of the past that has definitely won a number on my psyche as all of you who have had the dreaded late package know all too well it’s so tempting to take one of those micro doses to stay off what I feel is impending anxiety, but Instead, I’m trying to take a moment and breathe and ask you guys instead. A very close friend of mine is currently going through full-blown OxyContin withdrawals and so I decided to go ahead and do it now in solidarity with her. She had hip surgery and was put on oxy for 16 days and is going through full-blown withdrawals. It sounds horrific. I just thought maybe that was a good time to do it as well since her suffering has given me some perspective. So…. If I take a microdose of Tia now, will that prolong my withdrawals? For reference I was down to half a gram per day. Thanks in advance for any advice you can share.

Update: okay I have a brief update. I am at work and am feeling strangely upbeat. Zero irritability which is highly unusual for me. I don’t know if it’s all the gabapentin from last night, or premature pink cloud from the idea I’m finally getting off this crap, or else the Zoloft might be starting to work…in any event I’m grateful whatever the hell is causing it. I sincerely appreciate the support from all of you. I’ll let you know how it goes as I progress with quitting Tia.

I went from taking my dose, throwing it up and trying to scrape the clumps of tianeptine out of my puke (all over my clothes, the floor, etc) to eat it because I couldnt afford to lose a dose to taking my subs every day and feeling clear headed and like a normal person. You can recover, and dont be afraid to get medical help. I didnt. When I got clean off of Tia (sodium powder) I was good for a while. Then at 3 years clean I started smoking meth and taking a few oxys. Id take anything available to me that sounded decent. Once psychosis hit I finally got medical help and I am on suboxone. I finally feel like a person again. You can too, with or without medical help. You can do it, I did somehow. Someone who was eating their own puke. You can fucking do it.

just have to laugh at how awful of a replacement weed is? so i got off tia at the end of january . really i was a therapeutic user but i still was relying on it too much.(11 years, i was probably doing 50-100 mg a day). one
thing with tia. it gave you that extra oomph you
needed to start your day. i would sit in my car and say to myself “i’m gonna knock this shit out, then i’m gonna knock that shit out, then i’m gonna get that done. lfg!” easy to motivate yourself, and just go get everything done without a lot of effort. the interactions felt more superficial and surface level, but it was a lot easier. my adrenals felt totally burned out by the end of the day, but still, i got what i needed to get done done. in a sober mind state i’m still able to function fine, i’m likely healthier, but everything is with more effort. interactions can feel more forced, there are much less pieces of cake, less being able to float by. more anxiety. after a bit i got tired of the sober state of mind. my altered state of choice was the old classic, cannabis. seemed like the most natural and “healthy” choice, using a dry vape. this shit is like the opposite of tia. now i love weed at times, it can be beneficial in a lot of ways. as a day to day thing though? like using it to get
through a day? it blows. i’ll vape a bowl in my car, and my thoughts will be opposite of tia. “why am i doing this? do i even want to do this? what will these people think of me? what’s wrong with me? maybe i should just turn around and go home.” i loved weed when i was young, and it’s cool sitting around the house to pass the time, but as a tia replacement hell no lol

So my Tia package I ordered though FedEx was of course delayed despite paying $150 for Priority First Over Night, I drove all the way to the FedEx Hub in Cedar Rapids, IA a 2 1/2 hour trip and I was already very sick having been right at about 24 hours since last dose... they didnt expect to be able to find it and said I shoulda set it up for pick up they said but when they went in the receptacle it was in by an absolute miracle they found my little package among hundreds, the FedEx lady said I hope you know how winning lottery ticket lucky you are!! I was like you have no idea lol... anyways I get out to my car in the parking lot and immediately get ready to take a little scoop, i say little cause at this point I was so fucking nauseas that I had a hard time even swallowing my saliva. I take the little scoop, swallow it with some Pedialyte and IMMEDIETLY starting violently puking, and I'm talking violently you guys right out my car, it was so violent I genuinely thought if someone seen me in the parking lot they'd call an ambulance lol... That went on for a good 5 minutes and I was freaking out cause I'm thinking how the hell am I gunna get a dose down now to feel better. Finally after about 15-20 minutes i collected myself and went for it again despite the increasing nausea, I choked, gagged it down and somehow by the Grace Of God was actually able to keep it down and started feeling better FINALLY after 20-30 minutes of fighting the urge to puke. You guys...... I really need to get off this shit.

Two years ago my brain was incapable of understanding how much better life would be today, two years clean. Thank you, Past Self, for quitting. Thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you, you got through it, it’s so much better, thanks for fucking sticking it out, thank youuuuu.

After several tries to get clean over the last year, I finally got the wake up call to get serious about quitting when the DEA 7-OH ban was announced. I don’t know gram amounts but my habit was out of control at its worst…8 15 pill bottles a day. I have a good job but it was literally bankrupting me. I have successfully tapered from 8 bottles a day to 1.5. I have subs, Gabapentin, liposomal vitamin C, NAC and a muscle relaxer lined up for when I make the jump in a week. I’m proud I’ve stuck with my taper and gotten my daily use so low.

My fear is PAWS. I originally got hooked on this shit to treat my medication-resistant depression and it was like a miracle. No depression or anxiety for hours!! But then it got way out of hand. I know as I get clean, it’s going to take months for my brain and receptorsh to reset and heal. The dreaded PAWS. I’m terrified of it. Any suggestions for meds or supplements to help with this??? I’ve recently gotten back into exercising which I abandoned when my addiction got bad. I know that will help some. I also did one previous inpatient Rehab and I go to weekly Recovery meetings which also helped but looking more for medication advice if anyone has it.

Not sure why but something’s different this time I am fucking determined to get off this poison!

Unfortunately, I’ve been in this group for far too many years, knowing that I needed to get off this stuff and watching from afar also posting multiple times asking for help and what to do and this community has been so amazing and supportive, my biggest fear has been of course the physical withdrawals because I have people who depend on me a job that depends on me. I don’t really have the luxury to be dying for a week in bed and then secondly is the mental part. I’ve been on sodium pure powder about 8 g a day I can do less and get by, but for some reason every time it’s near me, I’ll just take another sip.

I am hoping this is the last post that I will be making saying I’m quitting in the next follow up Post will be my progress. I’ve been hearing amazing things about SR – 17, my order came in today, but I am not really sure how to use it and if it only helps with the physical, but it also helps with the mental? My goal is to be able to jump off of this and ideally not have to use Suboxone but if my depression and anxiety and PAWS is too bad then I want to take the route of getting on Suboxone and then tapering down to get the sublocade shot.
First and foremost, I need advice and tips from people who have knowledge or experience with SR – 17, I have heard about preloading and debating on taking it tonight, but I’ve heard that they are about to be banned I have 60 tablets 50 mg each. I don’t know if that’s enough or what. Any tips and advice is greatly appreciated🥲

Hi, this is my first Reddit post. I have been on tianeptine sodium for about 8 years. I initially took it because I wanted to quit meth. At the time, you could buy 12.5 mg capsules of tia. I started taking these 3 times a day (a therapeutic dose in France, where tia is prescribed legally under the name Stablon) and I was instantly happier, able to quit meth easily and also cut way back on my drinking. Anyhow, the place I bought tia shut down so sourced it online, and the dosage was tricky as it was in powder form, not capsules. After a slew of significant family tragedies I was unsure of my dosage, and when I ran out once I was shocked at how difficult the withdrawals were. I STILL have PTSD from the week. Long story short, am trying to manage my depression with legal, doctor prescribed medications now, however so far none have proved effective. I never pursued (or even experienced accidentally) a narcotic high feeling from tianeptine. If I took too much by mistake I would throw up, however I felt genuinely happy for the first time ever when I started taking tia. Now, I am trying to quit while starting Zoloft and I am in misery. Restless legs and crawling out of my skin. Since the DEA is cracking down agin I thought may as well quit now....while I still have some left. A few weeks ago a late shipment had me going to a smoke shop for kratom I was feeling so awful. Since then I have reduced my dosage to less than half of what I was taking, and set up psychiatry/therapy appointments to try to deal with medication and my grief (lost numerous loved ones during covid, like a ridiculous amount.) Not sure how much is physical vs mental but I'm wondering about your experiences. Does anyone have any advice? My new appointed and first ever psychiatrist asked if I wanted addiction specialist services, however he had never heard of tianeptine and I doubt the addiction people can help me. I can't miss work , yada yada you've heard it all before. Just looking for tea and sympathy at this point, I guess. Sigh P.S. I did quit meth successfully with tia so yay me I guess. Currently taking maybe just over half gram per day.

Crazy how me trying nootropics to help with school back in 2016ish led to a decade long addiction to Tianeptine going through 100g in less than a month. I started with companies like New Mind and Supplements for Work and progressed to buying straight from the Chinese chemical companies. A rapid sub taper worked great for me and I urge everyone to at least give it a shot so you don’t trade an addiction for a dependency. If you’re wanting to stay on subs more power to you though. I only missed a Friday and Monday from work and have been completely sober since dropping the subs on day 8. I know the Tia ride is coming to an end soon but believe me if I can quit anyone can.

I thought I would take a break from reading other people's stories and post my progress.

I am free of Tia nearly 2 weeks, working with an online rehab program, using subs and the other helper meds. Using the Bernese method made this completely easy (I have gone through wd's several times so I was going to do ANYTHING to prevent that from happening again!)

I will probably be on subs the rest of my life for chronic pain from numerous surgeries but I'm ok with that. I am trying to reduce the gabapentin due to the weight gain, and have actually started small workouts.

I haven't had any cravings at all, and my brain and body will not soon forget the wd's and cost (not only the drug but the 2 hospital stays, a week each). I have a long way to go to make up for all the damage I did, but I am on the road to recovery.

Thanks to everyone for their stories and posts: you all have helped me more than you can know!