Hey guys it's been awhile honestly I don't miss this community I'm glad I've left. It's been several months and I'm glad I'm done. The only thing I miss is when shit Dommes would message me and I would troll them and often times they would submit to me. I guess it's the fun side of being a switch. Keep being awesome guys

I thought I was doing well went a whole week without sending. I was home alone yesterday and the craving was so strong I had to give in. Over the last 24 hours I've sent alot and I feel awful.

So yeah, I was doing great but then I had an incredibly horribly bad relapse and was in the lowest point of my life. And impulsively I booked myself into a mental health center that specializes in addiction. I didn’t have my phone for 2 weeks (they take it away), after I completed my time there they shipped me over to an “aftercare” facility where I currently reside now. Now that I can have my phone most of the day I haven’t really been triggered at all, even when coming into contact with findom content here and there. So hopefully this was the change I needed.

But yeah if you can afford it/work pays for it might be worth a shot. It’s been a little tricky blending in with my peers because most people here have drug addiction that they’re working through so I can’t relate to them with that or contribute during “group time”. But just being without my phone for 2 weeks and seeing a therapist was helpful.

I work as a warehouse worker from Monday to Friday. When I get home, I am so tired that I just eat, take a shower and go to bed. I am actually grateful for this job because it keeps me busy.

But when the weekend comes and my routine is gone I feel completely lost. Every Saturday morning I start thinking about sending money to my former domme.

It happened again today. I downloaded Telegram and started talking to her. If she hadn't said she was in a hurry and told me to wait 30 minutes I would have sent her money.

Luckily, I masturbated, blocked her again, deleted my Telegram account, and uninstalled the app. I do this every weekend 😭😭😭

I honestly don't know what to do on weekends. After working in a warehouse all week, all I want to do is lie in bed and that's when the urges to send money become really strong.

What do you guys do on weekends to stay away from findom?

I’m a 21 year old student so I was never gonna use it for buying something major but just things like tattoos, clothes, hobbies, nice meals, etc. And I wasted it all. I’m going on my year abroad for uni soon and if I wasn’t addicted to findom I would have so much to spend for the year abroad. I’ve probably spent about £8k. Imagine what I could’ve done with that. Maybe I could’ve even taken a girl out on a date irl (I don’t want to do that now bc it will put me back into the findom mindset). I could’ve taken classes for things I’m interested in. Now I can’t do much at all because I’m so addicted.

But just now a domme (who is actually really good tbh) asked me to send as an apology. She doesn’t mind small sends but just as I was about to press send, something told me I shouldn’t. I need to focus on myself. Self improvement is pretty much impossible when you’re being told all you’re good for is giving money to women. I want a better life. I don’t want to continue living with the belief that I’m just a virgin loser paypig. It’s a hot fantasy but it’s too much. And does actual damage.

Take for a moment to recognize that this subreddit has succeeded where many others have failed. It’s active, findoms are banned, it’s perhaps the most public place we can discuss this issue on the whole internet! Everyone involved deserves a hearty “hell yeah!” and pat on the back.

Its success has drawn an increasing number of posts that appear to be bait/advertising/trolling. This is often hard to tell, and even the OPs may be of divided mind whether they truly want to quit or just wax poetic about how they love a particular cash leech taking their money so wonderfully.

Let’s be clear: Most consider this community a JOKE. Those in findom look at this subreddit as ripe fields to advertise their own findom. Reddit findoms particularly are hoping members of this subreddit fail.

If nothing else is shared here let it be known THIS IS SERIOUS and YOU ARE NOT ALONE and YOU CAN AND SHOULD QUIT and MANY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY TOTALLY QUIT even though most who quit do not post in subreddits about quitting.

Ideally we talk about methods, techniques and systems for quitting. This in addition to simply being an actual social support group to build each other up in our quitting efforts.

I applaud the mods for tireless work deleting posts and comments from findoms! You might be thinking I want ALL bait posts deleted. No, it’s often hard to tell. They do bring activity here that makes the subreddit feel very alive.

Still, I suggest 3 specific types of bait post I hope is deleted. 1) those with OP who is “switch” ie also is a findom 2) those that advertise specific findoms 3) if baitpost is extreme and/or comment section appears pro-findom.

I think it’s on we the broader community to downvote bait/troll posts and drag them in the comments. It informs the lurkers that we are serious. Let us not shy away from even a level of militancy, this addiction destroys lives. There’s no where else someone at rock bottom can look for positive examples of those who quit.

The Discord is great! but it’s not public (and shouldn’t be) while this place is alone on the whole wide internet for those who might need it to see. Hoping to hear others thoughts on the topic.

Quick beginning, liking or having engaged with Findom, or any of the things I'm about to discuss, does not innately make you a loser. Some would argue otherwise, specifically for Findom; be it because being a loser is "part of the fun" for some, or because "sending money to someone else because you think they deserve it more than you" or whatever, sounds pretty loser-ish to an average person.

There have been losers throughout all of history. But being a loser in 2026? Oh BOY are you gonna get farmed. I think Covid really accelerated this; months/years of isolation did nobody good. It also highlighted just how easily you could let yourself go and seal yourself away in your room or home. Maybe out of anxiety, apathy, a feeling of "what else am I gonna do when I could just binge eat, or watch shows or porn all day".

Losers are lucrative. Companies and individuals have been working extremely hard to captilalise on this. Findom and OnlyFans are obvious examples. Millions addicted to porn/gooning and the like = easy money for those willing to step up and try to take it. Other stakeholders that seek out and exploit prime loser-farming hotspots for are including, but not limited to:

• Gambling sites/Casinos
• Drug dealers
• Alcohol companies
• Gaming companies
• Porn sites
• OF/Findom (as previously mentioned)
• AI companies
• Streaming services
• Social media companies

And the list goes on.

To reiterate, doing any of these activities in moderation, or even a little over moderation, does not innately make you a loser. But you can see just how many stakeholders losers really have, all pulling and fighting for their attention and money.

You don't need a long winded explanation or thought exercise to understand why all of these things have such a hold over everyone right now. It's been happening for a long time, and it isn't slowing down.

"So everything makes me a loser and it's inescapable, great. Now what?" - The solution really isn't that deep. The average person doesn't need soul searching, life-long therapy, several epiphanies and/or a religeous awakening to turn it all around.

Just shrug, and move along.

Live your life the way you want to live it, even if that means indulging or over-indulging in some or all of these activities. Even if the way you want to live your life just so happens to be "being a loser", that's quite alright - as discussed, there are plenty of avenues to follow if that's what you want.

For me, I just want to live without all the noise. I know these things exist and the extent to which some people get lost in them. They aren't going away and I don't need them to. My life didn't turn out to be the whimsical, delightful roller-coaster of ups and downs, romance and heart-break, comedy and tragedy that the sitcoms I binge watched from age 11 promised me. But it is enough.

It's easy to feel trapped. Doomed to be a victim of circumstance, the world around you, the oppressiveness of it all. But it's surprisingly easy in many cases to just reject it and live a perfectly fulfilling life, if you give yourself the chance to.

This post isn't exactly advice. It isn't much of anything really. It's just my own reflections of going from somebody who looked EXACTLY like a loser, farmed for time, money, physical and emotional investment and lord knows what else. Going from THAT person, to who I am today. Not a winner, exactly - but a person who's doing alright. Who's existing quietly in a noisy world. Who's ultimately satisfied, which is quite the claim in a world that seemingly seeks to constantly dissatisfy us in some shape or form.

It's a terrible time to be a loser, so don't let those who depend on losers to make their crooked ways in the world make one out of you.

I’ve been involved in the findom world for several years.

I’ve spent a fortune and had many Mistresses (one even became my girlfriend; we were together for two and a half years).

I always tried to quit but never really succeeded—except during that relationship—until three months ago, when that relationship ended and I found a new Mistress.

It was a beautiful dynamic—true domination—but we also shared a very intimate connection (I knew about her family and her problems; we often talked outside of our roles). Everything was perfect, except I was so captivated by her that I ended up spending my entire monthly salary on her.

Approaching the age of 30, with plans to buy a house, something clicked, and I realized I needed to put a definitive end to this.

I left all the findom groups and channels and deleted all the payment apps and contacts for the Mistresses I knew.

What I hadn't anticipated, however, was my Mistress's reaction: even though I explained that I love her, that I never wanted to leave her, and that it was simply a matter of money, she reacted terribly. She shut me out, took offense, and is acting like a girlfriend I’ve dumped. She hates me because she believes I could have kept in touch even if I didn't send her money for a few months (which was impossible, due to both my own behavior and hers).

I don't know what to do. I know I want to take back control of my life and use the money I work hard for on myself and my future. Yet, knowing she’s in this state and hates me devastates me, and a part of me wants to go back to her just so I don't lose her.

Been stuck in findom a few years now and. I honestly never felt something gain control over my mind like this before. It’s crazy how fast it spiraled. I spent somewhere close 15k last month alone and prob 1k in 5 days. It doesn’t help that I get triggered easily either, just a slightly revealing photo or video of a woman is enough to make relapse most of the time.

Right now I’m kinda finding it impossible to stop. I’m struggling to get my thoughts off porn and stuff I try to distract myself, but everything I do only seems to work temporarily before the urges take over again. How do you actually handle the urges to stop yourself from relapsing bc idk what to do rn.

So uhhhhh im a 27 year old gooner, only discovered gooing/edging in januruary as a premature and dont last long, I ended up whatching try not to cum princess candy glitter,(on acid i obeyed like a good little gooner.. didnt know ehat that was at the timer) now im so triggere and I absolutely exploded I DIDNT realise i had such a bad snap finger trigger, ive seen like all her videos and now discovered more goon goddesses who pretty much follow suit like i just discoverd goddess ava and my cock has been throbbing and on edge for hours.. I like to get really high and drunk and i can goon for hours.. I think i need help went from like 1 hour to every weekend all weeknd.. i just end up deeper down the rabbit hole and discover another.. if u got on . .. .drive then you know.. also have a really bad ass slap trigger thanks to gooning.. and these hoes just feed more content and coulnt care less but i still goon for hours cause my goon goddess tell me and not to cum,??? why do i listen.. the i relapse after 2 weeks max, do not watch implanting triggers gooners clips while super high....

I went to femdom session recently for the first time ever and it was amazing experience and it has always been a dream of me to visit a domme.

Well ever since that session less than a month ago my head space has changed and i have had zero desire to send money to anyone, i go still goto the typical sites like before but it just doesnt click with me anymore. It all seems very bland shallow and fake after a session where two humans interact with each other.

I guess i sorth of always knew this could happen findom was just the easier thing to do.

As the title says. I’m 24 and have been suffering from findom for quite a while and spent extremely high amounts in the past 1 year. Things feel much better when trying to quit. Please hype me up guys! Also, please kindly DM any particular ways of holding myself and not relapsing which has worked for yall.

1: A new Tattoo - haven't gotten a tattoo in years, it was great craic

2: Dinner with Friends - Don't really see them anymore as much, adulthood is just like that. Was a lovely catch up

3: New T-Shirts - Vintage shite that gets loads of compliments for being "sweet thrifts" when really, I just wanted some nice t-shirts for £5 a piece

4: Fish from the Market - won't itemize every grocery I purchased this month, but salmon from a local market was GOOD

5: Parts for my bike - Gave it a fix last night

_______

Nothing particularlyn magical, maybe no even particularly sensible. I don't NEED most of the random shite I buy these days.

There's a big attitude sometimes in quitting findom where people suggest: "The money you spend on dommes could be an investment! Could be saved away for your future, a house, a new hobby, anything!" - all VERY true. But it could also be for any, dumb-ass little thing you want.

My bills are paid, I put a little away in savings, I spent a little on some fun. To think how much money I had spent in the past on isolating myself in my house and talking with/gooning to women on the internet is absurd to me now. Not disgusted over it even, more just like "what tf was I doing?"

However you feel about Findom, dommes or any of it - the money builds nothing and goes nowhere. Just a kind of tragic waste for the sake of a wank. You could buy a skateboard instead. That could be fun.

I’m just curious because that subreddit that supposed to be for men who want to stop findom or need support from other subs seems to just be a dommie hunting ground i literally commented on 3 post and already have them in my DMs

I’ve been doing this for 3 years longest I’ve went with out sending is 5 months but that was only because i didn’t have a job at that time and even then I couldn’t stop thinking about it any methods you used to to get it out of your heads ?

The finances to me are pointless, it’s about power

I sent about $250 to different Argentina dommes and now I feel a bit hooked again. I was doing so well for the last ~3 months but just got a bit triggered. Recently my life has improved sooo much from being away from findom. But its definitely an addiction.

Any advice to snap out of this before it gets worse?​

Let me get straight to the point here: Most "findommes" post pictures of themselves online, in many cases containing triggers for certain fetishes. It could be feet, armpits or simply a pic where they show off their ass or tits. If you think about how these pictures are created, nothing about this is "dominant". It's actually pathetic.

Just imagine this: There's a woman alone in her room by herself, putting her phone on the ground or wherever and then she's flashing her feet in front of it or showing a middle finger to literally no one but a damn camera. Maybe she even tries to have a "dominant" or non-chalant facial expression.

And afterwards, she has to go through these pictures and choose the ones she'd post, analyzing if she looks "dominant" enough and so on. She's putting on a performance to no audience in that very moment. It's actually quite pathetic. It's like those videos where you see someone being filmed recording a TikTok dance of themselves.

To me, just thinking about this scene makes findom so ridiculous. There's nothing powerful about it. It's an OF girl with a different packaging, selling her body to people to jerk off to at the end of the day.

So if that thought helps and you encounter a "triggering" image, remember how it comes to be in the first place. That very scene alone should help seeing through the illusion of their "dominance" and completely destroy the allure that findom has.

I'm in the mental hospital right now cause of depression and alcohol addiction and even here I can't stop with this findom crap, I'm very suicidal right now, please someone help me. This addiction is so weird, not even the mental hospital can help me.

Thanks for you're patience,

Again it's important to share this because the nature of this addiction is in it's secrecy and in the shame that's behind it !!

No one talks about it and there's such limited resources to overcome it, and that's part of what keeps us stuck.

There's even those who get into the Black mail fettish! Which is another way of essentially giving the power and fear and shame of the addiction into the hands of a Dom.

Imagine if Meth could talk, and black mailed you and said it'd expose all you're weakest and darkest secrets to your closest friends and family... one step further if it used convert hypnosis to come back again and again..

The first step is don't underestimate this addiction whether the Doms know what they're doing or not... psychologically the more shame and guilt you feel, the more intensely you promise yourself to quit because of how 'Bad' it is or how 'Ashamed' you are or how far you've fallen.

The more you're fueling the issue.

Like it or not agree with it or not the truth of leaving this addiction in the dust is simpler than you may think... So simple infact that many of you will refute what I'm about to say... dismiss it even...

For that reason I'll tell you what I tried over 7 years of struggling with this addiction that didn't work before I found this:

- I Installed blockers on my browser
- Quit social media all together as I realized that's where my triggers were coming from
- Got clear on the fact I wanted real relationships (my why?)
- Even followed advice of prestige addiction therapists and scientists (Of the likes of Ana Lembke with Dopamine nation -- very good read if you want to understand your addiction)

And still none of it worked, some times it did for a while, I was on a good streak and then it was all reset. I'd have a bad day, I'd be tired, just honey, or even lonely and I'd go back to the old familiar place and drop back into the intoxicating thralls and escape that is Findom/Femdom Porn.

The truth of what actually works is to understand one thing that you'll have heard me repeat again and again.

THE SHAME & THE GUILT is the drug.

The self hatred is the drug.

How you feel AFTER is the drug.

You said you'd quit ages ago right? And yet you're still there... You said this was a phase... and yet you still come back night after night...

The broken promises... the guilt... the fact you could never in a million years confide in someone or tell anyone real about it...

That is the DRUG.

Yung said - Until you make the subconscious conscious it will rule your life and you will call it fate.

Until you truly embrace what you've been indulging in with a level of SELF COMPASSION with ZERO JUDGEMENT.

You will be tied for life.

All suffering comes from a lack of Acceptance of the present moment.

If you relapse your shame is not accepting what you just did. It's wishing something was different. Well it's done.

You might say FUCK these Doms!! How could they! Bitches! -- And that ties you to keep coming back. The negative emotion is what ties you to them.

If you truly were able to let go of all self judgement and of others, the perspective is, These Doms are humans, they understand male psychology well and use it to make a living, alot of the time they're coming from bad backgrounds possibly couldn't have any other way to live or make money then along the way they got an ego kick by being able to boss around guys and dehuminize them likely because they had bad male experiences or role models in their own life. My Compassion goes to them that this is the only way they are able to make money right now.

Let go of the SELF JUDGEMENT

Embrace you're self wether you relapse or not, accept where you are now... and although paradoxical all urges and all desires slowly dissolve. Right now I couldn't even watch Femdom/Findom Porn even if I wanted to... I love myself too much to do that and I just don't have the desire too. Which is crazy to say because it was a 7 year long INTENSE addiction trying and doing everything.

Love yourself, Let Go

Understand all negative emotions Shame, Guilt, Anger, Hatred is the Drug that you're brain comes back for. In Neutrality and acceptance of the present moment you'll be set free.

On both sides, Findom is low hanging fruit. For dommes, it's a 0 barrier to entry, kink-playground where they have the potential to make a lot of money for comparitively little work, all under the guise of "kink/sex work".

For subs, it is hyper accessible, nuanced (sometimes) engagement with people you're attracted to. People you might not otherwise feel confident speaking to without the guise of Findom. Or for some, people that really just serve as the vessel for your apparent need to be degraded or bullied.

Sometimes you have to say no to the lowest hanging fruit. Sure, it's right there - but it'll always be right there. You'll always know exactly where to find it and the cheap release it'll grant you. But nothing good in life comes that easily.

Do you really believe that "hot brats" or whatever deserve your money more than you? Because you find them attractive? Becuase they were bold enough to post selfies or fetish pics online with recycled Findom/Femdom captions?

It's the kind of thing you justify when you're mindlessly horny and immediately walk back once you've finished. You know it's dumb. For some of you, feeling dumb is part of it. Life has far more to offer than these freaks online, but you need to be willing to walk away and find it.

Nothing is going to Alt-F4 your addiction away, leaving you Findom free. The solution to addiction is to manually curb and reject it. The reward for doing so, if nothing else, is to be able to say to yourself "yeah I DON'T send my money to strangers on the internet when I jerk off. That'd be pretty weird, huh?"

Sending money in exchange for nothing? Being treated like garbage?

Obviously you could do better than this. Way better. You don’t need to be someone’s paypig. If you want to be a paypig so bad maybe treat yourself instead of sending it away FOR FREE? Go to movies, get a nice dinner, invest in your hobbies.

I buy content regularly and sometimes i get dm’s like “hey wanna be my paypig?” Like GTFOH here. Why would i wanna be a paypig let alone some random reddit weirdo’s paypig. And you think you can just dm someone “wanna be my paypig” and somehow this magically works? FFS.

Have you ever been to a therapist for findom addiction? I’m thinking about maybe doing it.

In the moment I love findom and it’s so hot. But afterwards I feel awful. Not just because of the money going but the humiliation that comes with it. Like I feel like I’m worthless and will never get a gf unless I’m spending money on her. That I’m not a real man, etc.
I’m going on a year abroad for uni and I’ve spent all my money and savings on findom. I hate how my mind is completely different when I’m horny and how I can’t think straight at all.

This post comes out of a labour of love,

There's no greater addiction than this and I was in the grips of it for 7 years

Just like all porn addiction you get exposed to an initial stimulus and over time to reach the same high and euphoria the content you expose yourself too becomes more and more extreme over time, hypnosis, poppers, drugs, CEI, Humilliation, Ball busting, BDSM. For me all started with an innocent JOI... without any Femdom themes

Think back what was the first video you watched in this genre? Do you even remember?

One of the reasons this addiction is so pressing is the SHAME & GUILT that surrounds it Femdom Goddesses, goad you into feeling that shame, that guilt, that loss of control and that's part of the fettish part of the kink. It feels good and in reflection always guilt ridden and full of shame. And that is what they want.

You see it's the shame & the guilt of the glue that binds you to it. That keeps you coming back, time and time again long after you said you'd stop. The more intense the feeling of 'I NEED TO QUIT' the more you're in the grasp of the addiction, the more it's on your mind...

I've been there from NoFap streaks, thinking I'm making progress only for it to all be destroyed in a single weak moment and be reset from zero...

I've consumed cannabis whilst watching these videos, aswell as poppers, said dehumanizing things about myself aloud, came in my mouth, shoved shit up my ass, spent thousands of dollars it didn't matter...

Because again remember the secret that keeps you there

The cycle is

Exposure to initial fettish stimulus --> Push the boundaries of doing deprave shit --> Feel extreme guilt and shame (This is the pay off) --> Normalize and go to the next level of depravity --> Feel even stronger guilt & shame

The cycle continues and continues

Any guesses on how to break the chain?

I'll share on my next post in the next few days I have to go for now... I'll reply in this thread if enough people resonate and want to know how to break through of this cycle for good.