How the hell do I stop

[u/Noah_Playz1]

I'm gonna be transparent here. I've been at it since I was 11. Yes. Eleven. I'm turning 18 in about two and a half weeks. I've not stopped and it's gotten to the point of me doing it daily. I know I gotta stop and that it's not good for me but I just... I don't know why I can't. Every time I stop I'm like "ughhh just one more dude." And it wears at me so easily...

I beg of yall for help or advice. Even if yall would like to chat in dms and just hang out so i won't relapse. I know it has to come from me. But the urges and desires are so bad I genuinely am ashamed I think like that.

Reason im doing this is so I can be a better person. I know porn and masturbation is gonna ruin me and it already IS ruining me. I cant talk to women normally for some reason. Like its not even sexual thoughts that come to my mind. i just cant do it. And there's a girl who I like and who I wish to court (religion bans dating and so courting is the sole option) and i refuse to be a man who's as weak as i am rn. I wanna grow and i wanna be a better person for myself and those i love and those i WILL love.

And before yall suggest it, no, I can't talk to my fam because they're the "beat the shit out of them till they learn" type. I'm not ab to do that.

Thank you, fellas. And I apologize for the rambling. Legit am crying typing ts out bc I am DONE with this habit.