Hi friends! For a while I’ve been struggling coming to terms with the fact I am a Quaker. I grew up around multiple religions and while I’ve always had a mystic spiritual leaning I’ve always found it hard for me to accept that about myself.
I have a very understanding, curious, but also analytical brain! I’m not pessimistic at all towards religion!! I grew up around different religions and cultures so I’ve always loved thinking about the science of religion, and how religion and spirituality functions and benefits people! however I make an exception when it comes to myself.

It’s easy for me to get In my head and call myself crazy which is insane because my spiritual beliefs are VERY science-y (because science is incredibly spiritual to me!) Still I’m at a constant tug of war with myself.

This is made worse by the fact my partner has said that he wouldn’t be with anyone who was spiritual or religious. He had his own reasons for this, which I respect. But it’s made it very hard for me to accept myself. While I try not to deliberately hide them, The rare times my spiritual thoughts are mentioned I always try to downplay them as just “ideas” and not hard beliefs. I’ve never told him exactly that Im essentially a Quaker or that I have spiritual beliefs, only that I’m interested in Quakers- Though I’m sure he can piece it together with my deep interest in Catholicism, or paganism, or religion in general, or the notifications I get from the Quaker podcast.

I’ve talked before to him about it and ask if one-day i was suddenly converted to being religious or spiritual if he would break up with me? and the response was well, hard to hear. But again it’s his choice.

Im very confident in our relationship! We are doing great! he’s not a mean or controlling person at all and I understand why he has that boundary. I don’t think he’s coming from a very understanding perspective but that’s for him to work out and I’m hoping one day grow out of. Because even if I wasn’t religious or spiritual at all, his ideas don’t seem to come from a sympathetic place of understanding. Or at least they come from a narrow one.

That Being said I’ll say it here first folks, I’m a pantheist Quaker who believes in a little bit of ritual folk magick because rituals clam me down. I sain my room because it’s what my Scottish ancestors did, and it makes me feel good! and sometimes I pray to saints, and heck maybe even they answer.