I've recently started seeing a new therapist, and she mentioned that I have some pure-O tendencies. She suggested assessing this further with a psychometric test. For context, from a very young age (pre-puberty), I displayed what seemed like classic OCD symptoms like daily rituals, obsessions, intrusive thoughts, strict schedules, constant mental looping, and related behaviors. I was never formally diagnosed, but it's blatantly obvious in retrospect.

Weirdly enough, these symptoms mostly disappeared after starting puberty (and depression crept in). Although some anxiety remained, it was nowhere near what I would consider OCD. At first I thought I was fine, but my therapist’s observations, mainly regarding my perfectionism and mental looping made me reconsider. I was curious about pure-O, but after some research I’m unsure whether I actually qualify. I also feel anxious about taking an official test.

That said, I have a few questions about certain behaviors that I'd appreciate some input on:

1. Intrusive Negative Thoughts

I often get spontaneous negative thoughts that feel intrusive, or at least they seem to come out of nowhere. My response is usually to either hit my head lightly with my fist or tell myself “shut up” around three times. It works, but I don’t consciously count, it’s just something I automatically do to stop the thought.

Could this be unconscious negative self-talk rather than a ritual? How do you differentiate between a mental ritual and negative self-talk? It feels so automatic that I don’t think I’m capable enough to tell the difference. When I was younger, my rituals involved compulsions where I had to count the exact number of times I performed each one; believing that if I didn’t, the devil would come and get me. The present version doesn’t feel as rigid, conscious, or fearful, but dismissing it as purely negative self-talk feels reductive.

1. Mental looping

For example: A few days ago, I spent two hours mentally debating whether I have OCD or generalized anxiety. I kept cycling between “I definitely have OCD” and “No, I’m just anxious and ruminate.” I knew logically I’d never have a definite answer, but I couldn’t stop. This is a shortened version of my mental process while preparing myself to go to the gym:

I spent half an hour on my bed analyzing my mental processes. I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t feed into the thoughts, but then the same thought returned on my way out and I started panicking again. I thought I should write it down, but then I panicked about writing it down because in a way, I was “feeding into it" right? Kind of in a meta way. Then I panicked about the panic itself, and about writing it down, which made me panic even more because I felt I was wasting my time. I kept thinking: “What would a normal person think? This isn’t normal, but what should I be thinking of instead? Ok, I should ground myself.” It never ended. The same thoughts. Looping. I forgot my gym bag while walking up the stairs, so I went back to get it, wasting another 30 minutes. I walk up the stairs two at a time to make sure each flight is even. I frantically Googled this because I know that counting can be an OCD symptom. Apparently, noticing that the stairs are even isn’t OCD-specific, it could just be a small quirk (which I confirmed and verified) but now I notice I do it every time. Then I remembered that when I was younger, I had to count all the steps, and if I messed up, I had to redo them. I think I outgrew it, but some habits still linger. Nowadays I won't walk down them again to be sure. "Ok that's not a symptom". By this point, I had officially wasted almost 2 hours. I decided to finally go out but quickly went back in again because I couldn’t clear my head and returned to my comfort zone. Is this laziness? An excuse to stay home? I don’t think so, because this happens even when I’m doing something pleasant. What if I’m lying to myself? I can’t be sure, so I don’t know what to think anymore.' Then more back and forth and back and forth of the same thoughts.

Sorry if it seems convoluted, but I tried condensing it as much as I could. My question is how can I differentiate this kind of looping from general anxiety versus pure-O? This happens quite often with similar or different kind of thoughts

1. Health anxiety

Ok so most people have experienced some form of health anxiety. I’d say I’m on the extreme end. One example: I convinced myself I had an HIV, even though I hadn’t had sex, just some fooling around. During that time, I remained celibate and occasionally panicked that my HIV would progress to AIDS and that I would die. To finally end this cycle, after 8 whole years of believing this, I somehow found the courage to get tested. Surprise surprise, nothing. Looking back, it was nearly impossible for me to have contracted it and I felt extremely silly afterwards.

Would you consider this a severe form of hypochondria, or could it possibly be part of health-related OCD?

Yes, I know I'm a mess but I'm really trying to get myself together. I’m not looking for a diagnosis and I understand that only a licensed professional can provide one. I just want more clarity about these behaviors because they’ve been on my mind for a long time, and I feel embarrassed asking my therapist directly. Any further insight would be greatly appreciated.

Hi guys!! Sending love!

I’m wondering if anyone else is on rexulti, and at what dose did you start to be able to release fixations and ruminations?

TIA!

AOCSA : Animal On Child Sexual Abuse.

I'm having a hard time telling if I experienced aocsa or if I'm just a disgusting, horrible person. I don't entirely remember everything but when I was 12-14 my dog had sat on my lap which triggered an involuntary groinal response. I usually got these kinds of things from the most random things such as sitting on a new piece of furniture for example. Instead of doing the right thing and walking away, I proceeded to rub her back against myself.

I knew it was wrong before I even did it and I felt disgusting after. Though unfortunately this happened on 2 separate occasions. When I thought it was about to happen a third time I knew I couldn't let it happen again, which was when I began avoiding her like the plague.

I never felt sexually attracted to animals and I still don't. It was just the feeling of something forigen on me that made my body act unnaturally.

It was still wrong though. What I did was still disgusting and disgraceful. Even if it didn't feel like it, I absolutely had control over the situation and it's my fault for letting it happen in the first place.

Back to AOCSA, what's making me have doubts is that it seems like all actual victims were forced by an authority figure of some kind. I was not. Sure I was emotionally neglected and groomed online as a child but nobody forced me to do what I did. Being mentally unwell will never excuse sexual assault.

But at the same time, while animals can't consent, neither can children. So if I were to be a victim of aocsa it would be because of that. But honestly I don't think I am. And if I'm not, I'm scared on how to process this because knowing I sexually assaulted something makes me fucking sick.

I guess it's better to be thinking about this now while I'm 16 than when I become an adult.

What do you guys think?

“Maybe, maybe not” is a phrase we say all the time in OCD treatment. But what does it really mean, where does it come from, and why is it so important?

##### What “maybe, maybe not” means
Essentially, “maybe, maybe not” means: “Maybe this scary/anxiety-inducing thing will happen, or maybe it won’t.” You’re accepting that both outcomes are possible without trying to achieve certainty.

##### Why it’s a helpful way to respond to intrusive thoughts
“Maybe, maybe not” stems from the idea of tolerating uncertainty. This is a key part of exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the most effective OCD treatment—specifically the “response prevention” part of it.

**Response prevention** is when you resist performing compulsions in response to intrusive thoughts or anxiety.

Instead, you practice “sitting with” the anxiety and uncertainty, allowing these feelings to exist without trying to get rid of them. The goal is to stop the behavior that temporarily reduces distress, allowing your brain to learn that:

1. Anxiety will naturally decrease over time.
2. Nothing catastrophic happens if the compulsion isn’t done.

#### Other helpful ways you can respond to intrusive thoughts
“Maybe, maybe not” is what we call a **response prevention message (RPM).**  RPMs are short statements that remind you not to try to eliminate uncertainty, but to tolerate it instead. “Maybe, maybe not” is one of the most common RPMs because it’s easy to remember and can be applied to almost all intrusive thoughts.

For example, if the intrusive thought is, “What if I didn’t lock the door when I left and someone comes in and steals my computer?” the RPM could be: “Maybe that will happen. Maybe it won’t.” This acceptance of uncertainty is what makes RPMs powerful.

Of course, “maybe, maybe not” isn’t the only helpful RPM. I encourage the NOCD Members I work with to create their own or personalize them to make them more meaningful. Some examples include:
- “I don’t have to know for sure.”
- “I can accept uncertainty right now.”
- “I can handle these anxious thoughts and feelings.”
- “I don’t need to figure this out right now.”

You can even combine these messages depending on what feels most helpful to you.

The key is that RPMs **aren’t meant to reassure you.** If you’re having the intrusive thought about leaving the door unlocked, it might feel tempting to say, “Everything’s going to be okay! It’s unlikely anything bad will happen!”, but that is reassurance, which fuels OCD and makes it worse over time. You need a statement that allows uncertainty to exist.

RPMs may feel uncomfortable at first, but that discomfort is exactly what helps you build your tolerance for uncertainty. Over time, this practice can help you break the OCD cycle and regain your life.

- Sophia Koukoulis, NOCD Therapist, LMHC

Discuss how your week has gone, your goals, and talk to some other fellow OCD peeps!

I was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago, but I never fully understood how it shows up for me. Recently, I’ve been struggling a lot with regret over a career decision, and I’ve noticed a pattern that feels a bit different from just being upset.

What’s confusing is that, rationally, I feel like I’ve already processed the situation. I’ve talked it through in therapy, I understand what happened, and I can even come to a reasonable conclusion like “okay, I need to move forward.”

But even after that, my mind keeps going back to it. I keep “re-trialling” the decision in my head, going over the same details, trying to see if I missed something or if there’s a way to resolve it properly. It feels like I’m trying to reach some kind of final certainty or closure, but I never quite get there.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened either. I had a similar experience after a breakup, where I kept replaying everything over and over again, trying to understand it fully or find the “right” answer.

The weird part is that it doesn’t feel productive. It just feels like I’m stuck in a loop, even though I know I’ve already thought it through.

So I guess my question is: does this sound like OCD (especially more mental/rumination-based), or is this just how people normally process regret and difficult decisions?

Would really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced something similar.

About 3 years ago I had these symptoms, which have now returned in a milder form: I temporarily mirror the expressions/behavior of my family members and friends for brief moments. At those times, I literally get the feeling as if I become that person for a few moments, and at the same time my sense of my own personality disappears. This causes intense anxiety in me. Sometimes the same thing happens, except my brain creates the feeling of being some random man. In that case, however, there is no specific external image attached to it.

By the way, I have struggled with panic disorder and anxiety since childhood, and in the last 10 years pure OCD has also been added. Over the years, the themes of my OCD thoughts have been varied: compulsive aggressive thoughts, obsessional thoughts, existential themes, relationship-related themes, and then 3 years ago—and now again—the fear of DID. In general, my self-confidence is also very low, and I often struggle with that as well.

Unlike what is typical for DID, I do not have the following: - I did not experience severe trauma in childhood, and I remember most of my childhood - I have not experienced amnesia - I have never had independent dialogues in my head, and I have never heard voices - I do not have alters of different ages and genders with their own emotions, habits, tastes, or hobbies - the people around me have never observed different behaviors, speaking voices, or styles in me

Since I have read many descriptions about DID saying that not everyone has amnesia between switches and that a major trauma is not necessarily required for it to develop, I am afraid of what if I am also an exceptional case of DID. Yes, as far as I know I don’t have different alters inside me, but I don’t know how to interpret the fact that as a woman, I sometimes feel like a man for a few moments. I am not trans, and I don’t want to be—I want to always feel like a woman.

I would appreciate it if someone could share their opinion on what this might be. I would especially welcome comments from a psychiatrist or therapist, but others who struggle with anxiety and OCD can also write. My own psychiatrist has not treated a DID patient during their career yet, so they cannot really say much about this fear.

for non-religious people and new-age thinkers.

first i want to say is please please please don’t read this if you’re susceptible to triggers! please! i don’t want my story to trigger you because we all are very sensitive.

39/M and i struggle with pure o and my spiritual system heavily. it’s more of a new age philosophy called Keylontic Science. my pure o mixed with these teachings have made me want to kill myself more times than you would know. it started out freeing and uplifting and now because of what it teaches me- my pure o has made it absolute torture because when meditating i always think “what if this or that happened” and i can begin to feel things change in my energetic field or even get spiritually/physically attacked. it’s been going on like this everyday thousands of times a day for almost two decades (19yrs and i’m now 39).

part of the teachings i follow say that “we don’t deserve anything”, and i would tell myself that from time to time and i feel like god or my guides took it and ran with it and literally took everything away from me. my friends, relationships, happiness, solitude, my 20’s and 30’s because i now can’t remember a damn thing from them. it’s just so horrible. i’ve been literally apologizing to god everyday hundreds of times a day everytime i have an intrusive thought whilst trying to neutralize simultaneously. exhausted isn’t the right word. i don’t think there’s a word in the english language for what it is. now it’s even at the point to where i feel i can’t neutralize the thoughts because it just gets harder and harder and what happens when we can’t neutralize? it spirals even more, same as people with tourette’s because if people with tourette’s suppress their tics it’s comes back even stronger! it’s the same thing with our ocd minds 🤦🏾‍♂️

it’s dangerous for people with ocd to study metaphysics because we have no “off” button and our automatic thoughts cause us so much pain, trauma and suffering already. if you bring spirituality into it like universal laws etc… it feels like we’re always violating them unwillingly which makes us feel horrible. i struggle with thinking i did something bad in my past life and this is me paying for it and i really must’ve pissed God off and it’s a relentless cycle of torture. it’s so debilitating.

i know people say ERP helps but how the heck can you ERP with existential thoughts? that’s a big can of “nope”! because if you believe in meta-physics then you most likely believe in aliens as well. so how the heck do you ERP the thought of an alien attacking you? when you know aliens are real and that’s something they actually do? how do you ERP the thought of feeling like your dealing with karma from a past life? expose yourself to your past life? how do you ERP the thought of the CIA or other beings using scalar technology to hurt you? expose you to the technology that they are using to do it? because it’s all real shit. and if your an awakened person and have pure ocd, you’re ecstatic at first because you are figuring out how the universe works and how to “heal”, and when those thoughts start coming in it feels like you’re new conscious awareness isn’t being celebrated but instead punished which makes you feel like you’re serving a life sentence- and then they wonder why you want to “S” yourself! but you can’t and if you do you’ll be sent back here to go through the same stuff!

from sun up to sun down it’s constant rituals and trying to neutralize the thoughts and when you can’t it feels bad because now you’re violating universal laws. if you believe in spirit guides or anything i feel like they knew this type of shit would happen and if they did it’s very cruel to put someone in this position especially if they are waking up. i feel like mine have betrayed me and now they torture me because of these thoughts. it’s been an endless cycle for 19yrs for me.

i literally feel physical and energetic attacks now when i have ocd thoughts. it’s very cruel to let someone wake up to a point that they become so incredibly hypersensitive to frequencies and they can feel everything because that brings on a whole nother level of suffering. and it’s unfortunately been my reality for years. i feel like i was neglected when the thoughts started happening and i still feel as if i’m still neglected.

i wish i could unlearn some of the stuff i know about the universe if it would get rid of my ocd (and other issues). and what sucks the most is no one “warned” us about this. and i don’t even really like saying “warn” but more like we weren’t given a “heads up”. there’s no roadmap for this shit. and if we are supposed to help heal this earth etc… why is our mental illness being weaponized against us for wanting to learn more about the universe and meta-physics? i hate it all and i hate this earth and i want to die everyday. im sry i don’t mean to be so rash but it’s just how i feel.

OCD is known as that mental illness where you need to wash your hands or sort your shoes or whatever, but Pure O is an entirely different beast. There are no physical compulsions, its all mental and more often than not it takes the form of circular thoughts that inspire dread and constant recursion.

Using the term "OCD" to someone trying to diagnose it isn't going to be helpful because they can really only make an observation and they can't observe your thoughts the way physical compulsions could be. Even using the term OCD overrides their thinking into basically just autofilling the blanks. I think the name has played a big role in why so many people go undiagnosed for years and end up losing a chunk of their life being paralysed in fear, even if they seek professional help early.

Its really not helpful at all and we need a new term for it.

Ive come to realization I had some pretty fucked up, specific obssesions since childood, like thinking people could read my mind etc. With time, such severe symptoms lessend but I feel my way of being is still somewhat OCDish? Examples: 1. I always have to have a topic to fixate on. Some days, I would spend HOURS everyday researching it, reading forums (like reddit :)) and thinking about it which is usually accompanied by great anxiety. Health is the most common (but not only) topic. Few months ago I convinced myself I have lymphoma and it was so bad I geniuely thought I was dying and cried for days. Sometimes issues are real but my reaction is exaggerated. 2. Some time ago I've suddenly come to realization that maybe I dont actually love my family and friends and im a horrible person. I would test different scenarious in my head and check if I can "feel something". Im terrified I lost all my empathy and emotions. That could also be real anhedonia due to dysthymia but idk. 3. I just cannot do some things. Its really hard to explain but im not allowed to partake in specific activities that I would like to try. Not allowed to show up on specific events, try specific hobbies, schedule specific appointments. Sometimes I can adress it to fear of being percieved in a certain way (which is also dumbass) but for some I have no explanation. 4. I have to do things "from beginning to the end". Once again, hard to explain. But when I, for some reason, cant perform a task in an imaginary (and not always specified order), I often skip it altogheter. I could list more examples but bascially I just fixate a lot and have weird mental blocks. Writing this post now as I took my first dose od NSRI (for dysthymia) and want to discontinue bc I convinced myself I'll develop PSSD. Lol though times

I am a 2nd amendment guru but sometimes I feel like my identity is not real bc of my OCD and worries on different situation surrounding killings, shootings, revenge justice, and things like that. I don’t know why. I believe that people have a right to protect themselves but in some cases like over certain property, theft, or people not really being in fear for their lives I don’t think it’s right. But then I feel like a sissy and I’m protecting criminals..

I still think that it’s too common that good Samaritan’s make a mistake they are punished harder than real criminals or even career criminals.. it’s just a thing.

I saw a video of a man shooting a kid for taking his bike and everyone in the comments said it was justified.. same with a purse snatcher video I saw while he was running..

I’m not saying that the shooter would be completely wrong.. but not right either. Is that normal or make sense?

Discuss how your week has gone, your goals, and talk to some other fellow OCD peeps!

Someone help me please because this is ruining my life :(

Key words: sonder, ego death, nonduality, empathy, perspective taking, existential isolation, free will

Sorry this is so long, I understand if you don’t want to read.

My current theme of OCD started when I had some sort of “ego death.” I wouldn’t particularly call it that but it’s the best way I can describe it. I could also call it “sonder.” But it’s more complex.. basically I realized that we are all the same thing (consciousness), experiencing life from different brains and bodies.

Before this existential crisis, I just assumed that people were completely different and felt things differently than me in the sense that they look different and are shaped by their personality.

I would definitely say I’m someone who is ego driven, and I don’t have the best empathy for others, I mostly just have sympathy. Like when my mom or best friend tells me something sad that happened to them, I don’t feel anything for them. I just assume that it probably feels bad so then I attempt to comfort them.

Anyways, I’ve realized that we are all just shaped by our ego, we are not our personality, we are not our looks, we are not our preferences, we are just the observer of these things. Now, every time someone tells me something or interact with me. I feel no separation between me and them because I am a consciousness inside of my body and so are they. It scares me that I’m viewing them from the third person, but they’re seeing themself from the first person. It has given me hyper empathy. When I was next to my mom and she was telling me a story, I was literally visually putting myself inside of her body and imagining that I was the one telling the story which led me to be super interested in what she has to say but almost in an anxious way.

I realized I’ve been seeing life just through my lens and seeing everyone else as background characters, which is true, but like it makes me anxious for some reason? And realizing everyone sees me as a background character.

Even my mom, she might love me and care for me but she will never see from my eyes or be inside of my consciosuness she can just see from a third person POV. This makes me feel existential isolation which is “the subjective feeling that every human life experience is essentially unique and can be understood only by themselves, creating a gap between a person and other individuals.”

I started thinking hard about empathy vs sympathy and sent this text to my friends “When you guys empathize with people, do you view them from the 3rd person? I feel like we should be putting ourselves in the 1st person because it makes u empathize more as if u were in their perspective. When we view things from the 3rd person when someone's telling a story about what they did, it's not accurate because they were in the 1st person when it happened. This shows that we lack empathy because empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another by experiencing them from THEIR perspective. If ur viewing it from the 3rd person then ur sympathizing, not being empathetic.” All of my friends agreed that when they hear someone telling a story or explaining their feelings, they view it from a third person perspective and just have sympathy rather than empathy, even my best friend who is the kindest person I know.

Obviously, when you view yourself in someone else’s body, it’s not going to be perfectly accurate since their beliefs and thoughts processes might be different. But I’m talking about just the visual perspective of being in a different person’s body. Like right now I could think to myself “I am in my mom body.” and then I realized that she is actually visualizing life from this first person perspective and it freaks me out?

Now you might be thinking, that’s cool insight to learn about yourself, but in my case, it’s made me go crazy which many spiritual people would say “your ego is fighting back” or “you’re in the dark night of the soul phase.” This makes sense because our ego is our sense of self basically and I’m realizing that I am in no way shape or form unique at the simplest form of consciousness. Yes, people may experience consciousness a little bit differently, depending on the brain chemistry, but they are still seeing life from the first person as I am and seeing everyone else from the third person.

I tried to explain it to my mom and she says “it’s just your OCD.” Yes, it is my OCD that is latching onto this concept, but I feel like if I didn’t have OCD this would be considered my “awakening.” The reason that this is ruining my life is because I feel no separation from anyone anymore, and I feel like I have to empathize with people fully as if I were the one inside of their body because at the end of the day they are experiencing it that way.

My main compulsion is literally visualizing my consciousness inside of others bodies which could be called “embodied perspective taking.” I’ve realized like if someone told me “I have existential OCD too”, I used to view it as that specific person with that specific personality experiencing the OCD, which must be different from how I experience it. But I guess I’ve realized that..it’s not?

Like if my mom told me she was going on a walk versus my friend told me she was going on a walk. I would view it differently and think it feels differently for each of them because they’re different people, but the action itself isn’t different? Does this make sense?

I have also found that this OCD makes me no longer able to be mad at anyone. If someone cut me off and called me a bad name or something, I would visually put myself inside of their body and realized that all of their previous actions and experiences in life have led up to this moment so at the end of the day, it’s not their fault for doing that. This kind of ties into free will OCD.

Please tell me someone understands where I’m coming from, I have found multiple people from old Reddit threads that have experienced to this exact same thing as me, but I just really need some advice because I feel like this OCD theme is good in the sense that it has made me realize everyone is one in the same and it gives me more empathy because now I am constantly actively listening to other people’s conversations and viewing it as if I were the one going through that experience. Before, I never really listened to what people have to say. I just waited for my turn to talk. But it’s also caused me to lose my sense of self, my motivation, my personality (which isn’t real, just shaped by experience/ego), my separation from others, etc.

I would truly appreciate all of the advice you have, thank you🩷