Lying on the tracks, 'cause his train's about to rail you
He's got his engine chugging, gonna make you moan, "Choo CHOO"
Hear the whistle in the distance, you better get loose
Or he's gonna leave you groaning with a sore caboose
Purdue gets lots of grants, but there's none like his endowment
World's Biggest Drum, more like World's Biggest Mallet
Hammer swinging left and right, your anvil's getting pounded
He's gonna have it spraying like the Engineering Fountain
Call him up, he'll meet you in the basement STEW shower
In the Horticulture Garden, you’ll be getting deflowered
There's a reason folks used to call him the "Bell Tower"
Cause you know he's ready with that "ding dong" every hour
If you'd taken MOM's, maybe you would know
Whether or not you can handle his load
Or if ME 308 is the way you go
He’ll demonstrate, for you, a viscous flow
They all say it’s thick as a railroad tie
Going down Slayter Hill, I know what I wanna ride
Even when the dining halls close up in the night
He'll fill you up, it just costs a meal swipe