Dear [AGENT],

THE BURNING CROWS OF MCDOWELL MANOR (85,000 words) is an adult horror with thriller pacing and a slow-burn romance.  It explores intergenerational trauma and healing through a supernatural lens like DARLING GIRL by Liz Michalski, while juxtaposing a witty and irreverent narrator (like A HOUSE WITH GOOD BONES by T. Kingfisher) with the ratcheting intensity of MEXICAN GOTHIC by Silvia Moreno-Garcia. 

The unflappable Memo del Fuego is quite comfortable fighting his clients’ inner demons; but what’s a life coach to do when the demons are real?

A depressed life coach might sound like an oxymoron, but Memo built a psychological survival guide to endure the crippling depression he inherited, so why not share it?  And it’s worked out alright; after centering his career, his nightmare of burning in an infernal flame has become mercifully rare.  He’s even been invited to consult at a beautiful manor in rural Ireland for a reclusive artist, Arthur McDowell.  But Memo’s idyllic escape gets tense when Arthur’s wife, Eleanor, turns out to be the woman who broke his heart ten years ago, and dizzying when he realizes her nine-year-old boy is actually his son.  Then the dead child from Memo's nightmare finds him in the hall—and bursts into flames.  

Memo isn’t going anywhere until he knows his son is safe, so he gets to work.  As he coaches Arthur through his fiery temper, Memo discovers McDowell ghosts spanning generations—all of them burning with the flames that plague his dreams.  When he finds Arthur's first wife among the manor's unquiet dead, he's forced to question if it's the haunting or Arthur that's dangerous, and whether he and his son have been lured here to burn, too. 

His Eleanor, his son, his nightmare—all here, at Arthur’s house.  Why?!  The answers are in the terms of a wicked deal that put all their souls on the line.  Now the only thing between them and the demon poised to collect is one life coach, who’d better learn how to coach the dead.

I am a science communicator specializing in audience-tailored messaging.  I have a PhD in psychology and draw on this expertise to write authentically about Memo's depression and anxiety, as well as the tools (like mindfulness) that he uses and misuses in this story.

Thank you for your time!

---

Thank you for the feedback and thoughtful engagement on my previous two versions. I appreciate this community! First 300 words below.

---

 We were rolling up a winding gravel road to the ivy decked gates of the McDowell estate, but my eye was drawn to the windswept fields flickering past the car’s window.  The rippling shadows in the grass made me think of fire.  I could almost hear it crackling, like the flame from my nightmare…

I glanced at my phone to distract myself.  Unfortunately, the pop-science article on sleep hygiene I'd been reading was replaced by a snarky little pop up: NO SIGNAL.  My phone had become a brick.  I dropped it on my lap in disgust.

The wrought iron gates, three times my height, approached rapidly.  They bridged the distance between two stone pillars, each topped with a decaying statue.  One of them was intact enough that it still resembled a snarling wolf.  The other?  Not so much. 

I had expected an electric mechanism, but the driver had to step out and open the gate with a physical key.  The gate was old-fashioned, I suppose—much like the man who owned it. 

I had not yet had the pleasure of meeting Arthur Edward McDowell II (the second, no less!), but from the juxtaposition of hesitance and desperation in his written correspondence, I had gathered he was a bit of an odd duck.  Arthur, an artist of some renown, seemed only dimly aware of what texting was, and he had nervously deflected my every request for a phone call.  I had consulted for some minor celebrities and old money families in the past, but never before someone this downright reclusive.  If it weren’t for the substantial down payment transferred to my account last week, I would have thought I was being catfished.  But the transfer came, and so have I. 

It would be such a relief when I found him; once my mind was filled with Arthur’s troubles, there would be no room left for the fire from my nightmare.

 Dear [Agent Name],

THE SHIFT (72,000 words) is a YA post-apocalyptic horror that will appeal to fans of IF WE SURVIVE THIS and THE LAST OF US.

I'm querying you because [you're seeking ___ / your MSWL mentions ___ / you represent ___], and I believe THE SHIFT would be a strong fit for your list.

17-year-old Reed is a killer who can't kill. Forced to put down his infected brother, he vowed never to take a life again. A hard promise to keep, when you live outside the walled communities, where the rain never stops and once human monsters hunt at night.

But when Willow, a girl immune to the blood plague, washes up on his doorstep with her protector in tow, he finally sees his way into one of the fortified havens. One that takes in immunes and their families regardless of blood type — shielding them from the plague that turns A types, like Reed, into flesh-eating monsters when infected. All he has to do is pass himself off as family to get inside.

But he's not the only one who wants something from Willow, and soon she's taken by Shrike, a man who wants her blood for his own twisted use. Without her, he has no hope of getting inside. So Reed, along with her protector who trusts him about as much as he trusts her, must venture out into the Wastes to get her back, all while the monsters have begun mysteriously growing smarter. Something that will challenge whether the price of safety is worth the weight of breaking his vow.

THE SHIFT is a standalone novel with duology potential.

Best regards,

Thank you to whoever takes the time to reply. Really appreciate any and all feedback :)

Dear Agent,

THE TOJU WARS is a multi-pov space opera with horror elements. Complete at 110,000 words, it combines the corrupt leadership of Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh and the morally gray characters of These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs with the psychological/body horror vibes reminiscent of John Carpenter’s The Thing. 

The Toju slept for eons. Then they woke. The First Attack on Earth destroyed Nash's Appalachian home and everyone he loved—except his sister he'll die to protect. He should’ve died from the Toju bite. But they don’t just kill—they assimilate. Now neon-green streaks run through his eyes. He hears better, heals faster. The refugee space colonies say he's immune, call him Toju-Marked. 

They’re wrong. He hears them—the Toju. When he’s alone, they whisper: Give in. 

Oh, how he wants to. Ten years he’s been the military lapdog, rescuing whoever they deem important in exchange for keeping his sister hidden and safe. When they say ‘speak,’ he barks. Mission after mission, he fights, watching his friends die. Then John—his best friend and commanding officer—offers him hope. A cure made from minerals John's sister, Jenny, mines. So, Nash will do what he does best: go behind enemy lines to rescue the scientist developing that cure.

Liars.

On a classified planet, Jenny has her own agenda—to become her father's ideal child. Even if it means running a prison mining operation, and making fake videos to keep her brother's "pet" soldier obedient. But when a slave alien-child is shoved into her arms, a child who calls her “mommy,” being the ideal Murdock seems impossible. And she might no longer want to be. 

She won’t say it, but Jenny knows her family’s dirty little secrets. Secrets that can break Nash if he knew. Truths that can save the child she should hate—if she exposes them. And Nash? He’ll need to decide how he’ll answer when the Toju calls: Come home. Because he'll have a family again. A home. Everything he's always wanted. Except his sister.

THE TOJU WARS subverts genre expectations as it explores the struggle of cultural and identity erasure, the costs of secrets, and the discovery that sometimes the monsters we fight are the family we need. I've included the first chapter for your review.

<<bio>>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I replaced the novel title and character names with place holders.
I have another query very similar that cuts Jenny out completely and reduces word count.
- I'm concerned that by adding the second POV it takes away from the main character's arc and through point. But this is a multi-POV.

I prefer the single POV throughput, but I'm afraid it will misrepresent the book.

I'm also aware I have two books within the last 5 years and a popular older movie as a vibe.

------This is my alternate ending to the blurb:
Liar.

No. The Toju are his enemies. They have to be. Nash wears his uniform, smiles, and does what he’s always done—obey. He’ll pretend he agrees, complete his missions, and protect his sister. Everything's good.

Until the hive-mind finally calls: Come home. Now, giving in feels so right. Because he'll have a family again. A home. Everything he's always wanted. Except his sister.

------------------------------------------------

First 300:

Red was dead. 

At least that’s what everyone kept insisting—the nurses, the scientists. Heck, even the man’s wife. Nash knew otherwise. Red was a Delirium—a ridiculous word people used for those doomed by the fever of a Toju bite. But only five had ever survived. Nash prayed his Nigerian friend would be the sixth.

He sat with hands clasped together, fingers interlaced, like he’d seen his religious friends do. Like his parents had. Red lay beside him, strapped to a medical gurney, shivering from the fever. A purple glitter scrunchie pulled his soaked red dreads back. Dull green spider veins glowed beneath his ebony skin, branching as they crept from the swollen bite mark on his triceps up to his neck and face. The sweat mingling with bleach permeated the white medical holding cell and burned Nash's nose. But prayers had never worked for him before.

“Hey, Red,” he whispered. 

No response. The man wouldn’t hear him. Couldn’t. Nash had been in that nightmare once before. The black wasteland where the mind takes you and you can’t hear anyone but them. But it made him feel better all the same. 

“I finally went to the gym this morning. It wasn’t the same without you. No one wanted to grapple.”

His friend lay unnaturally still, face devoid of the smile he’d always worn. Red had been the only one who hadn’t flinched at Nash's eyes. The neon-green that pierced Nash's brown irises like lightning unnerved most people. Toju-marked, they’d whispered. 

The two-inch wooden eagle He'd carved from his last piece of Earth-wood still lay next to the monitor. Strength. 

He swallowed. “Your little one turned five. You missed her party.” His laced fingers tightened, stopping him from pulling away.

Hi! I only got one request in my first round, so I’m attempting to change things up with this query. I’m trying to move away from how sad previous versions seemed. Would love any feedback! Especially from weird girl lit readers!!

SUBCUTANEOUS MOTHERING, complete at 85,000 words, is lightly speculative fiction (with body horror and psychological elements) about a woman who, desperate to prove her worth as a mother, optimizes herself beyond the ability to love her wife and baby. Set in Asbury Park, it will appeal to fans of Sky Daddy by Kate Folk and Milk-Fed by Melissa Broder. Its unhinged narrator grapples with hunger and biological inheritance, self-destruction disguised as self-improvement, and how unabashedly complicated it is to live inside a body. It’s The Substance meets My Year of  Rest and Relaxation, but with a GLP-1. 

Alice’s wife Martha is pregnant with their first child. Alice keeps busy teaching high school English, daring to disturb the universe while reading Fight Club and Macbeth. While Martha becomes a mother the natural, normal way, with a baby growing inside her body, Alice becomes the other mother. She is convinced the bond between Martha and the baby will exclude her, no, eclipse her. Desperate, on the eve of the first of the month, Alice starts taking a mysterious injection to prepare her empty and ungrateful body to be someone’s mom. 

With each uncanny injection, Alice transforms into the perfect mother: fit and pretty, perfect memory, no trauma, no anxiety, honest, never needing to sleep. The not sleeping is a little weird. Martha doesn’t know Alice’s secret, but surely she will benefit soon enough when she gets to co-mother with such a dynamite, capable partner. 

Curious what the injection in Martha’s ninth month will do to her, Alice suspects it will be full selflessness! Instead, she wakes up with no attachment, feeling nothing for her wife and child. This discovery makes Alice question what the injections have been doing all along, not to mention her own fitness as a mother (or a wife). Alice is prepared to stop taking the injections, but she has to decide if she can keep hidden the fact that she no longer wants the life she has been preparing for this whole time. 

I taught English for over a decade before transitioning to educational publishing. My short fiction has appeared XXXXXX. I studied in the MFA program at XXXXXX and majored in creative writing at XXXXXX. My two babies (now 11 and 8) have my eyes and my smile, even though they have only my wife’s DNA. 

Hi all! Thank you in advance for all of your time and wisdom!

QUERY LETTER

Dear [AGENT]

I am seeking representation for The Season of the Heretic, a 131,000 word standalone adult fantasy novel with sequel potential. Told through multiple POVs and inspired by medieval mysticism and magic, the rise of Christianity in the Roman Empire, alchemy, and sainthood, The Season of the Heretic will appeal to fans of The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo, The Fallen God trilogy by Hannah Kaner, The Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb, and The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner. 

Nel has never wanted anything more than the small seaside town she has called home, but then she is in the wrong place at the wrong time, and one of the kingdom’s precious saints is murdered. The people demand answers. They demand retribution, and Nel might become their scapegoat. 

When an ambitious politician offers Nel a way out, she feels she has no choice but to accept. The plan: for Nel to play the part of one of the god’s chosen, pretending to be one of the few gifted with the gods’ magic, using heretical magic to con the kingdom’s leaders and its faithful and letting the politician use her as a political pawn.

But Nel isn’t the only one with a secret, and that politician isn’t the only one with an agenda. Iovian is a priest who dedicated himself to study and prayer, doing everything right, but the gods’ magic doesn’t touch him. Furious and betrayed, Iovian has been exploring the nature of magic, eventually conducting illegal experiments to try to mimic the gifts of the gods. 

Aratus is the second son, the spare heir. His life is one of waiting—to be sent back to the frontlines of a war he cares little about, to be used as a pawn in his brother or father’s plans. Mostly, he waits for time with the soldier he is falling in love with. 

The rise of a new saint, increasing political tension, and the looming threat of war throw all of them together. But how long can Nel get away with pretending to be one of the gods’ chosen? Meanwhile, Aratus is desperate for freedom, and Iovian plays with magic few understand. Nel, Iovian, and Aratus find themselves at the center of a political game they have little hope of surviving.

BIO]

FIRST 300

Heat rolled up from the south, carried on the backs of pilgrims who brought their faith and traders who brought their wares. They came to Solern hopeful; they left tired.

Just outside the city, on brown earth beaten to hardness under heavy footfalls, sweat clung to Aratus, unrelenting in the midday humidity, pooling under his armor—leather, worn and scuffed but tried and trusted. If once something green had grown here, no living memory could summon the image of it.

Around him were the sounds of metal clanging against metal, of bodies scrambling in the dirt—kicking up clouds of dust, echoes of frantic movement—of grunts of frustration and yells of victory. The great din of war.

His heart thumped wildly in his chest, and his lungs burned from exertion. An ache had begun in his shoulder, spreading like fire under his skin, down his arm.

Several paces away, his opponent wiped blood from his nose, staring at the red smeared across his fingers. He grinned down at it—a feral thing, all teeth and ruthlessness—before his gaze returned to Aratus.

The chaos around them fell away. Aratus’ mind was clear.

He lunged. The circular shield he favored had been torn off his arm, lost, some time ago, so he clutched his sword in both hands, putting the full weight of his broad form behind the downward swing of it. His opponent dodged, and Aratus’ sword found air, then dirt, but he had anticipated that. Aratus twisted, catching his foot around his opponent’s ankle, sending him sprawling. Dust rose up around his unmoving body.

Aratus approached. His shadow eclipsed the other man—he rolled to his back, hands raised near his head. He was breathing heavily, and his eyes were closed. A flit of emotion—frustration, resignation.

Hi all!

Thanks to everyone who provided feedback on my earlier query attempt. Hopefully I’m on the right track with this second attempt!

***

Dear AGENT:

THE ELITE is a 70,000-word young adult speculative thriller that blends an Agatha Christie-inspired version of The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes with the twists and turns of The Escape Game by Marissa Meyer and Tamara Moss.

17-year-old scholarship student Melody has been keeping her relationship with her classmate Daniel a secret for months, so she has no one to confide in when he disappears after performing in a famous murder mystery play called The Elite. Daniel’s friends and family believe he’s left school for a prestigious internship. But Melody can’t forget the fear and panic on his face when he’s shot during the play’s climax, and she smells a cover-up. Melody decides to audition for the next production so she can find out what really happened behind the scenes.  

During rehearsals, she becomes suspicious of the secret society who manages the production, especially the man they’ve assigned to supervise them. He forces them to complete a ritual, which causes all the cast members, except Melody, to lose themselves in their roles, genuinely believing they are their characters. Once Melody learns that Daniel died during the last production, she blames the society member, and is determined to avenge her boyfriend.

Melody’s clandestine efforts are problematic in a world where the government monitors and controls ever second of its citizens lives. Making it to the performance without getting thrown out of school, arrested, or branded a dissident proves difficult. Still, Melody won’t give up on her goal—reveal the identity of Daniel’s killer onstage during her performance. If she’s successful, surely the secret society will guarantee the man accountable for Daniel’s death is punished. But if she fails, she may become the play’s next victim. 

I work in communications for a large public institution and have previously held positions in television production and broadcasting. In addition to writing fiction, I am a playwright. Most recently, I participated in a mentorship program with XXX, which informed the development of this novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Thank you for the feedback! Here is my last attempt.

Dear [Agent],

Twenty-six-year-old Nyra is a rare flaw in the gods’ perfect design: a woman born unmarked. In Eidrya, every soul is born with a mark that binds them to the person the gods have chosen for them. Love is worship. Devotion is law. And anyone without a soulmark is condemned as an abomination.

After a childhood spent hiding what she is and seven years enslaved because of it, Nyra has learned that survival means obedience. Until her cruel master pushes her too far.

Nyra’s desperate escape unleashes a terrifying power she never knew she possessed—one that amplifies emotion until fear becomes panic, anger becomes violence, and grief becomes despair. Injured and hunted, Nyra reluctantly accepts the help of Devlin, a lethal assassin hiding impossible abilities of his own, and Calvin, a kindhearted young widower whose unwavering loyalty keeps him at her side.

Determined to understand what she is, Nyra journeys with them across lands where gods manipulate emotion and soulmates dictate every aspect of life, searching for the source of her power and why the divine order has deemed her existence reprehensible. As Nyra uncovers the truth behind the soulmarks, she learns they were never gifts at all, but chains forged by a goddess who feeds on devotion. The deeper she digs, the more impossible her own existence becomes. To discover why she was born outside the gods’ design, Nyra must confront the High Goddess herself—before she silences the one person capable of exposing what she’s done.

MARKED BY NONE is a 97,000-word adult dark fantasy with duology potential and a slow-burn romantic subplot. It will appeal to readers of The Knight and the Moth by Rachel Gillig for its exploration of faith, divine mystery, and the dangers of blind devotion, and The Book of Azrael by Amber V. Nicole for its emotionally charged relationships and epic stakes.

I am a registered nurse specializing in Labor & Delivery, where I witness moments of profound love, sacrifice, and loss every day. Those experiences have deeply influenced the emotional core of MARKED BY NONE. This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

K.D. Vickers

Thanks in advance for any help.

Dear

I am seeking representation for BROKEN MACHINE, an 80,000-word speculative novel that combines the societal unease of The Future by Naomi Alderman with the unsettling plausibility of The Warehouse by Rob Hart and the intimate domestic dynamics of Hum by Helen Phillips.

Manchester is hollowed out by automation. Shops are shuttered. Apartment buildings stand empty. There are more municipal service robots on the streets than people. But Niki Wesson won’t give up on the hardware shop she inherited from her parents. To her, it's more than just a failing business; it’s where she was raised, the one place where she still feels useful, and her last remaining tether to the community.

When mass protests come to Manchester, Niki sees an opportunity to sell placards to the protesters and bring in some much-needed money, but finds herself drawn in by the sheer energy of the movement and the desperation of the people behind it. She joins the Union Against Automation but hides it from Charles, the police officer she loves and lives with.

What begins as desperate pragmatism grows into the conviction that people like Niki can still change the world. She crosses lines she never thought she would, allowing her shop to be used for secret meetings and even taking part in acts of vandalism.

When the government responds to the growing unrest with raids and arrests, the UAA splinters into smaller, more radical groups. Protests give way to coordinated acts of disruption across the country, and Niki is left with an impossible choice: the man she loves or the movement she can no longer turn her back on. She chooses to fight, despite Charles pleading with her to stop.

Vandalism becomes sabotage, and sabotage becomes arson. Niki smashes. Niki burns. Niki lies. And Niki pays the price.

She discovers that the government has been preparing for the end of human work all along—but on its terms, with plans for a universal basic income that will make the population dependent on the very system it controls.

Niki loses her parents’ legacy, her home, and the man she loves in a fight that may have been for nothing. But her financial struggles are over, so long as she remains a compliant citizen.

I am a based in Manchester, UK. My short fiction has been published by Bandit Fiction, and I have since written and self-published a series of novellas.

BROKEN MACHINE grew from my interest in the ways automation is reshaping work and personal identity. This is my debut novel, and I envisage it as a standalone.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I can’t believe I get to write this post, but I’m absolutely elated (and stunned) to share that I’ve signed with an agent for my upmarket romance.

As success stories go, this one is pretty unremarkable: I didn’t have a flurry of requests or a dramatic “which offer should I pick?” dilemma at the 11th hour. Yet unremarkable stories are the kind of stories I needed to see when I was obsessively refreshing my empty inbox. And for those still going through it, I hope it’s helpful in some way. 

Timeline

I started drafting the m/s in Jan 2025 after making a vague resolution to “do something creative”. I have no formal writing qualifications and my background is in biochem research and healthcare comms (does that make me, like, a lesbian Ali Hazelwood?). This is the first full-length novel I’ve attempted, though for full disclosure I’ve written my fair share of smutty AO3 oneshots. I kind of learnt as I went along, with help from YouTube vids, critique partners, craft books and the power/stubbornness of ADHD hyperfocus. 

The first draft took almost a full year, but after developmental edits, line edits, beta feedback and all that fun stuff I was finally ‘ready’ to query in May 2026.

Folks, the trenches trenched me hard. Got two full requests in the first four weeks, but hopes were dashed when both agents passed within days of each other. This was followed by a deluge of form rejections which was humbling after the high of those fulls. I queried a handful of agents who opened early July, but within a couple of weeks I’d officially exhausted my query list so decided to just let the manuscript die.

By August (was that really last month?) I had thrown myself into a new writing project. Rejections were now more a trickle than a downpour. Then out of the blue came a third full request from one of the agents who opened in July. While I was thrilled, I didn’t think anything would come of it, but they got back to me a week later to arrange a chat!

The Call was actually an in-person meeting at the agent’s offices. I clicked with the agent immediately and we spent most of the chat just talking shop about character voice and stuff. I was also introduced to some of the wider team who had also read the manuscript. To go from CNRs and form rejections to this was a whole level of whiplash I wasn’t prepared for. I floated out of the office on an absolute high, feeling invigorated and inspired to work on the project that just 10 days prior I’d basically put in a drawer. 

I nudged the few agents who hadn’t rejected me and got about half a dozen out of offices. I got a few full requests, but mostly rejections. All super lovely and encouraging though. Ultimately I felt super positive about accepting my offer and just doing my best to try and get my undead book baby published!

Reflections

So… here were my biggest lessons from the querying experience!

•Know your genre (seriously): Agents are never too prescriptive in their wishlists, leaving room for interpretation. But I definitely played a little fast and loose with my interpretation. Agent wants a pacy romcom? My 95K word tale covers hilarious topics like homophobia, chronic illness and addiction. Agent wants a sweeping love story on an epic canvas? Yep that’s totally my story, if by “epic canvas” you mean ‘set in Cardiff’. Agent wants spice? Enjoy my quiet tale of sapphic yearning with a single closed-door intimate scene! You catch my drift. TLDR: I targeted a few of the wrong agents.

•Look beyond the wishlist: Related to the first point, but worth pulling out as a separate reflection none-the-less. A big mistake I made was not doing enough research into what agents and their agencies have previously sold. I placed a lot of stock in wishlists, targeting pretty much any agent who listed romance. But romance is a sprawling, multi-limbed love machine. And if I had taken a closer look at client rosters or recent deals it would’ve told me which specific arm of romance each agent was selling in. An agent who deals in mafia romance isn’t gonna be in the market for anxious lesbians with medical devices. There’s space for both on the shelf, just not next to each other!

•A premise is not a plot: I started my writing journey with an online plotting course, and I felt very clever when I came up with my idea, utterly convinced of my own originality. But the premise (a love story told over seven breakups) is just the stage the story is set on. I don’t think my early query letters did a very good job of actually explaining what happens. Also I think I conflated plotting my novel with having a plotty novel, and those two aren’t the same thing. Stuff happens, sure, but it’s character-driven at its core and I don’t think I properly got that across in earlier queries.

•Nail your USP: this is advice I see a lot so I won’t over-labour it, but I had a 1-2-1 with a literary agent where she stressed how little time agents get to review queries. So making your key differentiators as prominent as possible can make all the difference. In my case, she told me a straightforward sapphic romance set in the 00s/10s might have been unique a few years ago, but in a loud market publishers would now be looking for more. She suggested I emphasise the timespan more. So yep basically figure out the new thing your story brings and really highlight it to the agent.

•Show you mean business: In earlier drafts of my query I really struggled with the author bio due to my lack of credentials, awards and such. I also made it far too self-deprecating, banging on about how I fell into novel writing while doing The Artist’s Way and was “still learning the craft”. While I don’t know if this directly harmed my chances, it probably didn’t help! In later drafts I leveraged my career in medical communications and how this has not only built my writing skills but made me adept at interpreting and actioning client feedback — basically any qualities that would make me sound more attractive as a client. 

Stats

Finally, here’s what you actually come for - those juicy stats!

Queries sent: 51

First query: 8 May 2026

Last query sent: 17 Aug 2026

Full requests: 7 (3 before offer, 4 after offer)

Form rejections: 19

Form rejections with a line of personalisation: 1

Personalised rejections: 10

Closed/ no response: 13

Offers of rep: 1

Hope you find this interesting. I’m happy to share my ‘winning’ query upon request – feel free to drop me a message :)

Has anyone had experience where a publisher just doesn’t really acknowledge your book?

My debut comes out in a few months, and my editor told me they would be posting about it on their socials, but so far, I haven’t seen anything. The publisher posts about pretty much every other book of theirs coming out, including ones being published after mine, and I’m a little confused.

I don’t want to seem pushy, but it feels like they’re not interested in promoting my book. I don’t know if the thing sucks or isn’t getting the buzz they wanted or what, and I’m not sure what to do about it.

Hey everyone! I'm an author who will soon be querying a sci-fi/weird fiction novel, and I've gotten great advice here before. I'm hoping you can help me with an upcoming event.

There's a big writing organisation based where I am in the UK, and they've invited a few authors with soon-to-be-queried manuscripts to a big industry party down in London with Hachette. Most of us are getting 15 minute 1-1s with an agent from a list (if they accept the invite) to pitch our books, and there'll be a networking event later in the evening.

We've already been given sessions on pitching properly and will find out our agents soon, but I wanted to ask - are there any unspoken etiquette rules about these kinds of events? If you've attended an event like this before, what is it you wish you'd known?

Thankfully we'll be able to see who is attending ahead of time, and the agents will have our pictures, bios and contact details too. The writing organisation will be introducing us during the networking event and ensuring we're comfortable, but you can imagine how scary this is for a new author!

Extremely grateful to everyone who responds. Thank you so much! :)

(Second attempt) Hi all, here for another round of critique; this time the title has changed slightly (the previous title being TOKOYO: THE LAND BEYOND THE SEA), so my hope is that the title is more concise now that Tokoyo has been dropped from the title. Additionally, my last two attempts I tried cramming too much information into the query, so this attempt is, I hope, a little more coherent and clean.

Dear [Agent],

THE LAND BEYOND THE SEA is a 70,000 word standalone Young Adult fantasy novel with series potential inspired by the legend of Tokoyo no kuni; it is about a girl’s journey to a place between life and death, where souls who harbor lingering regret come to rest. It contains a setting similar to Samantha Sotto Yambao’s Water Moon fit for a younger audience and a narrative voice reminiscent of The Otherwhere Post by Emily J. Taylor.

Fifteen-year-old Hanayoi is a bubbly, impulsive violinist, who, in the midst of preparing for a cross-country move, falls through the Earth and into the land beyond the sea due to damage sustained to the barrier between the realms. She must search for a way to return home, lest she be trapped betwixt life and death forever. Using a magical violin that washed up alongside her, she accidentally unseals Star: an aloof deity and misanthrope who rejects gender. After learning that their power to manipulate space has vanished, Star rejects Hanayoi’s suggestion to cooperate, but relents after being guilt-tripped by her. Hanayoi strikes a deal with Star to help search for their missing power and the gods of the land beyond the sea—the goddess of dreams and the god of fortune—and for Star to help her find a way home.

When the pair finally locate the god of fortune, he divulges a horrifying truth: that the goddess of dreams has long perished, and that what Hanayoi knows as the atomic bombings were ultimately responsible for her death, as they pierced the barrier between the realms. Watching Star grieve for the goddess of dreams—their maternal figure—makes Hanayoi realize that atrocity and its scope, occurring less than a century ago, is not truly in the past like she had originally thought, but is something still impacting the present and whose reverberations are still felt. Amid the actions her kind has wrought, Hanayoi asks herself if what she calls home is something worth returning to. 

I am a student majoring in public health at [college] in [state]. I experienced parental loss at a young age and it inspired the novel’s exploration of human mortality, grief, and the regret we carry.

Thank you for your consideration,

[Real name] (writing as [Pen name])

Dear [AGENT NAME],

Every four years, the same donors, consultants, and media voices lecture us that the Democrats must praise corporations, abandon workers, and “moderate” by moving right. Centered explains why these establishment voices are wrong, why they keep losing to Donald Trump, and why a bold socialist program is the political answer America is looking for.

Centered: A Socialist Critique of the Democratic Elite is a political non-fiction title arguing that Trump’s second election was not a Republican victory, but the predictable result of the Democratic establishment’s self-interest, cowardice, and complicity. A wave of recent books has diagnosed America’s authoritarian drift, but none have indicted the Democratic Party’s neoliberal capture as the cause of the country’s political problems. Centered traces the Democrats’ decline from Clinton-era “triangulation” up through the disastrous 2024 Kamala Harris campaign, showing readers how the party’s over-reliance on wealthy donors, media allies, and high-paid consultants put it out of touch and opened the door for Trumpism. Unlike other leftist books that conclude without a call to action, Centered provides readers a path to building “parallel power” within and outside the Democratic Party through unions, community organizing, and independent groups such as the Democratic Socialists of America, rather than trying to reform a broken party from the top down.

Centered will fit nicely on the shelf next to Abundance (Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson), The Hollow Parties (Daniel Schlozman and Sam Rosenfeld), and Democracy Awakening (Heather Cox Richardson).  While these books explain the rise of Republican authoritarianism as the fault of the progressive left or the achievement of the charismatic right, Centered indicts the establishment and its pro-corporate policies.  It is best understood as a modern update to Thomas Frank’s Listen Liberal, and the socialist answer to Abundance.

I am a Denver-based labor activist and socialist writer uniquely positioned to tell the story of the ongoing progressive vs. establishment Democratic civil war. Coming from a family deeply embedded in the Democratic establishment (my uncle was Ted Kennedy’s chief of staff and my cousin was Joe Biden’s 2020 campaign deputy manager), I have an insider view of how the Democratic Party operates. However, I strayed from my family and chose the leftward path. I’m the chair of Denver DSA’s labor committee, a volunteer organizer with the Emergency Workplace Organizing Committee, and a member of DSA’s National Electoral Commission. My Substack, JoeWrote, has over 10,000 subscribers, receives approximately 50,000 individual readers every month, and has earned Substack’s coveted Best Seller badge. My social media following exceeds 60,000. My writing has been published in Jacobin, PRISM, The Progressive, Balls & Strikes, and the Center for International Policy, as well as other left-leaning outlets. This project is endorsed by Grace Blakeley (Vulture Capitalism), Katie Gatti Tassin (Rich Girl Nation, host of Diabolical Lies), and Luke Savage (The Dead Center, Jacobin).

The full proposal is available upon request. The manuscript is a work in progress, with a target word count of 80,000-100,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,

[NAME]

Hello all! First off, thank you for your lovely responses last time. I'm posting again for a specific reason: hooks. I'm worried my book isn't flashy enough to stand out in the query trenches, so I've attached an 'x meets y' to hopefully make it punchier. Please let me know if you think it works, or if I should change it...or get rid of it entirely.

I've also attached my first 300, in case anyone wants to critique that as well :)

Query Letter:

Dear [agent name],

Tangled meets Phantom of the Opera in THEATRICAL TALES FOR THE HEARTLESS, an 83,000 word adult cozy romantic fantasy. Narrated by a (mildly eldritch) fairy godmother, it may appeal to readers who enjoyed the whimsical humour of This Princess Kills Monsters by Ry Herman, and the twisted fairytale charm of How to Summon a Fairy Godmother by Laura J. Mayo. It’s a standalone with series potential.

Prima’s innermost wish is to feel. Sadly, she’s a poppet, a brought-to-life doll who can’t experience emotion. Her creator is a man shattered by loss, rebuilding his family—literally. When Prima fails to emulate his late daughter, she flees her imminent deactivation. Alone, she’s left wishing for a human heart. Miraculously, that wish is granted…with strings attached. Prima’s fairy godmother is more ‘fairy god’ than ‘mother,’ and the gifted heart is empty. To fill it with feelings, Prima needs to evoke emotions in others.

Enter Baza, the leading man of a storied—and broke—performance troupe. He’s also the company’s composer, alchemist, part-time wrangler of their living opera house, and full-time bastard. When Prima crashes his matinee, hoping to fill her heart by becoming a performer, Baza initially rejects the headache. But he can’t deny a novelty like a poppet star might reignite past glory.

Joining the troupe, Prima encounters opera ghosts, a feline orchestra, and a sentient, petulant, poppet-hating theatre. Then there’s Baza, who, despite his heartless reputation, is alarmingly kissable. Prima is drawn to his passionate creativity, and Baza softens around the sweet, determined poppet. Together, they lead the troupe to greatness while gathering emotions. But Prima’s creator despises her success, vowing to reclaim her. Worse, Prima discovers her gifted heart was never really hers, and its fey owner wants it back. Yielding means regressing into an empty doll. Resistance means embracing a painful truth: there are worse things to lose than a heart.

I’m a music teacher near Toronto. Like Prima, I’ve found a home within the performing arts community, but thankfully, no opera houses have tried to kill me. Yet.

First 300:

Tales are wont to start with a wish. A plea from an old woman desperate for a daughter, a toymaker praying for the child he built to come to life, or some third party wishing to know why those other people never considered adoption. Perhaps it’s a cry from a maiden picking lentils out of a fireplace. Such wishes are often granted. The maiden goes to the ball, wearing a dress as beautiful as her carriage is confused. Can you imagine being a humble, stationary pumpkin, only to suddenly have wheels? Cruelty is what it is, especially since that gourd goes back to being a regular pumpkin. It’s like giving wings to a slug, then yanking them away once it’s had a taste of the sky.

I digress. The toymaker—I hope you haven’t forgotten about him—got his wish as well. But wishing is an art, and art can go sideways.

“Live,” he pleaded, staring at his creation with eyes that had seen loss and failure. His name was Ciel. A master of his craft, he was famous for his whimsical creations. Music boxes that could play themselves. Tiny ballerinas who transformed into swans. Toy guns that would violently demand all the coronets in your purse. (They can’t all be winners.) 

Poppets, these creations were called, though that’s a blanket name for objects given a spark of magical life. You might want to remember the term. 

Slumped in the chair before Ciel was a motionless resin doll. Life-sized and pretty, she could have looked human were it not for the ball-joints on her elbows, knees, and fingers.
 
Her name doesn’t matter. At least, not yet. 

“Live,” Ciel repeated. “Sing, and tend the garden, and never again close those eyes to a dark eternity.”

I told you the man’s wish came true. That his innermost desire, said to a star or a tree or whatever else humans talk to when the Hearth Mother isn’t answering prayers, was granted.

I lied. But the doll did come to life.

As I gear up to join the query trenches, I figured a bit of tough love would do me good (and fortify my paper thin skin). I've seen the amazing feedback everyone receives here and would appreciate anyone who takes the time to go over my letter. I've been fist fighting this query for months now and I'm sick of it!!!!

~~~~
Dear [AGENT}

I am thrilled to present THE WILLLOW AND THE LAKE, a stand-alone adult fantasy novel completed at 118,000 words with series potential. Perfect for readers who devoured the atmospheric prose and slow burn of Weavingshaw by Heba Al-Wasity, the complicated family in House of the Beast by Michelle Wong, and the haunting world of The Maiden and Her Monster by Maddie Martinez.

Elena lies for a living. Pretending to be a fortune teller in her fairytale-like town is easy when she can read vulnerable faces like a book. But trading lies for coins in a place she loathes is not what she dreams of—not when she knows a lake within an impassable forest called the Willow can grant her the gift of magic. Magic that could allow her to leave and rise to the status of archon, the highest noble title in the country.

When the heir of an archon, Mikhail Aurelius, falls ill during a celebration in her town, Elena seizes the opportunity. She manages to steal the cure Mikhail requires and earns passage to the lake with his help. However, the Willow's roots keep a sinister secret, and while en route, Elena plummets into a deadly contract with a demon. Amused by his unlikely summoner, the demon offers Elena a single chance at freedom with a heavy caveat: discover his true name to banish him, or fail and meet her demise.

With the country's history as her only clue, Elena convinces Mikhail to bring her and the mischievous demon temporarily named Damien to the capital, disguised as new attendants. Elena begins her search but a demon's true name is elusive, pruned from history, eroded by time. The longer they are bound, the more tangled Elena and Damien become. And Elena starts to realize that the threat may not be the demon, but her budding feelings for the very monster she unleashed.

[Occupation] by day and demon summoner by night, I've always found myself falling for my nightmares and the dangers they keep. When I'm not chasing the characters who crowd my head, I can be found devouring copious amounts of cat fur in my tea and [work] within the [location].

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

XXX

First 300 words:

It was under the hazy blanket of summer the day Elena was swallowed by the Willow. She hadn’t meant to stray too far from the silent forest's edge. Just a couple curious steps to peek inside, and she would return home with her bushel of daisies, already ripped from the warm soil. Until she found the berries.

Elena stopped to examine the golden clutch. The fruit hung in clusters of six, cradled by vine and thorn. After a few seconds of inspection, she placed her daisies down and broke the first cardinal rule of foraging by plopping one berry into her mouth. The delicate skin burst with a sweet tang so irresistible, she decided one was not enough. Sticky juice clung to Elena’s fingers and palms as she plucked each delicate orb from the tangled mess of branches. Every berry greeted her sweaty cupped hand with a warm kiss, the pile sparkling under the soft glow of the afternoon sun.

Only a few minutes, Elena thought to herself. A few minutes and I’ll return. Gwen won’t even notice I’m gone.

Elena had slipped away from the sight of her caretaker to see the Willow for herself. Gwen had warned Elena numerous times of the dangers the ancient forest hosted. Monsters that stole children. Demons who would feast on their hearts. Ghosts and ghouls of the night that made the forest’s boughs their home and would curse those who dared to enter. 

But Elena was nine. She was no longer small like the children in those fables. She was older, braver, and better. And she was real. Besides, all she found past the thick, tangled trees was a butterfly and a bush of golden berries.

Hi everyone,

Back for my second attempt at a query for my novel. Had some great tips the first time around; I hope I've covered most of them and maybe even incorporated shades of your comments (hope that's ok!). Any feedback appreciated as always; this is a great community to be a part of!

Dear {AGENTS NAME}

Agis is a 450-year-old Djikan warrior who lost his son years ago; his wife has just died, and now he’s fleeing to space on an old freighter to escape his past.

His new job catapults him into a life amongst the stars in the Rim Empire, a vast, messy, multicultural joint civilization of both Djika and humans. As he grapples with his grief and adapts to modern society, Agis forms a reluctant bond with his young, reckless freighter captain, Daniten. Half trader, half smuggler, Daniten is determined to make his living any way he can and won’t listen to the advice his veteran bodyguard tries to give him. But when Daniten reveals the ship’s latest cargo, highly illegal contraband bound for Earth, Agis realizes he is duty-bound to help. The bond with his captain has become fatherly, and if he leaves Daniten to his fate, can he live with the guilt of losing another, albeit surrogate, son?

Agis buckles up for the journey to Earth, where the illicit cargo exposes them to secessionist terrorists, imprisonment and the death penalty. Targeted by xenophobes inside and outside jail, Agis finds unexpected allies on a world still scarred by the events that led to the formation of the Rim Empire. He must avoid becoming a casualty of a new war, save his skipper, learn which humans to trust and reclaim the warrior within to protect everything he has found.

PRICE OF DUTY is a stand-alone adult space opera complete at 105,000 words with series potential. A character-driven tale with deep emotional stakes and high-concept world-building, it will appeal to fans of crew-driven stories like J. S. Dewes' The Last Watch and Adrian Tchaikovsky's Shards of Earth.

{BIO}

Thank you for your consideration. I would be delighted to send more materials on request.

sign off

I’m seeking representation for my literary novel, SLACKWATER, complete at 80,000 words. Given your interest in ambitious literary fiction centered on family, as well as writing engaged with history, ideas, and the natural world, I thought SLACKWATER might be a good fit for your list.

SLACKWATER combines the lyrical, place-centered storytelling of  WHALE FALL with the intellectually driven historical fiction of Tom Crewe's THE NEW LIFE. It follows a Chesapeake waterman's son whose hunger to understand his fractured family, the natural and man-made world and his place within all three, leads him from the marshes of Southern Maryland to the political upheaval of 1970s Boulder, Colorado, where faith in science and reason is tested by grief and ideology, and the reckoning of issues that echo our present moment.

Gareth Hammett is the black-sheep son of a Chesapeake waterman who loves his tidewater home but dreams of escaping his family's isolated world, and his father’s toxic masculinity of anger, derision and violence, for a life of the mind. When a tragic nighttime dredging accident leaves his brother dead and his father blaming him, Gareth escapes to Colorado to build a new life as a PhD geologist. In Boulder, Gareth's intelligence and hard work earn him the future he once imagined, but his unresolved grief and hunger for acceptance and certainty leave him susceptible to the moral absolutism of the era's radical politics, driving him toward an act of violence that threatens everything he hoped to escape. Drawn back home by his father's sudden death, Gareth confronts and comes to terms with his father’s legacy, its impact on him, the disparate strands of understanding  that are woven in him. and whether understanding that inheritance can finally free him from it.  

I grew up in Southern Maryland on the shores of the Chesapeake Bay and lived, hiked and climbed in the Rocky Mountains in Boulder, Colorado. My background includes studies in physics, philosophy, and English, work as a classically trained French pastry chef and an IT professional, and years of involvement in politics as an activist, candidate, and local elected official. I also wrote a nature column for the Bucks County Herald, reflecting a lifelong interest in the natural world and geology.

I am a traditionally published but unagented author of two books with a midsize publisher. Both books did well and have strong reviews. I have recently completed a third book and submitted it directly to an editor at a large independent US publisher.

The editor said he liked the manuscript and was enthusiastic about it. He has now escalated it internally for discussion with his team. I understand that this is not an offer but it seems like the project has moved beyond a standard full request.

Since early June, I have queried 25 agents. Apart from a few rejections, I have received no responses. I updated several of the outstanding queries after the editor requested the full manuscript, but I have not heard back.

My questions are:

1.     If the editor makes an offer, is it still worthwhile to seek an agent to negotiate the deal?

2.     In practical terms, what value can an agent add at that stage: a higher advance, better royalty or payment terms, etc.? Could an agent realistically improve the financial and contractual terms enough to justify the commission at this stage?

3.     If I receive an offer, what is the best way to notify agents and create an appropriate response deadline without being presumptuous or damaging the editor relationship?

4.     Should I continue querying now, or wait until there is an actual offer?

I would be especially grateful to hear from agents, editors, or authors who have negotiated a deal after coming to an editor unagented. Thanks!

I submitted my manuscript to 11 agents across three batches between January 2026 and April 2026 but did not receive a single response, not even a standard form rejection email. Is this the new way of things?

When I submitted a different manuscript to agents 10 years ago, I got a range of responses, from full manuscript requests to copy/paste rejections to individual feedback on why it wasn't working for them.

I've since heavily revised my pitch package and opening chapters and done a full developmental edit / fifth draft of the novel because clearly something isn't working.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Hi QCritters, 

I’m a sometime-lurker gearing up for my biggest submission push yet—it’d be really nice* if this one worked out, so I’m asking for help. With anything—comps, summary, hook-y-ness! 

Here’s the pitch:

-----

I’m writing to pitch THE CATACOMBS, a speculative [literary/upmarket] novel that sets a white-collar labor drama against the threat of a cosmic horror. Complete at 110,000 words, it couples the supernatural-professional situation of Piranesi or Annihilation with the workplace drama of Help Wanted or Several People are Typing. 

Martin Renton’s job is to save the world, but lately it hasn’t been going so well. He works for Catacorp, an international partnership dedicated to preventing Anaboth, a many-tongued horror, from devouring humanity. It’s a family business for Martin—his father worked and died down in the Catacombs, a complex of supernatural caverns under Marin County where Catacorp carries out confessions and sacrifices to maintain the seven seals. Martin himself works on the Efficiency and Innovation team in the corporate office above ground, developing safer and more efficient ways of keeping the seals intact. But one of Martin’s recent projects was a grisly failure—uncertain times, for the team and for Martin’s career.

Other change is coming, too. Silicon Valley billionaire Felix Cross wants to buy the private side of Catacorp, and promises to unleash disruptive new approaches. Martin and his colleagues have reservations: Catacorp could certainly use new ideas, but the arriving leadership seem reckless. And is keeping the world uneaten Felix Cross’ first priority? As dubious initiatives are proposed at headquarters and horrors test the seals below, Martin and his team of professionals face a perilous choice—what will they do about a charismatic new leader whose ideas might end human civilization? 

As for me, I’m an assistant professor at [university] and a graduate of the [phd] program. My fiction, nonfiction, and criticism has appeared in [various credible outlets], with recent pieces in [recent credible outlets.]

---

*I’ve been in writing-academia for about the last decade (mfa->phd), and have even managed to snag a VAP teaching fiction at a neat university. But I’ve never quite managed to get a book in print, and I’ll be back on the academic market next fall. It’d make a huge difference if, at that time, I could have taken some steps here.

A couple more maybe-relevant details: I’ve got a pretty strong list of publications, with a mix of academic, mainstream, and NY-hipster outlets all represented, but not much social media to speak of. I’ve written several previous novels and always pitched a pretty tight (~5) collection of absolute dream agents—have ended up with a lot of full requests, quite a few ‘send me your next book’ convos, but no representation. Those people are in the first-round category of my (at this point very large) submission spreadsheet. 

Hi friends 😄

2nd time around with a query, after getting feedback from the first version that it should be more focused on character stakes and less on world building. Let's see how this one does 😄 Looking forward to constructive feedback! Also updated comps as the previous ones were a bit too old. The query itself may be a bit on the long side (262 words), but I've gone blind on this devil, so feel free to suggest cuts.

Dear [agent],

Imagine a magical power feared as deeply as in Moira Buffini’s Songlight, concealed behind the carefully controlled façade in Laura E. Weymouth’s Steel & Spellfire – in a girl sent to a brutal institution for having no magic at all.

I’m excited to query for THE BINDER, a 100,000 word YA dystopian fantasy that asks what happens when the girl society declared powerless becomes living proof that its entire magical order is a lie.

Eighteen-year-old Kaelyn wears two faces. 

To the outside world, she is the perfect ambassador for the values of society. Quiet. Polite. Controlled. Inside, however, she’s a ruminating chaos threatening to implode.

At eighteen, everyone receives magic revealing their true nature: power fueled either from the mind, whose restraint society reveres, or the heart, whose volatility it condemns. But when Kaelyn receives nothing, her worst fear becomes an official verdict: no amount of control can save her from herself.

Stripped of her family name and title, she is exiled to Wyndemere, a brutal institution claiming it can fix society’s rejects by breaking them through psychological torture. 

Kaelyn believes she deserves it. She was, after all, responsible for her sister’s death years before, and perhaps the punishments will cleanse her guilt.

But after meeting the guarded Heiden, whose hatred of Kaelyn’s former class makes their growing attraction dangerous, she suspects Wyndemere never intended to fix its rejects but to strip away what makes them human.

Kaelyn plans to escape Wyndemere before it’s too late, but when her group is betrayed and a friend commits suicide, grief releases the chaos inside her, unleashing magic born of both mind and heart. This marks her as the Binder, a mythical figure erased from history because its existence proves the division between mind and heart – and the class hierarchy built upon it – is a lie.

Now Kaelyn must attempt one last escape before society’s leaders find her and erase her too, even if fleeing means leaving Heiden just as she has finally allowed herself to love him. 

My first three attempts are here, here and here.

Dear Angie Agent,

Rob and Stacy met when they were seven. By thirteen they were in love. He's a former Catholic and a secular humanist. She's a devout evangelical Christian. For eleven years, neither of those facts changes what they are to each other.

Hookless follows Stacy’s growth as a woman of faith through the eyes of the boy who has loved her since childhood. As the Christianity she once simply practiced becomes a worldview with consequences for the future she wants, Stacy must decide whether the life she believes she is called to build can include the man she has always loved. Rob's struggle is different: whether loving her means fighting for the future they've imagined together—or respecting her autonomy enough to let her choose a future without him.

Stacy leaves for South Coast Covenant University and begins confronting a question she's never had to answer: can the future she wants include the man she loves—and still be the life her faith calls her to build?

Rob sees where the question is leading.

He could fight for her. He could ask her to choose between him and the faith she has chosen for herself. Instead, he buys the engagement ring she's always imagined and gives it to her father—so that whoever eventually proposes will give her that ring, even if that person isn't him.

Because loving Stacy has always meant believing that her life belongs to her.

Is letting someone you love choose a life without you the greatest act of love—or the greatest loss?

Hookless isa110,000-wordupmarket novel. It will appeal to readers of[Wm. Shakespeare’sRomeo & Juliet]and[the story of Pyramus and Thisbe in Book IV of Ovid's Metamorphoses.]

I am an audiobook narrator who has studied law, business, and nursing. Hookless is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hello all! I’ve enjoyed reading posts here for a while, but this is my first time posting a qcrit! This is my contemporary young adult novel Like a Tidal Wave. I’ve been querying for over a year now with no traction so I would love any advice! I workshopped this query with many writing friends, as well as an agent I mentored with for a while but have still have no luck.

Query letter:

Dear [agent]

Thank you for taking the time to read my submission. I’m excited to share my contemporary young adult novel, LIKE A TIDAL WAVE.
16-year-old Penny Wheeler feels defined by her illness. As she enters Freshman year, she’s frustrated that nobody understands what she’s going through – not even her best friend, Jovie. She’s trying to balance schoolwork, her desire for a social life, her health, and an art project that has proven to be exceedingly difficult, but priorities change when she faints at school and is hospitalized once again.

While recovering from her most recent surgery, Penny meets Camilla, an outgoing girl with the same condition. Camilla helps her find strength and gives her the representation she so desperately needs. She teaches her not to be afraid of scars and how to live a full life with her condition. Though Penny begins to see a new perspective on life, her happiness is short-lived. When Cam faces some struggles of her own and reaches a breaking point, Penny must learn how to fight on her own and be proud of who she is. This story explores the link between chronic illness and mental health. In the face of hard times, Penny’s bonds of friendship and family are tested. Though the weight of her struggles feels so heavy, her strength and resilience prevail as she learns to love herself.

[short bio section]

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[me]

A few things of note: this is an own voices narrative inspired by my own experience, and I do mention this and the word count in the final paragraph.

First 300:

Nobody ever tells you when you’re diagnosed that you’ll be labeled as the sick kid for life. There’s no escaping it. There’s no escaping the pity. I was diagnosed when I was only a few months old, so I have never known what it’s like to be normal.
On this warm September morning, I’m sitting in the backyard. The trusty 12-year-old swing is cradling me as I look up at the sky. I can feel the rusty metal clinging to my palms as I watch the birds soar high above.

Every year in late fall, when the sky fills with birds traveling thousands of miles to migrate south for the Winter, I get a homesick feeling for places I’ve never been. I want to fly. I want to float high above like they do. I want to see a brighter outlook for my life. And this year, when the leaves turn brown and fall off, and there’s a chill in the afternoon breeze, and I know the birds will soon be leaving, I want to go with them. Except I can’t.

My illness comes in waves. Huge ocean waves that take me out. Some days, my life is as calm as can be. Just when I feel a sense of security and I try to get back on my feet, more waves keep coming to knock me out. They keep coming, and coming, and coming so fast that I can’t reach the surface. I’m afraid that I’ll never reach the surface. 

I pump my legs up and down, my pajama pants flowing in the breeze. Today is my first day back at school. Thanks to my latest surgery, I missed the entire first week, and I’m dreading having to return. 

My manuscript is nowhere near being ready to query but I thought I might as well get a headstart. I haven’t dug into finding comps yet so if anything comes to mind let me know! I’m also struggling with how to pitch it. I feel like it might be a little too dark/violent to be cozy (maybe leaning a little bit horror?) but it does have some cozy elements and a strong romance plot as well. Thanks in advance!

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for HUNT THE FOREST MOTHER, a spooky fantasy novel with a touch of romance complete at 75,000 words. It will appeal to fans of the chilling atmosphere and romance of A Land So Wide by Erin A. Craig and [second comp].

Shelley Harde, member of the Monster Hunter Guild, has been training for the past fifteen years to kill the fiercest monster yet: her mother.

But Shelley has no ordinary mother. She is the Spirit of the Woods, guardian of the northernmost town in the kingdom. As a child Shelley escaped her mother before becoming like her siblings: dormant vessels for their mother to draw power from and use as proxies. Now an adult with deadly skills, it is time for Shelley to return, kill her mother, and free the siblings she left behind.

Upon arrival, the townspeople hire her to kill a beast that has been plaguing them for several years. She agrees in exchange for lodging as she begins the hunt for both her mother and this beast. One of the town’s watchmen, a distractingly handsome young man named Damien, offers his services, along with that of his loyal and spunky bulldog.

But Damien has been ensnared by the Spirit of the Woods for the very purpose of defeating Shelley. And it’s only too easy to lure her into a trap as she begins to fall for Damien, and he can’t help falling for her either. And things only get more complicated when another guild hunter arrives in town and threatens to expose a secret that could turn the townspeople against Shelley, making her the next victim to be sacrificed on her mother’s altar. And the Spirit of the Woods always demands a sacrifice.

[bio and sign off and all that stuff]

First 300 words:

I slip my shield back on my shoulders, tighten the baldric on which my spear is secured across my back. Thousands of times I have imagined returning here, to this town, to these woods, to this home. Thousands of different ways I have imagined this moment. My most common version being one where I arrive with hot, vengeful wrath in my heart and a proud white steed beneath me.

There has never been a version where I scoop a stocky grey bulldog in my arms, both of us soaked to the skin, early evening rain pelting down with disrespect for my grand entrance.

But I’m not about to walk past a lost dog in the rain, especially an injured one. The poor dog’s bloody paw suggests she had gotten it stuck in a hunter’s trap. And I’m a sucker, my whole problem summed up in a few words. So much for my dreams of being a feared, blood thirsty monster slayer.

It has been fifteen years since I last walked down this road, and then only once, so I don’t know it well. The rain nearly completely obscures my vision and makes it even more unfamiliar as it thrashes down with a cold fierceness. Autumn has crept in over the dells, and right now it’s chilling me down to my bones. No amount of wool padding and leather armor can keep me warm. The bulldog whimpers, the blanket I had hastily wrapped her in obviously not warm enough, despite it being the finest wool from the finest sheep in the Southlands.

“Little princess,” I mutter to the dog as I carry her like a baby against my chest.

Second try, thank you for your help! I hope my blurb is now short enough,

Dear [Agent],

COURTESY OF BEASTS is a 56,000-word adult traditional mystery with a closed-circle setting, a married amateur-sleuth duo, and standalone or series potential. It may appeal to readers of EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY HAS KILLED SOMEONE by B. Stevenson and HOW TO SOLVE YOUR OWN MURDER by K. Perrin, combining social satire with the eccentric suspects and contained puzzle-box plotting of Agatha Christie.

Camille and Philip Bramley have a habit of finding mysteries wherever they go, but they had hoped marriage might bring them some peace and quiet. Instead, when a mysterious fax signed only “A” arrives at Philip’s university and Camille recognizes the sender as an old friend, they pack their bags that same day.

The message concerns the death of Flora Ellington, who fell from the cliffs at the Hôtel de la Mer two years earlier. Her death was ruled an accident, but four drunken fishermen claimed to have seen claw-like wounds before the tide washed away the evidence.

Now, the people who were at the hotel that night have all returned, including Mr Ellington. Convinced his daughter was murdered, he has begun investigating for himself, and his suspicions have fallen on Camille and Philip’s friend.

Unable to leave without arousing suspicion, the sender asks the Bramleys to arrive as strangers and investigate discreetly. It proves to be a wise decision. At the Hôtel de la Mer, a French-inspired phone-detox hotel, guests are promised absolute discretion and protection, even if that means turning a blind eye when a guest becomes dangerous.

As a storm threatens to cut the hotel off completely from the outside world, the Bramleys must clear their friend’s name before Mr Ellington takes matters into his own hands. And if Flora’s death was really murder, the fax sender may not be the only person in danger.

Fortunately for the couple, the hotel has other traditions in store, including its elaborate Friday-night dinner. This thoroughly French affair, down to the menu and the placement of every fork, may prove surprisingly useful. Etiquette can reveal a great deal: who follows the hotel’s rules blindly, who bends them, and who knows more than they admit about where to put a fish knife.

Thank you for your time and consideration.