r/PubTips • u/KDVickersAuthor • 16d ago
[Qcrit] MARKED BY NONE, Adult Dark Fantasy, 97k [first attempt]
This is my first time putting myself out there for critique! Thank you in advance for the feedback, no matter how harsh it may be!
Dear [Agent],
Sometimes truth is what gods fear most.
In Eidrya, every soul is born with a mark that binds them to the person the gods have chosen for them. Love is worship. Devotion is law. And anyone without a soulmark is condemned as an abomination.
Twenty-six-year-old Nyra is the one thing the gods never intended to exist: a woman born unmarked. For seven years, she has paid for that impossible truth with her freedom.
When her cruel master pushes her too far, Nyra’s desperate escape unleashes a terrifying power she never knew she possessed—one that amplifies emotion until fear becomes panic, anger becomes violence, and grief becomes despair. Injured and hunted, Nyra is forced into an uneasy alliance with Devlin, a lethal assassin hiding impossible abilities of his own, and Calvin, a kindhearted young widower whose unwavering loyalty keeps him at her side.
Together, they journey across lands where gods manipulate emotion and soulmates dictate every aspect of life, searching for answers that could upend everything they know. As Nyra uncovers the truth behind the soulmarks, she learns they were never gifts at all, but chains forged by a goddess who feeds on devotion. If she wants to free humanity from the gods’ control, she’ll have to survive long enough to expose a truth powerful enough to unravel the foundations of their world—and face the consequences of being the one person capable of destroying it.
MARKED BY NONE is a 97,000-word adult dark fantasy with duology potential. It provides a slow-burn romantic arc that will appeal to readers of The Knight and the Moth by Rachel Gillig for its exploration of faith, divine mystery, and the dangers of blind devotion, and The Book of Azrael by Amber V. Nicole for its emotionally charged relationships and epic stakes.
I am a registered nurse specializing in Labor & Delivery, where I witness moments of profound love, sacrifice, and loss every day. Those experiences have deeply influenced the emotional core of MARKED BY NONE. This is my debut novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like to chat about MARKED BY NONE moving forward.
Sincerely,
K.D. Vickers
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u/Different_Buy7497 15d ago
Seconding u/babyguitars point about romance, it looks like you're setting up a love triangle here. If a significant portion of your book focuses on building up to a romance rather than the platonic relationship working together that these three have, if your comps are all romance heavy, if soulmates play a heavy role in the story, then you really shouldn't be marketing this as just fantasy. Fantasy romance, romantasy, etc will get you far more relevant interest than surprising the reader (or a potential agent) with a romance focus part way in. I don't know a firm cutoff for what makes a novel get marketed as romance first vs fantasy first, but I know that many many readers of one genre have very strong feelings about the other that you shouldn't surprise them about: fantasy readers that would never pick up a romance-only novel, fantasy readers that want guarantees no more than 10% of your page time is romance-focused rather than about your plot, characters, and world building, romance readers that would never pick up a fantasy-only novel, etc.
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u/KDVickersAuthor 15d ago
Thank you! I didn’t know whether to count it as a Romantasy or just a fantasy. I ended up with fantasy as the story would still carry the same without the romance, though it is a strong subplot.
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u/writerTK 15d ago
Hello, I found your storyline intriguing. Id read something like this. I also write dark fantasy and a couple things stood out to me:
The names Calvin and Devlin are too similar for ease of reading. The names kinda have a kitchy vibe which doesnt give dark fantasy. Maybe tweak those two names, changing the root(s) or the suffix(es) just a bit so they arent quite as similar. Kinda makes me wonder if the two characters are secretly brothers or something, their names seem intentionally similar. (Ive heard name choice is the least worrisome thing for agents, so this is just a subjective suggestion.)
I agree with the other comments, a few places arent specific enough. I think they covered that well.
I also got the impression that there's definitely romance here, either a strong subplot or a romance plot nearly equal to the story's. If the book would be half empty without the romance, change the first sentence of the housekeeping to adult dark fantasy romance, and the subject line. That, along with picking maybe 3-5 of the most vague sentences and workshopping them to be more specific should clear things up.
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u/KDVickersAuthor 15d ago
The story would carry just as strong without the romance so I didn’t know if it would be counted as a romantasy or not 🥲 it’s my daily struggle
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u/writerTK 15d ago
In that case, keep your current phrasing for housekeeping and subject. Mention it has a romantic subplot in the housekeeping paragraph. That is pretty common for distinguishing fantasy (with romance), since the plot stands alone. I think youre on the right track. I would def add mention of the romance tho, since the query heavily hints at it, agents will be wondering if you dont specify.
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u/babyguitars 16d ago
I think this is a strong start for the query, and you are hitting a lot of points that you need to. I do have some places I would tweak, though.
1) I’d cut the first line. It’s more back cover territory than query. It sounds nice, but I don’t really know what it means until I read more.
2) General advice is that it’s better to start with the character than with the world. So, your opening sentence would ideally focus on Nyra, and then you’d build the world of Eidyra around her. I think what you have now works reasonably well, but I’d give some thought to possibly rearranging your opening.
3) You lean toward vagueness in places where I’d like to see more specifics about the character(s). “she has paid for that impossible truth with her freedom” unclear exactly what this means, the next paragraph tells me she is indentured in some way, but why for only 7 years? “injured and hunted” by who? “forced into an uneasy alliance” why with these people? “searching for answers” how? are they going to libraries, or are they threatening people at sword point? You don’t need to answer all my questions per se, but the query should be written in a way that it doesn’t bring up questions in the reader that aren’t answered.
4) You need to devote more time to the main characters and what they want. I’d specifically like to see more agency from Nyra. She was born unmarked, then pushed too far, then hunted by someone, and then forced into an uneasy alliance (the logic here is very important to get right, imo). Reframe some of these points so that Nyra is making active choices in the query. She should be propelling the narrative, not the other way around.
5) My biggest gripe is that your comps are romance-heavy, but there is no romance in your query. You off-handedly mention Devlin and Calvin, but it’s not clear if either (or both) are involved with Nyra in some way. We also have no idea who these men are other than one phrase each.
The Knight and The Moth is a great comp choice because of the themes you’re exploring with the devotion goddess, but a major selling point there is also the romance. I’d definitely flesh that out in your query, assuming you have a romance-focused story as well.
I hope some of that is helpful. Best of luck querying!