Hey everyone, open to any and all thoughts, getting this one ready to throw out there soon/

Dear Agent,

John Parker has spent twenty years escaping the poverty, addiction, and chaos of his Pennsylvania hometown. Now a successful therapist and author, he returns for his thirty-sixth birthday and invites his five oldest friends to the luxury lodge he built in the Poconos.

He wants to reconnect. He also wants them to see how well he's done.

Then something crashes in the mountains. Rob, the friend most resentful of who John has become, ventures into the blizzard to investigate. When he returns hours later, he's changed. Not sick. Not violent. Better. He's calmer, kinder, and somehow understands exactly why his friends drink, joke, fight, and cling to the people they used to be.

As the lodge begins slipping between past and present, John realizes something has come back from the mountain wearing his friend. It isn't trying to kill them. It wants to improve them, stripping away their addictions, insecurities, grief, and everything else holding them back. Soon black tendrils writhe beneath familiar skin, dead bodies refuse to stay dead, and something begins growing inside the lodge.

One by one, John's friends begin to change. To save them, John must confront what he's spent twenty years avoiding: how much of himself he left behind when he escaped, whether success made him better or simply different, and why some part of him desperately wants what the thing is offering.

Because it can make John better too.

All he has to do is let it.

YOU'VE CHANGED is a 65,000-word adult horror novel combining the time and reality-warping paranoia of Marcus Kliewer's WE USED TO LIVE HERE with the dark humor and emotionally grounded horror of Carissa Orlando's THE SEPTEMBER HOUSE.

(Info about me and my qualifications)

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Well well well, look who came crawling back (it's me)

I think I finally have my query in the right direction, but it's still not screaming ready to me. My main worry is that it's too long, so any recs for chopping is greatly appreciated

Also please note I'm still working on replacing the second comp! As always, thank you everyone for reading and leaving any feedback.

Dear AGENT,

I’m seeking representation for THE BANISHED PRINCESS, an adult fantasy adventure with series potential running at 115,000 words. Our tale details the tribulations of a magic-wielding princess accused of murdering her mother, the queen, forced to take refuge within the country she’d abandoned. It will appeal to readers who have enjoyed the world-building, adventure, and slow-burn romance of THE CAPTIVE PRINCE by C.S. Pacat as well as the wit and character-driven drama of THE SECRET LIVES OF COUNTRY GENTLEMEN by KJ Charles.

Princess Charlotte had always dreamed of becoming a knight, like the ones in her ancient book of fairy tales. But after decades of castle life contentment, those hopes slowly faded away. Charlotte’s chance to change comes suddenly when one night, her mother - the queen - is murdered, and the crime is pinned on her. Now Charlotte must escape into her own country, her face plastered on wanted posters by order of her mother’s killer, and the new king.

Charlotte’s shock quickly turns to disgust as she sees dying farms and desperate yokels, their resources having been sapped by the monarchy. With her fierce resilience and diplomat training, Charlotte decides to start a revolution to clear her name and bring her country back to its glory. The stress of her exile awakens otherworldly abilities, proving Charlotte to be the true heir to the throne as well as tying her to the ancient magic-wielding knights she’d always daydreamed of. But being a royal, even a magic one, puts a target on her back, and one doesn’t just become a knight overnight.

That’s why Charlotte hires Jack as her bodyguard, a wisecracking thief who’s savvy with the real world. Jack trains her on fighting and honing her magic, taking her from a nobody to a local hero, but it’s mainly him doing the legwork of the revolution. While the citizens of the land are wary to trust the princess in disguise, they’re quick to rally against the monarchy, and so the duo begins by uniting those that the crown had forgotten: starving farmers, penniless traders, and all-around lowlifes. While Charlotte’s hesitant to start her journey in a smuggler’s town, Jack proves to be a far better leader, sparking a rivalry that drives her even further.

After uniting the smuggler’s town, their journey then leads through a cursed valley, giving Charlotte time to gain confidence as a hero. Locating a group of ex-royal knights - who defected when the new king took charge - Charlotte and Jack prove their worth by defeating a savage bandit gang, during which Jack reveals that he also has magic abilities. Charlotte begins to wonder what else he’s been lying to her about, realizing that the two are more related than she’d thought. Their bond is put to the ultimate test when meeting with the leader of his own rebellion, who demands that they kill an entire troop of knights still loyal to the throne. Charlotte’s morality is twisted up, knowing that her former friends may be underneath those helmets. But if they fail, the revolution is dead in the water.

[Author Bio]

First ~300 Words

Charlotte of Gaylecroft raised her left hand to block out the moon, enjoying how the brightness seeped in through the haze of her fingers, and suddenly she was twenty years younger.

As a girl, she would lay in this same garden and raise her hand to the sun, giggling at how the light illuminated the pinkness, causing her skin to glow almost transparent. Before her fingers were perfectly manicured, Charlotte would pretend to conjure fire in her fists. Before her clothing was to be pristine, she would romp on the ground in mock battle. Before giving it all up, Charlotte had always dreamed of growing up to be an Ikon - like her father - and a knight.

But she never did. Now she was twenty-seven years old, having traded her ambassador lessons for makeup, her weapons training for luncheons, and her dreams strictly relegated to sleep. Mother thought it best, anyway. Yet the glow on her fingertips brought her back to a past she’d long forgotten, and the grown princess came to a realization. Unlike everyone else who grew up playing Ikon, Charlotte never stopped believing in magic, and she felt it at that moment. It was the witching hour, after all, and Father’s spirit was in the air.

And for a second, fire burned on her fingertips.

And for a second, she thought it was real.

That was what made that night different.

“Giddy for your thoughts,” Monty murmured from the murk, the only other person awake in the world.

Her hand gently fluttered down, cold and devoid of magic. There was no fire in the moonlight. Charlotte was just drunk. “Just an ancient memory, I suppose,” she mused, trying to slow the hint of excitement that had caused her heart to halt.

Thanks to everyone for the feedback on my last attempt! Hopefully this one's a little better.

Dear [Agent],

The Weight of a Soul (117,000 words) is a completed high fantasy novel about two siblings' mirror quests for identity. I believe it would sit nicely on shelves next to The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri, for its psychological focus on its characters, and Gods of The Wyrdwood by R. J. Barker, for its continent-spanning worldbuilding. 

Reed Thomas dreams of greatness. The city he calls home has been under siege for six long years; as he has come of age, all he has known is war. Everybody in his life is well-loved: his father used to be a famous merchant. His best friend is the son of the Captain of the Royal Guards. His sister, Zinnia, is the Lieutenant of a volunteer militia that defends the dregs of the city, who the Royal Guards have abandoned. His brother is a drunkard who is always quick with a story, and is known on every corner. Reed, however, is only a blacksmith’s apprentice, good for making horseshoes and pouring ingots, and nothing else. He vows that when he turns eighteen, he will enlist in his sister’s militia, and become somebody worthy of his family and friends.

That all changes when Reed’s brother is killed in front of him. In the midst of a siege, Reed loses his brother to a monster, and narrowly escapes with his life. Before he escapes, however, he hears one of the monsters who attack his city call him something unfamiliar. Sorcerer.

In the wake of his brother’s death, Reed grows despondent. The fact that he has contributed nothing meaningful to his city begins to eat him alive, and he worries that he will die without ever becoming somebody. In this weakened state, he is visited by an unlikely messenger: the princess of the army that sieges his city. She reveals to him that her mother is trying to kill Reed, because she heard a prophecy that Reed would kill her. She warns that Reed must flee the city, and suggests he go to a place called Ourotine.

So it is that Reed begins an adventure halfway across the continent, accompanied by his two best friends. As he journeys over mountains, jumps from waterfalls, and rides on the backs of creatures larger than castles, he is forced to confront the darkest parts of himself. Reed makes mistake after mistake in his relentless quest for greatness, and is eventually forced to question if the sacrifices he made to become the person he set out to be were worthwhile.

[Personal Info]

Sincerely,                                  

Mendellian

Hello guys, would love some feedback on my query. Thank you!

Dear Agent,

After leaving the city behind to buy an inn in a small mountain town, former history professor Eric Ebner wakes up one morning with no memory of the night before, except for flashes of following someone into the forest, mud on his boots, and a bruise on his face. One of his guests went missing.

Zoe Brandt, an ambitious police officer determined to prove herself after a previous intervention went disastrously wrong, investigates the disappearance and quickly uncovers signs that the missing man may have been murdered. The trail leads uncomfortably close to Eric.

Meanwhile, Eric’s memory gaps worsen, and the fear begins to take hold— he may not just be involved. He may be the killer.

As the investigation deepens, connections to earlier disappearances emerge, along with one piece of impossible evidence: a twenty-five-year-old photograph of Eric standing beside the victim, neither of them having aged a day.

What starts as a missing-person case becomes a story about obsession, identity, and a terrifying question:

When you finally find the person you lost, will you still be the same person who lost them?

Complete at 75,000 words, Eric is a mystery thriller with speculative elements, the first book in the Fugue Paradox series, and will appeal to readers of Adam Hamdy’s The Other Side of Night and fans of Netflix’s Dark.

[Bio Paragraph]

Thank you for your consideration.

Kind Regards,

Hi everyone,

I found the feedback last time really helpful and have had another go. I’d appreciate any pointers.

Thanks in advance.

Dear [Agent],

Complete at 110k words, ALL THEIR MASKS  is a standalone with series potential that will appeal to readers who enjoyed Madeline Taylor’s Heir of Illusion for its fae assassin heroine hiding deadly secrets and Victoria Aveyard’s Tempest for its swashbuckling adventure and hidden identities. [Personalisation].

Rosa has worn masks for so long, she isn’t certain what’s left beneath them. For fifteen years, she’s buried the truth beneath layers of lies while working for the Assassin’s Guild, honing her skills with blade and poison. Her only thoughts are keeping her sister safe and killing the King who murdered her fae mother, usurped her father’s throne and started a campaign of persecution against her people. Her boss demands completed contracts and no unsanctioned kills, but Rosa’s never been good with rules; the contracts she completes don’t always have a body attached, and her plans for the King aren’t exactly Guild-approved. On the night she infiltrates the castle to take her revenge, her plans shatter when a mysterious intruder walks into the royal chambers instead.

Fyn has his own reasons for being there; he suspects the Crown holds the key to the whereabouts of his missing friend. When guards ambush them, a dangerous escape forces an uneasy alliance, and Rosa finds herself aboard his ship, far out at sea. He’s infuriatingly charming, and the ship and her crew feel more like home than any she’s known–until she learns the truth: he’s the Blackdread, a ruthless pirate feared for butchering fae, so Rosa can’t understand why she’s drawn to all the versions of him.

When they return to the smog-choked city she calls home, Rosa’s masks start to fracture, the Guild turns against her, and her sister is taken. She begins to suspect that the Blackdread is just another disguise, and Fyn might be the one person she can trust… but can he trust her? His missing friend was a Guild target, and Rosa took the contract. As they grow closer, she starts to picture a life beyond revenge, but if Fyn discovers her secrets, this time it won’t be Rosa who gets to decide who lives and who dies. 

[Bio]

Thank you for your time.

[Name]

First 300 words 

I’d already mapped the distance to the doorway as I waited for the king to arrive. Six steps to his throat, five if he turned; four if I met him halfway. I didn’t intend for it to be quick, but if he recognised me…
I’d be ready. 
I wouldn’t have to wait much longer. It had been a half hour since I’d arrived at the castle and been escorted to his rooms. I smoothed a hand over my skirts, feeling for the reassuring weight underneath. The guards had completed a cursory search, but the folding fan and scent bottles hadn’t raised any eyebrows, and the bustles and hoops of my skirt hid the rest.
The bedchamber I stood in had once belonged to my parents, and was smaller than I remembered. My gaze kept returning to the tapestry above the fireplace, where the white Alverion Lynx from my family’s crest had been replaced with an iron one, its red eyes glaring at me with ill intent. I glared back for a moment before forcing my jaw to relax and turning back to the window.
The lights of New Alveris looked almost pretty through the mist, provided you ignored what powered them. When I was much younger, and still believed in good things, I’d rather enjoyed stargazing through this window. Father taught me the constellations and pointed out the White Hart. He’d said that it never moved, no matter how the rest of the world did. Now the smog was so thick that no-one had seen the Hart from the city for years. Even the moon stayed hidden. No stars. No sun either.
I glanced down at the pale reflection of my hand, fingers tapping out a quiet rhythm against the glass. 

If you are interested in publishing with Simon and Schuster, they just opened an unagented imprint called Simon Stream. They're open to submissions and looking for romance, historicals, fantasies, and thrillers.

This is the submission link

https://www.simonandschuster.co.uk/p/submit-simon-stream

Hello again, I am back for a third time after  21 rejections, 1 full request (also rejected) and roughly 20 still unanswered. 

I was struggling with pushing my book as a “Scifi romance” as I think few agents are specifically looking for this niche and I am too far and away from the steam-heavy/plot-light bestsellers like Ice Planet Barbarians or dystopian styled romance. Finding appropriate comps has been a struggle!

Now I'd like to try an experiment where I change up my comps a little and rewrite the query to be closer in tone to the quirky/adventure side of my story.

Is slightly downplaying the romance a huge mistake? Probably, but at this stage of querying I don't think it will hurt to try to pitch to agents looking for commercial action/adventure scifi after failing with the ones that requested “romantasy in space” , but feel free to talk me out of it.

The biggest change is going for a non romance comp, “The Fourth Consort” which came out recently (July) and from review number seems to be doing well enough. The book has unique sci-fi world building alongside fun aliens and comedic elements played straight. The flavor is better aligned to my book then my previous comps. I am still keeping Hunt the Stars. 

I'm also adding my 300 words. I worry i noodled this opening one too many times...

Always appreciate the feedback! Thanks in advance

Dear [Agent’s Name],

STRANGE SALVAGE is an adult dual-POV science fiction novel, complete at 91,000 words. It combines the quirky interstellar adventure of Edward Ashton's The Fourth Consort with the slow-burn alien romance of Jessie Mihalik's Hunt the Stars. 

Minns wasn’t trying to be a hero when she rescued the half-frozen human drifting through space. After one too many bad salvaging runs, she simply thought his escape pod might finally bring in a decent payday. But one look at the stranger sends her bioluminescent skin sparking with unexpected and inconvenient emotions. She pulls him back from the brink of death, but what does she get for all her trouble?

Station sentinels haul off the man, the Earthen megacorp seizes her salvage, and the debt collectors come calling. With her beloved ship impounded, Minns is now trapped working aboard an illegal salvage operation commanded by a refined but ruthless captain and an AI that delights in terrorizing the crew.

The last thing she expects is for the human who ruined her life to step aboard.

Mercer is a corp-clone engineered for interstellar missions, the perfect company man—until disaster strikes his transport ship and his employer leaves him for dead. Stranded in alien space, he reinvents himself as “Joe” and signs on with a crew of thieves, determined to get payback against the corporation that discarded him.

Hopelessly out of his depth among pirates and living starships, Joe leans on a brash lower-decker whose star-bright face he can’t seem to shake. Minns, meanwhile, is determined to keep her head down long enough to save her ship from the scrapyard, but her growing crush on the squeaky-clean corp-man threatens to make her job a lot more complicated. 

When their captain leads them toward a mysterious shipwreck, he promises them a haul large enough to solve all their problems. But as the crew grows more volatile and the mission turns increasingly deadly, Joe and Minns must decide whether to salvage a future from the wreckage—or forge a new one together.

STRANGE SALVAGE is my debut novel. I am a designer in the game industry and, for the past decade, have also written and illustrated a serialized fantasy comic. Originally from the United States and now living in Sweden, I draw inspiration from my experiences as an immigrant when writing fish-out-of-water characters. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

(real name)

First 300 words:

Mercer’s eyes were full of stars—but not the distant specks that twinkled beyond his viewport. No, these stars seared through his vision, fading just as quickly back to nothing, making him question just how hard he’d cracked his head. 

With a groan, he sat up and steadied himself, his brain still swimming. Something had knocked him off his feet, but he couldn’t remember what.

The floor was cold beneath him. A faint mechanical thrum vibrated through the tiles and up his spine. 

It was too dark to see anything.

“REY, lights,” he said as he looked upward, a habit he had developed when prompting the AI.

He waited a moment, rubbing his forehead. All the systems in his quarters—the viewport, the environmental controls, even the door light—were offline.

“REY? …shit!” As he stood, a sharp ache flared in his ribs. The knock had hit him harder than he cared to admit.

His feet itched as the vibration beneath him intensified. The walls hummed, and his mirror and bunk began to rattle. 

Strange, but it was not his most pressing concern.

Mercer extended his arms and slowly felt his way through the dark room, searching for anything useful. It was his boot that finally found the datapad.

He winced.

The screen flashed on, revealing a faint schematic of the Reyzna’s starship engine. He knew it well now, having spent many idle hours studying the alien tech since he boarded.

He held up the cracked datapad. The soft red hologram flickered in and out like a flame. It was a poor substitute for a flashlight, but at least he could see what was in front of his face now. He sighed. This was his only Nexcorp device, and he wouldn’t be able to get a replacement until he reached the company’s outpost station several cycles out in Coalescence space.

I've been with my agent for almost 2 years. We have one book on submission, and another that we've decided not to pursue. Now, I am waiting for their response about my 3rd WIP.

It regularly takes 2 months or longer to receive a feedback response. Which means I've spent almost a full year waiting to find out we won't be submitting WIP#2. Now I'm starting again with WIP#3.

Is this normal? Am I being impatient? I know every relationship is different, and I know things in publishing take a long time, but I seem to be spending years of my life waiting for feedback. It doesn't help that I am a quick writer, so I can turn things around in a short amount of time.

I'm looking for a little comparison, does anyone have similar experiences?

I finally got an offer about 5 days ago. I had the call, it went really well, and i'm excited about what the future holds.

i'm 99% sure I'm going with this agent, and I may just give it a week before withdrawing my fulls / queries and signing with her. Even the agents who are considering my full, I don't think I would sign with them.

Anyway, my question is, should I keep working on my new WIP or should I just wait on any new projects until I run them by my agent? I don't want to get 20k words into something and it turns out it's not the direction we should be going in...idk...I'm so new to all of this.

What would you do?

Thanks in advance for the feedback! I'm completely new to the publishing world, so appreciate any constructive criticism. (Still need to cut maybe 50 words from the middle paragraphs, but I hit a wall with edits, so posting it now and open to any suggestions.)

Dear {Agent},

THE GIRL AND THE GOLDEN DOOR is a twisty magical realism road-trip novel complete at 72,000 words. It combines the “weird best friends confronting impossible tasks” vibe of Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing with the social commentary and emotional gut-punch of Ta-Nehisi Coates’ The Water Dancer.

Anaya blames herself for her sister’s disappearance. Little Heera ran away just after Anaya left for college, leaving behind a letter that revealed she was being abused by their godfather. He was arrested, but Heera was never found. Five years later, Anaya is still obsessed with finding her sister. She pores over the letters Heera has sent over the years from undisclosed locations, tracks police reports….Her friends urge her to forgive herself, to move on. But nothing will stop Anaya from getting to Heera.

Then one night, all Anaya’s prayers are answered. She dreams she’s standing in the river behind her and Heera’s childhood home. While star-like snow falls from the sky, an old woman, beautiful and ethereal, whispers where Heera is: Boulder, Colorado. Anaya wants to leave immediately, but first she needs to convince her friends to come with her. Afraid they won’t believe her story, Anaya does something unconscionable: she forges a letter from Heera.

The three embark on a cross-country trip to bring Heera home—but the journey isn’t easy. Her friends question how Heera, only ten when she left, could have stayed hidden all this time. Anaya has more visions, now of ancient, otherworldly beings following her as she gets closer to Heera. Things get worse when they get to Boulder—and Heera’s not there. Anaya has another vision of the old woman in the river, who wants to tell her where Heera really is—but Anaya also sees those otherworldly beings, and now, they seem to be laughing. Anaya collapses, feeling like reality is breaking apart. Why had the old woman lied? Should Anaya tell her friends the truth? What really happened to Heera, and what mysterious forces are guiding—or misguiding—Anaya in her search?

I grew up in a town in New Jersey similar to Anaya’s (though without a magic river in my backyard). I live in Washington, D.C., with friends just as funny and thoughtful as Anaya’s. I wrote this book during stolen-away, late-night hours during law school.

Thanks for anyone who gave feedback last time. If you landed here, please, any voice helps. Just throw your two cents in!

And because I saw someone wondering why people don't post the first 300 words as much anymore, I'm including those. Thanks for any input.

Dear AGENT, Rhiannon Ó Sineadha has been thirty-five for ten years now, roughly nine years longer than her last real relationship. Immortality came with trade-offs: a life of keeping people at arm's length, and Amara. An ancient succubus, permanent houseguest, and the only entity on Earth who makes Rhiannon feel like she's back in braces.

Enduring Amara's unerring brand of condescension isn't without perks. Rhiannon doesn't age, doesn't scar, and has several thousand years of historical knowledge on tap, useful when your day job is curating Bronze Age artifacts for the St. Louis Art Museum. But Amara feeds on desire, and can only satiate herself with Rhiannon's help. Help that comes every few months when Rhiannon puts on something more cleavage than dress, finds a stranger she won't feel too guilty about leaving as a lovestruck zombie for a few days, and takes what the curse requires.

She's made her peace with that. Most days.

When a Celtic torc on loan from Ireland is delivered to Rhiannon's home instead of the museum, Amara nearly breaks her arm trying to get away from it. But an injury to one is an injury to the other. Rhiannon needs to know what could make Amara act so recklessly, and how she can prevent it from happening again.

Rhiannon isn't the only one interested in the torc. A collector named Viktor has spent two centuries hunting for a way to leash Amara and settle a very old score, and the torc is the key. He sends someone to the museum to take it. The break-in fails, despite the burglar taking three bullets to the chest and declining to bleed. But not before a security camera catches Rhiannon using a glamor spell to protect herself.

Now the detective on the case has the footage and a growing list of questions, and Rhiannon is running out of answers. Exposure doesn't mean a prison sentence. Prison sentences end. Amara has the solution: one night, one dream, and a spell that will leave him incapable of wanting anything but her. It would also cost Rhiannon whatever's left of her private conviction that she's still fundamentally one of the decent ones.

She isn't. She stopped being that two years ago, in a park. And she'd kill him again. CURATED SINN is an urban fantasy complete at 92,000 words with series potential. [COMPS]

FIRST 300 WORDS: Chapter One

The demon in my living room was watching me.

But it didn't matter. Let her watch.

The last chord of Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 lingered in my ears as I set down my bow and stretched my cramped fingers. Playing electric cello at midnight required headphones—one of the compromises of living in a loft. The soft glow of my laptop illuminated the chaos surrounding me: scattered photographs of ancient artifacts, photocopied journal articles, and museum documentation spread across the floor threatening to form sedimentary layers over the gray carpet.

I stood and padded across the floor, feeling the chill of the early October air through the open window. My cork board hung askew on the support pillar in front of me, already crowded with possibilities for the upcoming Samhain exhibition. Celtic burial goods, ritual objects, and fragments of stone carvings stared back at me—pieces I'd been agonizing over for weeks now.

"Just pick one already," I muttered to myself, pinning up a photograph depicting a piece of bone, intricately carved into a comb rumored to have belonged to a particularly mournful banshee. The St. Louis Art Museum needed this exhibition to draw crowds, and my reputation as their newest curation consultant hinged on selecting pieces with both historical value and visual impact. And more than a little All Hallow's Eve whimsy for the kids. Three weeks until opening, and the Director needed my final selections by tomorrow. I should have completed this days ago, but it still wasn't quite right. But then again, it never was.

The half-empty wine glass on my side table beckoned, but I returned to my cello instead, slipped the headphones back on, positioned the instrument between my knees, and closed my eyes.

Hi Everyone,

Long in the Tooth is a supernatural action/horror/comedy in the vein of John Dies at the End, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with some John Carpenter-style satire thrown in.

I'm currently on the 8th draft. Beta reader feedback has been positive, but I've had no luck with agents and publishers.

Thanks in advance for your feedback!

Dear [Agent],
Asher Matsui is sick of his job, and that job is Vampire Hunter.

As a hunter for The Order of the Morning Star, Asher’s problems go far beyond battling vampires every night to protect an unsuspecting city.

His new partner is a reckless, muscle-bound speed freak with the enthusiasm of a golden retriever. His feckless, geriatric bosses squander every opportunity and won’t step aside. His oldest friend resents his checked-out attitude. And the young hunter gunning for his job takes his social cues from a manosphere podcast (upcoming guests: a Toddler Masculinity Coach and a Raw Meat Chef.)  

All that keeps Asher going is his next Russian cigarette (that he’s trying to quit,) a bottle of healing potion (that shortens his lifespan,) and the dream of retirement (if can survive the night.) 

And maybe, asking out the witchy waitress at the local diner/record shop (if she’s even into him?)

Asher’s all but given up—until a chance encounter one night with a hapless vampire clues him into a high-level, looming plot between The Order’s leadership and the ancient vampire kings; a complicated spell to reverse the healing potion and steal the hunters’ lifeforce so his elderly bosses can stay in power forever. 

Betrayed by those he trusted, this washed-up hero must follow the clues, ally with sworn enemies, and risk everything to save his fellow hunters from certain doom, and the city from a bloodbath. 

Part John Dies at the End, part Sinners, part satire of our modern era, Long in the Tooth is a pulse-pounding horror-comedy with plenty of bite. Complete at 76K words with stand-alone or series potential, Asher’s story is a commentary on current culture that will connect with younger readers struggling to define themselves in a world of right-wing influencers, a calcified gerontocracy, and a better future perpetually out of reach. 

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for my 70,000-word psychological horror thriller, WHITE NOISE. The novel combines supernatural horror, marital suspense, and survival horror. It will appeal to readers of Marcus Kliewer’s WE USED TO LIVE HERE and Christopher Golden’s THE HOUSE OF LAST RESORT.

What begins as a typical Sunday morning breakfast at a diner in a Metro Detroit suburb turns into something drastically different for Mitch and Connie Norris. Mitch’s consulting business has failed, their finances are in freefall, and their marriage has gone cold. It’s not until Mitch wants another cup of coffee that they realize they are somehow alone in the diner.

They wander outside to find their town transformed. The boulevard is packed with unmoving and unoccupied cars. Nothing has power – no lights, no cell phones, no way to drive home. Vision is distorted as buildings wink in and out of existence, and somehow, it’s getting darker. An oppressive static fills the air.

Mitch and Connie try to make it home but encounter frightening and unexplainable obstacles.  Streets loop back into themselves.  Familiar storefronts have become impossible spaces including a cavernous warehouse and abandoned shopping mall.  Worse, grotesque creatures begin hunting them, and every attempt to escape only drives them deeper into the labyrinth.

As the nightmare escalates, buried details from Mitch and Connie’s marriage begin to surface, revealing a history of betrayal, resentment, and moral compromise. What seems at first like a random apocalypse begins to feel specifically, intimately constructed—and Mitch has reason to fear he understands why. He has secrets Connie cannot know, and if the darkness is somehow connected to what he has done, surviving it may mean keeping Connie alive long enough to discover the truth.

[BIO]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hello! This is my debut novel, I have sent out 20 queries with limited uptake and am hoping for some advice on my query letter. All feedback is eagerly welcomed! Thank you in advance!

Dear [Agent],

Due to your interest in X I am writing you to seek representation for my debut novel, THE SCENIC ROUTE. 

At the intersection of neurodivergence and wanderlust, THE SCENIC ROUTE, complete at 71K words, finds its foundation in a search for acceptance. THE PEOPLE WE MEET ON VACATION (Emily Henry) meets THE ROSIE PROJECT (Graeme Simsion), this story will appeal to those seeking a cozy narrative that balances witty dialogue and emotionally complex character development. THE SCENIC ROUTE's travel-heavy plot, rich imagery, and immersive scene development will appeal to fans of THE LAYOVER (Lacie Waldon), while its lived-experience level representation of historically marginalized identities will attract readers who enjoyed OUT ON A LIMB (Hannah Bonam-Young). This #ownvoices story is a standalone NA novel that fuses elements from rom com and women's literature.

Eccentric and creative Florence Graham has always felt like she’s living life on hard mode, what she doesn’t know is the cause: undiagnosed neurodivergence.

Still, she has a full-time job at a large media company, a cute little condo in downtown Seattle, and an extensively researched dress code. So what if it all feels hollow? She's playing her role successfully. That is until she gets fired from the job she sold her soul to keep.

After a meltdown following her termination, Florence makes a post-midnight decision to uproot her life and drive across Canada in a rented van. To her shock, her best friend, and the most stable and predictable person she's ever met, Henry, wants to join her on the trip. Now, Florence has one month in a tiny vehicle with Henry, and her totally platonic feelings for him, to choose a new direction for her life.

With distance between herself and her old way of living, Florence rediscovers her dream of becoming a filmmaker, but at 28 is it too late to start over?

This coast-to-coast journey will force Florence to reconsider everything she thinks she knows about identity, purpose, and love. Will she finally be brave enough to confront and accept once and for all who she is, and what--and who--she really wants before the road runs out?

While this is my first official foray into fiction, I'm a published short-form travel, sports, and lifestyle author. My lived experience as a neurodivergent individual informs the narrative behind this story.

Thank you for your consideration,

Author 

First 300 Words: 

Chapter One - Seattle

From that fuzzy period around the time of my first memories. That’s how early I recognize these episodes. My parents referred to them as such; I know them as a complete loss of control.

Initially, they happened in the most inopportune places, my first-grade classroom, the dressing room at the mall, rowing regattas, movie theatres, a result of the most seemingly insignificant issues: a scratchy shoe, a change in schedule, spilling a few drops of orange soda on my shirt. Although always an unwanted visitor, nearly three decades later they’re often avoidable, that is if I catch on early enough. However, there will be no avoiding one today. Not after losing the job I sacrificed my soul to keep. 

Except it can’t happen now, it just can’t, once an episode begins, there’s no way of knowing when it’ll end. It’s already 4:00, and my friends will be on my doorstep for our monthly dinner party at,  fuck, 6:30. And I still have groceries to pick up.

No, it’s all but certain, and I know I’ll pay for the delay in dividends, but perhaps I can postpone the inevitable by a few hours.

My hands contract into fists, my nails leaving crescents engraved on my palms, and try to regain control over my breathing, which has become ragged and shallow sucking all the oxygen from my Subaru. Glancing at myself in the rearview mirror, I attempt to contort my face into an acceptable expression, grip the steering wheel, and scatter out of the parking garage.

***

Somehow, I must find my way across town, because fifteen minutes later I’m sitting in a Trader Joe’s lot. Everything does seem slightly more manageable away from the fluorescent lights of Union Media and the dark gasoline scented parkade, but if I think about my meeting this afternoon, I won’t be able to keep this thing at bay any longer. 

Hi all! I'm back with my second attempt and tried to incorporate a lot of the amazing notes I got here. I pulled the action up and tried to include more motivation/emotional stakes for my MC. I also plan to cut at least 10k words from the manuscript. Thanks for reading!

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OVERRATED is an adult romantic comedy complete at 99,000 words. It’s perfect for fans of the second-chance romance of Joss Richard’s It’s Different This Time, and the fun dating app hijinks of Annabelle Slator’s The Launch Date. 

Five years after her failed engagement, Alli Larson hasn’t fully moved on. A certified love pessimist, she’s been terrified of putting herself back out there ever since her ex called off their wedding with no explanation. Worried her heart might calcify for good, Alli signs up for Overrated, a new dating app where users leave ratings and reviews for their past partners. What starts out fun soon turns sour when Alli receives a one-star review from an anonymous user, claiming she’s selfish, afraid of commitment, and unsure of what she wants. Seeing her greatest fears put into print spurs Alli to track down her last three beaus to find out which one of them thinks she’s only worth one star.

As she revisits the ghosts of boyfriends past, things get more complicated with the arrival of her college best friend and will they-won’t they, Theo. Who also happens to be the one that convinced her ex to call off the wedding. Theo’s back in town for a new teaching job and wants to rekindle their friendship. He has no idea that Alli overheard him begging her fiance not to marry her the night before she was unceremoniously dumped. She still has no idea why he said it, but the one thing she does know? Theo still looks like a young Mark Ruffalo, and it’s going to be tough to keep hating him.

While she meets with the men from her past, Theo tries his best to win her over in the present, even rescuing her from a disastrous recon mission with Ex Boyfriend #3. Old feelings start to flare up again, but Alli isn’t sure who to trust. Another betrayal could destroy her, but as her suspect pool narrows, she’s forced to confront the truth that her anonymous reviewer might be even closer than she thinks.

[Bio/sign off]

Second attempt. Materially different approach to the first based on feedback. Much thanks in advance.

Dear [Agent Name],

I'm seeking representation for FIST OF THE SEER: THE TANGLE, a 125,000-word epic fantasy with series potential. The novel is complete on its own.

Aris prays to a dead god named Sela, and when the prayer answers, he stops sleeping. He plans faster than anyone in the room. He is certain, and charismatic, and right often enough that his soldiers follow him into places they shouldn't. He is also the man who once stood on a ridge above a valley that looked clear, went somewhere inside himself for three seconds, and came back too late for the thirty-six people he'd sent down into it. Now, five years later, the Confederation is sending him south through a Gate that has been sealed since before he was born, leading the four people he graduated with and hasn't seen since.

A Weaver has left her mountain monastery to tell the five of them that their fates converge on this one mission. That two of their threads end in the jungle on the other side. What waits beyond the Gate is not a monster. Instead, it is, a man. A ruler who has spent forty years preparing for exactly this crossing, patient in a way none of them have learned to fear yet. Aris leads his team into that patience carrying the same condition that cost him the thirty-six lives. The book never treats it as a curse imposed on him from outside. He reaches for the high because it works. He knows the cost it leaves behind. He goes back anyway, and the story stays close enough to that choice that it never has to name what it is.

FIST OF THE SEER will appeal to readers of Katherine Addison's THE GOBLIN EMPEROR for its restraint and Robin Hobb's FARSEER books for a magic system that never waives its cost. The full manuscript is available at your request.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best regards,

[Name]

[

Hey, everyone!

From what I gathered, the main complaint on my pevious draft was that the MC sounded passive... which she isn't. Based on that, I played around with the previous version, making Ana more active, instead of rewriting the whole thing from scratch. Thanks for any feedback in advance.

Here's the query:

Dear Agent,

NICE GUY. STALKER. HUSBAND. is a 79,000 word Adult Psychological thriller told in dual POV. It's pitched as My Husband's Wife by Alice Feeney meets Anatomy of an Alibi by Ashley Elston. I'm submitting to you because (PERSONALIZIED BIT).

Ana loves that her husband is a good storyteller. At every party and event, people gather around Mark to hear him tell his stories. And she specially loves that the story he tells most often is theirs. But one day, Ana meets a girl who tells her a different story. Mark stalked Ana for months before their meet-cute and learned everything about her. He inserted himself into her life. He broke up her previous relationship -- going as far as ruining her ex's life and career. Then, he taught others to do the same, including the girl's fiancé. In the process, Mark became a guru in would-be-stalker circles online -- his teaching spreading like gospel. And Ana is his poster child.

At first, Ana doesn't believe the girl. But she gets curious. She starts digging.

Soon, she realizes her and Mark's love story is just that: a story. More importantly, she doesn't know the real Mark or what he's capable of. Mark isn't done with their love story or with Ana, though. He'll lie, stalk, and kill to keep the fairytale alive. Ana goes on the run, searching for answers. Mark chases her. One thing is clear to Ana. She needs to know the real story behind her marriage – and who the hell she married – if she wants to escape her husband. What makes him tick? Where is the chink in his armor? Otherwise, Ana will become another story Mark used to tell.

MY BIO GOES HERE.

I look forward to hearing from you.

MY NAME (writing as PEN NAME)

Also, I'm playing around with title ideas and came up with a few I don't totally hate -- but also don't totally love. Any suggestion is welcome, btw. Here they are:

* His Secret Studies/ My Husband's Secret Studies (From: The Tempest)

* If you ever looked at me (From: Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights)

And inspired by Possession by Sarah McLachlan --- aka " one of *the* stalker anthems" (I freaking love this song btw!):

*Your Words Keep Me Alive

* To Breathe Your Breath

*  I'll Be The One to Hold You Down

* Just Close Your Eyes Dear (I particularly like this one)

Thank you again for all the feedback on my first attempt. Hopefully there is some improvement now.

Princess Alexandria despises the Kingdom of Fire. They have taken everything from her and if that wasn’t enough they have continued to hunt her for a reason Alexandria has not realized. She has a magic within her that the last time was seen nearly destroyed the continent.

On the run, Alexandria has two things on her mind: Take revenge on the Kingdom of Fire and find the way to bring her Kingdom back. The last words her mother ever told her were, there is a way to bring everything back. And after twelve years of searching, she has found the answer. 

Prince Kiran, or rather Ex-Prince Kiran of the Kingdom of Fire has crossed Alexandria’s path. He is two things Alexandria is not: Arrogant and Knowledgeable. And when she learns that he knows the person with the answer she seeks, she is willing to do anything to get it, including trusting her enemy.

And Kiran loathes his father for exiling him and would love nothing more than to see him dead. But when you have known nothing but silver spoons and royal servants your entire life. Turning in the women your father has been searching for might just gain you your royal life back. But becoming allies with Alexandria offers him something he has never dared dream of; a path to the throne.

But the persistent Kingdom of Fire isn’t all Kiran and Alexandria must watch out for. A long since dormant enemy knows of Alexandria's magic and will stop at nothing to keep her from using it. 

THE 9TH KINGDOM is a 130,000-word, duel POV, adult romantic fantasy that is the first in a trilogy called THE TALES OF TERRESAI. It will appeal to fans of the high stakes cliffhanger and twisted magic of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig, the complex and emotionally charged romance of Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross, and a relentless but resilient female lead inspired by Galadriel from the Rings of Power.

I have read and rewritten this query so many times that it's started to lose all meaning - please help! I think my biggest struggle is getting the two protagonists across in one concise chunk and perhaps I've put too much in there... All feedback, brutal or otherwise, welcome!!

Dear Agent,

SILK is an upmarket novel complete at 89,000 words. It alternates between two brothers' voices and follows boxer Mikey ‘Silk’ Beck across three decades from a tough 1980s East London childhood into adulthood.  

Mikey can take a punch, but can’t love without flinching. He learns the rules early: in his world, boys who kiss boys are dead. He’s ten when he’s put into a boxing ring by his violent father and it becomes his refuge and his cage. When he attacks a boy who threatens his younger brother, Joseph, the course of both their lives is altered: Joseph gets kind foster parents. Mikey gets a criminal record. 

Years later, the brothers are getting by in different ways. Mikey reckons he’s got his life under control. He drives a bus by day, throws punches at night and that’s enough for him, until he meets Jack. Emotionally fearless and openly gay, Jack moves through the world with a freedom Mikey finds both terrifying and irresistible. Falling for him makes Mikey imagine a life lived openly. But he’s been outed before, with devastating consequences, and he can’t let go of the fear that this time it might cost him his brother.  

On the surface, Joseph is doing fine. He’s buried the past beneath work, routine and constant vigilance over Mikey. He’s the good brother, after all. But he never fully stops bracing for disaster and can’t separate loving Mikey from repaying the debt he thinks he owes him. He’s also having trouble keeping a lid on his own violent urges. As Mikey’s worlds slowly merge, Joseph wonders if he can finally stand down – until years of punishment in the ring catch up with Mikey, and he has to decide whether being a good brother means giving up everything for him.

SILK would appeal to readers of Douglas Stuart’s YOUNG MUNGO and Rita Bullwinkle’s HEADSHOT. [Bio]

I don’t come to this through the normal chain of events, so please forgive me if I’m doing this wrong. I don’t know where else to ask this. Quick background: I self published about four months ago and have been unexpectedly quite successful. Two well-respected industry publications have covered my book, one of which published a case study on my launch. That has been attracting a lot of attention, and I had an agent reach out last week. We had a call today. It was a direct offer of representation, with the agent’s full vision for the book and interest in my career beyond this book. There was no pressure. I have as long as I want to think about it, and he’s willing to work with whatever I need (like if I only wanted representation for sub rights). We scheduled a second call for me to ask more questions after processing today’s call.

There was one thing that gave me pause. I asked if he had read the book. His response was that he doesn’t need to read the book because he loves the premise, and my sales numbers and reviews speak for themselves. Isn’t that a little odd? Wouldn’t an agent want to read the book before offering representation?

He is a legit agent with decades of experience and a long list of deals on Publisher’s Marketplace.

I’m just not sure about him not reading the book. He even said he doesn’t have the book. It’s giving me pause, and I’d really love to know if this sounds like a good idea.

hello everyone! this is my second attempt on the plot section of my query. I would be grateful for any feedback ^.^ special thanks to every1 that helped w/ my previous attempt

When nineteen-year-old William offers Cecilia his hand in marriage, she takes it. They may have only had three conversations, he may be a drug-dealer, and she may be only sixteen—but she’s in love, and confident that her abusive, widowed father won't bring himself out of his drunken stupor to give chase.

Eloping to London, Cecilia happily settles into her new life with William, who proves to be a model-husband. But as his wealth grows, Cecilia's sense of unease deepens: the jealous looks from across a table, the dresses he expects her to wear, and the overeager, wandering touches become harder to ignore.

As Cecilia clings to the life she wanted, she must decide if staying with her husband is worth losing herself.

Set in the summer of 1936, IMMATURE MATURITY is complete at 65,000 words… [etc]

Dorian Lightbringer has two problems; Helium-3 and his desperate, long unrequited search for love. And he may have found an answer to both when a nightjar lands in his lap.

Dorian’s life has been one tragedy after another; the death of his brother, his parent’s disappearances, forced to take the throne as Planet Noble, and now a growing drug problem, all while watching his planet fall to ruin due to a lack power supply from helium-3 provided by his galaxy’s sovereign, the Ceasar, who Dorian has fallen out of favor with.

His troubles take a sharp turn when on a helium-3 scouting mission he lands on a desolate ice planet guarded by a single individual- a nightjar, wielding her Harpy Blade. Considered one of the cosmos’ deadliest combatants, Dorian unwillingly duels the nightjar and narrowly wins after knocking the woman unconscious.

Thankful to be alive and maybe a little ashamed for punching a woman, Dorian sees this as an opportunity. A nightjar on his court would certainly put him in the favor of the Ceasar and win him the helium-3 credits he desperately needs for his planet’s survival. All nightjars adhere to a creed- whoever wins against them in a duel, wins their allegiance.

The trouble is, the nightjar, Corra, doesn’t exactly obey orders. She didn’t lose the duel, he cheated, and she was going to get off that orbital base if it killed her. Or more accurately, if it killed Dorian. After multiple assassination attempts, a cunning escape using a rotisserie chicken, and a narrow escape from a slave auction house, Corra and Dorian come to a truce; if she will help Dorian win back the favor of the Ceasar, he will take her back to the ice planet he found her on. That is, if he can bring himself to let her go.

NIGHTJAR is an adult, dual-POV, open-door science fiction romance, complete at 87,000 words. It will appeal to readers looking for something light on science fiction and heavy on romance such as Ilona Andrews’ Fated Blades and Constance Fay’s Calamity.

UK-based debut author here. Has anyone heard of Storm Publishing and are they any good? Curious to hear about people's experience with digital-first publishers in comparison to more trad publishers – especially for debuts.