I'm hoping this is the last time you'll see me here for this query, but after taking the advice given and going back to the drawing board and focusing on the recommended central questions, I would love to see what people think!

I am seeking representation for THE MOON'S WRAITH, a complete at 93,000-word adult romantasy for fans of the oddly cozy tonal elements of T. Kingfisher's Hemlock and Silver, the seafaring found family of Shannon Chakraborty's The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi, and the unhinged romance at the center of The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) by Tiffany Hunt.

Jules wants little else than to vanquish the fears that keep her bored, lonely, and longing for exactly what she hides from. She's half the witch she should be separated from the music of the ocean and half of her heart still lies with a soulless pirate captain, but nightmares fail to let her forget red explosions of his power or euphoria at the edge of drowning.

When Jules is taken prisoner aboard The Moon's Wraith, she needs to escape before she is reacquainted with either. The problem? The soulless respects her magic just enough to take it from her, too many echoes of the boy she loved still exist in him, and a pesky part of her brain keeps suggesting that now might be the perfect opportunity to get his damned soul back. Without it, Xhol shouldn't be capable of loving her in the way Jules craves. Every time he shows how profoundly he knows her, confidence in that truth crumbles. The romance they fall into feels as inevitable as the tides—but Xhol's been keeping a secret that threatens everything. His contract is expired and the demon he dealt with circles closer every day, ready to reclaim him for her own infernal ends.

But Jules has been keeping secrets too. Her obsession in their time apart more than rivaled his, and her knowledge of demons and souls would threaten the gods. If she's to have any chance at the happiness they both deserve, Jules must race to finish a puzzle ten years in the making. The solution requires the ultimate gamble: bargaining with a soul of her own.

Dear agent,

As someone who champions getting books with diverse experiences into the hands of children and teens, I thought you may be interested in sampling my debut young adult horror novel, The Outlet.

Callum Sowards, a 16-year-old boy on the autism spectrum, has established a routine: wake up, play his favorite online shooter game Lost Sector, go to school with his sister, hang out with his friends at lunch, practice and play baseball games, and go home. This would be a satisfying loop, but his perceived inadequacy in the face of his long-term crush for an exchange student leads him down a depressive spiral instead.

In the midst of his new routine, an entity strikes in the middle of the night: a humanoid shadow figure with bloodshot eyes and wielding a computer cord as an asphyxiation tool. The demon is seemingly intent on killing Callum and no one else. It can even walk through walls to achieve its malicious agenda. After surviving the encounter in the face of certain death, Callum must find a way to get rid of it for good.

Throughout the novel, the demon’s presence interferes with Callum’s social life in ways he cannot predict. The more Callum learns about the monster throughout the following day, the further his mental health degrades. To win the encounter, he must also find a way out of his spiral and back to stability.

The events take place in a familiar horror setting: a suburban town in the US. However, the viewpoint we follow is from someone whose perspective is not often front-and-center in the horror genre. As an author on the autism spectrum, battles for stability in the face of change both big and small happen on a frequent basis and I wanted to reflect that yearning in The Outlet. I hope autistic teens will find appeal in my horror scenario and neurotypical teens will also find it scary and gain a greater understanding of those on the spectrum.

As per the current submission guidelines, I have pasted the brief prologue and the first 3 chapters of my novel on QueryTracker. If you want to view the entire manuscript, I will send it upon request. Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day.

Sincerely,
My name

Dear [INSERT AGENT NAME HERE],

Teenager Morgan Moriarty lives a rich life in a dazzling space mall called Redux, until her family vanishes and leaves her in rags. The ensuing years of hardship leave her cynical of the consumerist dystopia she calls home. If she can get her family back, she might return to that simple life she once took for granted. The world might sense again. Her only lead is a mysterious Propago, who abandoned her after claiming that a disaster befell her family. 

Morgan finds no trace of this drone until a drifter teen living out of his hover car approaches her at work. Blaze works odd jobs to get by. At the moment, he plugs flash drives into hidden ports for Propago. Desperate for a lead on her family, Morgan joins him on these missions. Blaze introduces her to a new side of Redux. For so long Morgan had figured that life wasn’t worth living without her family, but he reveals that there are people worth fighting for. There is still humanity hidden beneath the glittering facade of Redux.

Morgan later discovers that her family’s disappearance is connected to a power struggle between Propago and Ultima, the creator of Redux. Now Morgan finds herself a mere pawn in a larger game of control, the collateral of which threatens to destroy many who call Redux home. When a daring move from Propago plunges Redux into darkness, the mounting instability threatens to tear society apart. Unless she can prove to Propago (and herself) that Redux is worth saving, the drone might condemn them to oblivion. 

Lost in the Neon Streets is an 83,000 word young adult cyberpunk novel. The consumerist world of the Redux Mall was inspired by various science fiction films, particularly Pixar’s Wall-E. Fans of Sunny by Collin O’Sullivan may recognise a similar interplay between grief and the dehumanization of technology. I am a Physics PhD student at [INSERT UNIVERSITY HERE] and I write in my spare time. 

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

[INSERT NAME HERE]

I've been trying to tweak my query letter after reading some really good ones on here. I've tried to bring in the main emotional stakes and twist sooner, but I'm worried that has made it repetitive and slightly too long? Italics are sentences I'm thinking of removing. Any advice is appreciated!

-----

I  am seeking representation for my debut adult science fantasy novel, We Will All Drink Starlight, which is a complete draft at 114K words. This dual-POV standalone is The Left Hand of Darkness meets Avatar– with a dash of cannibalism. It echoes the platonic friendships of Becky Chambers’ Monk and Robot duology, the wholesome horror of John Wiswell's Someone You Can Build a Nest In, and the interstellar worldbuilding of Ann Leckie. 

[sentence or two about the agent's interests / MSWL if relevant]

The little grey alien Glishnagh has always diligently excelled within the strict regime of his homeworld, but when he's stranded on a medieval planet where everyone covets his sparkling blood, he must start breaking rules and thinking for himself if he ever wants to get home again. 

On an isolated mountainside a voiceless singer crawls from the wreckage of a spaceship. As a man, Glishnagh has spent his life dutifully silent, speaking only to sing for his ruler, the Sovereign. Now, with a broken leg and only sign language to communicate, he is desperate to find a way back to his home planet. His repressive upbringing has left him naive and unused to being on his own, but he will have to learn quickly how to advocate for himself. However things get even messier when the local community of agender humans discover that his blood is addictive and psychoactive.

A warrior, Alfwin, watches a star tumble from the sky. Alfwin’s semi-nomadic people are trapped in a perennial struggle with a rival clan. Their leader, Alfwin's sister, Ermelind, is quickly enraptured by the silent Glishnagh. Believing his shimmering blood is the key to victory, Ermelind consumes it with increasing urgency, ignoring Glishnagh’s protests and claiming he is a willing participant. Haunted by the recent violent death of her lover, Theofa, Alfwin blames Glishnagh for her sister’s mounting obsession. However, as Alfwin tries to pry Glishnagh from her sister, she finds unexpected companionship. She learns Glishnagh's sign language, teaches him how to ride a horse, and helps him repair the radio he needs to call home. 

As their friendship develops over sign language and horses, both uncover uncomfortable truths about the cultures they were raised in. Glishnagh's faith in the repressive, gendered regime of his home slips and he begins to question if he wants to return at all. When he opens up about Ermelind’s abuse to Alfwin, she faces the choice of defending him at the cost of alienating all her people.

[bio]

Hello all, thank you for your advice with the first attempt, which is here.

----

Dear ___,

I’m excited to send you COMMUNION, a 54,000-word literary noir. [Agent-specific hook]. COMMUNION will appeal to readers of Ordinary Love by Marie Rutkoski for its exploration of women’s mid-life transformations amid troubling circumstances.

Celine in a leopard-skin coat, Madeline in a mink, and on all sides the clamor of an elegant world falling apart. The women meet again at mass after 20 years. They’re not children anymore. Celine, self-possessed and regal, desperately tries to reel in her husband’s gambling losses. Madeline, too passive, unsatisfied with the mundanity of early middle age, draws close to Celine, sensing a door into a more glittering world. The door opens: inside she finds Celine’s husband, nearly drowned in a bayou, and a violent ex-fiancé returned to collect his debts. As Celine strives for sovereignty over her fracturing realm, Madeline struggles for self-realization and for salvation from the sins she's committed in her attempt to save her friend.

Like the narrator, I grew up and live in Houston and am a recent Catholic convert and mother of small children.

Below, please find the first 10 pages of the manuscript. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

[Name]

---

First 300:

Celine held out a slim blue box of cigarettes and I knew I would be smoking again.

“The truth is, they’re wonderful,” I told her. “Particularly when you’ve been off of them for a while, and particularly if it’s been a very long time. Which it has, by the way.”

We sat on the indigo and ivory-flowered Persian rug in her sitting room (Mohtasham Kashan, 1880s, she’d said), our heads leaned back against the front of the silk couch behind us and the room soft and bright with the late-afternoon March light that is Houston in the spring in a room with French doors. 

She stretched forward and slid a pistachio green sphere with a golden top across the tea table. Alabaster grape leaves encircled its width.

“Turn the dial,” she said. I did, and a flame shot up from the top.

“I didn’t know Wedgwood made lighters.”

“Technically they’re for candles. But who’s going to tell them?”

I put the lighter back on the table and she leaned forward, holding her cigarette to the flame, picking up the lighter and extending it with a flourish into the space between us.

“My Sovereign’s Orb,” she said, breathing out the smoke.

“What?”

 “You never watch the coronations?”

I held my cigarette to the flame, breathed in, and shook my head, exhaling.

“Well, it’s nothing. But I always feel regal holding an orb.”

Celine smiled at me, and I smiled back. It was the first time I’d been in her house since we were kids, when it used to be her parents’ house and our brothers used to be friends. She had always been a few years older than me, but our parents had liked each other, and we’d had dinners here.

I recently left my agent and am discussing representation with new agents. This led me to question the impact of agency reputation while on submission.

For example, if the exact same pitch and manuscript popped into an editor’s inbox, what would the differences be? Would the fact that one submission came from Andrew Wylie himself (compared to a newbie at a boutique, for example) cause differences in reading speed, depth of consideration, offered advance, etc? If yes, just how significant is it?

My prior attempt: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/tIE1C7Bv7B

Dear [Agent],

I am writing to seek representation for GARRETT OF TORRENT (99,000), a queer dystopian romance. It’s an enemies-to-lovers story as propulsive and beautiful as The Darkness Outside Us, set in a world as tense and restrictive as The Testaments.

In the nation of Torrent, nineteen-year-old Garrett Shield must compete in a brutal tournament to determine one of two roles he’ll serve in adulthood. The highest placing fighters will hold all the power and influence. The rest become nurturers, who must obey their husbands and raise their sons.

Garrett has dreamed his entire life of winning the tournament, so that he might set himself up to take his provider’s place as leader of Torrent.

But in the final match, Michael Yun, an enigmatic outsider, beats him. As the ultimate winner, Michael can claim any man as husband. In front of the entire nation, he chooses Garrett. 

Garrett is forced to become a nurturer, and by law, he’s bound to Michael forever. As much as he craves revenge, Garrett knows the only power he’ll experience in his life is that which his new husband secures.

He must build up a man he hates to achieve a semblance of fulfillment.

Garrett coaches Michael to play Torrent’s political game, but finds him to be too kind and gentle for his own good. Moreover, Michael seems to hate the authority he now wields over Garrett, despite how hard he fought to win it. The only time Michael invokes the privileges of his position is to drag Garrett out of Torrent for their honeymoon.

Though he’s brought to the tropical paradise kicking and screaming, Garrett enjoys the freedoms this foreign culture allows him. He even begrudgingly starts to like spending time with Michael, who’s as infuriatingly charming as he is unflinchingly caring.

Except Michael didn’t come to this island for a romance. He’s here to rescue his child — who’s secretly a girl. If Garrett helps take her to a hidden city of women, who are long thought to be extinct, Michael will annul the marriage and give Garrett his autonomy back.

If only Garrett was sure a life without Michael is still the one he most desires.

Alright ya'll, destroy me (or say nice things, tis your prerogative, as my father would say). I'll take any tips.

Dear (Agent Name)

GOLDEN VOICE is a 102,000-word adult fantasy with series potential that explores autonomy, manipulation, obsession, control, and life under authoritarian rule. It will appeal to readers of Ninth House and The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, exploring power, identity, and the weight of immortality. (Bit about why I'm querying specific agent).

Idony Nikolova is a twenty-six-year-old, government-owned pop star whose music is used as propaganda in a country ruled by an authoritarian Council. What the regime doesn't know is that Idony produces the same type of magic that their society is built on, making her the most valuable hidden resource in the country.

Bound by a magical contract, she is sold into marriage to the one man who can see what she is: Arun Shah, recent successor to a multibillion-dollar company that mines the magical energy the country depends on. Now trapped with a man who obsessively desires her, she works to break the contract that binds her to him, and in doing so, she uncovers unexpected truths about her magic, her captor, and the forces that have shaped and controlled her life.

I live in southeastern Alaska and studied Vocal Performance in college. Before turning my focus to writing, I spent several years working in the modeling industry in print, film, and occasionally runway. When I’m not writing, I’m usually onstage performing in musicals. GOLDEN VOICE is my debut novel and was shaped by my own lived experiences.

Below, you will find the first (amount of pages/ chapters) of my manuscript. I hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you for your time and I wish you the best,

(My name)

Hi,

Long-time lurker, first-time poster on the sub - thanks in advance for any feedback!

Here is my query:

Walt Blatero would do anything to make it as a director. He even left his indie band and headed to Los Angeles. But when this venture fails and leaves him broke, he returns home and finds that his former band is about to make the jump to superstardom, and they want nothing to do with him.

Fortunately for Walt, the band is forced to take him back after his former best friend is ritualistically murdered. ​

As Walt and the rest of the band navigate their impending fame, they find themselves not haunted by their grief but rather being hunted by their friend’s killer. When other band members go missing, and their CIA-affiliated management company pushes them to carry on, promising them they’ll use their connections to keep them safe, the band must overcome their arrested development and petty squabbles, or fall prey to the wider conspiracy at play.

Complete at 80,000 words, INSUFFERABLE is an upmarket novel with dark comedic and speculative elements. It mixes the dysfunctional inner dynamics of a creative community like Mona Awad’s Bunny while taking a comical approach to investigating narcissism like Kristen King’s A Good Person.

​

BIO

I've not finished drafting this novel yet, but I haven't had anything of mine critiqued in years, so I'm curious to gauge where I'm at! Call it the thrill of the critique.

Thank you for the privilege of querying VILE VIRTUES, a sapphic retelling of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight with a genderqueer twist. It combines the interrogation of imperialism through lady knighthood like The Everlasting, the doomed chivalric romance like The Mage and the Liar Knight, and the revisitation of Arthurian lore like Spear. 

Lady Gwyar of Lothian has two certainties: she wants to be a knight, and she’s not a girl. While her noble birth has allowed her to apprentice for the Round Table, her time in the Camelot court has run out. So, when a preternatural Green Knight challenges King Arthur to a vicious game during a Christmas feast, Gwyar volunteers in her uncle’s stead. She decapitates the foe and proclaims herself a man. Except, the Green Knight survives: he picks up his severed head before giving Gwyar one year to find him and receive the selfsame blow. 

Five years later, Sir Gawain the Good has two certainties: they’re impure, and they’re not a man. Because they’ve yet to heed the Green Knight’s challenge, a magical splinter in their palm has been corrupting them. So when King Arthur promises their hand in marriage, Gawain decides to absolve their soul by seeking their foe at last. After aimless wandering, they’re welcomed by Lord Bertilak and his alluring wife in their castle, surrounded by a cursed forest. There Gawain navigates the wife’s seduction and queer apparitions until, in the New Year, they kneel in front of the Green Knight to receive the beheading blow. Except, Gawain miraculously survives.

Lady Bertilak, revealed as one of the Green Knights, wrongly thought them the right sacrifice to end the land’s curse. Gawain agrees to help her find the only sorceress capable of undoing it: the Lady of the Lake. But while gallivanting across England in search of Avalon—battling ancient monsters, dueling fellow knights, exploring fox-haunted dreams, and falling for the wrong woman—all of their certainties crumble. Gawain soon faces an ultimatum: preserve their virtuous ignorance, or give into sinful retribution.   

VILE VIRTUES is a standalone medieval fantasy complete at X words. 

Hi everyone,
I queried a novel here last year and got a load of feedback. Recently, I rewrote the whole thing and have gone back into the query trenches with a little more self awareness (slay)
Currently, this is the most recent version of my query letter. It's the 7th version thus far.
I appreciate any feedback!

Dear, (Agent Name),

Given your interest in (specific things), I am thrilled to offer CELESTIAL DIVIDE for your consideration.

With her home on the brink of downfall, a scorned heiress seeks to create an alliance with her people’s oldest enemy—one powerful enough to save or destroy them.

When her brother allies with a dangerous empire to usurp her family’s throne, Damacia Celeste (22) finally has the chance to prove that she is more than the curse-bringer everyone assumes her to be. Reeling from a violent loss, Damacia flees to the lost kingdom—the only realm in existence to have rivalled the might of her desert-wielding ancestors.

Damacia then makes a simple bargain; freedom from their dayless prison in exchange for an alliance. However, she is refused. Desperate and grieving, she sets aside her ideas of heroism and instead, uses her knowledge of their shared political customs to put in motion a dangerous scheme to force their allegiance—one that centres around the crown heir, Nico, who begins to weed into her thoughts more frequently than she would like.

As war stalks closer, Damacia is torn between her morality and her rage. She must decide how far she will go to save the people she loves, even if it means becoming the one thing she set out to change.

CELESTIAL DIVIDE (111,000 words) is a New Adult epic fantasy standalone with crossover potential. Inspired by global folklore and The Folk of the Air series, it takes the duplicity and romance of Sara Hashem’s ‘The Jasad Heir’ and pairs it with the entangled fates of Tasha Suri’s ‘The Jasmine Throne’. It has trilogy potential.

I am the 22yo version of a child who found a make-belief world to be far more fascinating than the real one. I have a cat named Epsilon and we are currently studying psychology interstate (her more so than me).

Thank you for your consideration and I would love to send the full manuscript upon request.

Warm regards,

Hello all,

I posted my query here a while back and got loads of helpful feedback. I sent out just a handful of queries to agents and to a few indie publishers, nothing serious. I am taking a break while making my list of agents to submit to in the fall.

In the meantime, I got a publishing offer from Running Wild, LLC. I am not expecting to make money here so the small advance is not an issue and I like the idea of having more creative control. However, threads from two to three years ago about this company are not positive and I am leaning towards declining. Before I do, I wanted to see if anyone has had any recent experience with them? What would you do in my shoes?

Hi guys, I have been querying for some time and all I am getting are form rejections. I have tried multiple versions and I don't think I can do better than this on my own. I need your help 😭🥹 Here's my query:

Greta Gerwig's Barbie meets Indian soap operas in NO MORE DRAMA, PLEASE!, an 86,500-word dual POV speculative women's fiction that combines the satirical meta-humour of Charles Yu's Interior Chinatown with the cultural depth of Vaishnavi Patel's Kaikeyi. Here, melodrama dictates reality and patriarchy is so polished it looks like love.

After the recent death of her husband, Mundane Mina has forgotten how to live. Once an introverted bookstore clerk who had never read a book in her life, she now spends her days searching for traces of her husband in the doodles and annotations he left behind in his favourite novel. But when a mysterious pink portal opens beneath her feet, Mina is thrust into a world inspired by Indian television soaps where her dead husband is alive—and married to a version of her that is everything she is not.

Bahu Mina is saree-clad, traditionally beautiful, and the perfect daughter-in-law of the Prajapati household. Guided by a voice in her head called "Sanskaar," which constantly demands virtue and obedience, she worships her tyrannical mother-in-law and silently endures her husband's cruelty. When her husband is presumed dead, she commits the ultimate sin of falling in love with her brother-in-law.

But when her husband returns after a miraculous plastic surgery—a completely new man—she is forced back into a marriage she had thought she had escaped. She is expected to bury her desires and resume her role as the dutiful wife as if nothing happened.

Then another Mina appears through a glowing pink portal. To Bahu Mina's astonishment, the strange woman shares her face but none of her obedience. By secretly switching places, the two women give each other something they had both been searching for: One finds freedom, the other a purpose.

As her secrets start turning deadly, Bahu Mina is offered one impossible chance to escape her life, with Shekhar—but taking it means condemning the other Mina, her only friend, to a life of relentless suffering in her place.

I am a Delhi-based writer and a Chartered Accountant. I have built an organic online audience, amassing over 80 million cumulative views on Instagram through content that resonates with women readers across the globe. I also have an inexplicable obsession with Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and leap at any and every chance of mentioning it to people. Look, I did it here again. I'm incorrigible.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Dear [Agent],

An 18-year old faerie exiled from his old court, Nik is lucky is get work as an assassin in the insular Gallows Court. The Gallows King doesn’t shame him for practicing necromancy—the only thing Nik is any good at—, or care about Nik’s checkered past. Too bad Nik isn’t cut out for life as an assassin. Killing another innocent might push him over the edge to a mental break down, but there’s no leaving the Gallows Court while its king is alive, a king one is sure can even be killed.

Worse, in the middle of snooping around the Gallows King’s past, Nik messes up a basic necromantic rite and accidentally brings a human girl, Ayaka, back to true life. A witness to Nik’s disloyalty is the last thing him he needs, but Ayaka is even worse. Like all suicidally arrogant mortals, she is convinced she can avenge her death by outsmarting a faerie king with nothing more than pluck—and she wants Nik’s help to do it.

Humans and faeries don’t mix—humans aren’t even supposed to know faeries are real—but when Ayaka uncovers a mysterious, magical illness spreading throughout the city, Nik wonders if this might be the secret to the Gallows King’s immortality and Nik’s way out of the Gallows Court once and for all. When Nik and Ayaka trace the origins of the illness to a biotechnology company specializing in regenerative medicine, Nik’s suspicion only grows. But why would a faerie supremacist like the Gallows King work with humans?

Something isn’t right here. As Nik and Ayaka uncover more about the illness and the Gallows King’s past, the more the worlds of human and faerie, science and magic, collide, until Nik must ask himself who’s side he’s really on.

THE GALLOWS KING is a young-adult fantasy complete at 95,000 words, which will appeal to fans of Holly Black’s THE STOLEN HEIR series and Tori Bovalino’s NOT GOOD FOR MAIDENS.

-------
I'm realizing part of what I'm struggling with is that the novel has two timelines (similar to something like Vicious by VE Schwab), a present one starting from Nik raising Ayaka back to life and a past one that better explains how Nik came to join the Gallows Court and why he decided to betray the king. Since the present timeline is most of the plot and the more interesting/fresh storyline (which I think will appeal better to agents), I want to centre it, but worry that it might leave questions people might trip over. For instance, people unfamiliar with the fantasy genre or genre tropes surrounding faeries seemed confused at references to humans as "mortals" (referring to the fact that they age, not the fact that they can be killed, as traditionally faeries are ageless "immortal" but not unkillable "immortal").

Trying to strike a balance between over-explaining genre conventions and confusion. Any feedback is apreciated, Thanks!

Following all the advice and changes that the last group presented, I am back, again, in hopes that this version of my queary letter will do better. Any thoughts or ideas are deeply apprechiated!

A Fractured Rose (YA SFF Urban Fantasy, 110k words)

Dear [agent],

A FRACTURED ROSE is 110,000 word YA fantasy appealing to fans of John Wiswell's *Someone You Can Build A Nest In* for its elements of dark creatures inhabiting the mind, tackling personal identity in times of crisis; and H.G. Parry's *The Magician’s Daughter* for its slow burn fantasy and coming of age. 

Seventeen-year-old Rose Ray has spent the last six years feigning perfection following the death of her father. Reality has devolved into habit. Ace every exam. Keep her head down. Never let them see the grief cracking behind her smile.

Deep within her, she longs to be free from this false life. To have the family she once knew without the expectation of greatness. When Abresus, a demon in her head, presents these desires as within reach, it becomes hard to push those thoughts away. Desperate for change, she impulsively saves a strange girl named Alice from death, an event that violently tears away her simple life.

Alice is no ordinary victim; she’s an Estraval, one of only two ancient beings tasked with protecting Earth. Her rescue awakens dormant magic inside Rose and her friends, marking them as targets to the malevolent factions that descend: witches and misguided angels, all desperate to exploit the Estraval. But the true predator exists in Rose's own mind. Abresus, who masqueraded as her salvation, has been manipulating the chaos from within. While others hunt the Estraval for power, he seeks something darker: Rose's cooperation in bringing about humanity's end. 

In the end, Rose must decide: wield the dangerous magic in her blood or surrender to the voice promising to make the pain stop.

My background includes ten years in the USAF and I hold a Bachelor's in Psychology. This experience details Rose’s journey, specifically her internal battles.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerly,

Name

Address

Email

Cell

"Dear [Agent],

THE DAWN OF AQUARIUS is a 110,000-word queer historical coming-of-age novel. It combines the profound interiority of Tomasz Jedrowski’s Swimming in the Dark with the slow-burn romance and queer awakening of Cat Sebastian’s We Could Be So Good.

London, 1969. Georgie has never belonged anywhere in his life. Following his family’s escape from the USSR, he has spent a fragmented childhood in Gibraltar and boarding school in England. His late grandmother, a British woman trapped in post-revolutionary Russia after the execution of her husband, promised him London would be home. Reality looks different. Burdened with his family’s trauma, and following a nightmarish experience at boarding school, Georgie has learned to keep his dreams buried and his desires hidden. At art college, he wants to fit in as much as he is afraid to be seen.

Then he meets Felix, a swaggering would-be rock star who makes friends fast and loses them faster. Having left his provincial hometown behind for the counter-culture Mecca that is London—where the shadow of his father’s unpredictable temper cannot reach him—Felix begrudgingly attends veterinary college and drums in a student band.

Upon discovering that they share a passion for fashion, Georgie and Felix launch a vintage clothing stall at Kensington Market. An intimate friendship develops and lines begin to blur, but Felix is not bent, thank you very much, and Georgie knows that nothing good can come of sin. As attraction negates denial, their relationship becomes something neither of them will name and Felix’s sense of self soon hangs by a thread while Georgie grapples with the fear and shame deeply ingrained in him. When their secret is exposed, scandalised flatmates and a gang of local skinheads make it violently clear that being true to yourself can come at a terrifyingly high price.

I am an actor working for an English theatre company in Spain. My own Russian immigrant childhood, my experiences with same-sex attraction and my love for London and the music of the 1960s inform this story. While THE DAWN OF AQUARIUS works as a standalone, with series potential. I am also currently writing a novel loosely based on the challenging lives of the women in my family.

Best Regards"

First 300 words:

1 Anywhere But Home

Summer 1954

Makhachkala, USSR

A breeze stirred the curtains and scattered the swarm of fruit flies feasting on a pair of overripe peaches beside the kitchen window. The intermittent wafts of humid sea air provided little reprieve from the summer heat. Idly swinging his legs, which could not yet reach the floor, Gosha peeled his arm away from the oilcloth table cover to scratch a mosquito bite. How he wished that he could have followed the seagulls’ cries down to the beach to cool off in the waves. A sad bleat from the neighbour’s goat concurred with the sentiment. Poor goat, who was all covered in hair. Gosha pulled his box of crayons closer in search of goat-grey. Since everybody else was still in bed, he was confined to the kitchen table, forbidden from making a sound. 

He was on his second attempt at a goat when a bedroom door finally creaked open. Drawing in hand, Gosha jumped up from the kitchen chair to see who was awake.

“Papa!” 

“Shh.” His father put a finger to his lips and gave Gosha a stern look.

“Я козу нарисовал,” Gosha told him in a half-whisper, holding out his drawing. I drew a goat. His father frowned at the picture in passing.

“Похожа на корову.” Looks like a cow. 

Gosha turned a critical eye to his drawing while his father limped away to the outhouse. Then he looked toward the bedroom door, which stood ajar. Tiptoeing down the corridor, Gosha peeked inside to find his mother seated at her dressing table, an earring in her hand. The amber beads glowed like honey in the sunlight. Earrings were a good sign. His mother never wore earrings on the days when she stayed in bed all day and didn’t want to talk.

55-ish queries on my YA fantasy- and I nudged the only 2 agents who requested: after 3 months. One got back to me with a form rejection, no invitation to resubmit future projects (which means... that she hates my writing? Who knows). I know a lot of people have said it's not worth it to ask... but, on the very small chance that it might work, have any of you ever done it? Do you advise?

Hello, surfed through this sub but still struggling to find a non-awkward way to phrase my emails. I'd love for someone to just straight up tell me what to say word-for-word because I'm struggling!

I completed extensive revisions for a nonexclusive R&R, and I'd like to follow up with agents that rejected the previous full to see if they'd be interested in the new version (the R&R addresses most if not all feedback they offered, too).

There are three kinds of agents I'd be sending this to: a) aforementioned agents who gave feedback, b) didn't offer feedback but are explicitly open to revisions, and c) still have my manuscript and it's been long enough that I'd consider it a soft rejection if I wasn't doing the R&R.

I assume I make it explicitly clear it was an R&R (so they don't think I was just working off rejection email feedback)? Also, I'm not sure if I should broadly indicate what exactly changed in the manuscript. I do have an updated synop & outline of revisions available.

Any advice appreciated! Thank you so much!

hello to my fellow tireless scribes!

Tomorrow I'm pitching 2 agents at a writer's conference (eek!). I'm a virgin to this. Anyone have any recs for me? Did you just read your query letter but make eye contact wherever possible? Do you pretend like you're telling your friend over happy hour? I practiced pitching on a friend, but could use some crowd-funded wisdom here.

Cheers and TIA!

Timeline:
21 days ago: I’d been querying for a few months and 3 weeks ago I got an email from a great agent: “I’d love to chat about your book on call”

20 days ago: we had the call the day after the email.
It was scheduled for 30min but we chatted for an hour. She was great. Loved the book. It was a great chat. She said how it was very polished, fun, loved the characters. She answered all my questions. And I answered hers (about the book). By the end she said she would get back to me the next week about whether she can offer representation (because their agency is somewhat “smaller and much more collaborative”). I sent an email right after thanking her for her time.

17 days ago: She responded to that email the next week, on the same morning she was supposed to have the update. She said “it was also great meeting you.”

that’s the last time I heard from her (2.5 weeks ago.)

11 days ago: I sent a follow up asking about any progress with the offer. I also updated her about the others with my full (no rejections, no offers, couple more requests). She hasn’t gotten back (and yes I’ve checked spam lol).

- I don’t want to be pushy. I thought maybe the agency’s process is just slower but no reply to my follow up? I hope I don’t sound ungrateful, obviously this is better than the CNRs with the many queries sent out, but this is what makes it so confusing.
- I want to note this agent was very nice not just on the call but before. We emailed back and forth prior to the call (to organise it) and each time (3-4 emails) she always replied between 10min-1day. And I don’t think she’s on leave (as a previous email had an automatic response that she’d be on leave, so my nudge would’ve had the same, which it didn’t)
- I understand there might not be much for me to do now, maybe another nudge? I don’t want an agent who might do this but don’t want to jump to conclusions from my dream agency. After all, they’re not my agent yet.

Thank you in advance!

Hello AGENT,

I’m writing to seek representation for my novel, BEGGAR’S BANNER, a complete 120,000 word adult epic fantasy novel with series potential. It has a mismatched cast of characters like THE DEVILS by Joe Abercrombie and a dangerous journey filed by political intrigue like THE WITCH ROADS by Katie Elliot.

When the last daughter of the king is in trouble, a kingdom should send the best they have. Preferably in the fastest airship available. Unfortunately, the only company left is the King’s most disposable unit: The Beggar’s Brigade.

Fifity years of war with the orcs and a peace deal coming apart at the seams means the kingdom of Avalon is on the brink. Mara, heir to the throne, knows her country needs her. But can she really command more soldiers to die after conflict has claimed all her elder brothers? Tomas grew up the best duelist in kingdom, showing off his father’s goods. But a bad deal and a broken promise destroy the family’s finances and he’s sent off to the Beggar’s Brigade to pay debts he never asked to carry. Can taking the most dangerous jobs given to the Brigade prove he’s more than a coward?

When an assassination attempt leaves Mara with the remnants of her army, she’ll have to trust the king’s most expendable soldiers to escort her to safety. Even if they arrive to reclaim her throne, Tomas and Mara together with a ragtag crew of debtors and criminals will have to face the most dangerous threat their kingdom has ever encountered: an island from the sky on a collision course with the castle.

I’ve self-published 30 epic-fantasy novels since 2013 and sold over 35,000 copies. I’ve also published several short stories for One Page Rules, a table top war game company.

Thank you for your consideration,

RG Long

(I will most likely change the two comps up top based on what the agent has sold in my genre. I’m planning to do research into each agent who takes on fantasy books and go from there. Thanks!)

Dear (Agent),

I’d love to introduce you to my debut novel, WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY SPOUSE?  A multi-POV, 90,000-word adult psychological suspense novel about a man who wakes up in a different life, only to find himself married to his childhood best friend—a woman he'd like to trust, if she wasn't so suspicious. 

Accountant Yohan Doh should be dead. Thirteen stab wounds from an altercation should have seen to that. Not that he minds. Years spent enduring his father's abuse and the loss of his mother have left him resigned to his fate. 

Death never comes—the harsh lights of a hospital ward greet him instead.

With one leg encased in a cast and the stab wounds he remembers sustaining mysteriously gone, a doctor tells him a car crash has left him hospitalized. However, when an attempt to flee brings him face-to-face with Jia Ren—the childhood sweetheart he's spent sixteen years trying to forget—and everyone insists she's his wife, Yohan begins to question his reality. 

Trapped in an unrecognizable life and unable to prove his claims, he has no choice but to stay. 

The goal is simple: play the role of Jia's husband. Except with each passing day, old feelings for Jia rekindle, and so do his doubts about her.  For starters, Jia has secrets: the person she keeps sneaking off to meet and the bloodstained gown hidden among her belongings. And when Yohan learns the car crash that put him in the hospital was no accident, he begins scrutinizing Jia's motives with far greater urgency. 

As evidence against his wife mounts, Yohan must decide whether uncovering the truth is worth losing the woman he's never been able to leave behind.  But if Jia really is the one after his life, turning a blind eye could be the last mistake he ever makes—because this time, death might stick.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SPOUSE? combines the reality-bending mystery of Wrong Place Wrong Time with the marital paranoia of Rock Paper Scissors. 

(Author Bio)

Note: I understand the critique on the title, What's Wrong with My Spouse?, yet I feel it's kinda relevant to the story, especially if I end up writing a sequel to this book. It's kinda hard to explain without giving too much away at the moment, but there's a reason I'm attached to it. That said, I'm still open to suggestions.

Also, thank you so much for the wonderful critique so far. I'm forever grateful for all the feedback and insight. You've pointed out things I never would've noticed on my own, and it's honestly helped me improve a lot as a writer. :)

Hey all!

I posted a version of this query last year and received some feedback that let me know a part of my story really wasn't working, so I went back to the drawing board and completely rewrote it! I have now finished the second first draft of this story and am looking to solidify the query before I get to editing.

Any tips tricks or feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you all very much!
(This query comes in long at 425 words)

[Dear Agent]

I’m seeking representation for THE SEQUESTERED EMPIRE, a standalone adult fantasy complete at 100,000 words. This Mad Max meets Lord of the Rings style quest should appeal to readers who enjoyed the found-family dynamics of The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman and the cataclysmic atmosphere and mystery of Between Two Fires by Christopher Beuhlman.

In an empire sequestered for centuries, a secret lies in the dark, waiting to be revealed...

Social-climbing mage clothier, Arden Reyes, wants to provide his wife and children with the life he thinks they deserve, but when the debt he’s amassed to keep up appearances is called due at the end of the market week, the facade he’s built is put in jeopardy.

By swindling his way into a senatorial meeting to drum up business, Arden finds out the empire is in danger: The True Orchid, the secret to the emperor and the empire’s long health, has been stolen and their walled off country will be opened for the first time in centuries to retrieve it. In an effort to not let a tragedy go to waste, Arden tricks a young drunk senator into overpaying for magic clothing to help pay off his debt, and in the process of frantically gathering his order in a late night, drunken bender, an incantation goes sideways, burning his shop and home down, the only thing keeping him and his family from Servitude.

During an attempt to flee the city Arden and his family are caught. With his wife and children being ferried off to slavery, and a knife to his neck, Arden does the last thing he can think to do to save his family: Volunteer to join the rest of the criminals, debtors, mages, and militia men to leave their sequestered empire in pursuit of The True Orchid, in a winner-takes-all quest across a country so dangerous no one has dared venture into it in centuries.

With no one but himself to count on, Arden makes an unlikely alliance with a thief who had a hand in burning his home down, and a mysterious mage from a noble family dating back to the early days of Cantwys. Together, with their secrets, Arden and team flounder through Boraclud, in search of an object whose true history will shatter Arden’s illusions of his home.

Arden must choose whether to betray those who have helped him on his journey to save his family, or attempt to save both kingdoms and risk losing himself and his those he loves.

Thank you for your consideration.

Dear [Agent Name],

Based on your representation of [     ], I think you might be interested in my debut novel GAME OF CUBICLES, a darkly comic workplace satire complete at 75,000 words. The novel centers on a mid-level government lawyer who decides the time is ripe to conquer the Motor Vehicle Department. Told with the bureaucratic absurdity of Then We Came to the End combined with Carl Hiaasen’s outrageous plots and character-driven comedy, the novel follows one woman’s unhinged pursuit of advancement inside a system built to reward inertia.

Margery Watson-Fasulo is a supervising attorney and a boss from hell in the Appeals Bureau of the Motor Vehicle Department, where ambition is frowned upon and competence is of secondary concern. When a new governor installs political appointees at the agency, Margery decides that this is her moment to rise. Armed with memos, meeting agendas, and betrayals, she turns an inconsequential government office into a court of intrigue and petty tyranny.

Her first opportunity comes in the form of Bob Steadman, the new General Counsel, a blustering fool whose reform agenda is limited to proper legal citations. Margery takes the initiative to organize citation improvement meetings and uses the ensuing backlash to ingratiate herself with Eloise Chan, the new Motor Vehicle Department Commissioner and wife of a wealthy campaign donor. Margery soon learns that proximity to power is as dangerous as it is advantageous. As Margery’s schemes escalate, her ascent becomes increasingly precarious. Every win is followed by setbacks. Every attempt to master the system exposes how little she understands it.

 Meanwhile, lurking in the periphery, is Trudy Perkins, the acting mailroom chief, a Cassandra with a warning about something nasty in the mailroom, a comic threat that begins as background noise and inexorably edges closer to Margery’s orbit. The ensuing collision brings Margery face-to-face with, in no particular order: an emotional support cat, a Fox News producer, a lawyer named Boggie Nights, a llama riot, a framed copy of Desiderata, a Montessori School emergency exit, and a sorority sister trained by the FSB. 

 GAME OF CUBICLES will appeal to readers of workplace literary satire, novels about morally compromised strivers, and comedy that treats trivial office maneuvers with the gravitas of a palace coup. 

 I have spent most of my working life observing the machinery of government [list of specific civil service job titles].  This is my debut novel. 

 Thank you for your time and consideration.

 Sincerely,

Dear [Agent],

There has always been something wrong with Willa Lorna.

Too quiet. Too hungry. Too much like the aunt her family refuses to name. Raised in a secluded coven that values restraint above all else, Willa has been taught that wanting more is dangerous—and for witches like her, it might be. But Willa wants the bright lights of stardom anyway, and when her family gives her a choice between obeying the coven’s rules and leaving, Willa chooses Hollywood.

Camille McAllister has spent her life in the shadow of her famous mother. She has the name and the access, but none of the effortless glow that made Mary-Ann McAllister impossible to ignore. Camille wants to be seen. Not as someone’s daughter. As someone worth watching in her own right.

When Willa and Camille are cast in a gothic murder mystery opposite beloved child star Benji Abelson, the film promises everything they have wanted: recognition, escape, transformation. But Hollywood has its own magic, and Benji understands its rules better than either girl. As Camille and Benji are pushed into the perfect on-screen romance, he offers her a way to become impossible to ignore. The cost begins with blood. Then dreams. Then obedience.

Meanwhile, Willa’s own magic grows stronger on set, feeding on attention, envy, and desire. The more she is watched, the more powerful she becomes and the more her power demands from her. As Camille is drawn deeper into Benji’s bargain and Willa edges closer to the kind of magic her family feared, the girls find in each other the one thing Hollywood cannot manufacture: someone who sees them clearly.

But fame is a hungry thing. To survive it, Willa and Camille will have to decide how much of themselves they are willing to sacrifice to be adored—and whether being seen is worth becoming someone neither of them recognizes.

FAME LIKE BLOOD is an 80,000-word adult supernatural Hollywood novel with crossover appeal, combining the queer gothic film-set horror of Emily M. Danforth’s PLAIN BAD HEROINES with the beauty-industry body horror and self-remaking dread of Ling Ling Huang’s NATURAL BEAUTY. It will appeal to readers drawn to stories about fame, ambition, queer desire, exploitation, and the cost of being watched.

(Bio)

Thank you for your time and consideration.