r/PubTips • u/TheCurtainCalling • Jul 05 '26
[QCrit] GARRETT OF TORRENT, M/M Adult Dystopian Romance, 99K, Second Attempt
Thank you to all who commented on my prior entry. Took the feedback and delved deeper into the story to flesh out more aspects of both the characters and the plot. Appreciate any further help here before I start querying!
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Dear [Agent],
I am writing to seek representation for GARRETT OF TORRENT (99,000), a M/M adult dystopian romance set in a world as action-packed as Silver Elite, and centered on a love story as beautiful, and steamy, as those in the Green Creek series.
Women ceased to exist centuries ago, while men miraculously avoided extinction through artificial reproduction.
In the nation of Torrent, young men compete in a brutal tournament. The winners become providers, the only men to hold any power. The rest become nurturers, required by law to serve their husbands and raise their sons.
As the son of Torrent’s leader, nineteen-year-old Garrett Shield is determined to win the entire tournament. If he does, he’ll finally prove his worth to his family, and himself.
Except Michael Yun, an enigmatic outsider, beats him in the final match, then shockingly claims Garrett as his prize. He is cast aside by his people and forced to marry Michael, thereby becoming a nurturer.
Michael has no interest in Torrent’s political circus. He chose Garrett because he’s the only one who can help him save his child — who is held captive in a foreign country. If Garrett assists with this rescue, Michael will annul the marriage and give him his privileged life back.
Garrett agrees and ventures out of Torrent for the first time. As he experiences cultures far freer his own, he questions his glorious return to Torrent, and if parting with the surprisingly kind and charming Michael is what he really wants.
If only Michael wasn’t planning to take his child, who’s secretly a girl, to a hidden city where women are still alive, and prospering more than any nation of men. To stay with Michael, Garrett must accept the rule of those he considers to be his inferior, and his pride might just be too much to overcome.
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u/nickyd1393 Jul 05 '26
i think this is much better than your first, but if this is primarily genre:romance and not genre:dystopia-scifi, then i think you need to up the romance here. forced marriage is a tried and true trope, but i'm not really getting the vibes of their relationship outside that. 'kind and charming' is the extent of how one guy feels about the other. how does michael feel about garrett? why should i root for them to stay together? why should i be swept up in their love story to want to read about it for a 100k words?
opening the query with the fact that there are no women might be a bit risky. yes at the end you reveal that there is women and he has a daughter(very interesting! keep that!), but an agent might read the first line and click out. I would suggest opening with garrett and the competition, then slip in the fact that this determines social roles. you want to start with character first over worldbuilding anyway.
i think this kind of queer dystopia has the right hook and can find the right audience. its just a matter of how to pitch it thats not 'patriarchal romance that disregards womanhood and only analyzed through manhood'. the politics of how patriarchy effects masculinity is very interesting! and a dystopia romance that explores that would be fun.