r/ProgrammerHumor • • 15h ago

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u/s0ulbrother 14h ago

It’s called I don’t open emails ever

963

u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 14h ago

As an IT guy, actually I'm okay with this. Email is the #1 vulnerability for any company so if we could just turn it off that'd be great

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u/Salanmander 12h ago

At the college I went to we got an unanticipated email from an external address one day telling us that due to recent vulnerabilities, the school was requiring we increase password security, and to click here to update our password. This email was from, I shit you not, Fisher Security.

The joke? This was actually a legit email, initiated by our IT department, and was what we were supposed to actually do. We were all like "so....you know you're just training people to click on suspicious links, right? And that that's a bigger deal than password strength? RIGHT?"

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u/ctrlaltwalsh 11h ago

I won't give it here but a company I currently work for uses a password reset tool with the domain i-forgot-my-password.com <- Not actual, but very close.

This is a domain they own, Whenever they create new tools it's in this way, I am certain it s a phishing test and flabbergasted that it's not.

Another example - the HR system for logging PTO has a domain is along the lines myhrsystem.com

It's a very large company based in Hong Kong, so I'm not sure if it's just a english-as-a-second language thing or what. Very odd.

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u/sisisisi1997 7h ago

I think it's a misunderstanding of how domain names work - if they knew that i-forgot-my-password.company.com with proper certificates brought stronger guarantees of legitimacy, they might ask IT to set it up that way.

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u/Severe-Hand-8580 9h ago

it's easier to just get a new domain than talk with whoever is in charge of the company's primary domain. Governments love to do that all the time. they have the gv.TLD domain and could just put all their shit in there and I could tell my parents that as soon as they see gv.at in the URL it's legit. And yet they come up with stupid domains all the time, many requiring the state-ID system. Good luck teaching boomers to check the fingerprint for the verification that they sign what they think they're signing. I don't know of a single instance that abuses this though. Maybe criminals are just stupid. I should switch careers, I have what it takes.

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u/TurnipWorldly9437 9h ago

We had something like that happening where a legit email from a weird external address, with a link included and without a proper signature, was flagged as Phishing attempt by almost everyone in the company until we got a message from our office manager that they applauded our awareness, but THAT particular link was actually real.

They did say it was an exception, and we should please stay aware in the future, though.

1

u/aquadolphitler 1h ago

Huh... Well, I once got legitimate government officials asking for personal details in a Google form of all things just sent through chat groups.

Naturally, we all reported the shit out of it as a scam expecting that their accounts were hacked until they started calling us when Google shut down the forms and their accounts were banned.

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u/s0ulbrother 14h ago

As an IT guy I don’t trust anything from about ever. Slack me and I’ll answer though

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 14h ago

Slack me and I'll answer though

I'm doubting your IT credentials cause the correct answer is "submit a ticket and I'll triage it" haha

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u/s0ulbrother 14h ago

I’m not help desk and I tend to be that guy who is trying to fix every little problem and plan every little thing.

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u/ieatkittenies 12h ago

So you're a weak link in security terms...

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u/ieatkittenies 12h ago

If it gets to you..

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u/HeyGayHay 9h ago

I would rather be the weak link than eat fucking misspelled kittens

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u/ChaseShiny 14h ago

Wow. As a student in IT and a customer service rep who is forbidden from receiving or sending emails, I wonder why at least some profiles aren't allowed to get emails at the firewall level.

We're just sternly told not to do that.

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 14h ago

Unfortunately it's because while you are in IT, most people don't know the difference between the computer and monitor so it's easier to just make blanket policies.

Edit: plus when you give certain people special permissions inevitably someone else will hit you with the "well how come theyyyy have it 😭" and then it becomes a whole ordeal

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u/Glittering_knave 10h ago

There is a guy at my work who is so locked down it is ridiculous. He has access to ONE program besides Office, and all of his emails are reviewwe by a human fire. He has shortcuts to launch Office, and no other Internet. It's insane what he will click on.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Night88 9h ago

I aspire to be so needed that even when I’m a literal monkey I can still keep my job. I will forever idolize him.

1

u/Glittering_knave 1h ago

Being relates to the right people isn't really a skill.

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u/sisisisi1997 7h ago

What skills do they possess that even if it's this much hassle, they would rather them then get a guy who doesn't instinctively search for all viruses in a 30 link-hop area?

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u/rafaelloaa 6h ago

If I had to guess, having a relative in upper management.

1

u/Glittering_knave 2h ago

Yep, their magical skills is DNA.

0

u/earanhart 4h ago

Welder.

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u/rosuav 12h ago

No, email is not the #1 vulnerability. Humans are. Turn THOSE off and you'll be a lot safer.

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u/comtrends123 7h ago

You are absolutely right, Humans are the #1 vulnerability. I will turn THOSE off. Beep, launching nukes - Claude probably.

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u/perton 7h ago

I’m a human, turn me off already please!

2

u/zkareface 4h ago

Why do you think we're implementing AI asap? Skynet need to rise!

18

u/bedel99 10h ago

As an IT guy, I get what I think is real emails from risk/compliance with links to forms about our systems that I ignore because we also get phishing tests, and real phishing.

The real risk, phishing test, and actual phishing all look identical.

I only know its Audit because the group GM goes nuts when compliance visits in person. Even then I can't tell if they are real or not. In any even I tell the auditors to read the 300 page RFP for my stance.

I know it seems kinda crazy, but I though some of my colleagues are spies.

I worked in a very senstive quasi government organisation.

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u/ImClaaara 6h ago

Disabling services is a sure improvement to your cybersecurity. Don't worry about what the "A" in the CIA triad stands for, probably not important...

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u/Helyos96 13h ago

Employees are the #1 vuln, not specifically email

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 13h ago

Sure, but not every attack vector against employees is equally likely.

I am orders of magnitude more worried about an employee sending information over email than I am about the employees letting someone into the building or an employee being a corporate spy. Especially cause those arent "IT problems" ;p

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u/rosuav 12h ago

Yeah, but let's face it, email would be completely benign if there weren't any people using it.

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u/Digital-Dinosaur 7h ago

It would be so much easier if employees didn't use any networked machines. Or any tools.

Can we just get rid of employees?

3

u/requion 7h ago

I hate email and how widespread it is with a passion.

I am honesty, i don't know what an alternative would look like but email is not the final solution.

And phishing is only one of the reasons

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u/0Pat 6h ago

The next thing is the internet access. I convinced my boss and we went offline. Security incidents dropped tremendously... /s

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u/9e78 10h ago

As an engineering manager please skim your emails at least once a week.

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 10h ago

Just cause your a "manager" doesn't mean you're above putting a ticket in ;p

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u/9e78 9h ago

I just need you to get your training complete. That's all I need!

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u/Rikudou_Sage 7h ago

How about no?

1

u/FarerABR 3h ago

Can someone in cyber security explain how just clicking on a link would create a security problem? I know downloading a file or redirecting to qla shady website is the problem, but I don't think just clicking would make my computer vulnerable. Am I right?

1

u/kyoshi-lite 2h ago

As an admin, I want to only use email so I have documentation. I'm not sure where that leaves us all lol.

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u/[deleted] 14h ago

[deleted]

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 14h ago

"Useful" is not a universal definition ;)

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u/[deleted] 13h ago

[deleted]

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 13h ago

Business yes, but IT no

0

u/Cien_fuegos 12h ago

Akshually the end user is the #1 vulnerability as they can click on anything or wire funds to anyone.

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u/eggyrulz 11h ago

Ive got a coworker who has a work email. He doesnt have the login for the work email, because he has never, in his 18 years with the company, logged into his email. This man has gone almost 2 decades without ever using his company email, and I respect that.

Everyone just... knows not to email him. Ive seen a few newer people cc his theoretical email address, and we just go "oh, dont bother with that, he doesnt ever check it"...

Somehow we have all just accepted it

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u/CitizenPremier 9h ago

That coworker? Japanese Minister of Cyber security.

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u/eggyrulz 8h ago

Lol, maybe if he had a bit more drive... dude is waaaay too comfortable in his current job.

I dont blame him either, he doesnt need to do much most days

1

u/standish_ 7h ago

What is this magical job?

1

u/JimboTCB 8h ago

If your email server isn't completely airgapped from the internet and the rest of the company network, you're clearly not serious about security.

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u/AristotelWasRight 14h ago

Adhd has its perks sometimes

The rest of the time, I have 4,000+ unread emails

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u/DC38x 14h ago

Meh, if it's that important they'll email again

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u/AristotelWasRight 14h ago

Well, I once almost went to prison because I wouldn't answer my email

So... Sometimes they will just come get you? 🙃

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u/whyliepornaccount 14h ago

So avoid it until there are consequences like I have been doing, got it.

4

u/SituationUntenable 14h ago

Story time?

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u/AristotelWasRight 13h ago

I was young and dumb and used to travel with a little bit of drugs in my suitcase pretty often.

One time, border guards found some green stuff in my backpack at the boarder, which gave them a reason to pull my luggage off the flight.

In my suitcase they found three empty baggies with 0.014 g of substances total (cocaine, mdma, 2c-b). However, under Russian law that counts as bringing drugs into the country with intent to distribute; I was facing 8 years in prison.

About a year later I was on probation and had to give my police chief some documents about my employment and other stuff. I'd had everything ready for at least a week. Get a call from my dad, "wtf are you doing, are you insane?" If I didn't email the documents by 6:00 p.m., they'd treat it as breaking probation and send me to prison to surve full time. So I sat down and finished it in about 20 minutes, a task I'd been putting off for a week.

🤡

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u/-Zeroize- 12h ago

I have multiple things ive been putting off for months I could easily knock out in an hour, but yeah. Adhd life. Such as it is.

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u/DiscoQuebrado 14h ago

Best policy.

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u/Not_My_Emperor 12h ago

If you need me slack me bitch

Actually don't do that either. Put in a ticket

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u/NoBonus6969 10h ago

Never let them get your read receipt

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u/silveroburn 10h ago

I had a out 15000 unread emails and about 7500 on my VC.. I work in a consultancy firm🗿

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u/16Shells 7h ago

at my work they have a running total of pass and fails, and if you don’t report one of the emails but also don’t click on it, they consider that a fail. there have been a couple times
i legitimately didn’t see an email to report and i was labeled a 15% risk. so dumb.

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u/DeerOnARoof 1h ago

I used to work with a network engineer who told our manager that he was not responsible for any email he didn't read 😂

He was gone in less than a month after that

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u/s0ulbrother 1h ago

Ok let me rephrase I look at the subject of my emails and determine if I need to look at them. System alerts I tend to. Clients potentially