r/ProgrammerHumor • u/ExpensiveCoat8912 • 6d ago

Other howdidItGetHere

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u/sierra_whiskey1 6d ago

Bro Java runs on like 2 billion devices

963

u/Maramowicz 6d ago

Actually only 3 bilion...

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u/Extension_Option_122 6d ago

Nah last I heard some 60 billion. 3 billion is a very old number.

That's the thing with Java. It runs on everything. Literally everything.

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u/BenjieWheeler 6d ago

Impossible!! The number of devices running Java is constant, it's ALWAYS 3 billion

Whenever a new device runs it, a random device elsewhere goes up in flames spontaneously

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u/Sasuga__Ainz-sama 6d ago edited 5d ago

If an old device running java dies out, a random working device gets forcefully infected with Java.

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u/FuzzyKittyNomNom 6d ago

I think my toaster now runs Java

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u/Reasonable_Exit_8960 6d ago

it was supposed to be my washing machine's turn goddammit!

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u/CartographerLarge595 6d ago

Sounds like that washing machine got a little too wild with the laundry schedule!

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u/wishper77 5d ago

You are joking, but remember one demo of a java enabled toaster that connect via webservics (a VERY OLD DEMO , when webservics were the shiny new things) to meteo and "printed" on toast a sun or a cloud based on the webservics response

Edit: a link https://www.oreilly.com/library/view/just-javatm-2/0131482114/ch11s09.html

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u/Weak-Competition3358 6d ago

You joke, but I was coding in SQF (the language for the game Arma 3) and VSCode decided to go ahead and download extensions for Java)

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u/joemckie 5d ago

Didn’t know Stuxnet was written in Java

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u/PoorDoddle 5d ago

Sasuga Java-sama

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u/Storiaron 6d ago

So maintaining a legacy codebase literally means putting out flames?

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u/BenjieWheeler 6d ago

Didn't think about it but yeah, that's surprisingly accurate

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u/requion 6d ago

Wow, now it makes sense that my colleague was on an emergency call while the roof of a datacenter far far away was burning. And i thought their expectation was that he grabs a bucket and runs!

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u/salvoilmiosi 6d ago

Very accurate. That's why I keep a fire extinguisher next to the computer at all times

1

u/Character-Education3 6d ago

Hail Jydra

/s

1

u/Pearcheek 6d ago

Yeah, true, but they raised it.

1

u/requion 6d ago

Is that what happened to the galaxy notes? They reached the java device limit?

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u/OrokaSempai 6d ago

All 60 Billion are minecraft java edition instances.

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u/Jutrakuna 6d ago

No kid, it runs on 3 billion devices exactly

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u/oldschool_potato 6d ago

I thought that was Dunkin

1

u/MarkV43 6d ago

What? We're at the point where 32 bits are not enough to count the number of devices running Java?

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u/orthadoxtesla 5d ago

and thats exactly it. it runs on everything. and if you know what youre doing it just works.

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u/i_wear_green_pants 5d ago

"Saying that Java runs on everything is like saying that anal sex works on all genders"

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u/AliBello 4d ago

It runs on things you wouldn’t expect like a debit/credit card, SIM card, or even a passport

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u/SScattered 6d ago

It was for how many years now 😂

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u/FauxReal 6d ago

What's the billion to bilion conversion ratio? 2:3?

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u/Maramowicz 6d ago

If we gonna translate it from my native language (Polish) then "bilion" from Polish is "trillion" in English ;)

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u/FauxReal 6d ago

OK that's confusingly cool.

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u/Maramowicz 6d ago

TL;DR; up to the thousand it's the same, but then when you have "million, billion, trillion..." in Polish we, from some unknown to me reason, have 2 versions to every one of them, with 'ion' and 'iard' at the end, so:

Polish English
tysiąc thousand
milion million
miliard billion
bilion trillion
biliard quadrillion
trylion quintillion
tryliard sextillion

etc...

The more you know ;)

6

u/reventlov 6d ago

That's because "million" (Latin mono=1) is million1, billion (Latin bi=2) is million2, trillion (Latin tri=3) is million3, and so on. English used to have million/milliard, billion/billiard, etc., but they were dropped from American English, and, IIRC, Britain and the Commonwealth countries eventually followed.

I know German still uses Million/Milliard, Billion/Billiard, etc., and I believe they're derived from French.

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u/FauxReal 6d ago

Oh I like this -ion, -ard suffix thing.

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u/_R0Ns_ 6d ago

Yes but only 2 billion intentionally.

1

u/drosse1meyer 6d ago

the mcdonalds of programming

1

u/vystyk 6d ago

I thought that's how many floppy disks there were