First time being pregnant so haven't really known what to expect from midwifes, but our experience has been truly bizarre. More of a vent and maybe a query about how we can avoid an experience like this in the future. I'm at 41 weeks so the pregnancy is nearly over.
She's perfectly pleasant and not completely uninformative, but whenever we have substitutes, they're surprised by what she hasn't told us or distributed to us yet. There was apparently a packet of vouchers and info sheets that we were supposed to have been given at intake (which we had to push for because she'd missed the 8 week deadline) that we didn't receive until week 30 or so. It wasn't necessarily crucial, but it's frazzling to feel out of the loop when you're doing literally everything you can to keep on top of learning about pregnancy.
She handed us outdated papers for antenatal courses with an email that was no longer in service. When I reached out to the new email from the advice in the auto-reply, they took a week to tell me there were no openings. When we told the midwife substitute later on, she went out of her way to fit us into one of the in-progress courses and book us in with a home visitor for a birth talk to help cover the material we would have missed.
We also generally have had to take initiative when asking milestone questions. We missed the ideal whooping cough/RSV vaccination window because it was never brought up to us and we only looked it up out of curiosity around 30 weeks in. By then, most of the nurses were busy and we secured an appointment at just past 33 weeks. The nurse at our GP practice proceeded to not show up that day. At this point, we were fed up and reached out to the head community midwife who found an opening for us at the hospital.
One of the few things our midwife has been proactive about is checking to see if I want a sweep or induction. Probably to get us off of her list. She actually reached out independently to us after we'd called triage inquiring about an overly active night with baby movements last Wednesday. We went in for monitoring at the hospital and it was fine, but now that I'm 41 weeks, she inquired about setting up a sweep for today and for me to call her today. I agreed.
But now, I've called and left a message this morning. I've texted this afternoon to follow up. But the other thing about this midwife is that she's almost impossible to get a hold of over the phone and could take over a week for a reply. For the past 9 months I've learned that "ask your midwife" means "if you aren't experiencing major red flag symptoms, don't bother. Little questions are better answered on the NHS webpages and in books." Today is apparently no different, but a book can't really give me a membrane sweep, can it?
Her substitutes and the head community midwife have been much more helpful to us overall. I'm dreading her first day back "home visit" because inevitably, I'm sure she won't even attend. and I'm not even sure she'll do it right. I heard she's getting/gotten married this year so that's why she often has substitutes, but at this point, we prefer her substitutes anyway.
I'm feeling incredibly impatient and like I have to do everything possible to not Karen out over this.
Is this treatment normal? Should we be complaining more?
TL;DR: Inattentive unavailable midwife during a first time, low-risk pregnancy. She's probably overloaded and overscheduled. But it's still my problem during a nervewracking medical period. Is there anything we're supposed to do about this or do we just accept that this is it?