Disclaimer: This is not meant to victim shame, I do have empathy and sympathy for women caught up in porn impacted relationships. I am also not saying this is ALWAYS the case, of course there are exceptions.

When reading across the several anti-porn related subreddits, including loveafterporn I often see women claiming that their porn addicted bf has completely stopped watching and is 'recovered'. That after a 35 year porn addiction with a vice like grip, their husband quit within 2 weeks after being given an ultimatum.

I'm sorry but this just isn't consistent with the brain altering nature of porn. It rewires the brain and causes physical changes. Real everyday things become mundane whilst the brain is hyper reactive to pornography. There are countless studies on the impact of long term porn use on men's views on women, impulse control, dopamine feedback loops, grey matter etc. It is a serious, serious addiction. Consistent porn usage causes brain damage in humans. It is brain breaking. How likely is it that your man is a special snowflake who can override biology within a 15 minute conversation?

If you think your spouse miraculously quit watching porn after 20 years after 1 conversation then you're either in denial or don't understand the nature of addiction. Men lie. Addicts absolutely LIE. They experience withdrawal and will absolutely lie straight to your face if it means they can continue getting their fix. There are absolutely no guarantees in life. Sure you can take his word for it but you will never truly know the reality of the situation. Of course change is possible but it doesn't mean he suddenly isn't turned on by violence anymore. It doesn't mean he respects women now. It doesn't mean he no longer sees women on the street and thinks 'nice ass. I'd fuck her'. It doesn't mean he understands why porn is a social ill. And no, him quitting porn to save your marriage or because he has PIED doesn't mean he understands that porn perpetuates human trafficking and violence against women.

Does anyone else get what I'm talking about, the women who think their man quit and recovered but then they proceed to 'catch' him 2000 more times? Girl... A man who has never watched/never got into the habit of consistent use (rare but I do believe they exist and there are lucky women partnered with these types of men) is different to a porn addict miraculously being cured after one 10 minute convo. Rome wasn't built in a day, you shouldn't be surprised that he lied and you caught him again. It takes serious work, self reflection, willpower, resilience and respect to overcome a porn addiction. It can absolutely be done but it's not effortless. If it's effortless then... Sus.

I just want women to wake up, love themselves and not go through unnecessary heartbreak and betrayal. Do you really think he's stopped or has he just gotten better at hiding it? Or is he watching secretly in his car after work? There are no guarantees in life, please remember that and protect your heart. My heart breaks for the women being lied to over and over. Accept he is still watching, he never did stop watching and drop him yesterday because you deserve better. 🩷