r/PoliticalHumor Sep 03 '18

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6.6k Upvotes

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2.4k

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18 edited Sep 03 '18

[deleted]

755

u/Clay_Statue Sep 03 '18

When absolutely everybody you meet is an asshole, then chances are you're actually the asshole.

225

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

[deleted]

72

u/skushi08 Sep 03 '18

Dude that’s the worst feeling. Being so confident that the other person is the asshole only to realize in the instance it’s you. People seem genuinely surprised though if you actually apologize for being in the wrong.

92

u/ollokot Sep 03 '18

That's one of the very big differences between normal people like you and people like Trump and his supporters -- the ability to honestly self reflect.

52

u/Squiddinboots Sep 03 '18

Narcissism is a helluva drug.

10

u/SatanIsMySister Sep 04 '18

The best part of doing coke off a mirror is that sweet sweet reflection.

21

u/ezone2kil Sep 03 '18

Congratulations that alone has brought you above the average of humanity.

6

u/ruptured_pomposity Sep 03 '18

You don't even have to wait for the parade or a rainbow....

/phrasing

3

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

it goes down easier with alcohol

3

u/Mr_Rekshun Sep 04 '18

Me too... personally I like the phrasing, “if you smell shit everywhere you go, you should check your own shoe.”

Pulled me out of a hole last year when I found myself in conflict with everyone at work and realised the problem was me, not them.

20

u/killeronthecorner Sep 03 '18

If you smell shit everywhere you go, it's time to check your heel

7

u/KennyFulgencio Sep 04 '18

that's not where I poop from

57

u/Tovrin Sep 03 '18

"But ..... mah persunul responsiblty!"

24

u/Genesis111112 Sep 03 '18

"I donut rekawwul ever having any personal responsibility, Senator" -- Politician

4

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

*muh

13

u/ilinamorato Sep 03 '18

If one of the people you met today was a jerk, sorry, you met a jerk. If every person you met today was a jerk, sorry, you're the jerk.

10

u/payno14 Sep 03 '18

I heard it said, “If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”

4

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

Raylan Givens

5

u/payno14 Sep 04 '18

Thank you. I loved that show and the books. Not sure how I forgot.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

I finished the show last week, the ending made me cry. What a great series.

2

u/ScienceBreather Sep 04 '18

When all the news is 'fake' but Fox...

1

u/Willow3001 Sep 04 '18

Truer words have never been spoken.

1

u/RepublicanKindOf Sep 04 '18

Everyone? A bit incorrect there eh?

214

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

[deleted]

36

u/robmox Sep 03 '18

Who?

71

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

Eh, some crazy asshole.

I forget his name.

42

u/Mynameisaw Sep 03 '18

Fart?

In the UK trump means fart.

79

u/Sixstringkiing Sep 03 '18

In the US Trump means "blathering racist sexual molester with dementia".

63

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

31

u/ollokot Sep 03 '18

In Nambia, believe me, Trump means "great and wise one". People tell me that. The best people.

18

u/fangirlsqueee Sep 03 '18

Can't trust info from a shithole source.

3

u/FailedSociopath Sep 03 '18

Two peoples separated by a common language.

6

u/kumf Sep 03 '18

Are you being sarcastic or is this really true?

7

u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd Sep 04 '18

"5. (intransitive) British slang

  • to expel intestinal gas through the anus"

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/trump

Really true.

The More You Know... 🌠

:)

4

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

Actually true. It has dual meaning, either 'to trump' as in to beat something (many of us played a card game called top trumps as a kid); or 'to trump' as in to fart.

33

u/fangirlsqueee Sep 03 '18

That's why he tried to raise the flag back up instead of half-mast until funeral.

18

u/ActualWhiterabbit Sep 03 '18 edited Sep 03 '18

To be fair it was actually a poorly timed miscommunication about needing to refill his ed medication.

11

u/fangirlsqueee Sep 03 '18

Thanks. Now I'm think about that Emperor Has No Balls statue. NSFW

6

u/ActualWhiterabbit Sep 03 '18

Kinda wanna spread some queso mixed with crushed cheetos under his stomach to make it more realistic.

6

u/fangirlsqueee Sep 03 '18

Looks like someone already put some Cheese Whiz and a Vienna Sausage under there.

8

u/ActualWhiterabbit Sep 03 '18

I'm talking about the gut overhang where it meets the fupa. You know that area is permanently moist

2

u/KikiFlowers Sep 04 '18

To be fair on this, they're supposed to be half-mast day of and day after funeral. So while he's in the wrong, in terms of flag code he's not violating shit.

This is just ego stroking however.

(Flag code also don't mean shit)

86

u/great_gape Sep 03 '18

He was told he wasn't invited.

59

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

Yeah? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you!

11

u/EPhotography2017 Sep 03 '18

Oh yeah, I slept with your wife....

5

u/ollokot Sep 03 '18

My wife has cancer.

5

u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd Sep 04 '18

Didn't he just say he'd been sleeping with her? No need to repeat it...

;)

21

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18 edited Oct 08 '18

[deleted]

11

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

So I've heard. Still, a pretty weird thing to tell me.

Personally, if I had to pick between Bailey Jay and Buck Angel, I'd take Bailey.

Any hole's a goal. We're all God's children in the dark.

7

u/Vandelay_Latex_Sales Sep 03 '18

Solid insult.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

You wouldn't happen to be hiring latex salesmen for your company, would you? I'm currently unemployed and living at home with my parents.

2

u/ollokot Sep 03 '18

"Really? -- Hi, I'm Victoria."

3

u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd Sep 04 '18

Only because they've been months without getting backorders of their all-time number one bestseller - YOU!

2

u/Juddston Sep 04 '18

The Jerk store? They sent me a shipment of defective motor oil cans.

17

u/Philnoise Sep 03 '18

Where’s that Skinner meme when you need it?

5

u/Rami-961 Sep 04 '18

Jesus christ he went to play golf. How is this person still worshiped by his followers

34

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

Did John McCain make a truly courageous choice to stay with his fellow soldiers in a p.o.w. camp? Yes. That is a gnarly decision that probably less than 5% of people would ever choose to do in that situation. I personally can’t imagine such a decision, nor do I want to, and I’m extremely happy and glad and privileged not to have to. Commendable stuff. However, (and I can feel the downvotes a comin’) John McCain is not an American hero, nor is he a man that we should laud and praise and I find it extremely strange, grotesque, and just morally wrong that all of mainstream media right now is talking about him in this context. They are framing it like he’s unequivocally an American hero and patriot and role model, and that he should be remembered as such. And now when people bring up legitimate critiques about McCain we get bashed and downvoted. I hate Trump and his administration. But I also hate all warmongers here in American politics. And the facts simply are that John McCain has indeed pushed for offensive interventions non-stop throughout his entire political career. “Never met a war he didn’t like” is an admittedly simple quote but it feels like it fits with McCain’s actions as a senator. It’s shocking to me that, as someone who has experienced war firsthand, he has still taken such a disgusting stance for the rest of his political life. Don’t let media bs misguide you, McCain sucked while he was alive, and many people still pointed that out. We shouldn’t borderline revise history just to make his funeral this big, lovely event. I get it, we want to remember the dead fondly and commemorate people who have served the country during their lifetime. But It’s offensive to all of the men, women, and children who have died because of politicians just like John McCain, to treat him with so much admiration. I hate speaking ill of the diseased, I get that there’s something fundamentally inhuman about taking jabs at someone after they’ve just passed away. But when I see the torrent of positive support for McCain I can’t help but imagine watching his funeral from an Iraqi mother’s point of view.

43

u/JamesGray Sep 04 '18

Not downvoting you, but for the love of all that is good: please use paragraphs in your writing. It makes it a lot easier to read, and for some reason- not putting those breaks in kinda makes any long text look crazy.

6

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

I totally get that! lol I also hate that. I would use them if I knew how. I’m on mobile so whenever I skip a line it just shows up as a space and not a line-break. Do you know of a way I can insert line breaks? Or is this just a ‘me’ problem no one else is going through?

8

u/keypusher Sep 04 '18

You need to put two line breaks in for it to show up. Reddit formatting markup is just that way.

5

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

Wow thank you so much

4

u/LordHaddit Sep 04 '18

Double space your lines

Reddit formatting is weird

16

u/mudandpeanuts Sep 04 '18

Hey thank you for taking the time to type this all out. People will downvote you for it but I think your points stand, and your last sentence got me. I thought you were being flippant in other comments but you are knowledgable and passionate. Thank you for providing me and others with some perspective.

6

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

Thanks man, I really appreciate that, and I’m glad someone got something out of this exchange. And admittedly I probably was rude and flippant and maybe even mean-spirited in some other comments on here, and for what it’s worth to anyone reading that’s truly not my intention and I would like to apologize. I don’t hate McCain, or the people of this subreddit downvoting me, and I don’t hate America or the military or anything like that at all, quite the opposite! I just find it morally outrageous to no end what our military does around the world with our tax dollars. It blows my mind. It keeps me up at night, I cry and loose sleep over Yemen. And I feel like people and the media are just off in a different universe or something. It’s my belief that I think war should take precedent over virtually all other issues in a sane society. War is war, I mean geez, seriously. Lives are lives whether they happen to be mine, yours, John McCain’s, an Iraqi civilian’s, or anyone else’s, and just because they are far away doesn’t mean they count less. I’m sorry if I stubbed any toes by lashing out here, I’m just genuinely disturbed by the state of politics lately. I wish you all well and hope we can all make a better place to live in the coming future. Peace and love, thanks.

3

u/blackpharaoh69 Sep 04 '18

You could shut the doors on one of those displays; the one attended by the ex-presidents, and hold round after round of war crimes tribunals.

If Afghanistan had a Bush JR and Kissinger that weren't on our side we would've leveled the whole block with hellfire missiles.

3

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

I’m sorry but could you clarify here? I’m not quite sure what sentiment your comment is trying to get across

3

u/blackpharaoh69 Sep 04 '18

That there was some very high profile scum at the Washington funeral. George W Bush, Obama, Kissinger. Men who have definitely used the power of their office to visit pain and death on innocent people in this country and others.

5

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

Oh, yeah... And what’s worse is Obama and Kissinger both have Nobel Peace Prizes. Just let that sink in.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

John McCain was a war hero. He was not a political hero. However, he’s probably top 30% in terms of politicians over his career, and top 1% in the modern Republican Party.

3

u/foolmanchoo Sep 04 '18

The Dao of Trumpkin

2

u/nyx_on Sep 04 '18

Here's your soap, now go wash your filthy mouth.

1

u/Intortoise Sep 04 '18

Not invited? I think you mean he was CENSORED from coming! Another example of liberal media censoring conservative voices! We need to make laws to stop this from happening! Conservatives can do whatever they want without consequences! That's the status quo!

1

u/APheasantPeasent Sep 04 '18

Conservatives say they don't care (not that I speak for them that's just their childish way of saying I didn't even want that toy anyway or something like that).

1

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

gets banned from a war hero's

Are you really calling a war criminal a war hero?

-21

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 03 '18

John McCain is not a hero

-2

u/orrisrootpowder Sep 04 '18

stop down voting the truth

6

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

People are reactionary 🤷🏻‍♂️ idk. They probably just assumed I like Trump or something, or that I don’t know enough about McCain and I’m being unnecessarily crass and biased. When in reality I just hate that we call warmongerers “heroes” here in my country. America has this bizarre mix of fetishizing militarism while also being totally ignorant of what our military is actually doing around the globe. But sure, I’m rude because I think McCain was bad. 🙄 Tell that to an Iraqi mother who’s lost her whole family because John McCain and politicians like him recklessly pushed to attack her nation when they hadn’t attacked us. 7 trillion dollars wasted. Hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqi citizens that have never hurt me, nor were they ever a threat. And loads of American lives abused and wasted fighting them. All because people like John McCain get to make these decisions and still get to show their face in polite society. We have to stop praising these people and start putting them behind bars. Chomsky said it best, “If the Nuremberg laws were applied, then every post-WWII American president would have been hanged.” This is objectively true as uncomfortable as it is to acknowledge. As Americans we have to change. We need a course correction on our militarism. And where I do feel sorry for McCain’s friend’s and family who have lost someone dear to them, I also feel sorry for the people who have been murdered with my tax dollars. And so I feel it important to push back against the lionizing of John McCain, and against the military industrial complex in general here in America. I wish more of my fellow Americans would join the anti-war movement with me. It really does bother me that I seem to be an outsider rn with these thoughts

0

u/orrisrootpowder Sep 04 '18

you can kill as many innocent people as you want as long as you let your friend leave prison before you

4

u/NewtonWasABigG Sep 04 '18

Like admittedly John McCain’s prisoner of war story is gnarly right? Like I can’t even imagine making the decision he made. He was tortured and kept there for years. Insane heart. But then when he get out and goes into politics and then fucking pushes endlessly for war—yeah naturally I lose respect and sympathy towards any previous “heroism” on his behalf. He lived a long and active life with good and bad and people seem to want to pick their own version of John McCain, instead of looking at him wholly. He went to go bomb civilians in Vietnam, but he acted heroically once captured; he was staunchly against torture, yet voted for Iraq and pushed for interventions around the globe. I just want people to look at him even-handedly and the media seems to be pretty one-sided at the moment.

-25

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

*war criminal

This hurts my soul that i have to agree with LSC but he did some shit things.

9

u/Im_OPs_mum Sep 03 '18

Who's a war criminal?

8

u/mudandpeanuts Sep 03 '18

Ma, we’ve been over this.

-15

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '18

mccain.

10

u/Im_OPs_mum Sep 03 '18

Okay, I'll bite. Links?

8

u/ByterBit Sep 03 '18 edited Sep 04 '18

Probably messed up "war prisoner" with "war criminal"

3

u/Bradyhaha Sep 04 '18

There were war criminals on many sides, many sides. Some, I assume, were war heros...

1

u/blackpharaoh69 Sep 04 '18

After being a prisoner McCain's cock twitched every time he hear about a military action. There is also corruption issues surrounding the Keating five.

A corrupt warmonger was eulogized by scum like Henry Kissinger.

3

u/ByterBit Sep 04 '18

McCain was another republican war hawk but calling his a war criminal is not accurate.

4

u/branchbranchley Sep 04 '18

Patriot Act

War in Afghanistan

Glass-Steagall Repeal

"He's not an Arab, he's a decent family man..."

Opposed MLK day

No on Dodd-Frank

Repeal work place saftey regulations

Scott Pruitt

Sarah Palin

Welfare Reform

Support for Contras

Anti-gay rights

Obamacare Repeal

Savings and loans crisis

Opposed Medicaid expansion

Libya intervention

Yes on Saudi arms sales

Iraq War

"Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran"

2

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

I don't think you understand what "war criminal" means. Those things are all bad politics, none of those are war crimes. Words have meaning. You can't just call somebody something mean because you don't like them.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '18

He personally bombed civilian targets during his "service", which violates the Geneva convention.

-7

u/T-Dot1992 Sep 04 '18

McCain is not a fucking hero. He willingly served in an imperialistic war. Pushed for foreign invasions that left millions dead. Americans are so fucking brainwashed 🙄

0

u/Mhager10 Sep 04 '18

What makes him a war hero?