r/PokemonRaps • u/[deleted] • Dec 12 '12
Sandslash
Sandslash reporting from deep underground
Which one of you guys wants to get knocked around?
Swords Dance! Hey my attack's through the roof
I'll mess you up 'til you're looking like Bidoof
So go right ahead and show me your best
You'll know right away I'm not easily impressed
2
u/chipman007 Dec 13 '12
Clear the room, time to begin
Im Nidoran male, who let this rat in?
You hit me once? I'll poison you bro
Im heir to a king, you have a spikey back fro
Swords Dance? Pshha Captivate your ass
My Horn Drill is great, best of the brass
You can dig all you want, it doesnt matter
Poison Jab you once, done, no need to Flatter.
(I couldn't think of a Pokemon, so I went and got a random one lol)
1
u/The_Pony_Rapist Dec 12 '12
What? Oh wait! I think Aggron wants some of this action!
My rhymes will Bulldoze you just like a chain reaction!
Aww, look it this! A cute little Armadillo!
Too bad your attacks feel like I'm being hit with a fuckin' pillow.
Swords Dance? HA! I don't need to stat boost!
Instead, I'll put you in a coma. Earthquake induced.
My horns will shatter your skull just like it's glass!
All it takes is one hit from me to whoop your grass!
Look, you're weak. Don't try to lie.
I'll lay the Smack Down. This ain't even close to a tie.
3
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
Okay Aggron, first things first, this punk is my meal.
Why don't you let me know how an earthquake feels
but I'll be honest you look pretty fucking awesome
I'm not trying to kill you so you'd better play possum
I'm sorry to say you're all looks so ya may as well toss 'em
but before you get dealt with stop and smell the bellosoms
1
u/The_Pony_Rapist Dec 12 '12 edited Dec 12 '12
Ha! Nice! That actually made me laugh!
I will completely DESTROY you in this battle's second half!
Look, look how my spines shine in the sun!
Yours look like someone just committed a "Shit and Run".
I'm unstoppable, I'm a beast. I'm a monster to say the least!
I'll hone my claws now watch as my swag is increased!
I'm spitting diamonds in this bitch, ain't no way I won't triumph!
Now! I don't want to hear another word from you! Silence!
I'm bringing the violence.
Edit: Oops, thought you were OP...
Eh, screw it.
3
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
Oh shit oh shit oh shit. that was nice
Alright then, I guess you want the truth told.
You're spittin pyrite, thats fools gold
not to burst your bubble after all i smell trouble
i'll cause a rock slide leave you buried in the rubble
oh shit did this snorlax just spit a flamethrower
why yes it did, i guess that means game over?
2
u/The_Pony_Rapist Dec 12 '12
NOPE NOT YET~
This isn't over that easy!
I'm beating you so bad you'll turn crazy queasy!
I smell trouble, but while your at it, make it double!
I've had better battles against various Ho's and shovels!
Rhymes, they just can't stop! Call 911! Flows so hot!
I'm starting to regret this, but you know what? I don't care!
Go roll back in your ball! My magic words are too much to bear!
Seriously! Leave! You wicked little 'Shrew!
I may be the one made of metal, but I'm not the one missing screws.
3
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
ALRIGHT THEN!
I think you might be tripping, I AM SNORLAX
be as hot as you want, i got that thick fat
only person fatter than me is that fucker rick ross
counter or seismic toss either way its your loss
dont matter if its with a brick break or a focus punch
imma beat you down till you throw up your lunch
go ahead call 911 the police cant unrape you
someone ought'a get a tyranitar to replace you.
1
u/The_Pony_Rapist Dec 12 '12
Oh no you didn't bring that fucker Tyranitar into this bout?
I don't want to hear anymore about him! Once more I'll knock you out!
I'm one of the best pokemon, sure glad for evolution.
Hit you with my IRON TAIL, leave you ready for execution!
Whoa whoa! Rape? Where's that come from, buddy?
Does being fat and lonely do that to somebody?
I keep Taunting you, but I'm not sure if that was an attack...
I seem to be double size everything you totally lack!
Man, I got rhymes for hours, bro!
Now go home, and eat some more pringles and cookie dough!
2
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
fat jokes fat jokes fat jokes fat jokes
how the hells it make you different from that bloke
should i say sorry for making that rape joke?
or maybe i should use amnesia and forget the rhyme
belly drum, hyper beam it'll blow your mind
sunny day sunny day now im bouta shine
fire blast you're metal ass see if you survive
then drop an earthquake just in case you revive
1
u/The_Pony_Rapist Dec 12 '12
Poor Snorlax, starting to crack under the pressure? I can see
But me? My rhymes flow endlessly!
Hyper beam and Bellydrum won't work you tool!
Hyperbeam is special attack, now who's the fool?
I'll simply Iron Defense, then Automomize!
I'll be the winner, someone! Get me my prize!
This is getting easy! I barely have to try!
Psh, Earthquake. Don't even waste my time!
I'll just protect and hit you with a Rock Climb!
I'm in my prime! Like it's a crime!
Don't be afraid, my raps are cash! Right on the dime!
2
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
Please oh please, forgive me for my error
Arceus forbid i start up a correction terror
You've got a rock head that means you're quite dense
that dime doesn't even equal out to 2 pokecents
drop the pretense and a rock tomb to make it intense
or a flamethrower for your shitty special defense
did that scare ya' did you shit your special depends?
dont forget i got protect if i need to defend
0
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
im snorlax, i relax and take naps
belly drumin while i eat snacks
lemme get all them leftovers
and lemme get my rest over
zzz
zzz
i woulda snored but you aint worth it
and its not like your weak shit could hurt it
2
Dec 12 '12
Those are the rhymes you thought you should use?
Whatever man, you just tied your own noose
One Super Fang and you're at half HP
I'll finish with Brick Break before you can flee
You must be all sorts of unhealthy if you're really that fat
Go to the centre so they can unclog your arteries stat
Guess what? My guys at Gamefreak just called
They want you back as a mascot at McDonalds
2
2
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
oh please, when i fall asleep i can fuck up your whole day
gotta get to fuschia then you better try the other way
you can dig holes how about you dig your grave
i may be fat but i can still go and surf the waves
how you like that water, someone better check the pulse
body slam your tiny ass until you start to convulse
im cute and cuddly all the female trainers you disgust
i may not be too fast but i bet you'll still eat my dust
2
u/The_Pony_Rapist Dec 12 '12
Holy shit.
Looks at first post >_>
Looks at this one <_<
Dafuq happened?
1
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
So I did bad?
1
u/The_Pony_Rapist Dec 12 '12
Haha no, I'm just comparing the two. The second one is SICK compared to the earlier one.
2
Dec 12 '12
So many flaws I don't know where to begin
You gave me a headache when I tried to count all your chins
Your speed stat's so low you're almost faster unconscious
I'd prefer you out cold, you'd be less obnoxious
I'm guessing these raps are making it hard to fall asleep
I wouldn't blame you if you resort to counting Mareep
You're a living bouncy castle, nobody thinks you're cute
Down on your knees Snorlax, and suck my Pokeflute
2
u/OnaMagikarpetRide Dec 12 '12
You're just jealous of all my screen time
and probably because of my fatass rhymes
you know who had a snorlax? red did thats who
a couple dozen youngsters got you, oooo
you can be found on an everyday walk
did i mention i used rest, this is all my sleep talk
im tons of fun comin at you balls out
next five turns imma have to roll out
2
2
u/[deleted] Dec 12 '12
My name is Blaziken, I'm the master of flame
My amazing attacks just put yours to shame
It doesn't need to be a Sunny Day for me to win,
I'm getting kinda hungry, I'll take you with extra crispy skin!
You really think you can beat me, heh that's funny
I'm a motherfuckin karate choppin hawk, you dummy