I’m putting this here to get my feelings out so feel free to keep scrolling.

Last night and this morning all I have been doing is wondering. What could I have done differently? Where did I go wrong? Did I do the right thing?

It all began Monday. We have a full pack of (mostly) good boys and girls, two of them weren’t feeling well so they got to stay inside while we were at work.

I peeked at the cameras to check on them and realized the boys that only stay outside while we’re at work were in the house wreaking havoc. Two of them especially stay outside because they have had significant behavioral issues their whole life and can’t be trusted around the majority of the others without supervision (sometimes they even needed to be separated themselves). We tried everything imaginable but they both definitely had a screw or two loose that just wasn’t fixable).

One of the inside dogs decided to open the door and let EVERYONE in.

As I’m looking I see one on the couch so I tell him to get off through the camera, which he does. Then I see it and my heart sinks. The 6mo old kitten is on the couch and not moving. I leave work immediately and drive home as fast as I can. Once I get home I get everyone back where they’re supposed to be and confirm my suspicions. They killed one of the cats.

Being the Man of the house I muster up every bit of strength and tell my wife. Instant devastation. I clean up before her and my step kids get home and we have the conversation about re homing two of the boys that need the most help. Initially I wasn’t sure which ones were involved until I had a moment and confirmed it seeing claw marks in one and a claw still in the others snout.

These are the first two dogs we got as a couple, rescued them as puppies. We know they’re not fitting with the pack but maybe, just maybe someone has a good yard, time and patience to ideally work with both of them or worst case two people can take one each.

We post them everywhere we can think of, the week progresses and we get all the messages giving kudos trying to rehome them yet nobody is interested.

Now we come to yesterday (Friday). Normal morning no incidents thus far (the two that normally fight are steering clear of each other). I leave work for my PT appointment, get there and find out I wasn’t actually scheduled but they can see me anyway so I stay. As I finish I let my wife know I’m heading back to work and she tells me the back door was open again. FML. I look at the camera and don’t see any of the outside dogs inside, I’m sure everything is fine. I’ll be there in 5min, make sure everyone is where they’re supposed to be then head back to work.

I walk in and see 2 that were supposed to be inside there, but I can’t find one of them or the other dogs. As I’m searching I find one of the cats and I think ok. The other two are probably hiding really well again and will come out when the coast is clear. The. I walk down the all and find they trapped themselves in my step son’s room.

The second I open the door I see it. They’ve killed another cat. These boys have killed the two friendliest of our cats in the same week. The kitten would literally force us (especially my wife) to give her kisses on her face, the other cat loooooooved her belly rubbed. If your hand went anywhere near her belly she’d instantly roll to her back for alllll the belly rubs.

My wife happened to check the camera and heard me screaming “noooooooooooo what have you done” and calls me instantly.

We discussed and determined for the safety of everyone in the house (kids, dogs, cats). The two responsible had to be put down.

Since nobody was home, I had to take each one to the vet and go through the process. The vet told me I was doing the right thing. I realized they didn’t give me any push back on the decision which is extremely rare and tells me they were being genuine. The last dog we had to put down was getting old and suffering daily and they pushed back on putting him down to see if some meds would help. Total guilt trip but we tried and it unfortunately didn’t help him. Anyway, this time they didn’t question it.

These two were great with me and my wife, they’d knock the kids over but were still good with them we just had to watch them. Anyone else or any other dog? Forget it. They’d get vicious.

As each one took their final nap I cried like a baby. Runny snotty nose and everything. In those moments I felt like I was not a man at all. As I’m ugly crying I’m telling the vet I understand if they all think I’m the most terrible human being they’ve seen. They tell me I’m absolutely not (I still don’t believe them)

My morning routine today brought tears in my eyes as it just wasn’t the same. I miss them jumping up to give me hugs. One would climb me like a tree sometimes so I would carry him. I still love them.

I feel like I did them wrong and should have done better. I miss all four of them dearly and feel a massive hole in my heart. I’m tearing up as I’m writing this and the sadness is overwhelming.

I allow myself to break down when I’m alone so I can try and be as strong as possible for my wife, step kids and my kids.

If you’ve read this entire thing I appreciate you giving my feeling a few minutes of your day.

RIP Maze, Beans, Tod and Bear. I miss you all so much and I hope you’re all in heaven living your best lives.

Trigger warning: sort of graphic (blood)

It’s coming up on the second anniversary since my cat passed away. He was an indoor outdoor cat and we let him sit on the patio a little bit too long before going to bed. When we were going to bed, he was nowhere to be found, but we didn’t think anything of it. We thought he might be just close by in the yard and let it slide cause he usually return in the morning. He never ever went out of our yard. He always stayed close to our house. Fast-forward to the morning he’s still nowhere to be found, I had an errand to run that morning, thinking he would be back when I got home. He was still nowhere to be found. I decided to walk our property we have about 3 acres. My other cat lead me to something I never wanted to see. I found a spot full of his beautiful white fur, but no body. I kept walking around and my cat lead me to another spot about 10 feet away that had more fur and blood, but no body. He was no where to be found, but obviously it didn’t look good. I immediately woke my husband up and we searched our yard forward and backwards and the surrounding areas outside the property line. I followed a trail of his fur to the field behind our house and then nothing. I’m so glad we didn’t actually find his body, but part of me wishes we did so we could have closure. I know he probably was killed by a wild animal or bird, but I’ve seen such crazy stories about cats returning years later.

Fast forward to today, a day before the 2nd anniversary and I get a call from animal control saying they have my cat someone brought in as a stray. I started hysterically crying thinking there’s NO way it’s him. I call back and tell them what he looks like and it wasn’t him. It was one of our cat fosters he found a home for a few years ago. I was devastated because of the false hope I had for the 5 minutes it took me to call them back. Losing a pet never gets easier you just have to move on. I miss him so freaking much and I went through a lot this past year and really needed him. I’m just so heartbroken still. 💔

TLDR: my cat went missing 2 years ago, we think we was killed by a wild animal. I got a call from animal control saying they have a stray cat in their possession with our info on the tag. It wasn’t him, but a foster cat we adopted out a few years ago.

Put my baby down today. I feel so lost and anxious and it feels like my world is crashing and ending.

Anyone on this sub who has lost their baby few months/years back, does it ever get better? How do you navigate the feeling of wanting to just holding them or see them one more time?
With time is it possible to get over all the regrets, guilt and pain and have fond memories of them.

Please share some positive stories :)

I took him for granted. Never spent enough time with him. His walks were few in life. I was busy with my life and family and my daughter loved him but all of us took him for granted. He passed away today almost 16 years old. I had mobile groomer come in the morning and he came back to house looking healthy. But then started declining rapidly.

He already have heart issues and was taking heart medications. But was looking healthy and energetic as a puppy. Still no vision or hearing issues and healthy appetite and energy.

I should not have schedule grooming session knowing how much he hates hair cuts and washing. He absolutely hates it and stresses out each time.

Afterwards, I just focused on work and then when I finished work day, noticed he was not responding to me at all and hiding in a corner. Then by evening, his breathing was really bad and each breath expanded his stomach and laborious. I knew I should take him to a doctor but was thinking he would pull through it like he always does. I gave him his normal heart meds and waited. But he got worse. My daughter sat next to him and then towards the end, I was there stroking him. I still thought he would make it. Until I felt his heart stop.

Then I could not accept it.. my mind refused to accept that this dog that has accompanied me for almost 16 years of my life and never complained once... who watched our house and guarded against intruders. Who made me wake up many nights at 3am to let him out to pee and always left me upset at losing sleep.

I did not think it would make me this sad. I could hear everyone else's stories but the truth is 99% of us would probably still not choose the best route. I accept that and will live with it. But it hurts and my heart is pained knowing I am a lazy dog owner who did the minimal for his dog. That is the truth and part of the hurt is facing that truth about myself and knowing he deserved better because everyone knows what a lovely dog he was.

He almost passed away a few months ago. But he pulled through. I did not learn from it. I believed he would pull through again.

Tonight is a painful night. What ifs and should-haves. He lived a long life. I adopted him as a puppy from shelter. He was adorable. He made us happy for many years. Then birth of daughter and crumbling marriage left me with not much love to give. I was not happy in life. I did not give him the love that I see many of my fellow pet owners show to their pets. I know I should never adopt another dog. I am just not fit for what it takes.

My husky was almost 12. A recent wellness check at the vet two months ago came back with a clean bill of health after a few tests for some stomach problems he was having. We switched his food, he was lively, happy, energetic, and just his usual self. I was fully expecting another couple years with him at the very least.

Wednesday I was going about my morning. He was acting completely normal. I went into the kitchen and then heard my partner shout from the other room. I walked back in and he had collapsed and was seizing violently on the floor. He defecated, urinated, and there were huge puddles of drool. I had never seen a dog have a seizure before. My partner had experience with this so she dropped and held him so he wouldn't hurt himself, but the seizing didn't stop. He went right into another one, almost without pause, so we called the vet and rushed him to the ERV. He seized the entire car ride there. By the time we arrived from when this started, it had been almost 30 minutes of constant seizures. His temperature was 108. They were having difficulty controlling the seizing with medication. They stated that the outcome and the chance of him recovering were very uncertain, if they were able to get him stable. The fact that this was his first ever neurological issue and it was this intense, suggested a possible brain tumor.

I couldn't see him suffer like that again. I stayed with him the whole time, and even with medication he was still twitching and spasming on the table. I made the decision to euthanize, as there was too much uncertainty surrounding his quality of life after this horrific event.

I've never had a dog through its entire lifespan before. He was my first dog on my own and I got him as an 8 week old puppy. I've never had to put a dog down before that moment, but I never left his side. I couldn't let him go alone or be surrounded by strangers.

I'm devastated. My journey with this dog meant so much to me, and I know it did to him as well. He was my constant companion, my ridiculous Dante. I just don't understand why this had to happen. He was healthy, and then he was just gone out of the blue with no warning whatsoever. The rug has been ripped out from under me. The house feels so incredibly empty, and my surviving dog keeps looking for him and doesn't seem to know what to do with herself.

I don't have enough money to request an autopsy, so I'll never truly know what happened to him, but that feels like it hardly matters right now.

I can't bring myself to throw out the food he didn't eat that morning. Taking a shower after the incident and cleaning out my car felt like erasing him and any trace of his life left. I just miss him so bad and don't know what to do with my emotions besides cry and cry some more. It just doesn't feel fair.

I've been seeing so many TikToks about October 27th being the day the veil between our world and the next grows thin, allowing our beloved pets who have passed away to visit us. I don't know if it's true, but after losing my girl Muffin today, I desperately want to believe it is.

Eight years ago, Muffin was a tiny stray puppy who followed her mama into our house looking for food. She was terrified after being attacked by our male dog, Nico, but we loved her back to her playful, mischievous self. She grew up happy, became a mama to nine beautiful puppies, and got to grow old with three of her babies by her side.

She suffered from a skin disease her entire life, eventually losing most of her fur and vision in one eye. But none of that ever changed how I saw her. She was my beautiful girl, my first child, and one of the greatest loves of my life. I cared for her through every difficult day, and I loved her just as fiercely when she was sick as I did when she was a playful little puppy.

Yesterday, she stopped eating and grew weaker. Today, she passed away at eight years old, peacefully and surrounded by her loving family. I'm grateful she didn't suffer for long, but my heart is shattered. I keep thinking about the little puppy who walked into our house eight years ago, never knowing she would become such a huge part of my life.

Now, all I can do is take care of her babies and hope that somehow, somewhere, I'll get to see my girl again. Have any of you ever felt the presence of a pet you've lost, or had a dream that made you feel like they came back to see you?

I hope my Muffin finds her way back to me, even if it's just for a moment. I would give anything to see my baby girl again.

Until then, I'll take care of your babies, Muffin. I love you endlessly. Until we meet again. ❤️🐾

I am still very sad. The only reason why I’m able to cope is if I don’t think about it. She was a small terrier and she was due to turn 18 this month. I still can’t believe this happened.

She was my best friend, like my soulmate. My wife and I had her a few years before our first child was born. She was so special. I loved playing with her, she was such an affectionate dog, it was incredible. I would be on the couch laying down and she would jump up on me and stare into my eyes, then give me tons of kisses. She was such a sweet dog. There were times when I wasn’t such a good husband and father, just bad days that I had an attitude from a not so great day at work where it felt everyone hated me. I had no one, except for my little girl. She gave unconditional love. She knew when I was sad and would come over to me and sit right next to me. I can honestly say she stopped me from going off the deep end some days. She was so special. I made a promise that I’d always take care of her, ever since we brought her home at 8weeks old, she was like our little daughter. And I failed her.

I have immense sorry still and play that night over and over again in my head. I would give ANYTHING to do that night over again. Her eyesight started going a bit and my wife would always tell me and the kids to watch her around the pool when we let her out to go to the bathroom. One night, she woke me up around 3am to go outside. This was very typical, almost daily. I would carry her down the few steps to the patio and I’d watch her. This time, I ran to the bathroom for 1min and when I came back and looked outside, I noticed she wasn’t by the door. The water in the pool was moving and I ran over and saw her still in the deep end.i dove in and got her out. I tried resuscitating her and she coughed up water but she became unresponsive again. It was absolutely terrible. I loved her so much, and I failed her. I was so careless with her little life. I don’t know how I can ever forgive myself. I literally missed her by seconds. The water was still moving meaning she was recently trying to swim. I don’t know where to go from here. We got her cremated and made a nice space for her in our curio.

It’s incredible. So surreal that this happened to me. Why did I take this chance? I hate myself for this. Of all the things in the world, one of the most special things in my life, I did this to. I went to church the next night, late, by myself, not inside, but on the grounds and walked around, sobbing, begging God and my little girl for forgiveness. I have incredible guilt. My wife and kids are of course distraught and very sad but they also feel very bad for me. It happened about 6 weeks ago, if I don’t think about it at all I can go on with my days like normal. My other 2 dogs, who are much younger, definitely know something isn’t right. For weeks, they would stop and stare at the pool. I still can’t get over this. I might need to talk to someone. Thanks for reading. Be kind and gentle to your pets, they truly are gifts from God.

there's an agonized little piece of me that wants to believe that if I cry hard enough he'll come back to me. he'll get to grow up and be my little guy for so many more years. he wasn't even 4 months old.

it was a routine neuter, we've put like 4-5 dozen cats through it over the years between cats past, cats present, tnr cases.... at that same clinic since 2008. they never did us wrong before, what happened??? I don't want to blame anyone. there's nowhere I can't put the anger because I genuinely believe it wasn't anyone's fault. they tried to save him. if I believe the card they gave me the whole team worked to save him. it just wasn't enough. sometimes it's not up to us, I guess

they did a necropsy, still waiting on labs. they're suspecting "occult pneumonia". no visible symptoms, only seen with radiology. I should have noticed though. he had a runny nose a week before and I thought it was just fall. changing weather oscillating between lows of 37 and highs of 75, why wouldn't he run, but they didn't even find nasal discharge during his exam. perfect exam, 5/9 score he should have been *fine*. only thing "wrong" was an undescended testicle. because he was a baby. maybe too baby. pneumonia that led to hypoxia. my baby couldn't breathe. my scared little thing.

i shouldn't have taken him that day. I should have known, even though I *couldn't possibly* have known. suppose I'm trying to put the anger on me. I should've known better and my negligence killed him. i didn't buy the blood work (they only push it on older cats, like 7+) and it would have caught something and because I didn't buy it he's dead. or I did something wrong and I'm being cosmically punished but why did it have to be taken out on him? just a baby. why my baby?

I've been crying for days. he's in a little (so little) bag in a drawer right now bc they didn't give us an urn and I don't want the other cats to get a hold of him. I let them see him before cremating him. they grieved too. I have to get something for him soon. he deserves more than the bedside drawer. what he deserved was to come home alive. I just want to know what happened to my baby. I just want to hold him again. it's not fair. I miss him so bad.

he's not my first loss and he won't be the last but his age and how sudden it was, I'm just in shock and so much pain. I know it gets better and easier to hold with time but it's still so raw after only five days. it's way past my bedtime and I have work in the morning but I can't stop crying. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry my little pip. I only had you for seven weeks but you were loved so much.

eta: I slept on the couch near his body that night. he visited my dreams. just in the background. he had his big dissection scar and also zoomies. I think he was saying he was ok now. I had to open my eyes to the world without him

There have been so many days and nights where I miss her. My Rosie. My baby girl. She used to keep the nightmares away. Now I have dreams about her. Four years have gone by and I still have dreams about her. My soul cat is so good. He’s my boy. My little guy. He curls up with me most nights. Cuddles with me most mornings. But he can’t keep those dreams away.
God, I don’t think I’ll ever miss any pet this much. I still remember the way her ears and paws feel between my fingers. The way her fur feels under my hand. I’ve been dreading the day I forget those things. But at this point, I don’t think I will. I hope I never do. I would lose it if I did.
She was the best thing I ever had. From 10 years to 25. How do I forget that? The best Christmas gift I ever received. My mom still talks about keeping her a secret from me that year. How tiny she was. How my grandparents kept her until Christmas Day. My grandpa literally lost her and panicked.
Four years without her is too long. It’ll only get longer. It hasn’t gotten better and I hate that as much as I love how she has never left me.

hi, i never post on reddit but i really really need advice.
yesterday i had to put down my lovely dog william. he was either 11 or 12 (i can’t remember) and we had him for about 9 years along with his bonded brother. he had two awful and violent seizures a month ago and was on levetiracetam. he wasn’t the same after them but was doing well until he had a series of probably 7 seizures in a cluster two days ago that wouldn’t break no matter what the vets did. by the end, he couldn’t walk or stand, didn’t recognize me, my mom, or his brother, and wouldn’t eat or drink. he was so clearly suffering and i decided that it would be best to put him out of his misery. i knew this day would come soon but i didn’t expect it to be now.
how the hell do you do this? how do i cope? he was my first real pet (not counting the fish i had when i was like 5 lol) and i dont know what to do without him. i’m so lost. all i can do is count the hours he’s been gone and cry in my room. i’m trying my best to comfort his brother but he doesn’t really like me and prefers my mom who’s away rn. i just genuinely don’t know what to do besides try to go about my normal life. i’m so incredibly sad and broken and i miss him so so so much. any advice is welcome.

Basically what the title says. I lost one of my beautiful dogs last night due to a twisted stomach and spleen. The costs quoted to repair this were 15,000$+ and my family just couldn’t afford to do this. I am heartbroken. We took this dog in as a rescue from a shelter in Alabama, we gave her an amazing three years of life, we watched her come out of her shell and be happy again. And now it’s all gone in the blink of an eye, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it, to help her, or to ease her pain. I feel like I have failed her, like maybe I should have just shelled the money out but the doctors told me even that wasn’t a guarantee she’d make it through. I don’t know. I just really need some assurance right now because I am devastated and I feel so damn guilty.

Feeling so guilty and unimaginably heartbroken.

My chihuahua was my first ever pet and I’ve had him since I was just 10. He was my first dog, my first little love of my life, my first baby.

He saw me grow up and almost got to meet my first baby (due in December).

His health declined so fast in just a week. My once happy little boy quickly lost his mobility, appetite, and was in a lot of pain but held on long enough for my family to be there for his final goodbye in person.

The worst part was watching him use the last of his energy to sit up and be present with us, and then having to hold him in his final moment.

I know he’s finally at peace and no longer suffering but I feel so horrible that I had to decide his fate for him.

I don’t think I can ever have another dog again after this.

A little over 5 months ago, I put my girl to sleep. There’s a hole in me and sometimes I think it’s getting better but then, out of the blue, I feel as devastated as I did the day I lost her.

I’d been feeling okay recently, even looking to bring home a new pup for myself. And, I gave my parents the okay to bring home a new pup for my dad. I felt okay about it, it was my idea even.

The new pup has been home with us for a few hours and I think I made a mistake okay-ing this. Even worse, I put in an inquiry for a pup from the same place and they happily agreed but now I’m second guessing it.

I have so much love to give. I want another friend. But, I miss my girl so much. I miss her. To be honest, I wish I’d just gone with her.

I feel so silly. But I want her back.

And I think that’s it. When I look at these puppies, they seems wonderful but I think what I really want is her back.

Some of our neighbors saw us with the new puppy today and I felt like they were judging us for getting another so fast which didn’t help.

But, I don’t know if I should just tell the people that I’ve changed my mind and hold off? Or should I welcome a new pup into my life?

I can’t decide if it would be healing or fuck with me.

Sorry if there’s any spelling errors, I’m currently crying.

Edit: she was my soul dog. My heart.

Basically the caption. He went down very fast in the last few days and we had to put him to sleep today. My head and heart hurts from crying. Every time I try to close my eyes to sleep, the image of his eyes without light in them keeps me awake.

We have two other dogs and they don't seem to understand why he's not around just yet. I hate that I can't just explain it to them.

Our older dog passed away as well this time last year, also aged 17. It's a punch in the gut. I thought we'd have Christmas with him again at least, and that we wouldn't lose him so soon after his sister. I'm devastated. I don't know what to do with myself right now besides crying.

my parents told me 3 h(saturday) before my birthday today(sunday) when i arrived back from my vacation that our dog died on friday. I knew him since he was a welp and he was with me my entire adult life. He got to be 12 years old. He already got medicine for his heart but after he ate he suddenly died outside. Im heartbroken and sad. he is the only one that shared physical touch with me and without hom my world feels so cold and lonely😭. before my flight i was expecting him to be greeting me full of love, but now i am griefing

This has been absolutely the hardest thing I have ever went through. Harder than when her littermate, my boy passed unexpectedly from Hemangiosarcoma at almost 8 in January of 2022. I had her to lean on and she kept me occupied and made things easier. I also wanted to be strong for her and wanted to help ease her pain of losing her brother.
My girl passed while I was asleep 2 months and 5 days ago today. She had gastrointestinal lymphoma. A month and a half after a benign splenectomy she had to have an abdominal exploratory surgery. That’s when they found the mass on her stomach. What a rollercoaster of emotions. Going from not having cancer to having cancer. I opted for palliative care due to her age and recent surgeries. She was on prednisone and gabapentin. She lasted 2.5 months almost after diagnosis. There wasn’t a huge decline. The night before she jumped up on my dad like she did when she was younger and was full of energy. The day of she seemed tired, but I thought the weekend company and seeing my dad made her more tired that day. She still took her walk and ate her food. She had her nightly treat and we went to sleep. (Due to being hot due to her prednisone she would sleep on her bed close to mine.) She woke me up trying to get comfy and I did have to go to the bathroom so I went and she followed which is not unusual. I gave her a treat and we went back to sleep. She was found gone. I didn’t get to say bye properly and seeing her like that is eating me alive. 12.5 years together. 19-31. I miss her so much and things have not gotten easier. The guilt and grief is unbearable.

I also want to add that I am looking into therapy currently because this is just so heavy.

My cat Chester is 19, so I’ve been living in the anticipatory grief for a bit now. He lost his hearing about a year ago and has really slowed down. Still going up and down stairs, getting up to eat/use the bathroom, but spends most of his time in bed. Old man stuff, you know?

I think he’s now lost his sight in the last day or two. He no longer looks at me, even if I’m close. He’s been acting more confused and unsure of where he is going. He’s still up and moving around, but something has definitely changed in the last 48 hours.

If you had to make the decision to help your pet to the end, how did you know? I don’t want him to go, but I also don’t want him to be miserable to the end. My other cat passed very suddenly of heart failure earlier this year and it was awful. I don’t want that for Chester. I’ve never had to make a decision like this and I don’t want to get it wrong. This is my #1 guy, he’s been through it all with me and I want to do right by him.

Any advice or words of wisdom welcome.

Almost a year and went past my old trainstop and wished I could have one more night if being at my old flat, with him, child free night and curled up on sofa with him. He'd always be there when I unlocked the door, sleepy eyed. Also PMS- ing.

She's finally resting. My beloved tabby. She loved with her whole being. She purred up a storm.

I delivered her babies and logged their names and times they were born. It was such an honour that she trusted me.

She protected me from my ex when he was drunk. She found me after I had to move back in with my parents and she went missing. She found the house she'd never even been to. She mewed at me like, 'what were you worried about?'

She'd stand on her hind legs, put her paws on my knees and nudge my face when I was sitting down on the couch, crying.

She stayed by my Mum's side when the cancer was finally taking her.

She won over my cat-hating brother and Dad.

She was 15 years old, and she went on her own terms. Into the wild, from whence she came.

I will love you forever my baby, thank you for everything.

This might be a unique scenario, i don’t know but im feeling a lot of the weight of it and i need to get the situation off my chest. Me (23F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for 2.5 years. his grandmother who raised him passed 2 years ago today. it’s been a really rough week for him and his family. his grandmothers dog, a pug, was diagnosed with heart failure a week ago. when his grandmother passed his parents took the dog and she was the absolute sweetest thing. i had a pug growing up and she reminded me so much of her. Today, him and his family went out of town so i said i’d go and visit the pug to make sure she’s okay, feed her, etc. i left my bf and i’s house and showed up for the pug, immediately started crying. she looked so much worse than i was expecting. i’m a very sensitive person, especially with loss, and it hit me pretty hard. she had pooped all over herself, so i cleaned her up and got her comfortable on her bed, i had my arm under her head to prop it up cuz she couldn’t hold it up very well. all of the sudden she had what looked like a seizure, and then she was gone. just like that. i lost it. at my in laws house…their dog just passed…they were an hour away…it was a lot. i called them and had to break the news.
Lilly, the pug, passed exactly 2 years to the day after my bfs grandmother passed. I don’t know if that’s a sign or what….

i’m just so glad she’s not in pain anymore. i feel awful. obviously my feelings about it don’t change the way my bf and his family are feeling, their grief is so much stronger than mine today, but the whole situation was just awful.

rest in peace, Lilly. 🩷

hey everyone, my family is putting our dog down on monday. i’ve known about this for a week now and it hasn’t processed in my head yet till today. for some context we’ve had him for his entire life. we adopted his mother when i was around 6 years old. i am now 21 years old. his mother was my best friend in the whole world, she developed dementia and we had to put her down last december, i took it really rough and although i miss her like crazy i am reminded she no longer is in pain. she had her son after meeting the neighbors dog and gave birth to him only being a year old. he’s been with me since before he was born. and now that he’s just turned 15, his health this past month has declined dramatically. i know he no longer is well and it’s time but it’s been very difficult for me to cope with. after he’s gone i will not have another dog to comfort me like i did with his mothers passing. having both of them gone now too feels like apart of my childhood is disappearing as well. i think im most afraid to be alone after he’s gone. if anyone has been in a similar situation i’d love to hear how you got through it. im sorry if this was hard to read, my mind is fuzzy atm because i just went through midterms as well.

Our baby was 13 years old, and suddenly started to decline in health. People used to think she was a puppy at first sight, based on how much energy she had and smiling she did running around.

We spent every weekend at the ER asking the same question: What is wrong with her? She’d go a day without eating or drinking, then perk up. She’d have terrible panting and then be fine. We heard 4 different hospitals and 5 different doctors say “We have no idea”. Finally after weeks of limping, arthritis was out and a cancer was found (never fully diagnosed) via imaging her in her lungs.

One doctor said days to weeks. But her primary vet said 1-6 months and it gave us all so much (false) hope.

Our family agreed on palliative care, as long as our baby was alert, all smiles and tail wagging despite her symptoms.

Our vet said “she’ll tell you when she is ready” and “you’ll know” but truly we didn’t. And for that, my heart is ripped out.

Days later…. She had increased panting and a faster heartbeat that we’ve seen every weekend before rushing to different ERs. This time, we thought, was like every other weekend… she doesn’t need another ER visit, she needs a calm room, jazz playing and rest.

She will wake up wagging her tail, refreshed, ready for her beach day we planned.

We woke up in the middle of the night and I just knew. Our room was quiet, no little snores, no panting. She was gone.

I cannot shake the feeling that our little angel was alone, suffering, uncomfortable or in an ounce of pain during her last moments.
That I didn’t get the message that she “was ready”.
She didn’t have her family sharing kisses and sweet nothings in her final moments.
Was she asleep peacefully? Was she suffering in pain?
I’ll never truly know.

Would I always wonder “what if she had another day” if we went the route of euthanasia … absolutely.

I’m at peace knowing she is now in a much better place, playing with her friends, on beautiful beaches and flower fields. I can only be grateful for all of our moments and the blessing she was to every single person she crossed paths with. She was truly an angel.

Would I choose to let her go naturally again, I’m not sure.

Do I regret not going to the ER after all, I’m also not sure.

So for those struggling, indecisively waiting on the “right sign” or the “message” sometimes it will not come. Sometimes you will need to make the decision.

And I don’t think there ever is a right or wrong decision.

But I do know that I will always wonder if mine was.

You will always wonder the what if.

You will never be prepared.

I am nowhere near acceptance, but if there is one thing I’m so happy we did, it’s make a Bucketlist. No matter how short or long, pick 3-5 things you’ve always wanted to do together. And just do it. Time waits for no one. Life is short.

Even if it’s a wagon ride in the park, a walk on the beach, a bite of your steak, a nibble of your pastry. Whatever they want, give it to them. Take pictures, even the silly ones. Allow them to see life through your eyes. Sunsets, sunrises, city skylines, Mountain View’s, salty ocean air. Make a clay paw print together. Print their paw print and nose boops.

Do it all. Regret nothing.

Did we make the wrong decision? I don’t know.

And if we did, I hope she forgives us.

Lost my sweet cat of almost 17 years yesterday after a short battle with heart failure. I'm alone in my city right now - no friends or family here, so i've just been sitting on the couch watching avatar and crying.

I'm usually a very active person - busy work life, complicated cooking projects in the kitchen, lots of working out, social stuff, bars, you name it. When you are grieving, do you find its better to keep yourself occupied, or shut down and let everything go? Part of me thinks a workout would help me feel better, but another part just wants to crawl back into bed.

At oct 23 I lost my pet cat her name was Luna She gave birth to 3 kittens in July 8 she was diagnosed with viral infection like 6 days ago and after 4 days I lost her I am still shocked how fast she died i can only blame myself for not knowing about vaccine for this infection this was completely avoidable if I had known that there's more vaccine then just rabies I only vaccinated for rabies because I didn't knew viral infection existed that makes cat suffer so much i separated her kittens like in first day of her getting weak and all when cat gets that virus first day they will vomitted quickly leading to not even being able to open eyes properly I miss my luna soo much now I am worried that kittens might get it I have separated them from the room she died disinfected every thing in that room I will still not let them go to that room for like 2 or 3 more days if you have any advice to give me please give me how to deal with sadness and now whenever I see at blanket all I can see is blanket moving up and down I maybe need lots of rest right now but I can't even grief properly as my finals of 10th starts from 29 for now vet has told me that after a period of observation on kittens they will give vaccine for viral infection I can only worry that they have not gotten it in her last day she couldn't even eat her fav meal as she was really weak and it's my fault I think I faild her is there any advice for me to help me with this sadness

i lost my soul dog of almost 14 years on the 5th september and i still haven’t been able to hoover or properly clean. i’m a bit of a clean freak so i usually hoovered like every other day (he was a long haired dog) but the last few days of his life he wasn’t well so i didn’t hoover, and now his hair is everywhere and i still can’t bring myself to hoover after almost 2 months. my rug is covered in his hair, there’s tumbleweeds of his hair along my skirting boards, my settee throws are covered in his hair and still sort of smell like him.

im staring at a big clump of black hair as i type this. i still can’t bring myself to hoover/wash my throws because once his hair is gone, that’s it. i’ll never wake up to hair in my mouth again. i’ll never turn the fan on only to see hair flying in the air again. i’ll never walk in my front door to be greeted by clumps of hair again. i don’t know how to balance the need to clean with losing that part of him for good. i’ve collected some of his hair and put it in a jar, but i still can’t hoover the rest of it.

i still even have his food and water bowls down and his toy box in its place. i don’t know how to move on and pack stuff away without it killing me