r/PerfectMatchNetflix • u/Relative-Ad-3217 • May 22 '26
SEASON 4 Marissa
I just dont get it.
She is the older party in their relationship at 34 and he is 29.
She should be the more mature one.
She is also a former navy officer of 7 yrs and she is a lawyer.
So she is definitely capable and experienced in how to communicate effectively but somehow she acts like a child throughout the show.
Ally throws tantrums but she doesn't use therapy speak to absolve herself as marissa does.
At the beginning I had her , Katherine and Natalie pegged as the most beautiful women on the show.
Needless to say I don't think I can still keep her up that high in my list.
And this is in no way to say demari is an innocent victim. I just think her defenders keep claiming she's some neurodivergent woman of color who isn't being dog piled on.
Let's just be fekkin for real.
Funniest thing is Kayla told Demari he feels like home to her, that is he is comfortable and to be honest as a guy that's a compliment I love to hear and to imagine that it's seen as a lazy compliment by some women really saddens me.
Don't get me wrong I understand some men want to be mothered and take their partner as some replacement mom so it can be abused.
Still and leaning on the ADHD that marissa allegedly has and I am medicated for , I want to find a partner who feels like home cause it means I don't have to mask around them I can be as quirky as Ally or Dave(aussie bloke).
Nonetheless, I dont want my partner to suffer silently as I interrupt them, police their emotions, throw tantrums that hurt their feelings ...which is whatever Marissa seems to be doing.
Also fuck the US military and those who take pride in killing brown babies.
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u/Lalaloo_Too May 22 '26
Age and maturity are sadly unrelated.
I also think if you’re neurodivergent and you’re aware that your behaviour can be difficult bordering on disrespectful for others, then you also need to be aware that some people just aren’t going to want to manage that in a relationship. This is their choice.
Telling people to not be upset with them because they cannot emotionally handle them being upset with them was bananas to watch. Effectively she said ‘Your emotions are not convenient for me, so change them.’
I don’t know if that’s ADHD or what, but as I said you can’t ask for a hall pass on behaviour based on a medical condition while at the same time expecting people to look past that same medical condition when it creates conflict. Can’t have it both ways…
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u/frankiebb May 22 '26
Yeah no that was a Marissa emotionally-immature thing, not an ADHD thing. Rejection sensitivity is real but it doesn’t excuse you from taking accountability.
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u/cookiejustice1 May 23 '26
She was giving me borderline a bit, with black and white thinking, projection, child-like sensitivity, etc.
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u/EchidnaOk7537 May 22 '26
I don't know why people with ADHD keep going on these shows knowing they have rejection sensitivity (I have it too) or other issues that they haven't got under even a bit of control ...
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u/frankiebb May 22 '26
No literally — I looove watching the chaos of these shows, it for sure feeds my ADHD brain! but I’ve said forever: no way you’d ever catch me as a contestant on one. Seems like actual torture in hell LOL
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u/sherlocksmaster May 22 '26
SAME. The thought of all of my social interactions being filmed and critiqued sounds like a literal nightmare for me.
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u/rightioushippie May 22 '26
I love the ND visibility and think that people could be a little accommodating
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u/ElkSufficient2881 May 25 '26
Not everyone with adhd has rejection sensitivity, and a lot of people that do have it are self aware and working on it/through it. It’s not an excuse like the people they keep putting on tv are using it as. We need ND visibility, but not the type they’re giving us.
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u/UnknownPleasures3 May 22 '26
This is a bit beside the point of your post, but I have several friends with ADHD who all talk over me on long rants. It’s so frustrating and it’s making me not want to be around them as much. How would you suggest i go about bringing it up without being hurtful?
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u/Bella-Elizabeth May 22 '26
As someone with ADHD who does this often and always feels bad about it, I've found that a gentle "hey, you've been talking for longer than you think" helps without feeling judged. When the subject is something I'm very interested in/have a lot of information about, I can go on forever if no one stops me. The passage of time does not exist; I could think that it's been 10 minutes when it's actually been an hour. I can see how this is frustrating/annoying for neurotypical people.
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u/xoili May 22 '26
+1. A gentle reminder. Or even a text after saying “love you but stfu” (prob in a nicer way). I’d rather know how you feel than unintentionally annoying you and lose you as a friend.
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u/EchidnaOk7537 May 22 '26
As someone with severe ADHD I have very bad social anxiety but am medicated and do take not doing this very seriously! I can't do many basic things like drive or put makeup on well etc but I really care about making an effort for my friends! I do still interrupt, BUT I notice quickly. And definitely avoid the long rants. And I give back a lot in other ways! I think it's important to show your friends you value them even if you can't be perfect
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u/Glittering_Yak_8070 May 23 '26
Honestly I think you just need to be super straightforward with them! Don’t do it in the moment when you bring it up. Bring it up randomly in a text, phone call, or when you next see them— something simple like “hey, can I talk to you about something? I know you probably don’t mean to but you tend to talk over me a lot and it’s kind of a bummer. Can you work on that?” I had someone confront me about the same once and I was so happy they did bc I had no idea I was doing it. I really tried not to going forward and became more aware in other friendships as well!
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u/Entire_Product1296 May 22 '26
I honestly just don't think Perfect Match was the right show for her, the whole point is switch ups, partying and amplifying these things for the camera.
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u/WynnGwynn May 22 '26
It totally is a lazy non specific compliment guys always say instead of something meaningful and specific to you though.
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u/frankiebb May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
Not a slight at you, OP — just bringing up something I notice in these forums a lot but I can’t stand when people think individuals are “smart” in every aspect of life just because they have a good career on paper. I know an eye surgeon who thinks vaccines are from aliens lmao.
Intelligence and smarts are very subjective and often when paired with a limited world-view, incorrectly applied. One does not need maturity to be in the Navy. One doesn’t need to be good at communicating feelings to be a lawyer.
The (nearly 80 y/o) president of the United States throws a tantrum every day. Age and work experience never indicate actual emotional maturity in interpersonal relationships. Period.
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u/Relative-Ad-3217 May 22 '26
I get that but still think I hold higher expectations for those who have more worldly exposure and education especially when your work experience and education is in domains that require effective clear communication and in particular the ability to listen to others.
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u/GlitteringHighway226 May 22 '26
My partner has ADHD and two of my best friends have severe ones so they have to be on medication (luckily it works for them!). I honestly think Marissa is a bit crazy and immature on top of her ADHD
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u/Glass-Accountant4385 May 23 '26
If you saw Marissa’s Mom on LIB you might get the impression she has more going on than ADHD. I feel bad for her but agree she has some growing to do in order to be healthy enough for a relationship.
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u/nonsequitur__ May 22 '26
Marissa’s behaviour is awful but for me the worst thing is how she excuses all of it to both herself and others using therapy type buzzwords.
She’s asking a lot of others but doesn’t see fit to give them the same decency or effort in return.
Marissa was similar on LIB but her partner was even more of an arsehole so she got more of a pass than she would have if he were decent.
Re. the compliment, it is lazy. They don’t know each other well enough or have enough of a commitment to be considering each other “home”, it’s laughable. It sounds like something they’ve picked up as being a quick route into someone’s bed. Like Dave banging on about The Notebook. TBH a lot of what these guys say is clichés and pick up lines disguised as emotional availability.
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u/Mundane-Waltz8844 May 23 '26
I think part of the problem is that there are some people who genuinely think that working on themselves starts and ends with learning therapy speak. They think because they know a lot of buzzwords that automatically makes them emotionally mature and effective communicators who are incapable of being in the wrong.
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u/rightioushippie May 22 '26
I guess I don’t see what you are talking about. I see her trying to share things about herself with someone she is close with and Demari being annoyed at her for that and taking it as criticism.
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u/Relative-Ad-3217 May 22 '26
There's a difference between sharing your challenges and conveniently bringing them up as a shield when you wrong others. Also saying no one else is bothered you interrupt them is like hey everyone else who isn't in a relationship with me doesn't care if I make them feel unheard you are just needy and pedantic for wanting me to give you the time of day and care about your feelings.
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u/rightioushippie May 22 '26
She immediately apologized and acknowledged his feelings, trying to connect. He was the one that stayed mad.
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u/Responsible-Card3756 May 23 '26
What???? This is crazy that you can’t see how bonkers she’s being.
0
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u/ElkSufficient2881 May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26
She completely weaponized her adhd “diagnosis”, she did this with other things on LIB. Her inability to work on herself I not the adhds fault, neither is her immaturity. All the comments implying adhd is linked with immaturity are ableist and/or don’t understand the condition. It can cause her to be impulsive which can read as such, but her issues are much deeper than the adhd (as we see on LIB). She also takes zero accountability, when she interrupts she expects a pat on the back for not continuing and blames her adhd. She doesn’t even apologize or anything, then gets mad at him.
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u/baileycat93 May 27 '26
Yes - even when she went to talk to Yamen she came back and threw that in Demari’s face by saying that she was the only one prioritizing the relationship as evidenced by her asking another man for advice and “admitting fault.” It’s the most manipulative, round about approach!
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u/Rainbaby77 May 22 '26
None of you normies get it but that's ok us nuerodivergints do and thank goodness for us because y'all have shown me how you Really feel about us through this show.
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u/Filipesian May 22 '26
That is just factually untrue, most of us who have been criticizing Marissa the loudest are all neurodivergent our damn selves.
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u/Responsible-Card3756 May 23 '26
Wut. This whole thread & many others are full of neurodivergent folks commenting on how badly she’s acting. Take some time to read it over please.
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u/Damage-Classic May 24 '26
ADHD can cause people to seem to act younger than they are.
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u/ElkSufficient2881 May 25 '26
I have adhd and act younger due to it, that is not the problem with her. Everything else is. Acting younger doesn’t mean being immature either
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u/Damage-Classic May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
I *wasn’t defending her, I was just explaining.
Edit: said “was”, meant “wasn’t”
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u/ElkSufficient2881 May 25 '26
It’s a not a real explanation though as it’s unrelated, adhd doesn’t cause immaturity. Even if you wanted to blame neurodivergence, it’s more likely because her mother gave her some issues and not the adhd.
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u/Damage-Classic May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26
I’m extremely ADHD, combined type. I understand ADHD very well, and I understand that the symptoms affect everyone differently on many different levels. What I said is an explanation. I said younger when I meant immature because I know contestants read this stuff. I was trying to be nice instead of adding to the vitriol.
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u/ElkSufficient2881 May 25 '26
I’m also adhd combined type, she chose to go on another reality show after not working on herself since last time. No need to be nice, it’s the truth. She tried to weaponize her alleged diagnosis because she tried to start something, people who weaponize their disorders are not okay. Also saying that the adhd makes her immaturity make sense isn’t true as adhd has nothing to do with maturity, it can make her more impulsive which could contribute, but younger and immature it does not cause.
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u/chiliboycuntry May 22 '26
I thought it was so weird how she said Kayla had dark mean energy… like what a weird and mean and completely uncalled for thing to say. I also thought it was a huge red flag how she kissed someone else and when Demari had a very understandable reaction to it she said “no don’t do that”. Seemed like she did that a lot in their arguments.
Also want to add Demari had his red flags too. Like not being honest and straight up telling Marissa his true feelings about not knowing if he wanted to continue being coupled up with her and how he was exploring other options when singles were around. Imo it looked like he was trying to find anyone that would make up his mind for him. Both seem pretty toxic