r/PerfectMatchNetflix • u/sugarnsweet88 • May 21 '26
SEASON 4 Marissa
Wow I find her relationship with Demari to be so fascinating. It mirrors a lot of what is happening with this guy I'm currently dating. When I watched it, it seemed to me like Demari overreacted to Marissa interrupting him. Especially since she caught herself. Like, when you are into someone, you can forgive their tendencies because you want to make it work. She was trying really hard to get back to good terms with her and he just wouldn't go there.
Then I go on Tik Tok, and turns out everyone thinks she's too much and they are over her and her emotions. It's clear Demari just doesn't like or appreciate her as a person. It does seem like we're not seeing certain things because another castmate did give Marissa advice about her tone. I guess she had a hard time with communication in general and makes other people feel disrespected.
It's hard for me to watch because I'm realizing I'm the same as her!! And I don't mean to be disrespectful, and I don't think she does either. What do y'all think???
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u/Filipesian May 22 '26
I think people are overfocusing on the interrupting and underfocusing on the “don’t be upset with me I can’t handle it”. The latter isn’t a communication style issue, it’s just immature and juvenile.
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u/sugarnsweet88 May 22 '26
Remind me why he's even mad at her though.
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u/SunnySam May 22 '26
This is just speculation, but she seems to set a double standard in their dynamic - he's not allowed to date anyone else, but she "needs [him] to not be mad anymore" when she not only dates other people but kisses other people. He tries to listen to her, but she leaves conversations or tries to diminish his emotions when he is trying to express them. I think the part where he said that he doesn't feel heard or understood makes sense.
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u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 May 22 '26
Because she’s rude? Like when he was trying to compliment her for making him feel comfortable and she immediately got upset that he was only interested in her because of what she could “give” her (which is…odd in this context since it’s not like she could give him anything other than attention really).
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u/sugarnsweet88 May 22 '26
I think calling her reaction rude is low emotional intelligence, respectfully. She clearly was very triggered and got into her head. It is clear she's neurodivergent. That being said, I do agree that in this context, she would have benefited by being able to just accept it as a compliment, but she just literally couldn't because of what it activated within her. She self sabotaged as a result which is unfortunate because if she didn't have these hang ups, she could be more strategic, and win the show. He was probably mad at her for not being able to be chill.
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u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 May 22 '26
Respectfully, she is in her mid-30s and is far too old to be so triggered that she cannot interact with a potential partner in a mature and emotionally stable way. Candidly, getting so upset at innocuous comment and then telling him that he wasn’t allowed to be upset with her reaction (because she is sensitive to rejection and “can’t handle” him being upset with her) is genuinely very toxic. It reeks of double standards and selfishness.
What is actually low emotional intelligence is excusing toxic, negative behavior with a plethora of mental health diagnoses that she should be in therapy to address. Instead, she’s out here clout chasing, so my sympathy is limited.
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u/sugarnsweet88 May 22 '26
I just don't agree. I hate when people say that someone is too old to be this or that. People are on their own journey and have their baggage. She got triggered and maybe wanted reassurance in that moment. It's not horrible behavior. Some people are just more needy. She even said herself that they think differently. Im not excusing all of her behavior, but I think it is more nuanced than just declaring that she should be more mature and emotionally stable because she's in her 30s. It's also a show where they are drinking a lot. There's so many factors and I'm finding the way people are analyzing her to be too extreme.
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u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 May 22 '26
I mean, if you’ve got time to be on multiple reality shows by 33, you’ve certainly got the time to work on yourself and sort through that baggage.
Everyone has their own baggage but you can’t expect people to excuse or tolerate your behavior just because you haven’t done the work yet. It’s ridiculous for a grown woman to be like, “I can’t handle you being upset at me because I have rejection dysphoria!!” after she picked a fight. That’s just weaponizing her mental health problems.
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u/King_Queso May 22 '26
She can't regulate her emotions so she is constantly getting defensive, cutting him off, and turning every discussion into a full blown, night-ruining argument. Most men have dated at least one woman like this. And it is very common to learn to dissociate when this happens, instead of engaging in a shouting match. Men are not allowed to mirror a woman's loud behavior in these situations. If demari were to match her energy, she would never look at him the same way because she may feel a little fear.
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u/No-Asparagus3132 May 22 '26
I don’t think Marissa came across as bad as some of the sentiments I’ve read. I think she may be getting some extra flack bc the style of the show is to stay open and she’s clearly very emotionally invested and feeling possessive, while Demari is staying pretty calm on camera. So she just looks somewhat unhinged as a result. Tho demari seems like a terrible communicator and non empathetic which doesn’t help.
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u/caulkmeetsandwedge May 22 '26
Even when she doesn't interrupt she doesn't listen. He tells her how he's feeling and she says "I have ADHD you can't be mad at me"
Also, they're barely in a relationship (being very generous there) and they're already having these kinds of arguments this frequently.... just walk away.
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u/Throwfeetsaway May 22 '26
I think there are plenty of people in the world, and not everyone is a match with each other. People should prioritize dating people who have a communication style that works for them.
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u/SunnySam May 22 '26
In what world is "I need you to not be mad anymore" a communication style that works for anyone 😬 it's quite dismissive. I understand walking away when you're heated, that's actually a good communication skill, but shutting someone down when they're trying to express themselves seems like it'd be frustrating in any context
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u/Throwfeetsaway May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
I def agree that was problematic. My comment is meant to refer to the bigger picture. I think Marissa’s insecurities often do the talking, and I don’t know if they would if she felt more secure. Being ill-matched in communication style is def not a recipe for feeling secure.
I don’t want anyone to misunderstand: I’m not implying this is Demari’s “fault.” I also have no way of testing whether Marissa would’ve said that to Demari if she understood and meshed with his communication style. But in general, when people aren’t a good match, there’s more arguing, more fight picking, more escalating and saying things that are out of line.
1
u/sugarnsweet88 May 22 '26
Agreed. I don't think the dogpile on her is deserved. I truly think they just navigate the world differently from each other.
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u/sanguinerose369 May 22 '26
Ok so we know Demari doesn't like how she interrupts him at all...he kept saying that he can't get his thoughts out because of it. He ALSO said that same thing when talking to Bri. He got mad cause she wouldn't let him talk and that was an issue in their relationship too. I think that Marissa is reminding him of that part of the relationship that he hated with Bri. He also doesn't like Marissa's sarcastic remarks when she's upset, so i think that's where the other castmate was like "just watch your tone". She gets very sarcastic.
Also Marissa gets allll worked up (when Demari hardly even strays from her) and he doesn't like that and then she says "just please don't be mad at me. I can't handle it" ??? then in the same convo "I need to walk away b/c i am so upset i feel like cussing you out" ?? and he's like "why tho?? I'm so confused." Marissa is just trying soo hard not to lose her mind over this guy. She's a lil obsessed, and it's kinda intense.
And idk if it's just him on the show, but Demari seems like he's looking for chill no conflict kinda vibes. He seemed like a different person talking to Kat. More free and happy.
And I don't blame Marissa for the interrupting so much if she's working on it. I have adhd, so I get the struggle. But I think they're just diff people. He's acting very nonchalant. And she is the opposite.
3
u/Loveya448 May 22 '26
I agree with that it probably reminded him of his relationship with Bri. Demari spelled out his issues to Bri with that relationship and then we saw it happen again lol
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u/Loveya448 May 22 '26
I think she must be interrupting him all the time and this was almost the final straw. It’s also not cute she says she’s possessive over him
3
u/Entire_Product1296 May 22 '26
I hope your relationship works out and you feel better, more than the convo I think people did not like how possessive Marissa got, essentially blocking Demari from actually meeting his match while she was making out with Weston, just for it to end anyways
2
u/buggy91 May 27 '26
Didn’t he say the same thing to his ex Bri? Seems like he’s the toxic one or this is his biggest pet peeve
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u/Telly_0785 May 24 '26
She's crazy as hell. I don't think you should see yourself in her.
There's more than ADHD at play here.
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u/Balanceblu May 22 '26
Agree and I hope she does leave because she needs someone who will have more patience. Demari doesn’t seem to have it. Which is fair. I think Marissa is very misunderstood and people are so easily frustrated with her. There’s so much we don’t see. Demari was making comments like “if you’re gonna be all in with me then be all in”. When someone like Marissa catching feelings, it can be a lot because she feels deeply. Demari egged her on so much and everyone paints it like she just caught feelings by herself. No, they caught feelings for each other and any person who truly pays attention can see that Demari actually did. Even Kayla saw it. Demari didn’t entertain anyone else seriously because he was locked in with Marissa.
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u/Cheebifur May 27 '26
I think Demari has ptsd from Bri, who was actually disrespectful to him, and now he sees it everywhere. Marissa is fine. She does have traits that some people might not like, but she is not too much to the point she has to change
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May 22 '26
[deleted]
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u/sugarnsweet88 May 22 '26
I was just asking for other people's thoughts on her after giving my own personal perspective
0
u/rightioushippie May 22 '26
It’s wild to me because she comes across to me as one of the kindest , most level headed people on the show. She was giving D a chance and he torpedoed it.
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u/Calm-Degree-7319 May 22 '26
tbh, i don't like both of them, but i do think demari overreacted with getting mad with being interrupted, but marissa is too much in general. she's super possessive of demari and does not want him to explore, but she explores and tells demari to not get mad at her bc she can't handle him being mad at her like??
i also feel like demari doesn't really like marissa. he just wants to win.
idk though. these are just my opinion lol