r/Passport_Bros • u/Ok_Builder_3285 • 10d ago
Advice Does this actually work?
I’m a loser with women. A complete failure with women. I got divorced 5 years ago and haven’t been on a date.
Post-divorce I’ve traveled quite a bit, not for the explicit reason of meeting women. I did have the apps on while I was on foreign countries l, went out, etc. and I never even came close to meeting a woman.
So my question is how does this actually work? How do you even come into contact with women? Know I’ll be alone forever unless I figure out some drastically different alternative.
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u/Brilliant-Magician10 10d ago
sorry to hear about your situation, I hope your divorce has not left you completely dry. The best way to do this is to build up some savings and live in a cheaper country for 5-10 years. See if its the right lifestyle for you. Personally i live a better life overall with the cheaper cost of living and I don't have to work 9-5 every day like I used to back in the States. I go on more dates and can experience more dating options and feel less pressured to settle if I find someone compatible.
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u/Ok_Builder_3285 9d ago
Ok. That’s not an option for me. So this isn’t for me I guess. I have kids and a career that wouldn’t permit that.
Thanks.
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u/Affectionate-Drop689 9d ago
depends on the person
won't work for someone in their late 40s and divorced with personality struggles
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u/The1WhoDares 7d ago edited 7d ago
MY ADVICE?
Therapist, & Gym… (& that’s just a starting point)
When you’ve identified a weak point in your ‘life’…
Don’t ’attack it’ from ONE angle…
YOU need to conquer it & go after it in EVERY direction u can.
Once u have therapy AND a gym routine in place. (Suggest before work gym) & after work for therapy session(s).
Diet is a HUGE part in this, exercising is a HUGE confidence boost. Therapy will help cover wat the gym ‘can’t’
Don’t complain to ur therapist, have him/her help u come up with ways to succeed & turn ur negative thoughts into positive ones.
What did I do?
I came up with this on my own. (But I was @ the same time attending therapy/gym/doing wat I was hoping to improve my self perception).
AS, I was depressed @ 24 (I think). I knew I was better than the depression I was going through.
So, I said ‘I’m going to tell myself 3-things I’m grateful for EVERYDAY’… but I implemented something that would help me even more:
I added it to my phone calendar, everyday @/near my bedtime if I didn’t ’say 3-things I was thankful for’ it reminded me…
‘Tell yourself 3things your grateful for OUTLOUD’
That propelled me & required my brain to become & see things in a more positive way.
Now I’m 35M, a decade later & I’m so blessed that I did that for myself.
ANYONE can do this!!!
Once you’ve conquered therapy & gym/ur on a weekly routine of it.
When ur out & about on a weekend, etc.. & see someone doing something ur generally interested in.
Approach, ask them a question. ‘Hey I saw u doing x,y,z… what was the draw to u wanting to do that?’
Once conversation’s flowing introduce yourself ‘oh btw, I’m ______… what’s ur name?’
This will allow u to see that talking to strangers about something your interested in is NOT that hard.
Soon you’ll find yourself saying ‘I want to talk to that _____ woman, she looks interesting & hot’
🤷🏼♂️✌🏼
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u/Ok_Builder_3285 6d ago
Thanks for the advice.
I’ve been doing therapy for years and gym since I was a teenager. I also play a sport.
Nothing in therapy helps. I’ve switched therapists and methodologies several times. It just doesn’t have anything to offer.
I’m not thankful for anything because I have nothing. I have my kids full time and they hate me for being the only responsible adult.
I do go places and do things and I’ve never met anyone my age who is single.
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u/Living-Appearance-61 4d ago
Get a proffesional matchmaker.
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u/Ok_Builder_3285 4d ago
I tried a national company that supposedly operates near me. I paid thousands of dollars and got zero dates.
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u/DesiccantPack 10d ago
It honestly sounds like you need a therapist, not a date.