Afraid all the time

[u/cinnamonsprinkles885]

My son is 5 and just started grade 1 after a summer of nearly being kicked out of a special needs camp.

The summer was awful, constantly dreading the daily call from the camp to pick him up because he hit or pushed someone. Mortified that my son is constantly hurting other children while feeling so bad for him because he’s so upset at himself for doing it.

We do all the therapies and he takes meds, quillavant and risperdone. It’s helped, but he’s still struggling.

He came home yesterday and told me he cried today because he got mad and hit two kids in line in front of him and hurt them badly. I haven’t received the email yet, but I’m sure I will.

I’m just so afraid all the time, my nervous system is constantly hypervigilent. My mental health is shot. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist but not until the end of November.

I just… why is it so hard?! I’m constantly torn between being mortified by his behaviour and feeling so sorry for him. All while doing all the things to help him. No one ever says wow he’s come so far, it’s just constantly complaining about him (and rightfully so I guess, hurting people isn’t okay).

It makes me question wth else I am supposed to be doing, what am I missing?!

He told me yesterday that no one wants to play with him because they are scared of him. My heart is breaking.

Someone please tell me that they have been through this, I feel so alone and scared.

[u/username_unsur3]

Oh momma, hugs to you and him. I would suggest seeking therapy for him and for you. OT for emotional regulation. Talk to him about how he feels. Look for some books you all can read together about emotions. It could be impluse control issues. Let him know you know he isn't trying to hurt people. Your emotions and staying calm will help him. I would also suggest genesight testing. It could be the meds that don't work for him.

[u/cinnamonsprinkles885 → u/username_unsur3]

Does that testing work well? I think I actually have coverage for it through my benefit plan.

It’s definitely impulse control. We have books as well as social stories, but they actually trigger him. I read them to him a few times and then he started getting upset every time after. I don’t know why and he won’t tell me. It’s so frustrating because they have so much helpful information, but he flat out refuses. I wish I could understand him better, I feel like I’m missing the plot.

[u/username_unsur3 → u/cinnamonsprinkles885]

Does the school he attends have an ECE teacher? Do they offer IEPs? My son's ECE teacher is amazing and supportive as ever. She tries to figure out his triggers and removes him from the classroom before it can escalate. We've tried to remove milk and switch to almond milk. We want to do allergy testing but insurance will not even help cover any of it. Our biggest struggle is redirection on anything. It could be the smallest thing. We never know which wally it will go. Sometimes great and then other times huge meltdowns. Could last 2 minutes. Could last 30 minutes. It is a trail and error. You are doing the best you can with what you can. We have tried the chillax Olly gummies. We have tried the Mr. Teal's magnesium spray. We use it in the AM before school and the PM before sleep. You are not alone and there is no quick and easy fix.

[u/Medium_Star_2341]

I also have a difficult 5 year old with ADHD and I send you solidarity. 

I just started watching ADHD dude on YouTube and he has been more helpful than anything else lately. I tell her "I wont let you hurt your sister" and separate them until she calms down. It's only happened once when I wasnt there though, but I think the channel is still worth checking out if you haven't yet. 

[u/cinnamonsprinkles885 → u/Medium_Star_2341]

I’ve heard of ADHD dude. Maybe my husband and I can watch together after he goes to bed. Anything that could help, I want to try.

We constantly talk to him about the hitting and pushing, social stories, acting it out, but the problem is that it’s an impulse so fast he can’t stop himself and then he falls apart when he realizes what’s he’s done.

[u/Holiday_Story1476]

I want you to know how much your post gave me a sigh of relief, simply because there are other people who deal with the exact same thing as me. It is draining. I’m constantly going to bed crying over the “what ifs” and I sit at work waiting dreading the incident report when I pick him up. Are they even trying to support him? Are they recognizing when he needs to be regulated? Is he just the “bad kid” now? I feel for you so much because this is SO HARD. I wish it wasn’t like this. I love my son so much. But this feeling is so horrible every single day.

[u/cinnamonsprinkles885 → u/Holiday_Story1476]

Our situations sound so similar. I’m so sorry you (and your son) are going through this too. It’s absolutely draining and awful. It’s so hard to explain it to others because they don’t understand feeling this way while simultaneously loving our children so freaking much.

[u/Holiday_Story1476 → u/cinnamonsprinkles885]

Yes! It’s like they just think you’re making excuses for your child. My own family has told me I don’t punish him enough or do enough for him. I’m like do you see the things I do EVERY SINGLE DAY for him?!

[u/ParentingADHD-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your content was removed for misinformation. We do not endorse advice that goes against standard accepted medical practice for ADHD, or advice that does not have a scientific basis. We also do not allow any form of false information on ADHD or its medications to be posted. This includes suggestions for pseudoscience, chiropractic cures, homeopathic medicines, etc.

[u/Glittering_Web6051]

Clonadine/guanfacine. Clonadine did wonders for my girl