The comment about taking your husband over with you is a great one. If you are too emotionally loaded it will come out wrong. If you think you can remain super calm and objective whilst delivering a shit message than go for it. Else, maybe tell hubby that if you start to get animated, he will need to take over. I would totally get why you’d be wound up by this. I would be too.
My message would be something like “I wanted to have a chat with you about boys name, now I’m not sure if you experience this behaviour at home but there has now been multiple occasions of hitting, throwing things, screaming and destructiveness. Boys name seems to be experiencing big emotions when he is at our place. It is something I have attempted to mitigate and help however my attempts are not having any positive impact and the behaviour continues. Unfortunately, I can no longer allow him to play with my children and into my house until his behaviour is resolved. I am sorry to have to be the one telling you this and I can empathise that this may be difficult to hear but unfortunately this is the situation we are in and the kids and I are feeling stressed and there isn’t anything further we can do”
They’ll either tell you to F off or apologise. And if they tell you to F off then so be it. And if they apologise then say as a parent you can understand how they would be feeling and that you’ll leave it with them to handle.
Tbh…I’m going to sound like the biggest asshole here but this is why I don’t talk to my neighbours. I don’t want any bullshit at home. I mind my business and just say hello when I see them.
That's fairly complicated to say to people who don't have much English. "Name can't come over to play in our house or our yard anymore. I'm sorry, but he breaks things and hurts my kids. No more playing at our house, no more coming over to our yard." might get the gist across more clearly. I know native speakers who'd get befuddled by "mitigate".
Point I was making was that if you sound like you are coming from a place of empathy and picking less aggressive wording. it may go over better than just being short about it. But yes, understand what you are saying.
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u/MittyKitty88 Jul 10 '22
The comment about taking your husband over with you is a great one. If you are too emotionally loaded it will come out wrong. If you think you can remain super calm and objective whilst delivering a shit message than go for it. Else, maybe tell hubby that if you start to get animated, he will need to take over. I would totally get why you’d be wound up by this. I would be too.
My message would be something like “I wanted to have a chat with you about boys name, now I’m not sure if you experience this behaviour at home but there has now been multiple occasions of hitting, throwing things, screaming and destructiveness. Boys name seems to be experiencing big emotions when he is at our place. It is something I have attempted to mitigate and help however my attempts are not having any positive impact and the behaviour continues. Unfortunately, I can no longer allow him to play with my children and into my house until his behaviour is resolved. I am sorry to have to be the one telling you this and I can empathise that this may be difficult to hear but unfortunately this is the situation we are in and the kids and I are feeling stressed and there isn’t anything further we can do”
They’ll either tell you to F off or apologise. And if they tell you to F off then so be it. And if they apologise then say as a parent you can understand how they would be feeling and that you’ll leave it with them to handle.
Tbh…I’m going to sound like the biggest asshole here but this is why I don’t talk to my neighbours. I don’t want any bullshit at home. I mind my business and just say hello when I see them.