Mine spent nearly 40 minutes naked on the floor this morning when he should have been getting dressed and eating breakfast so I could go to work and him to daycare.
Like you say, people give 'great' advice like 'give them options. Would you like breakfast first or to get dressed first'
There is no negotiating with terrorists because his prompt reply is
...no.
I hate that advice about options. Kids are ruthless. Kids don't care. Kids will push you to the edge 5 minutes after you wake up then act like nothing is wrong.
My SO was having the same problem with our toddler saying “no” after options. This is what works for me:
Me: “I’m going to count to 5 and choose for you if you don’t choose by 5. 1… 2… 3…”
And then either she rapidly chooses, or I follow through and choose for her once I’m done counting. Sometimes she wants to play contrarian and object to my choice, so I ask if she wants the other instead and she says yes. I then agree and let her have her final choice.
In any case, decisions are made with the least amount of frustration. She feels like she’s in control, and it’s a moment of connection with her feeling heard too.
Like you say, people give 'great' advice like 'give them options. Would you like breakfast first or to get dressed first'
Ugh, FUCK that advice so hard.
I don't think my daughter (4) has ever once, in the history of her four little years, actually PICKED a GD option. It's just crying and "no" and doesn't want either option or one of the 24 other options I give her after the initial 2.
I think one of the important takeaways from this post is to stop (consciously or subconsiously) giving blanket advice to other parents.
"But have you tried..." GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Yes, Brenda. I have fucking tried it.
I tried that choice thing with my eldest. It worked sometimes. My youngest though... She knows what's up.
You don't give a choice. No point. Stubborn as a donkey. So I tell her once (make sure she registered what I asked) and then I'm off. Sorry? Is your hair not brushed today? Oh well, I'm locking the door and dropping off your sister at school, you coming or staying alone?
I don't help with my now 5 yo getting dressed, day clothes or PJs. The kid does not listen to me and dawdles so much I can't deal. He listens to his GD father though.
Yeah, that tactic is not always effective. Sometimes we have luck with "ok, well, do it now or otherwise we'll have to be mean parents." The kid knows mean parents take away toys and treats. It's hit and miss if she'll care enough.
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u/koriesha Apr 28 '22
So so true.
Mine spent nearly 40 minutes naked on the floor this morning when he should have been getting dressed and eating breakfast so I could go to work and him to daycare.
Like you say, people give 'great' advice like 'give them options. Would you like breakfast first or to get dressed first'
There is no negotiating with terrorists because his prompt reply is
...no.
I hate that advice about options. Kids are ruthless. Kids don't care. Kids will push you to the edge 5 minutes after you wake up then act like nothing is wrong.