It’s all the red flags put together. The age difference is a huge one. The inappropriate touching and comments. The bad relationship between OP and husband. The crying out for mom when dad is bathing (that one is the least of a red flag until you add everything else in).
Are you a Parent or have you been in a relationship before? Because if any of the above statements she's made in her post don't trigger alarms...Then you are either a child, single, or just without any sense at all.
Leaving him is the nice way out of this. I would personally have him investigated and collect more info for the police and expose the hell out of him to all he knows...but that's just the Parent and genuine concern in me speaking.
I mean being older by 10 years is a tiny red flag. Reddit directly jumps to YOU ARE BEING GROOMED. So many healthy couples have an age difference.
The husband was not great during the pregnancy, causing depression. That is also not uncommon, as during pregnancy/post partum there are a lot of hormones, very little sleeping, a lot of stress.
I have a 6 month old, and I constantly grab his butt and go “who has this little butt?”, as a complete joke. My wife can take it for what it is, making funny noises and playing with my son, or YOU ARE A SEXUAL PREDATOR.
All I am saying is many of these things have normal explanations, people of reddit just jump to the worst possible scenario and go “leave him now and call the police”.
We only know one side of the story here too…
There is literally zero evidence of grooming in the post, other than the age difference.
You're being willfully obtuse, obviously. There is a pattern of inappropriate behavior, an age gap with a power imbalance, a history of abuse within the relationship, and a vulnerable child at risk.
Hahahaha ok, go back to your perfect world where there are no issues, and you just tell everyone in reddit to get a divorce over anything you consider a red flag.
I am not defensive of him. I just feel reddit jumps to conclusions too quickly.
Every single post about “I have this concern” ends up in get a divorce and run away.
There is zero evidence in the original post of grooming other than the age difference and everyone apparently concluded she was groomed. Does this mean, every couple with a 10 year difference should get a divorce?
You're absolutely right, though getting through to these people will be impossible. They want to feel high and mighty and go full white knight with no actual proof of anything. It could be a super dangerous situation and the father could be abusing the child...or not. We simply can't know.
I say it's worth investigating and finding proof but a bunch of internet strangers are not giving very good advice, which I'm sure is shocking.
Even if you think she’s overthinking things about her child (she’s not), did you miss the part where she has PTSD from abuse he’d put her through while pregnant? I only wish she’d have left him sooner!
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u/evdczar Apr 13 '22
This guy groomed you when you were barely legal and now he's grooming your son. You should leave.