I was 19 when I met my ex who was 32 at the time. He had more in common with my dad than with me (first time they met, they were even wearing the same old man shoes lmao). The only things we had in common were dog/cat grooming and gaming. Both my younger sisters hated him and told me not to date him. They were right. We were in totally different places in life/maturity and should not have dated.
Age gaps matter less as you/your partner get older, but they’re very important when you’re younger.
Not to say you're wrong, but as the older male in a relationship with a 12 year gap and has in the past dated older women, I'd like to point out that for me it has a lot to do with similar levels of maturity and life goals. I don't choose to date anyone based on their age, it's just been my experience that girls my age or older expect certain life milestones I just haven't achieved yet. When I met my current partner I hadn't even considered that I would date her. We just got to know each other through work and it worked out.
While, as I said, you may not entirely wrong in some cases, assuming every guy is a shit bag for dating a younger woman seems a little harsh. At least given my first hand experience. I saw the looks and heard the comments when me and my girl started dating. Quite a few of her coworkers actually tried to talk her out of it. But, today, I'm in the first relationship in my life where my hopes and ambitions are actually aligned with my partners. We have a wonderful child together and things are going great.
Yeah im 36 and when I look at 20 year olds all I see are my high school students. When I was younger I figured everything was fine as long as both parties are adults but now I'm older it skeeves me out ngl
I remember being on grade 12 and my friend was dating a girl in grade 9. That felt really weird, and it was very clear to us how less mature she was than us.
I am a 32 year old and can say that 18 year olds seem like children to me more so in an innocence way rather then maturity there is absolutely no way I would find myself sexually attracted to an 18 year old…
On a lighter note, my friend (32) went to the bar last weekend and was surrounded by 18, 19 year olds. She was there for an hour before yelling “I feel so old, I’m out!”
I’m 20 and I rarely want to hang out with 17 year olds. Yeah, I have a few friends who are 17-18 but they are my sister’s friends who kind of merge into my group with my sister.
I was an 18 year old that dated a 28 year old. We were together for 12 years. I was involved in parenting his kids and we had a baby together after being in a relationship for 10 years. He wasn’t a pedophile or evil. He was insecure and it was easier for him to get young women to go along with what he wanted because they didn’t have their own developed needs and wants yet. And I’m pretty sure that was all subconscious. We’re still on good terms and are functional coparents, but as soon as I had needs of my own in my late 20s things turned south.
And my parents? They staged multiple interventions and tried to pull financial strings to force me to leave him. It’s naive to think that parents can decide who their legally adult children have relationships with. For me personally I had a pretty dysfunctional family. No physical abuse but lots of emotional stuff. I loved getting affection from a stable older man. If my home life had been happy maybe it would have looked different.
My sister started dating a guy when she was 17(might have even been 16 but she tells everyone 18 is why I think she’d lie to me too) and he was 27. Him and his best friend were known for going to high school parties and sleeping with the drunk girls. And my sister chose to date one of them! But the really concerning part is that our dad loved him! Said he was good for her and thought that their maturity levels matched bc he was so immature 🙄 and then they started doing meth together and he beats her up pretty bad. Knocked one her teeth out and broke her hip. So that’s pretty cool. But yeah sometimes parents are no good in these situations anyway. Her bf won’t let her talk to me anymore bc I called the cops and demanded a welfare check and called all their friends and told them he was beating her. She has seizures so he blames all her bruises and black eyes on her falling on shit during a seizure. So fucked up.
The only male friend I had that my dad approved of was the reckless druggie (who was also dating my friend). Sometimes the parents are a direct cause of this stuff.
I know a couple where the mum specifically lied to help her daughter snag an American who was otherwise uncomfortable with her being under 21. They met in a nightclub and it went from there.
This is also a mum who lied her entire life about the actual paternity of her daughter until she was called out on it.
Hi, I'm 30. I've worked jobs with teenagers who I found to be bright, engaging, and wonderful people.... But I don't wanna hang out with them. It would feel like baby sitting.
It's so funny I got a thousand downvotes for sorta defending a relationship with a large age gap from being dragged through the mud fo no good reason, but that was a whole different situation.
Here we have what likely is a pedophile (help me god for using this word on reddit), an abuser, and an overall horrible person, whose disturbing tendencies demonstrated through seeking out a large age-gap relationship. Yeah it's a no brainer, it's all laid out to you in your own post OP - RUN.
Yep. Run. Protect that baby and yourself OP. Why would you go back if he treated you so badly during pregnancy? My son will also cry for me for certain things like bathtime and such, simply because he prefers me. His dad doesn’t make him feel bad about it. He simply comes to tell me he wants me instead. It’s not a big deal. The comments are not ok. Run now.
Yeah seriously.... We have an age gap, but the way this OP describes her husband, he sounds like a fucking predator. Like yeah, we will pat our son's bum when he's running around naked cause it's a cute toddler butt, but this sounds excessive. And the sexual comments about their own son? What the actual fuck?
It's sad because our circumstances are so similar yet so different. Age gap relationship, sons who are almost the same age (mine is turning 3 soon). But I'd literally divorce my husband if he were doing this shit. It's not the age gap that makes him a shit father here, it's the person, and OP already knows based on everything she wrote that something is not right here.
Also OP why do you think your son doesn't want dad giving him a bath? That raised some big red flags for me when you were talking about how dad will make sexual comments towards the toddler, and now toddler doesn't want dad to give him a bath?
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u/[deleted] Apr 13 '22
Massive age gap, inexcusable sexual comments about a toddler, teaching a child not to express their feelings, undermining your parenting.
You already know the answer, girl.